/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

A friend told me a few days ago that i shouldnt be so hard on myself and asked me what do i dislike about myself other than gender stuff, and while there are things that i dislike all of them seem to be somehow related to gender, my body, my voice, my face…

It makes me think that estrogen is this kind of saviour that would improve my life so much but that just feels incorrect, idk i just wish i had a boyfriend or girlfriend, that also sounds like something that would help me so much.

If anyone has similar experiences i would love to hear you out

You didn't give a single reason of why you shouldn't have been born. Especially if one of your parents is good as you say.
Even if there is only downsides to your existence at the moment, you're no older than 20, you're waaaaaaaay too young to even know what value your life is gonna have at 30 or 40.
If you wanna be a dumb normie with a life and friends, more power to you, you have plenty of time to redirect your life in that direction. Hope you make it

>>7297
>>7289
Replying to myself just to randomly vent / blog I guess, there's a weird comfort in just saying my thoughts on this board every once in a while. It feels like a lot has changed while nothing has changed in two years. I still go to gym, and I work at that job still and got a small promotion, so I've been able to save up money and visited another country for the first time ever.

I wasn't self harming since this post, until a friend commit suicide in 2023, so I started again. Part of me thought I grew out of it, but I feel like at this point my way of dealing with my emotions has been so unhealthy for so long that I'll never stop doing it, I feel like my emotions are much stronger and linger longer than normal peoples' do, but maybe they don't, and I'm just making excuses. It doesn't help that I think a part of me really likes my scars, like they're a significant part of my history like tattoos or something.

I also recently got very close with a girl, but my insecurities started showing, and I think this made her lose interest in me, so I started cutting again while at work today. I couldn't find anything sharp, so I snapped my plastic ID badge in half and used that, if there's a will there's a way I guess. I need to go to therapy or go on antidepressants or something, but I'm so emotionally closed off from most people that it feels scary to ever be open.

I got my ex-girlfriend to cut my back over a week ago.

I used to do it but my body started to hurt too much from illness so I decided not to add to it

>>9657
What happened between a week ago and now to earn the "ex" title?

>>9663
Nothing.

I've heard of taking pics and selling them as stock photos, it's not much but it's certainly low effort (if you like photography!)

>>9636
Realistically, how much could I make from this?

>>9649
Not much really. Depends on your strategy though, it would probably be hard to make serious money with it *now*, but if you circumvent stock agencies and go directly to buyers… maybe in the low hundreds (of dollars)

I do surveys. Five Surveys and Prime Opinion are all from the same company. they're legit and even gave ACH if you prefer that.

I've recently also been trying out those "Play Games and Earn Money" apps. I use Prizeplay and it's easy to make over a dollar on there within its 3 hour limit. I'd say just pick a mindless game from their catalogue, download it, and play it. It offers prepaid cards, gift cards and PayPal payments. I haven't cashed out my 1 dollar yet but I should to see if it even works. They said they'll just email your earnings.

Anything else remote and isolating requires some skill, like coding or knowing how to draw. But anyone can do that if they put their time and effort into it.

>>9652
did you manage to earn anything yet?

it's funny, when i first made this thread i included a lot of stuff, some of which i don't even want now.
For instance, the steam deck now that i have a couple ThinkPads from both IBM to the IBM Lenovo transition era I'd rather use those instead.
don't want VR only, more video games or a better GPU.
And, i didn't include mini-pcs, of which i have 1 and have ordered another for a server i am crafting, only to realize im gonna need 1 or 2 more.
now im trying to figure out how i can put a GPU in this thing.
pic related ought to work

mini-pc arrived hooked it up to the thinkvision monitor now putting linux on it.
other mini-pc ought to arrive on the 14th.
also, im loving my x260.

i put 4 different distros before using manjaro again, love the keyboard on the x260 it's amazing how different it is from the x280 keyboard.
i ordered an all-in-one monitor it ought to arrive soon.

>>9666
(checking my own digits) satanic trips.

yess but it got better for me after stopping some meds and i think if i talk to people more itll get better. (idk if recommended for people here)

>>9539
op here, i have been on virtually every main antidepressant and nothing has ever worked

>>9611
Me too OP. Mental health services told me it's an issue with my life instead.

Some suspect I have bpd, I've been having paranoid delusions and also hallucinations worsening a few months ago. My theory is it may be because of a lack of stimulation. Humans aren't supposed to be alone this long

>>9659
>My theory is it may be because of a lack of stimulation. Humans aren't supposed to be alone this long
this is the exact same thing that's happening to me, or atleast i think it is

>>7607
I was for 7 years and this is my thread fuck off

I ran out of my vitamin D supplements not long ago and I'm beginning to face the effects without it. Being a hikki especially one who's been inside for 6 months now I know it won't go well without it - going to reup soon.

so much to update in the last year jesus christ

long story short im very much NEET again, i pick up my first dole/unemployment payment in ireland tomorrow

meanwhile cafe went to shit and i lost everything, but its pushed me to accept im going to have to back to school which ill most likely be doing from this september

i moved back to america for a month but nope'd the fuck out, im 32 in a month and without a degree the job prospects were shit but its really the same in most first world countries so may as well be somewhere im happy and has a better welfare state

in ireland im going to be able to get paid to go to school, potentially get a medical card for free healthcare, all that jazz which is great

>>7606
you look like stampylonghead if he just went cold turkey on a heroin addiction <3

Yeah occipital neuralgia,(only thing here that feels like my fault) constant full body nerve pain,extreme heat sensitivity, abdominal pain, nausea, tiredness. I hate doctors who want to call it fibromyalgia and leave it at that without treating the worsening symptoms. I hope I can find a cause before I can't get the money for anything anymore and I hope you are all kind to yourselves