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/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

Board for recovering NEETs and Ex-NEETs who are trying to reintegrate.
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🎉🎉🎉 Happy Birthday Madotsuki! 🎉🎉🎉

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Since it's sometimes difficult to have a conversation about trying to exit the NEET lifestyle in /hikki/ without it getting derailed, I have created this new board for such conversations.

If you are trying to go back to school or get a job, or if you've exited NEETdom a while ago but are still having problems, this is now the place to talk about it.

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Every Hikki is secretly a cocoon. Some of our cocoons are bright yet brooding and just waiting to pop! Others are dark and gristled without much life left in them. Every cocoon can grow if left in peace long enough, though many are pushed and prodded in all the wrong ways and may never get the chance. I hope your cocoon pops uboaling, it's time to wake up if you can.


Haibane Renmei is great anime! I remember finding a fan page: https://cff.ssw.net

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Currently undergoing possibly the biggest change of my life. I’m moving out of my current house soon without my family, and I’m moving in with a different relative. I know it’s going to be much better for me, quieter, more peaceful, in a better area and I’ll have more to myself. Plus, I’ll be getting away from who is essentially an abuser. However, my autism makes it so I’m stuck in this obligation to stay in this home, that everything will go Haywire if I leave and things need to be as they are or I don’t know, I fucking die of autism or something. That, with my added on tensions and habits of being half a hikki where I don’t leave my room much, don’t talk to my family and stay in my room online so I can ignore the fact that I’m living with someone I despise, means it’s INCREDIBLY hard to break out of the ‘if I leave this structure I fucking die’ mentality.

But, I also can’t stay here, because each day I remember more and more how this household has ruined me mentally. I need to be out and I need to be somewhere safe. My abuser has done horrible horrible things to us and around us and I can’t stand it anymore. There’s only so much ‘look at the computer and hope the paranoia doesn’t take you’ I can do before I lose it.

I don’t know, I think I just needed a rant. Anyone else struggling with this kind of change? Needing to get out but your disabilities and Hikki mentality forcing you to try to stick to routine to be safe? I’ve not been a full hikki in a few years but old habits die so so so hard. I think I need to know if and how I can cope with moving out of something that defined my life so strongly. It’s been a rough few months haha


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anon here. small update.

in about two weeks I’ll be out of here.

Despite a lot of shit going down the past couple days, I am starting to feel more safe and loved.

hopefully the move will go smoothly and I will be happy.

thank you for letting me rant


good luck.

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if you go to drug/alcohol rehab you can transition to 3.1 housing which is free for six months and they'll help you get a job. it's all covered under medicaid, you don't need any income to do this, in fact no income is better. then after that you can go to a halfway house where rent is like less than $200 a month and they'll keep providing you with transportation to work n shit. in a year of doing this you can easily save up 20 grand since your expenses will be almost nonexistent. think about how much of a difference that money would make to you. all you gotta do is pretend to be an addict (and most of you probably wouldn't even be pretending)
if you got nothing better going for you, you should consider it. some places will even send a guy to pick you up from your house and take you there if you don't have a car
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See you then!


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Hi, I can speak on this because I have been through this process! I have my own studio apartment that I got by going thru a rehab program, a halfway house for a year after that until I got permanent subsidized housing. please note that your experience may differ greatly from mine as these programs vary from county to county as well as from state to state but you will have the best luck in wealthy liberal urban areas particularly on the west coast as the urban counties in those states have the best funded programs with the lowest barrier to entry. if you are willing to move locations & start somewhere new do some research but cities that homeless ppl flock to are a good place to start. there a ton of hacks & workarounds to getting prioritized for these programs as there are waiting lists everywhere, especially places that have good housing programs. appearing homeless is a good way to get priority, all you have to do is spend one night in a shelter and change your mailing address there. the shelter can then give you a letter stating proof of homelessness. (there are other way too) this will get you priority and get you in the door at a rehab program though you may still have to wait/try more than once. when I did this process I actually was homeless (sleeping in a van) and a heroin addict and I got a shit ton of info on how to make the system work to your benifit from other junkies and homeless ppl. you could try talking to some ppl in your area for tips, homeless ppl are the least often judgmental ppl you could possibly meet and will tell you all the tricks they know if you smoke some weed with them or buy em smth to eat. if you look down and out too and you can make some small talk they'll tell you for free and hell you might make a friend!

above all taking this route requires you to be able to extensively navigate bureaucracies at a high lvl of difficulty and to tolerate a ton of bullshit from everyone from caseworkers to roommates as you'll be shoved in a room with a stranger who's likely kicking hard drugs.

If you guys want I can keep going on how do it and tricks you can use to get the system to help you when it most certainly doesn't want to, just lmk and I'll write it up :)


OP here posting update
finished rehab a little over a week ago and am in the 3.1 house. still on blackout for a couple more weeks so i can't work yet, but there are lots of jobs available around here when i can. recently learned i can stay here up to a year, which more than doubles the amount of money i can save up for when i leave. life in the house is pretty good for the most part, although i do get depressed sometimes and i'm anxious to get to work already
i should clarify that i'm an actual alcoholic and i'm not just exploiting the system, this isn't even the first time i've been through rehab
thanks for sharing your experience anon, glad it worked out for you. i think things may be easier in my state than yours since you don't really have to deal with any bureaucracy or get proof of homelessness here, you just need medicaid and to complete the program, it's very easy


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hell yeah congrats on going thru with it and getting sober too!!! that's a huge step foward!!
I'm the same person who posted about going thru the system before, that's awesome that it's so easy in your state! have you considered applying for section 8 or other housing programs? a lot of states fast track ppl in halfway houses and similar programs… it'll make that 20k go wayy farther.
good luck on your job search!!


thank you friend. little update, i've started work, just a shitty part-time retail job, but it's easy and low-stress and i get to put basically 100% of what i earn in savings so the shit pay doesn't matter much. probably won't apply for section 8 since dealing with social services is aggravating and i try to avoid it unless i truly need it. i got a gym membership and exercise every day, my health is the best it's been in years, life is good all around. once i get a couple more checks i should be able to extrapolate how much money i'll be able to leave this place with and start planning for my future. really can't stress enough how strongly i recommend this route to anyone here who has any kind of substance issue

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Does anyone have issues with executive function? Like not being able to remember stuff, spacing out, being generally unable to get stuff done, poor hygiene, inability to focus on stuff but at the same time often hyper focusing on a single thing to the point of spacing out and being unable to ignore everything else?
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Oh yeah anon, i deal with my fair amount of forgetfulness, compulsive daydreaming.
Overall I feel that cognition has dulled.
I don't know if it's due to the fact that i'm nearing 30 of age, or due to social isolation, or maybe it's a mixture of both.

I often have to reread the same sentence multiple times to grasp its meaning.

Anyway, if you ever find a solution, don't forget to update this thread.


psych wards are abuse festivals for the unqualified to help ppl who need it. haven't known anyone who has gotten out of there with their trauma worsened or faking to be better to get out of there asap.

contact a doctor and talk about your symptomps. bring with you a notebook with a written timeline of your life with the most important emotional events with specific months. look out for, besides depression which you probably def have, derealization or dissociative disorders which might cause compulsive daydreaming because your mind might need escapism from something in your life.

look up and ask a doctor about the difference between randomly spacing out and involuntarily dissociating for no apparent reason.

autism diagnosis are given to ppl with other buried beneath issues because it's easier to label someone as an autist than a traumatized person. i talk from experience.


Could it be internet addiction? My mind is always floating off day dreaming about stuff I'm doing online. I need access to the wired everyday all the time and can't function without it. It's impossible to break free too becsuae the internet is everywhere.


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I have plenty of problems with this. My mother used to call me "the absent minded professor" when I was a kid because I consistently forgot stuff, lost stuff, left stuff sitting places, went into rooms without knowing why I was there, etc. As I got older I got it just a little more under control, but it's still pretty bad. I've self-diagnosed with Dyspraxia, which presents with poor coordination and physical ability, particularly in childhood (I couldn't hit a baseball off a tee until I was 9) and a solid ability to remember information, but a horrible working memory. It fits me perfectly.

I remember many things very well - for instance, I can easily list all Soviet premiers and party chairmen in order, including the obscure fellas between Kruschev and Brezhnev, and I can likely recall the plot beats and elements of any story I find interesting in detail, even years later. I forgot to get my parents to sign my progress reports in school about 95% of the time. I realize I can't start my car because I forgot the keys about 70% of the time. When I have to go to a new place, I usually recite the directions to myself the whole time, otherwise I will forget them. I had a phase in my teens where my parents would have to notify me that I've been showering too long, because while in there I would lose perception of time and have no idea that I had been in there for two hours.

Some stuff is definitely up with my executive function abilities. I still struggle slightly, though only slightly, with basic coordination. It might sound like ridiculous advice, but I really recommend exercise. Exercise has helped me think better and stay more sane by keeping me more in touch with my body. I only got started as a way to work out my frustrations, but it has helped me feel more real and less confused. I like these methods because I don't have to actually interact with people, and there isn't really a standard for success or failure. I run at night. Sometimes I just do wallsits and pushups and don't even leave my room. Yoga is probably a good starting place. These ideas can easily just be more overwhelming things you don't want to do, so for me, it's easiest if I just think of them as similar to a game or a movie - they're just some new bullshit I'm trying because I'm bored and miserable.

There's probably a lot more to it, but having something that keeps your attention builds up your attention. It's hard, though. I like exercise because it's almost lPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


It could be. I started using computers when I was a kid and since I was a loner I'd spend all my days web surfing, using IRC, or posting on forums. Lo and behold I developed severe executive function problems and a fucked up attention span.

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What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.


Normal people usually have goals related to their daily lives. A lot of them are really boring.

My advice would be to create goals for yourself at work. If you hate the job, think about what aspects of it are getting to you and try to look at them in a different way.

You can also create projects for yourself to work on. See how fast you can organize these items, try talking to at least three coworkers, bring a notebook and draw in it, etc. Make a game out of this, which will pass the time quicker.


Goals don't necessarily have anything to do with working, you may or may not work, that doesn't change your goal of becoming the greatest Minecraft youtuber in the world Anon.

…one day


>What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.
Normal people have some sort of instinct that makes being a wageslave drone fun. You don't have that, I don't have it either. But having money is still necessary, so you have to adapt. Work should never feel like a good thing. Work is simply necessary


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Wonder if it's dependent on finding the right job or wageslaving will always be like this. I've been "allowing" myself new purchases with the extra money but it's a lot less gratifying than I was imagining.

I think I was expecting too much from getting a job.


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They stopped renewing my contract last month, back to NEETing. Learned that I'm really bad at juggling work, commuting, and personal interests. Can understand the people who say they don't have hobbies now. Getting older, running out of time.

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Since I graduated from University in June I've been planning on going back to do a Master's or a PhD. For what it's worth, I graduated with (I think) the highest grade of my year from a pretty bad university, but I also did a community-related EC and was the recipient of a research scholarship in my second year.
I spent a few months putting together the best applications I could, but made the mistake of aiming too high and only applying for a few difficult to get in to universities. So far I've heard back from 2 of the places I applied, both were rejections, and I'm not feeling too confident about the other 3.
Right now I'm panicking, because it's become abundantly clear that I've wasted the last 8 months and several hundred dollars doing basically nothing. I told myself I'd get an article written but I've been completely unable to get anything done because of all the uncertainty.
In a last-ditch effort, I'm putting together a PhD application to send to places that are still accepting applicants and might be able to supervise it. But, again, I'm not too hopeful about this.
I really do not know what to do if this doesn't pan out. I can't find any jobs that I'm not either over or under qualified for.
Someone suggested I become an assistant language teacher, but I am not comfortable at all with living alone somewhere where I don't speak the language after being a recluse for over a year.
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That ended up not being so bad. One of the reasons I'd never asked for help before was because the thought of ending up in a place like that terrified me, but the institution was run alright, for the most part. The other patients were really kind, and I made friends there, some of whom I'm still in contact with. I also got to do art therapy and participate in group for the first time. But after awhile, being there felt claustrophobic. You have to adhere to a set schedule, and you're watched all the time. There's no locks on doors, staff invade your privacy, and they confiscate items that could be used to hurt yourself. It was costing my parents thousands of dollars to have me stay there, as well. I just wanted out at that point. So I lied to the doctors, saying that group therapy was working, and told them bullshit they wanted to hear. They let me go home after that.

When I began living on campus again, one of my friends approached me to ask what was going on. I told them what happened, and they apologized for not being there. My roommate moved out the day before I went to the institution, and after everyone learned about what she did, she became the most unpopular person in our dorm, according to my acquaintance People began hanging out with me afterwards. For that year, I wasn't alone. A lot of the members of that friend circle were LGBT art students, and their support helped me to come out as transgender. I've known for a long time, but still haven't transitioned.

Unfortunately, everyone sort of drifted apart. They stopped keeping in contact with me after awhile, and I lost the support I had. People I knew in high school were gone as well. I had other roommates, some equally as bad, but we never were able to connect, and attempts went nowhere. This was at the height of COVID, back when the pandemic started.

I spent the rest of my semesters by myself.


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The final year was the hardest. Due to early graduation in winter, that semester only lasted four months, but it felt like torture. I made strides, somehow- they assigned me a therapist who has helped me a great deal, and I got a summer job working retail. Despite that, nothing was really working. Even taking medication didn't help. My first roommate got off scot-free and was never punished by the college, graduating normally. I was surrounded by constant reminders, people who were going places in life, and it all got to be too much. With every step I took forward, a step was taken backward.

There was a cornfield on the outskirts of campus. One day, while going for a walk, I stumbled across it. The weather was cold, and there was traffic nearby, but for someone as isolated and miserable as me, it was a place I could go to be alone. No other students seemed to go there, though the track team would run through this area occasionally. I attended university in a rural area, and the scenery there was beautiful. It inspired me to continue working on my art, maybe try painting.


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There's more that happened, but I'd rather not get too much into it. My point is, despite how horrifying everything gets, the bad times aren't going to last forever. And there's always tomorrow. It's important to believe that, even if your world comes crashing down briefly.

Maybe someone will get something out of this. Or maybe not. But at any rate, hope is something worth holding onto.


I feel you too anon. I got into a top school but I just can't afford to go, no way for my broke ass to finance it. I should be applying to other more affordable places but I can't motivate myself to even get out of bed. All I do is browse the chans all day and try to ignore life. Just wish I could upload myself onto the internet and not deal with this shit.


>da office

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Who else is in this situation? Or maybe you used to be, but you got out? I'd really like your story if you did. This is the recovery board so let's help each other and formulate escape plans. If you like you can use this thread to share lessons/tutorials our parents didn't teach us too.

I know what I should do, I should get on a train and disappear into the world. But I don't have the cruelty to do that to them and I'll never muster it just by sitting here thinking.

Let's you and me learn what it's like to ride a train alone.
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I'm most interested in games and literature. Video games are the only medium I can think in with any sort of flow, thinking in coherent sentences is really difficult (that's why it takes me so long to respond, sorry again about that). I think literature is a much better way of interacting with reality through art, my thinking on video games is usually either generating realities or exploring within the medium (they do have a unique ability for placing the player in liminal spaces though which is a very interesting way of interfacing with reality). Games' disadvantage is that they're overtly art, there's less possibility for "is this real?" in them than there is in writing (there are examples though when it comes to authorship and the story surrounding it's creation. Sad Satan is like that. The Beginner's Guide is a very interesting one. I've wanted to make games that touch this mode of thinking too, and I'm sort of convincing myself now that I'm wrong to suggest they're less powerful than literature for it, but there are things writing is just better for. Language is true by default, that's what it was developed for, while games are fiction by default and you have to try very hard to touch the player's idea of truth. When I'm free I want to explore the world, and I'll probably make a blog or something of stories from my travels, partly for the sake of communication but partly as a medium of creation. I'd invent characters and places and warp the aesthetics of occurrences and myself, not to convince people of a lie (I wouldn't care if people knew or not) but as a way of crystalising ideas and altering my way of experiencing reality. All communication breeds aesthetic, topological and factual parasites in the speaker and the receiver, what I want to do is be aware of and engineer those parasites to be forces for good.

Sorry for not closing that parenthesis by the way, the more I continued that line of thought the more dumber it felt to put a ) at the end.


>What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that
bro if i'm reading this correctly she's helping you from becoming a homeless drug addict yet you want to move out despite not having an income. you need a good smack on the head for being ungrateful. get a job THEN start thinking about moving out


I don't want to get into an argument about this but I'll address it because what I sound like to you is probably how everyone with the same problem sounds to those with different experience. Yes my parents are the reason I'm not homeless or dead or something. They're also the reason why without them I WOULD be homeless. From day 1 I was conditioned to be incapable. There's so much shit from the past which I thought was just unfortunate at the time but looking back is extremely abnormal and bad. You can say oh it's easy to blame your parents, but they're your entire reality from when your brain is hot playdough until you start going to school, and after that they stay about half of it. It took me a long time to understand how much that means. I'm really trying to get stronger, grow the bits that didn't grow and change the bits that went wrong, but it's not easy at all, and I know I won't be able to do enough while I'm living here. You're asking me to be grateful for being forced to someone's mercy.


You're right, this happened to me, my mother raised me to dependant and ineffectual, it's a terriblee thing to do to a child.


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do y'all ever have trouble discerning if you are actually making progress towards being the person you want to be or if you're just spinning your wheels doing things that are good/helpful but avoiding the truely nessecary steps you need to take to change your life?

everyone around me (which admittedly aren't many) tells me that I've "come so far" and that maybe I "just need to give [myself] time" and I know I have made enormous progress in some areas but I feel like I'm avoiding the areas that will involve the most interaction with other people. in my isolation I've lost what social skills I previously had and the steps involved in obtaining the human connection that I so desperately want feels insurmountably unpleasant in comparison to passing my time alone in my shitty apartment…

I'm sorry if this was more of a rant than a question. I'm just feeling incredibly hopeless at the moment


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I've come to find I will always feel like I'm just running in place. In a lot of fields I actually am, and in some I'm even running backwards, but nonetheless I try run at the same pace time marches. Keep running.


aw, hug


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I often feel the same. When I feel less hopeless, I can tell myself that there is no shame in spinning your wheels. So long as you yourself feel like an attempt is being made it actually matters very little where progress is or isn't being made. Maybe a few more weeks of effort will reap a reward… but when it gets bad, it is hard to believe in anything at all. The only way to keep the hope alive is to keep on trying, and to keep making a push.
IMO, the best thing you can do is to think about how you can achieve sociability in stages. You need only push out of your comfort zone a little at a time to give yourself a chance, to make progress - and that too might feel like being stuck in place at first. Don't know what social skills you feel you lack, but your post is coherent and emotional, so maybe look into talking in VC online, undergoing remote therapy, or having yourself go outside with those people who are around you and get them to give you that push to interacting with people outside. I am in that latter phase right now, and am desperately hoping to be able to talk to strangers without someone else present soon.
Just a few suggestions. Disregard if I am assuming too much. Best of luck, anon. You're on the way there.


When people tell me I've come so far I assume they are just being polite. They don't want to point to obvious glaring problems so they try to talk positive but can't find anything specific to mention. It's why I hate those words becuase people are just trying to make you feel better when really they see you as a piece of shit.

I've literally failed in life. I never made friends in high school or college, I can't hold down a job and I hate leaving my home. I was fired for being too quiet. I even suck at being a weeb.

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officially diagnosed with c-ptsd after a whole teenhood of misdiagnosis, wrong meds and unalive planned attempts failed because if i did the religious child adoption shelter would've closed down after my death and i'd mess up innocent kids' lives even more after being saved too like me from worse fates. a hikk for years, now finding myself out there, barely adulting, smiling through the emptiness and trying to think positively. had some shitty jobs, i don't trust easily, quit professional school because of younger kids (like 3-4 years older) bullying me again like in high school. my grades dropped, my depression worsened. i feel useless as people my age i know ever since childhood just finished uni and are having "real" jobs. i feel so much envy for their easier lives. but i cheer them up too. despite my inferiority complex and thinking i will never be good enough despite, according to others, being "so kind", "resilient", "stronger than anyone". that doesn't save oneself. from oneself and their environments.

i decided i want to use my shit life to help others who will go through the same things as me in this shit of a world. if you want a reason to keep going on or avoid the hikk life, it's the only valid reason that gives meaning to my meaningless life. people need doctors and psychologists who can truly relate, not somebody who's there nodding and misdiagnosing you because they truly don't care. i do care because i've walked hell, too.

i will be real honest here. study online. this is the only way for many of us to get some quality education. especially if you're shy or people has a tendency to prey on your kindness. grades over people, you don't need your classmates. you only need yourself and some saved up money.

uboachan gives me so much nostalgia i end up always coming back to it, somehow. i hope this reaches someone. i know many ppl here are also struggling. you don't know who i am, but i'm proud you're still here.

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