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/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

Board for recovering NEETs and Ex-NEETs who are trying to reintegrate.
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 No.1[Reply]

Since it's sometimes difficult to have a conversation about trying to exit the NEET lifestyle in /hikki/ without it getting derailed, I have created this new board for such conversations.

If you are trying to go back to school or get a job, or if you've exited NEETdom a while ago but are still having problems, this is now the place to talk about it.


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 No.27[Reply]

Since I graduated from University in June I've been planning on going back to do a Master's or a PhD. For what it's worth, I graduated with (I think) the highest grade of my year from a pretty bad university, but I also did a community-related EC and was the recipient of a research scholarship in my second year.
I spent a few months putting together the best applications I could, but made the mistake of aiming too high and only applying for a few difficult to get in to universities. So far I've heard back from 2 of the places I applied, both were rejections, and I'm not feeling too confident about the other 3.
Right now I'm panicking, because it's become abundantly clear that I've wasted the last 8 months and several hundred dollars doing basically nothing. I told myself I'd get an article written but I've been completely unable to get anything done because of all the uncertainty.
In a last-ditch effort, I'm putting together a PhD application to send to places that are still accepting applicants and might be able to supervise it. But, again, I'm not too hopeful about this.
I really do not know what to do if this doesn't pan out. I can't find any jobs that I'm not either over or under qualified for.
Someone suggested I become an assistant language teacher, but I am not comfortable at all with living alone somewhere where I don't speak the language after being a recluse for over a year.
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.32

>>30
My parents ended up talking me out of two opportunities that I wanted to apply for because they thought the location would be dangerous, so I think in the future I probably shouldn't listen to them.

>>31
It seems like the vast majority of jobs here are either dead-end minimum wage jobs, or ones that require a different degree (engineering or healthcare).

>Boredom won't kill you.

I wish I was joking, because it's absolutely pathetic (and you're more than free to call me a retard), but I did a 5 day data-entry position for "work experience" a few years ago. I hated it and by the second day tried to get into a traffic accidents so I wouldn't have to do it anymore. I would like to stay far, far away from any job like that.

 No.44

It's looking like I've been rejected by everywhere and to be completely honest I really don't know what to do.
I've missed the deadlines for PhD funding and it looks like most of them want a Master's degree anyway.
While I could still apply for master's degrees, my understanding is that they're generally (in my field) quite useless. The reason I applied for where I did was because they offer a doctorate with a stipend and typically only accept people that did their Master's there. That and they're good names to have on a CV.
At the moment my parents are encouraging me to apply for Master's degrees that, in all likelihood, won't benefit me and don't justify the cost. I just feel a bit overwhelmed, really.
Despite saying that I'm thinking about getting a job and writing articles in my free time so I'll have a better application for next year (and applying for more places, and generally being better off financially) it seems like they don't want me to do that, and I don't really know why.
This whole corona thing hasn't really helped much with the job hunt, so that's probably going to set me back a few months.
On the upside I have an article that's about ready for publication now, and I suppose I could ask my (former) supervisor if she has any advice when I send it off for review.
Thanks for reading my blog.

 No.49

>>44
Reading this I really sympathise with you. I was actually in a Masters program for Mathematics, and I am *so* glad that I went against the advice of my professors and parents and anyone else other than the 2 friends my age I have, and I dropped out of the program. As it happens, the program itself was in a very fluid state and I wasn't getting good research opportunities or even the choice of what to do my thesis on.
Anyways, to make a long story short I decided to get into a community college Network Security program, which might seem like going back down a couple of levels, and it is I guess, but since there are actual tangible certificates you can aim for, it seems more realistic as well to actually land a job afterwards.
I honestly couldn't figure out what job I could do with a Masters in Maths other than maybe Actuarial, and I didn't want to do that (and it doesn't require the Masters Degree anyways)… no one could tell me! So anyways TL;DR certifications and trade schools are actually often better if you want to actually get a job.
As a bonus the teachers and students I have met are mostly nice people as well.

 No.79

>>49
This reply has been on my mind since it was posted, but I've had a hard time coming up with a response. I think what I'd like to say is that while trade school is probably a good idea, it seems a bit weird to go for when I plan on going back into academia as soon as possible.

As an update, one of the universities I applied for got back to me today and I've been waitlisted, and I suspect I stand a decent chance of getting accepted. The only problem is there's no way I could afford it without a (frankly, predatory) loan.
I'm leaning on rejecting it, and sending off stronger applications next year, and hopefully getting some financial aid. I guess the question is if another year is worth $30,000 or so in aid?
Whether I accept the offer or not, it has given me a lot of confidence knowing that I've been considered by the tenth best university in my field. I've had a lot of self-doubt these last few months, but maybe I'm not as bad as I thought. Hopefully this can be the motivation I need to get that second article written, and maybe take some online courses.

 No.133

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>>79
Congratulations OP. School is ridiculously and frighteningly expensive. Well, no matter what you're up to now, I hope you are well.



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 No.64[Reply]

For me, it was a mental breakdown which struck right at the cusp of becoming an adult, when I was 14 and on holiday with my parents. I had just left secondary school and so was approaching adulthood, and I broke down on holiday and fell so quickly ill that I felt like I was going to die. I cried holding the hands of my family as I felt the darkness was coming in, I felt certain I was dying.

But I survived, and fell into a vicious cycle of anguish and torment which has taught me the meaning of suffering. I now feel like I can only relate to people who have suffered.

So the question I want to start this thread with is: what made you withdraw? What circumstances in your life led to you shutting the blinds on society and taking to your bed? If you want to recover from being withdrawn, then what made you ill in the first place?

 No.65

I had some problems socializing since I was in pre-school when I was only 5, but I had to change school when I was 11 and this new school I went to was full of wannabe thugs, one guy who studied in the class right next to mine was killed in a bottle fight in the same year.

I was beaten by said thugs mercilessly lots of times but the worst of it was when I was 13, starting back then I isolated myself, when I was 17 I found out 2 of my classmates were arrested for beating a tire repairman to death just for the hell of it.

I began working I was 23 but I improved very slowly, only when I was 29 I could say I became semi-functioning. Brb being surrounded by wannabe thugs and real deal killers was no good for my mind.

 No.109

Not sure, feels like I was always like this. But looking at it realistically there would have been things in my childhood that precipitated it. Even from an age as early as five years I had a reputation among my parents and teachers as a gifted child and I had a dim awareness that the other kids around me were all somehow dumb. The awareness was dim because I did not really connect with my peers. Things stayed like that until the years leading up to me entering high school, where I started to notice that everyone around me seemed to be growing up and maturing faster than I was, and I began to fear that they would overtake me socially. That was probably what did it. I remember crying when year seven was over, knowing that things would never be comfortable in that way again.

 No.132

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>>65
That's wild anon! Good job hanging in there, I hope your improvement continues. we're all gonna make it bro



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 No.117[Reply]

Did anyone else escape NEET life and now just finds it even more lonely and isolating? I honestly haven't posted here or on any other chans in years. After nearly decade of being a NEET from 16 to 24, I did manage to get my life together. I have a job and am in a good university working towards my PHD, I'm what people would consider a "success" in that regards but its just lonely.

I can't relate to normal people, they don't have the same shared experience of growing up a NEET and being fucked in the head for so long. I can't make any connection with these people that has any meaning beyond the superficial. Meanwhile internet culture has completely left me behind and is weird and foreign to me, and honestly not interested in getting involved in most of whatever people are angry about.

I miss those days of feeling connected to others through the screen. At least I had others who understood back then.

 No.118

I thought I was the only one.

 No.119

Definitely. I also got out at 24 and I was able to do and experience things I never thought were possible, only with the help of social workers and specialized residences where I was surrounded with similar people of my age. After that stint I managed to find a good job and my own place but that was the start of another purgatory for me. Not only did I take on the burden of having to fend for myself but I also lost the ability to disassociate as I did in my younger, more impressionable years. I don't regret leaving home, because let's face it, that's an absolute dead end, but I am deeply dissatisfied day to day and have been since I started living om my own. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I do feel like at least I am not totally screwed anymore but the damage has been done over many years and that can't be ignored. I am still trying to make things happen with the help of some of the aforementioned workers but it's extremely difficult to even just live. I don't know how to relax.

But although I hate the fact that I can't space out on chans any longer, I wouldn't really want to. Even when I was involved from a young age, it was a stand-in, a compromise for what I really wanted despite some good times here and there. In that way, I'd much rather pace around and bash my head into a wall than go back to that mode of living. I'd rather take a chance on real life no matter how unlikely the success. But I have to tell you, when I wake up tomorrow, and the day after, and who knows for how much longer, it will be hell.

 No.120

File: 1598803100716.png (1.94 MB, 1366x768, 132 - Yf72pOP.png)

>>119
I definitely don't want to go back either. It's easy to look back on being a NEET as these halcyon days but the reality was it was crushing just in a different way. I just can't handle the isolation and wearing a mask to hide all my trauma from normal people.

 No.131

Same :( I gradually stopped spending all my time online and tried to meet more people in real life. Now I'm just isolated online and can't get back into the communities I used to care about and hurt irl when everyone eventually leaves you and you're on your own again.



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 No.34[Reply]

just when I was turning my life around a global pandemic hits
how are you living through the covid madness, bros? I still gotta commute to work lmao
30 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.123

Up until 2019 I was a recovered NEET, with a low paying but mostly chill job as a computer programmer and back in college, but company went to shit and have been unemployed since.

Late 2019, first corona news started causing me anxiety since I knew it would get bad if it made it out of China.

Early January, I injured my L5S1 lumbar disc, only received a proper diagnosis a week before lockdown hit here back in March.

I managed to complete the remaining credits for my Software Engineering degree while on lockdown but other than that I've been worse than useless.

So I'm unemployed, injured and covid has made it hard to get physical therapy and walk as much as I need to recover.

Oh, and I don't take my pain meds since they make me sleepy and foggy, so I'm rawdogging the pain to avoid falling back into a major depressive episode.

 No.126

I'm lucky enough to have a remote tech support job where I can work from home. It's a small support department with less than 10 people, for a company with less than 15. I got it just a few months before lockdown hit, or else I would still be trapped in my previous retail job at Target. On the weekends I'll visit a friend or two, and then on the rest of the week I quarantine to make sure I didn't get anything that I'm likely to pass around on the following weekend. I still avoid large gatherings.

For the first four months or so, I did lock down completely and only go out for groceries, and that was really difficult because I was just beginning to socialize more often and it felt like my hard work in that regard was being undone. I also am really missing conventions.

I would have probably gotten a raise at my job by now, but we're affected too and already had to lay someone off.

 No.127

I've put on so much weight since all I do is comfort eat, sleep, clean and go to work. I've lost interests in the hobbies I had been trying to build up since I finally found a job. My job has been awful, normies really harassed me over toilet paper and now it's everything. Cried through all of my shift the other day, but kept going so I'm happy with that effort. I just wanna call in sick everyday but I have so much to pay off, not working isn't an option. My mental health and physical health has gone down the drain. I have no motivation to exercise and I'm almost twice the size I was at the start of lockdown. I dunno how I'm gonna keep going at this rate. I just need a break.

 No.128

Was a NEET for 2+ years until I got a job at a pretty hip bar in March. Literally employed for 2 weeks when they terminated everyone. Right back where I was, and managing depressive symptoms without insurance has been tough. I was able to get back into school this semester though, I'm really making an effort not to die. It's super tough though, with unmedicated ADHD and bipolar 2, I'm hoping to get insurance next month but all that stuff is such a headache.

 No.129

I hope things turn around for you guys.



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 No.124[Reply]

everythings fine. great, even. it appears i do have some social skills and put them to work just fine

then why do i feel so doubtful and despairing all the time? why do i feel sluggish and backwards when i compare myself to others? why do i feel like ive been left aside from important or enjoyable moments because of just being me? why do i feel encased in ice, trapped in time and unable to catch up with everyones rythm?

every been to a party? for those who have, id probably know how we would spend time at it: awkwardly holding a glass of soda in a corner while looking at our feet. thats what id do anyways. thats how id feel anyways. thats the feeling that chases me to this very day, at any moment. at home. outside. alone. with other people
me; stunted by rave lights and ear-shattering music like a deer surprised by a car's headlights watching everyone have fun and be better

 No.125

>>124
I know that feel. For me it's part anxiety and part trauma. You can try drinking some alcohol to dis-inhibit, and it's also helpful if you go with a friend who will be a social wingman for you, like introduce you to people and help drive the conversation towards things you have an easier time talking about, like your interests. If you don't have such a person you will just have to walk up to someone and be awkward. This is more difficult than it sounds, but you will feel great when it actually works, even if it's just a few minutes of conversation before you exhaust yourself. The social muscle needs to be exercised or it will atrophy, and exercise strengthens it. Like any exercise, it is painful when you start up doing it.

I got my start with out-of-highschool socializing by doing offline meets with people who shared my interests. It's easier to talk to someone offline if you have spent some time feeling them out online.

That said, I still do a lot of sitting around when I go to parties, but otherwise I stick around people I know and try to get in a few words with their friends who come talk to them. Networking is one of the easiest ways to increase your number of friends, because you can assume the new person is comfortable with your friend, so there will be some measure of compatibility.



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 No.110[Reply]

Post here whenever you make a good step. Today I talked to some old friends from school, one hour either side of pressing send was absolute hell but everything after that was almost hilariously easy and I had a good time.

 No.111

>>110
I'm getting a driver's license (at 26…) and I'm going to get trained to become a security guard after 13 years of hikidom (with a few non-hiki periods in between). But still I'm not thrilled about it and knowing that there's a probability of 99.9% of staying alone all my life due to me being INTP, being very socially awkward and the current state of females doesn't help.
I'll just keep going and see what happens.



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 No.67[Reply]

For five years I've been slowly decaying: I've lost my health, dropped University, twice, and my relationships with my family is in shatters. Also what bothers me is that people I knew (I don't have any contacts left) now have good jobs, some of them their own families, while I still simply just run away from all problems I encounter.

I tried to do something with it so many times, but it never really worked out. I'm not sure whether anything can be done now, but I can try one more time.

To change the pace I will go to a local library tomorrow, so I can be closer to other people, will spend some time learning (or doing) something actually useful and will try to build up courage to make up with my family.
9 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.97

>>96
Good luck, OP. I'm rooting for you!
Very nice images of Rakka btw.

 No.98

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>>97
Thank you! The second day in library was even more productive than the first one, well it is still a long way from what other people call "Productive", but I'm happy anyway.

I also found a nice job place I would try to apply for, right after I finish writing this torrent-client, or at least writing its core logic.

Headaches are a little bit worrying though - I also started having side-effects from the drag I'm taking to ease up the pain, so I think I should make a break from them, maybe even visit a doctor, I'm not sure.

How was your day?

 No.99

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>>98
This sounds great, keep it up!
Slow and steady improvement, take your time, quality over quantity.
Please take your health seriously, visit a doctor. The headaches surely hamper you.

My day was alright, thanks for asking. Got a few negative e-mails but had some other pleasant things.
Especially the fact that my cat recovered, I was so afraid she would die.

 No.100

>>99
> Got a few negative e-mails
It seems hard to have many social contacts, unless I misunderstand something. Why not simply block those people?

> my cat

How old is she, if I'm not intruding too much!

Today I had to leave my library too early for silly reasons when I convinced myself that I left the water running, which I didn't, and at home I wasn't able to continue focusing on studying, even though I really tried to not get distracted, which is just impossible. I wonder how other people can do it.

 No.101

>>100
> It seems hard to have many social contacts, unless I misunderstand something.
They are no social contacts, unfortunately I have zero of those.
I tried to apply for a different job because I dislike my current one but all of the mentioned negative e-mails were rejections.

> How old is she, if I'm not intruding too much!

It's fine :3
She is 16, quite old for a cat.
The vet told me she would most likely die but thanks to some pills she is doing fine now.
I have to feed her those every morning from now on, else she is getting sick again.

> I wonder how other people can do it.

Do you need any devices to study?
Else I would try to turn them off and put them away.
Furthermore when I had to study I usually rewarded myself with something afterwards and didn't do anything fun before.



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 No.59[Reply]

there's this girl I'm seeing that's 10 years older than me. she's the first girl I've made out and fondled with. she's alright, and I like her, but (I suppose this comes with our rather significant age difference) she's too forward and horny all the time and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I ain't even ready to have sex yet

where and how can I meet girls *my* age (this is what I'd wager marked our differences) that are reserved, quiet and introverted like me? I'm into manga, videogames and writing, not sure if it matters

I don't even know how to deal with women. getting a chance with this girl was mostly pure luck. we hardly knew each other, flirted a little bit on social media and then we met up and stuff. since it's not going as smoothly as I expect, I think trying other methods would be a good idea
some friends suggested clubbing after this whole pandemic crap ends, but it's not really my scene
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.75

Fuck her in the ass.
Also who cares about her being ten years older.
You complain about her being too horny?
Fuck that

 No.76

>>75
Not everyone has the sex drive of a 16 year old.

 No.91

>>76
I still do

 No.92

Have you tried talk to her about it? That's how fully capable adults work out relationships I'm told. I wouldn't know myself but it looks like it works, like, 50% of the time.

 No.93

>>92
agree with you anon. if op is being really romantic with her already he should probably just tell her (gently) that he'd like to wait a little bit. good luck op



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 No.80[Reply]

Growing up I was never put into school. I was not homeschooled either. My cognitive ability is quite limited. I can't do the simplest of math, and my handwriting looks like it was done by a 6 year old. Of course, I have very little social skills because of this, and being around people gives me anxiety. I have no life experience or skills at all.
I think this was all my mothers plan, to make a bird who would never leave her nest. That might sound like a paradise for some NEETS, but when your Mother is controlling and manipulative, and your Father is raging and violent, you cannot help but want to get away from them.

I don't know if I could ever make it in the world on my own since my Mother does everything for me. She even speaks for me whenever someone tries to talk with me. My entire life I've just felt like a lapdog.
Ideally, the next step for me to get out of here would be to study for a drivers license, but I've never studied anything before, and can't even read two pages of a book without getting bored, demotivated, and forgetting everything I just read. Even if I could do it, it's not like I could get a car anyway. Is it even possible for someone like me to get out of being a NEET? What can I do?
From what I know, all the online jobs require some sort of skill.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.83

>>82
Google*

 No.84

>Growing up I was never put into school
isn't that illegal? anyway, you could start with learning basic math

 No.85

Regarding the fact that you have trouble reading books… I know someone irl with the same problem, he loses attention/interest really fast. So, his solution was to read 3 books at the same time: he picked the first one, read 2 pages, picked the second, read 2 pages and so on, alternating between the books. He is quite successful with this technique.

I also recommend you to search about the dopamine detox method, it can help you if you get depressed trying to study something or doing other activities that gives you no pleasure.

Watching online classes on YouTube is also really good.
And remember to write what you learn on paper, so you can train your calligraphy and memory. The human brain never loses it's capacity to learn, even when you get older.

And… think about your interests, is there a hobby relating to what you like? A subject to study? I'm sure there is at least one…

And if it's possible and you feel comfortable asking this… you could ask your parents to go to an "after school" class (Something like arts&crafts or game making) after the quarantine… sorry if you've already tried this…

Lastly, retail jobs might be a possibility… some of them don't require experience and I've even heard of anxious people working on them.

I hope you're ok. You can escape.

 No.87

>>85
This is all probably good advice, but…

>ask your parents

No OP, TELL your parents. You're not a kid anymore. I have a sort of similar problem with my mum so I know it's not easy, but you need to be assertive and stop asking permission for things you shouldn't need it for.

 No.88

>and can't even read two pages of a book without getting bored
When I started reading (years after I learned how to read), I could only read 1 sentence at a time before resting. When I would read a sentence, I would read each word separately, remembering (recalling, or (learning and) memorizing) each possible meaning of that word. Only when I am sure that I have comprehended that piece, I continue to the next piece. I still read the same way, but (1) I read faster, because I can scan for pieces that I already comprehend, and (2) I can read longer, because I have more intellectual stamina.
I think that this is why many childrens' books are picture books: each page has only a few sentences, and a beautiful picture. Take it easy: read less, and ensure you comprehend it before continuing.
More concretely, you can try arranging your environments or habits to include more literature. Example: choose music with good lyrics: L'America by Jim Morrison, I Talk to the Wind by King Crimson, Matilda Mother by Syd Barrett,, Learn the lyrics of your faovurite songs so that you can ponder the songs' meanings when you're away from your music player. It'll be easy to memorize, because you listen to it many many times.



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