No.17344[Reply][Last 50 Posts]
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The other thread has been in auto-sage for some time now, so it was about time someone made a new one.
I've been reconsidering my life. They always tell you that as you grow up things get easier since you mature and bloom into a normal human being… but I've been pondering whether people only pretend to have their lives in control only to not lose their shit about it. I mean, yeah, I don't think everybody hates their lives, but I'm sure everybody gets chocked by the pressure once in a while. The question is, what happens when your life is constant chocking? Or rather, can you go on with your live as you're chocked every second? Some years ago I remember looking at people and feeling completely distant, and knowing that one day I'd merge with the multitude. Now that it's happening, I almost can feel my old self there looking at me from outside the crowd. It's been pretty surreal. My life isn't bad in on itself, but I feel I can't fit, and no matter what I do it's never enough. I don't know, I've had this idea that I'm broken somehow, and it's been my justification for so long. If I can't be fixed, why bother?Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
End of summer approaching fast
I created this thread almost 5 years ago. Time sure flies.
Lately, I don't come to ubuu all that often, but it's still a place full of fond memories. I used to think about other people from here occasionally, even those who have left the site long ago. I had very meaningful discussions with many individuals, shared the things I found interesting, or simply complained about life and all of that. Sometimes I wonder if some people even remember me at all. Not literally me, of course; but what I have said on this place, the projection of me in their heads when we talked.
I'm incredibly depressed. Although I'm in college working towards a title, all the progress I made in this time feels like a lie. Like I have been only lying to myself. And although I feel there is no point in any of my actions, the mere force of habit drives me forward. Where to? I wish I knew.
It's not that I don't "see" my progress; I've accomplished many small victories over the last couple of years, things that made me feel like I would finally head somewhere that wasn't a dark pit where I only rot and die. But even so, I still feel alienated from my surroundings. I still don't really connect with people. And above anything else, I can't even connect with myself anymore.
In the past, a book was all I needed to feel at home, in any place. Of course, I also enjoy watching movies and playing games. But, as long as I was able to read, I felt like it didn't matter what happened to me, or where I was, or even if I couldn't connect with other people. But now? I don't even feel myself there anymore. There's a void that I just can't fill, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much it hurts.
I just wish I could turn my emotions off, go somewhere far away, in the middle of the mountains, and just watch the sun fall. I just want to feel the winds that once moved my soul again. I just want, for a last time, to remember the warmth of looking forward to things, finding them exciting, and going to sleep without hoping I never open my eyes again.