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/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

Board for recovering NEETs and Ex-NEETs who are trying to reintegrate.
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Since it's sometimes difficult to have a conversation about trying to exit the NEET lifestyle in /hikki/ without it getting derailed, I have created this new board for such conversations.

If you are trying to go back to school or get a job, or if you've exited NEETdom a while ago but are still having problems, this is now the place to talk about it.

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Ex-NEET/Hiki general thread, how long has it been since you got out of it? What are you working on right now? Do you feel like going back to that life sometimes?

I got a job and started going outside 6 years ago, after 2 years of being isolated completely, sometimes I feel tempted of just staying at home playing videogames all day, or to stay in bed doing absolutely nothing, I am still depressed, recently something bad happened, and I felt the need of going back to those habits, close my social media and be a full time anon again.

An important part of my recovery was the people around me, and volunteering at hospitals and hostels for the bed, working still feels kind of weird though.

Now I work as a programmer and web designer, not the best job for someone like me, but it's what I learned to do.

It's hard, but like an anon told me here, if I got out of that mentality once, I can do it again, and so can you.
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hi ubuu,

i apologize in advance for the post itself, it might sound extremely
cringe-y to you. i never write shit like this so i can't tell very well
how it comes off as on a dead yume nikki imageboard

relatively reclusive with a short temper. i can get very angry
sometimes but otherwise i'm fine. very melancholic. i haven't really
socialized much in my life especially the past few years but had a
pretty comfortable life up until then. my parents work abroad.

i have moved back here(in my home country) about one and a half years
ago and started working and being on my own. this in sharp contrast to
what had been up until then (can't say i've had a great life but it
was comfortable by everyday standards).
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I'm a hiki of 5 years looking to escape this life soon. Thank you for sharing your experiences, they're certainly inspiring. I'm sorry you got dogpiled by other ill-intended anons. We're meant to be helping each other up so that was really depressing to read.


I was also a hiki for 5 years right out of highschool! I just want you to know that you can do it! Sorry if this is oversharing but it took me 4 attempts and 2 involuntary psych ward trips to finally get things going but for 2 years i've been living away from home going to uni, socializing, etc. There is something on the other side of the barriers built around you I promise. It does get better just stick with it and know that even if you feel alone you are not the first or last person to live this way, many people before you have succeeded and you can too


also I just wanted to say that it's very reassuring to hear that im not the only one who has depressive episodes and urges to just stay in bed some days or quit and relax for a while. reality is not so forgiving but i dont think i would have it any other way


I got a job over 10 years ago and I still have the same mindset from when I was a full blown hikki, in fact I still do the same when work is over, lock myself in my house and never talk to anybody even on weekends, but at least I have money now.

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I remembered that on one of my posts about getting into uni, I was directed towards this board when the post wasn't really about recovery. funnily enough, I do actually have something to say here now

I wasn't ever a complete NEET, I would still go to school and occasionally see friends, see my dad, et cetera. I was more in a weird grey area where while I was doing stuff, the second I got the chance, I'd recede back to where I would be most comfortable

At home, it'd be my room. at school, it would be the backwater classrooms where no actual classes were held (it was where my friends at the time hung out between classes), when visiting my dad it would be the side room with the strongest wifi. id always scurry back to hide once all the mandatory socialising was done. My family used to forget about me during the summer because I'd hide in my room all day long.

I always used to tell my miserable self that 'once I got out of school, things would change' or that 'once I could legally drink, I could see people more and talk to them without tearing my hair out'.

For the most part, that has been true. I've been out drinking with my classmates, I've been out with my family more, I'm booking my own doctors appointments instead of hiding behind my mum. It does feel great.

However, there's been a weird emptiness gnawing at me ever since I reached this point. I know I should be happy, I know I should be enjoying life, but I kind of miss being as sad as I was back when I was a teenager.

my loneliness was a sort of blanket made up of self pity and tragic backstory that I could use and wallow in. Being sad is weirdly comforting, being alone is that sad, messy blanket. I was in that messy situation for most of my teenage years, so it might be a form of nostalgia? I don't know, but I hate how much I miss it.

It's kind of hit a bad point as well. I've started listening to a lot more grim songs in order to channel my feelings somewhere, plus my writing is getting a little darker again. I used to write some dark stuff when I was at my worst, to put my feelings somewhere, but now that I'm trying to take my writing professional it might hinder me a fair bit.
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One often finds themselves confronted with a feeling of guilt when feeling nostalgic or attached to ones own past. Feelings of emptiness and a longing for a return to how things were are all very standard procedure for what is essentially just growing as a person. You should not hate this or yourself, or feel any form of guilt, as to shy away from these feelings is to deny a part of yourself that is evidently very real. Part of maturing as a person is realizing you still have feelings for your youth and accepting that, but not allowing it to control you.
I too have recently undergone a big change in my life, and like you I find myself frequently thinking of the past and how, despite myself being miserable during those times, I really wish I could go back. Unlike you however, I had the brief chance to return to my old life, although only temporarily; And a funny thing happened during that: I quickly realized that I had left such a life for a reason, and that when I looked back on these times I romanticized and embellished them to be or have felt better than they actually were. I looked back on these awful times fondly because the life I live now is foreign and difficult, and so, in order to cope with the difficulty of adapting, I looked back on when my life was admittedly easier with rose-tinted glasses.
And so my advice to you, if you are even still checking this thread; Is to recognize your feelings, to accept them as part of you, as you as fluid as you may be are still resistant to change like all humans are, and for you to not relish in the past you clearly remember wishing to leave, nor for you to attach emotions to memories which had no emotions to begin with. To accept the burden of your currents life's difficulty and to surpass it, as that is what it means to mature as a person.

Hope this helps.


Anon here. I’ve been trying to come up with a reply to this for several days now but with no luck because you put it all so well that I don’t think words could be used again. the best word combination has been made. Everyone go home.

I’ll instead just say that this reply made me bawl in the middle of the night. thank you anon.

>I had the brief chance to return to my old life, although only temporarily; And a funny thing happened during that: I quickly realized that I had left such a life for a reason, and that when I looked back on these times I romanticized and embellished them to be or have felt better than they actually were

no joke, that’s what happened to me too when I was writing the first post. Uni’s out right now and I only left the house once or twice during christmas. I’m going out drinking with friends again soon though, and I couldn’t be more excited.

>Hope this helps

It did

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Who else is in this situation? Or maybe you used to be, but you got out? I'd really like your story if you did. This is the recovery board so let's help each other and formulate escape plans. If you like you can use this thread to share lessons/tutorials our parents didn't teach us too.

I know what I should do, I should get on a train and disappear into the world. But I don't have the cruelty to do that to them and I'll never muster it just by sitting here thinking.

Let's you and me learn what it's like to ride a train alone.
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What type of artistic project do you plan to make


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I'm most interested in games and literature. Video games are the only medium I can think in with any sort of flow, thinking in coherent sentences is really difficult (that's why it takes me so long to respond, sorry again about that). I think literature is a much better way of interacting with reality through art, my thinking on video games is usually either generating realities or exploring within the medium (they do have a unique ability for placing the player in liminal spaces though which is a very interesting way of interfacing with reality). Games' disadvantage is that they're overtly art, there's less possibility for "is this real?" in them than there is in writing (there are examples though when it comes to authorship and the story surrounding it's creation. Sad Satan is like that. The Beginner's Guide is a very interesting one. I've wanted to make games that touch this mode of thinking too, and I'm sort of convincing myself now that I'm wrong to suggest they're less powerful than literature for it, but there are things writing is just better for. Language is true by default, that's what it was developed for, while games are fiction by default and you have to try very hard to touch the player's idea of truth. When I'm free I want to explore the world, and I'll probably make a blog or something of stories from my travels, partly for the sake of communication but partly as a medium of creation. I'd invent characters and places and warp the aesthetics of occurrences and myself, not to convince people of a lie (I wouldn't care if people knew or not) but as a way of crystalising ideas and altering my way of experiencing reality. All communication breeds aesthetic, topological and factual parasites in the speaker and the receiver, what I want to do is be aware of and engineer those parasites to be forces for good.

Sorry for not closing that parenthesis by the way, the more I continued that line of thought the more dumber it felt to put a ) at the end.


>What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that
bro if i'm reading this correctly she's helping you from becoming a homeless drug addict yet you want to move out despite not having an income. you need a good smack on the head for being ungrateful. get a job THEN start thinking about moving out


I don't want to get into an argument about this but I'll address it because what I sound like to you is probably how everyone with the same problem sounds to those with different experience. Yes my parents are the reason I'm not homeless or dead or something. They're also the reason why without them I WOULD be homeless. From day 1 I was conditioned to be incapable. There's so much shit from the past which I thought was just unfortunate at the time but looking back is extremely abnormal and bad. You can say oh it's easy to blame your parents, but they're your entire reality from when your brain is hot playdough until you start going to school, and after that they stay about half of it. It took me a long time to understand how much that means. I'm really trying to get stronger, grow the bits that didn't grow and change the bits that went wrong, but it's not easy at all, and I know I won't be able to do enough while I'm living here. You're asking me to be grateful for being forced to someone's mercy.


You're right, this happened to me, my mother raised me to dependant and ineffectual, it's a terriblee thing to do to a child.

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Just got a job today. I'm probably going to quit or get fired again, but, let's see how this goes

I will try to keep this thread up as a "journal" in hopes of helping or motivation another anon to do as I did today
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Hope you make it. Failed a job interview a few months ago because I couldnt look the guy in the eyes…but we all get better with practice right?


>Basically Ive mustered up the courage to ask for a job at a local computer store.
it's for the better, sales jobs are brutal unless you're a sociopath / psychopath since your job is literally to lie all day


you aren't letting us down. I'm very proud of you for challenging yourself and trying


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Thanks. I told the owner that I would prefer having a job in the back where I'd fix and build computers but I think he needed someone on the front desk. I'm not good at talking to people at all and obviously he picked up on that. I asked two other stores the day after I wrote 416 and both told me that they weren't hiring. I found 2 more stores (and one far away but seems promising. Might have to learn to take the bus for that but I'm willing) hope I update with good news next time!

Thank you, I really do appreciate still having this thread supporting me. On top of not being able to hold a convo for long I also didn't want to trick people and sell them junk. In a way I'm glad I didn't get hired over working to lie to people.

Have a good day guys. Slowly but surely we're making it.


I should mention, I was also really anxious on the first time I asked for a job at a computer store. Remember to collect yourselves before doing stuff like this, I got too excited and didn't think of it. Maybe I would've gotten the job perhaps? But that's not what I'll think of right now. I can't control everything and that's fine.

(also, correction I meant to reply to 424 on the second reply. to clear confusion)


>but we all get better with practice right?

Yes we do. I'm glad I know this first hand. I hope I've helped or motivated some of you to do so as well

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What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.


Normal people usually have goals related to their daily lives. A lot of them are really boring.

My advice would be to create goals for yourself at work. If you hate the job, think about what aspects of it are getting to you and try to look at them in a different way.

You can also create projects for yourself to work on. See how fast you can organize these items, try talking to at least three coworkers, bring a notebook and draw in it, etc. Make a game out of this, which will pass the time quicker.


Goals don't necessarily have anything to do with working, you may or may not work, that doesn't change your goal of becoming the greatest Minecraft youtuber in the world Anon.

…one day


>What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.
Normal people have some sort of instinct that makes being a wageslave drone fun. You don't have that, I don't have it either. But having money is still necessary, so you have to adapt. Work should never feel like a good thing. Work is simply necessary


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Wonder if it's dependent on finding the right job or wageslaving will always be like this. I've been "allowing" myself new purchases with the extra money but it's a lot less gratifying than I was imagining.

I think I was expecting too much from getting a job.

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For me, it was a mental breakdown which struck right at the cusp of becoming an adult, when I was 14 and on holiday with my parents. I had just left secondary school and so was approaching adulthood, and I broke down on holiday and fell so quickly ill that I felt like I was going to die. I cried holding the hands of my family as I felt the darkness was coming in, I felt certain I was dying.

But I survived, and fell into a vicious cycle of anguish and torment which has taught me the meaning of suffering. I now feel like I can only relate to people who have suffered.

So the question I want to start this thread with is: what made you withdraw? What circumstances in your life led to you shutting the blinds on society and taking to your bed? If you want to recover from being withdrawn, then what made you ill in the first place?
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I thought that once I turn 18 it would be my chance to become a normie and I tried but it didn't work, so I realized it would never happen. Plus I don't like being around people who don't like me (normies).


First I wasn't able to adapt to the new social environment in high school and I was humiliated and isolated. The first two years were really painful but gave me a lot of knowledge about myself, and my curiosity and lack of stimulation made me start to read books and learn music. But I had already acquired many bad habits (terrible sleep, excessive masturbation with disgusting porn, junk food, withdraw, etc.) and started taking antidepressants, which I'm pretty sure did me more harm than good, and all the physical and mental damage left me unable to apply what I learned to overcome my social anxiety and start getting things done (plus I still had many shitty ideas). Now I'm 20 and still in a bad situation, but things are slowly getting better.


Yeah, same here. It seems us gifted kids usually end up very successful or complete failures with nothing in between. This is why there's no mediocrity for us and self improvement is a pain in the ass.


I feel like I was naturally born to withdraw but struggled with the notion having been brought up having been told that good social skills are required for life. After a long time of forcing myself to be something I'm not and hating it, I had a breakdown over it as well as all the misfortunes in my life and just kind of shut down everything


I'm not sure. The most obvious change in me happened when I went to a new school at age 13. I was a lively kid, but couldn't make friends and got into arguments easily. I just wanted to play video games, but didn't know how to find anyone else who was interested. I felt like I was in a hositle environment. I became self-conscious of my quirks. I didn't get really bullied for them, just lightly picked on from time to time. I could't deal with my emotions and was impulsive, petty, and kinda antisocial. I didn't really have anyone I could talk to about that, not even in my family. I realised the best way to avoid humiliation was to become plain and quiet, which made me withdraw hard into online communities and defined who I am today.

On the first day of university, spending the night alone in my dormitory room, I had a breakdown, realising I was way in over my head. The lack of real life skills learned over the previous six years combined with inability to socialise ensured my three years in uni were just a protracted period of failure which ended with my dropping out.

In some ways I still feel mentally stuck around the age of 15 even though I'm a grown-ass man now. I'm learning to capture and recognise my emotions, as well as learning social skills that most people my age acquired many years ago. I'm coming back to that inner child I sealed away. I'm going beyond the embarrassment and reconnecting with who I really am, so that I can stop with my self-hate.

I got a job and moved out at 26. That forced me to talk to people and learn some social skills through trial and error. I could say that around 30 I became somewhat sociable.

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How do you even get a boyfriend or companionship?
How will I deal with the regret of never having a gf or bf.
I want to get one, but I know I'm too messed up from psychosis, BPD, autism, PTSD, and social withdrawal.
I've been NEET for 10 years and it's impossible I'll ever get a gf/bf now, I'm too fucked up and literally, everyone else is "normal".
Some guy I was talking to told me he wished he never met me and that I was sick.
How is this even fair? I only lived once and I was born in a family that fucked me up mentally.
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I don't know where else to post this. I had a big long blogpost typed up but I don't want to post it. It's too personal and too embarrassing. I don't want or expect anybody to reply to this. I'm sorry to make a stupid whiny attention whoring post like this but I have no idea what to do at all. I wish I was dead


I'm getting frustrated since we're facing the same problem. I end up asking myself "why would I want someone though?" and just do something else. Everytime I have these thoughts I realize I wasn't doing anything pertaining to my career or schedule.

I'd like to read you.


Please do post it. Don't be afraid to express yourself. I'll read it at least.


I enjoy reading stuff posted by anons, no matter how personal or attentionwhoring it is. All stories posted here are pretty relevant and interesting to read.


this is why I avoid looking for a gf now. It's too much drama, too messy, too stressful, too much responsibility. I enjoy living comfy. But I won't lie, it took a lot of effort to get here.

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i have been a NEET for most of the last decade, apart from a seasonal part-time job some years ago which i quit after a few months. i recently was hired full-time for a mostly WFH office job. how can i cope with suddenly having to work for eight hours a day? i can't relax because i know i'm just going to have to do it again tomorrow. i feel like i have no free time any more. what are some strategies i can use to avoid suicide? i miss those carefree days already…
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You still there and doing alright? I'm in the same position. I truly feel having part time hours while monetizing a hobby you have to make up for the unworked days feels the best emotionally.


Unfortunately this is the way almost all of us are doomed to live. There is no pause button, no meaning, no end in sight. Nearly all of your remaining waking hours on this planet will be spent toiling away as you are, in service of an entity the means nothing to you other than serving as a means of keeping you off the streets.

You will get used to it though, that's the worst part. The only card we have to play is using those fleeting hours after we clock out and the weekends to keep ourselves sane. Maybe try to meet somebody. Develop a hobby of some kind with a real skill floor and ceiling, something that'll yield long term fulfillment rather than short lived dopamine hits that leave you numb and dead inside. If you don't wanna rope, ya gotta cope. There's just no other way.


You'll get used to it.

Fucking depressing reading this but it's true.


Completely true. Our parents were baited into reproducing like all of them are. And here we are, having to live a mediocre life of wageslaving. We need to stay strong bros and never give up, we need to cope with this. Working IS NOT FUN. We are all aware of this. We need to find ways to tolerate it while looking for something better.


I love stealing paper and shit like that.
You're a student, you're not useless at all.
And why do you have to be useful? For whom? Women and employers? Enjoy your life anon. Stop thinking like that.
I admire your strength, anon. This advice is good.

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Does anyone else feel like they've lost a part of themselves after ceasing their neetdom? I don't even work a particularly strenuous job. I don't work that many hours. But when I was a NEET, even though many other people told me it was impossible, I was at least content - if not happy. I would frequently just hang out in my comfy blanket or outside on the patio and watch a series I liked or play a game I wanted to me but ever since I started wageslaving I just can't do that anymore. I'm restless. I just can't get comfortable.

I've been at this job for a couple years and honestly it's not bad. I'm one of the few non tards so I have actually gained a lot of respect and (justified) responsibility as well as basically a blank check to do whatever as long as I get my work done. Unlimited unpaid time off too. But for whatever reason even on my days off I just can't relax. I'm meandering a bit. But tl;dr, my job isn't bad and has allowed me to save up quite a bit.

Honestly, I miss being able to daydream a few hours away with fantastical stories in my head like I used to. I miss the comfy lifestyle I used to have. I miss watching videos and anime and playing videogames. I miss being able to relax without worrying about waking up early on 4-6 hour sleep for work in 48 hours.

I've thought this out and rewritten it and rewritten it for weeks. I just can't articulate it properly. I feel like I've lost a big part of myself and cannot enjoy the things that used to bring me happiness due to newfound obligations. I just can't get comfortable anymore


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i lost "it" 3 years ago after a family crisis happened and my neet life was turned upside down. then the pandemic happens and what was kinda bad got really bad. i started working again and i can't really tell, it's better in some ways than my brief still-a-neet-but-hate-my-life phase 3 years ago, and worse in other ways. i started working voluntarily because i couldn't enjoy being a neet anymore.

one thing that changed specifically because of work is "sundays." or technically thursday for me, since i work weekends. i feel a crushing weight every thursday, i start to worry about the work week ahead of me, all the way until i get there. when i'm at work it's not that bad, but the day before is a nightmare every time, i can't rest.


I understand. I miss when time was one river instead of a thousand puddles.


I get it OP, I’ve been an on and off NEET for a couple years. Before my current job I’ve only worked about 5 months in two years. I now have two months at this temp job and I’ve found what you’ve said to be true every single time I’ve worked. I think it’s that, when you’re NEET, you KNOW you have time. I don’t know about you but every time I’ve had a job the workday usually drags on (my current job feels like it goes by a lot faster than my other ones) and time spent at home goes by way faster than it should to the point it actually stresses me. I know that’s just how it is but it’s worse than I feel it is for most.
Maybe being NEET at all just screws you over with things like this. When you try and relax like you did as a NEET it can’t ever be the same because now you know whether in the back of your mind or if it’s all you can think about that work is right around the corner. I don’t think work is a necessarily bad thing either, it’s just way more difficult with mental illness. Depression, anxiety, paranoia, you name it that shit makes life in general significantly harder. Atleast as a NEET you have the time and you can take how ever much you need which can make the healing process of mental illness easier but while working the tiredness and dread only takes a lot of you out of you.
I’m not the best to put it into words either especially cause I’ve only been working a fraction of what you have OP. I don’t know if it gets better even with all the meds and self help a person can get.

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