/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

I'm lucky enough to have a remote tech support job where I can work from home. It's a small support department with less than 10 people, for a company with less than 15. I got it just a few months before lockdown hit, or else I would still be trapped in my previous retail job at Target. On the weekends I'll visit a friend or two, and then on the rest of the week I quarantine to make sure I didn't get anything that I'm likely to pass around on the following weekend. I still avoid large gatherings.

For the first four months or so, I did lock down completely and only go out for groceries, and that was really difficult because I was just beginning to socialize more often and it felt like my hard work in that regard was being undone. I also am really missing conventions.

I would have probably gotten a raise at my job by now, but we're affected too and already had to lay someone off.

I've put on so much weight since all I do is comfort eat, sleep, clean and go to work. I've lost interests in the hobbies I had been trying to build up since I finally found a job. My job has been awful, normies really harassed me over toilet paper and now it's everything. Cried through all of my shift the other day, but kept going so I'm happy with that effort. I just wanna call in sick everyday but I have so much to pay off, not working isn't an option. My mental health and physical health has gone down the drain. I have no motivation to exercise and I'm almost twice the size I was at the start of lockdown. I dunno how I'm gonna keep going at this rate. I just need a break.

Was a NEET for 2+ years until I got a job at a pretty hip bar in March. Literally employed for 2 weeks when they terminated everyone. Right back where I was, and managing depressive symptoms without insurance has been tough. I was able to get back into school this semester though, I'm really making an effort not to die. It's super tough though, with unmedicated ADHD and bipolar 2, I'm hoping to get insurance next month but all that stuff is such a headache.

I hope things turn around for you guys.

>>126
Damn, do I ever feel the "hard work being undone" sentiment. It feels like you've built up this armor over years of work and it just took one loose link to pull it loose and make it fall apart. I believe in you though, and I hope the conventions you go to someday are great.

>>127
I gained 20+ lbs since lockdown. It's shit. I can't advise you on an individual diet, but as an EXTREMELY general thing, consider cutting down on added sugar and empty carbs, and try more whole/sprouted grains and lean proteins. There are ways to make it tasty and filling, I assure you, anon. But I know it's hard. And I know it's easier to just…eat it away. And I'm very sorry it's happened to you too.

And for everyone, maybe it's just the weed and wine that I've picked up in lockdown, obligatory "do as I say not as I do" disclaimer here I still hope you're doing okay, even if you're not thriving. I know you'll get through this. Eat your vegetables and all that. But seriously, if we made it through NEETdom, we'll make it through this.

>>175
> Where do you get images? I mostly get mine from gelbooru
Mostly these[1][2], though I might download imagepacks of specific characters from other imageboards. I do not like manually downloading and searching through images though, for this I use a program[3], which allows me to download all images from a specific tag or query. You can find there a list of supported websites to find other places, but most of them are NSFW.
[1]: http://reactor.cc/
[2]: https://konachan.net/
[3]: https://github.com/mikf/gallery-dl


> Did something happen? It sounds troublesome
Well, as always, I wake up at different times, see that I don't have any plans nor goals, go through usual after-wake-up routine, go for a stroll in a park[4], and after that mostly listen to music and do nothing, and go to sleep again. Rinse, repeat. It is extremely hard to force myself to do even the simplest stuff. Because why would I? My head is going to hurt slightly more after, why even bother. And daysmonthsyears pass by in the same way. Sometimes somewhat more worse than usual, sometimes somewhat more better. But never stopping.
[4]: https://postimg.cc/gallery/8cPt4pQ/a846ee05 [^41][^42]
[^41]: My phone is broken, so I took my parents' just to make a couple of photos to share.
[^42]: Yes, it was after I woke up.

Now it's somewhat more worse.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>176
I actually do like to manually search through images, therefore sites like konachan are always welcome. :3

Setting an alarm doesn't help? Maybe multiple alarms within a short time period? You could start to make plans, they don't have to be huge ones, right? Cooking something, reading 100 pages of a book, cleaning the bathroom, shaving, buying groceries and so on. I think it's important to keep it manageable and realistic. What is your routine after waking up? Usually a little change already helps. The park looks beautiful, very inviting. Is there a story to that ruin in one picture? It looks like there is a plaque in front if it.
In another post you said your head is better after sport, is this not the case anymore? Your headaches sound worrisome. I hope I don't sound preachy or pretentious, I just write down my thoughts, hopefully coming up with something helpful. I think we both know from experience that not fighting against depression and surrendering to it makes it only worse so you should definitely do something.

Why don't you see a point in protesting anymore? A few post back you said that now was the time for it and it looked as good as never before. Has the situation for the protesters become worse?

I plan not to apply for anything for a few weeks, before I start at the end of January to apply to accounting again. Now it is very quiet because of Christmas and New Year. Shortly after New Year I have to pull my wisdom teeth on the right side out. From experience on the left side this will take 2 weeks to recover. Unfortunately I know no alternatives to a mailman and after investing almost entire 2020 to that matter I am starting to think what I fear is true, I should work on my life during my free time and not work. Work is work after all but I wanted to try even though I had that possibility in my mind since the very beginning.
The first step is surely to move out from the apartment right under my parents nose, so I am more independent and also start to do more stuff on my own. Until now I often ditched things out of laziness and could get away with it because I still had the support from home. Furthermore I can get away from my fathers negativity too, so I assume I will be in a better shape when I can move out. I know what you mean with incoherent answers, I do that 99 out of 100 times with my father, because he is so tradiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>178
I'm going to take a break from the internet and everything for a week or two. Don't worry, I'm not expecting to get detained. Will see you right before the Eve!

>>179
Alright, merry Christmas, anon! :3

>>180
Merry Christmas!

>>110
I'm getting a driver's license (at 26…) and I'm going to get trained to become a security guard after 13 years of hikidom (with a few non-hiki periods in between). But still I'm not thrilled about it and knowing that there's a probability of 99.9% of staying alone all my life due to me being INTP, being very socially awkward and the current state of females doesn't help.
I'll just keep going and see what happens.

I got my first debit card by myself because my mom asked me to do it, she was going to enter with me and give all my info but I had to do it alone because of covid (I was a bit clumsy but I still consider it a success) and I've been losing weight recently again. I used to weight 100kg(220lbs) in 2016 got body dysmorphia and cut down to 60kg(132lbs), got over it around Christmas 2019 and got fat again, (107kg-235lbs), started losing weight again 4 months ago and now I weight 97kg(213lbs). I took progress pictures this time because I know I'll be able to do it. Losing weight its easy to be honest.

>>110
Nice image I like the face.

>>148
I understand what you mean OP and would like to point out that you can paint this grey to whatever you want and however you want.
You can even do it from home, while still being a hikki neet. It only depends on what you do, how often you do it and how much you invest into it. You could even work from home. Well I hope to read future updates on your doing and thank you for your prayers, I have some use for them currently.

Definitely. I also got out at 24 and I was able to do and experience things I never thought were possible, only with the help of social workers and specialized residences where I was surrounded with similar people of my age. After that stint I managed to find a good job and my own place but that was the start of another purgatory for me. Not only did I take on the burden of having to fend for myself but I also lost the ability to disassociate as I did in my younger, more impressionable years. I don't regret leaving home, because let's face it, that's an absolute dead end, but I am deeply dissatisfied day to day and have been since I started living om my own. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I do feel like at least I am not totally screwed anymore but the damage has been done over many years and that can't be ignored. I am still trying to make things happen with the help of some of the aforementioned workers but it's extremely difficult to even just live. I don't know how to relax.

But although I hate the fact that I can't space out on chans any longer, I wouldn't really want to. Even when I was involved from a young age, it was a stand-in, a compromise for what I really wanted despite some good times here and there. In that way, I'd much rather pace around and bash my head into a wall than go back to that mode of living. I'd rather take a chance on real life no matter how unlikely the success. But I have to tell you, when I wake up tomorrow, and the day after, and who knows for how much longer, it will be hell.

>>119
I definitely don't want to go back either. It's easy to look back on being a NEET as these halcyon days but the reality was it was crushing just in a different way. I just can't handle the isolation and wearing a mask to hide all my trauma from normal people.

Same :( I gradually stopped spending all my time online and tried to meet more people in real life. Now I'm just isolated online and can't get back into the communities I used to care about and hurt irl when everyone eventually leaves you and you're on your own again.

I understand you OP, evena fter finding a job and living alone I still can't relate to normal people and unsure if I even want to, in fact I hate most people I've known since leaving hikkidom because they are horrible and lack any reddeming qualities.

"Meanwhile internet culture has completely left me behind and is weird and foreign to me, and honestly not interested in getting involved in most of whatever people are angry about." This

It's looking like I've been rejected by everywhere and to be completely honest I really don't know what to do.
I've missed the deadlines for PhD funding and it looks like most of them want a Master's degree anyway.
While I could still apply for master's degrees, my understanding is that they're generally (in my field) quite useless. The reason I applied for where I did was because they offer a doctorate with a stipend and typically only accept people that did their Master's there. That and they're good names to have on a CV.
At the moment my parents are encouraging me to apply for Master's degrees that, in all likelihood, won't benefit me and don't justify the cost. I just feel a bit overwhelmed, really.
Despite saying that I'm thinking about getting a job and writing articles in my free time so I'll have a better application for next year (and applying for more places, and generally being better off financially) it seems like they don't want me to do that, and I don't really know why.
This whole corona thing hasn't really helped much with the job hunt, so that's probably going to set me back a few months.
On the upside I have an article that's about ready for publication now, and I suppose I could ask my (former) supervisor if she has any advice when I send it off for review.
Thanks for reading my blog.

>>44
Reading this I really sympathise with you. I was actually in a Masters program for Mathematics, and I am *so* glad that I went against the advice of my professors and parents and anyone else other than the 2 friends my age I have, and I dropped out of the program. As it happens, the program itself was in a very fluid state and I wasn't getting good research opportunities or even the choice of what to do my thesis on.
Anyways, to make a long story short I decided to get into a community college Network Security program, which might seem like going back down a couple of levels, and it is I guess, but since there are actual tangible certificates you can aim for, it seems more realistic as well to actually land a job afterwards.
I honestly couldn't figure out what job I could do with a Masters in Maths other than maybe Actuarial, and I didn't want to do that (and it doesn't require the Masters Degree anyways)… no one could tell me! So anyways TL;DR certifications and trade schools are actually often better if you want to actually get a job.
As a bonus the teachers and students I have met are mostly nice people as well.

>>49
This reply has been on my mind since it was posted, but I've had a hard time coming up with a response. I think what I'd like to say is that while trade school is probably a good idea, it seems a bit weird to go for when I plan on going back into academia as soon as possible.

As an update, one of the universities I applied for got back to me today and I've been waitlisted, and I suspect I stand a decent chance of getting accepted. The only problem is there's no way I could afford it without a (frankly, predatory) loan.
I'm leaning on rejecting it, and sending off stronger applications next year, and hopefully getting some financial aid. I guess the question is if another year is worth $30,000 or so in aid?
Whether I accept the offer or not, it has given me a lot of confidence knowing that I've been considered by the tenth best university in my field. I've had a lot of self-doubt these last few months, but maybe I'm not as bad as I thought. Hopefully this can be the motivation I need to get that second article written, and maybe take some online courses.

>>79
Congratulations OP. School is ridiculously and frighteningly expensive. Well, no matter what you're up to now, I hope you are well.

>>133
Thank you. Finance is certainly a big concern, and at this point I'm just banking on the scholarships I applied for.
I'm still a NEET, and ended up not applying for a PhD as I felt I wasn't quite ready. wrote an article and it's due to be published soon, which is more than some of my old lecturers can say, and should help me land a few offers.
My applications seem a lot stronger than last year's, so hopefully something gives. If not, I'll try to get a "normal" job and apply again next year. Maybe it's stupid to keep doing that, but it's what I want to do.

I had some problems socializing since I was in pre-school when I was only 5, but I had to change school when I was 11 and this new school I went to was full of wannabe thugs, one guy who studied in the class right next to mine was killed in a bottle fight in the same year.

I was beaten by said thugs mercilessly lots of times but the worst of it was when I was 13, starting back then I isolated myself, when I was 17 I found out 2 of my classmates were arrested for beating a tire repairman to death just for the hell of it.

I began working I was 23 but I improved very slowly, only when I was 29 I could say I became semi-functioning. Brb being surrounded by wannabe thugs and real deal killers was no good for my mind.

Not sure, feels like I was always like this. But looking at it realistically there would have been things in my childhood that precipitated it. Even from an age as early as five years I had a reputation among my parents and teachers as a gifted child and I had a dim awareness that the other kids around me were all somehow dumb. The awareness was dim because I did not really connect with my peers. Things stayed like that until the years leading up to me entering high school, where I started to notice that everyone around me seemed to be growing up and maturing faster than I was, and I began to fear that they would overtake me socially. That was probably what did it. I remember crying when year seven was over, knowing that things would never be comfortable in that way again.

>>65
That's wild anon! Good job hanging in there, I hope your improvement continues. we're all gonna make it bro

>>124
I know that feel. For me it's part anxiety and part trauma. You can try drinking some alcohol to dis-inhibit, and it's also helpful if you go with a friend who will be a social wingman for you, like introduce you to people and help drive the conversation towards things you have an easier time talking about, like your interests. If you don't have such a person you will just have to walk up to someone and be awkward. This is more difficult than it sounds, but you will feel great when it actually works, even if it's just a few minutes of conversation before you exhaust yourself. The social muscle needs to be exercised or it will atrophy, and exercise strengthens it. Like any exercise, it is painful when you start up doing it.

I got my start with out-of-highschool socializing by doing offline meets with people who shared my interests. It's easier to talk to someone offline if you have spent some time feeling them out online.

That said, I still do a lot of sitting around when I go to parties, but otherwise I stick around people I know and try to get in a few words with their friends who come talk to them. Networking is one of the easiest ways to increase your number of friends, because you can assume the new person is comfortable with your friend, so there will be some measure of compatibility.