/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

I think I'm this way by design. A mother is just a person. I'm weak, people can be weak, a mother can be weak. I've come to understand that the weak can be manipulative. They leech their being from other people in a really insidious way, people who aren't strong enough to tear them off. Having a baby is meant to be an extremely powerful experience. I think my mother felt that and couldn't face going back. I began to grow, her baby was leaving her, she couldn't take it, I was pruned. Cultivated to forever be reliant and incapable. And now like a smackhead who's built an immunity to the drug, she continues to go through the motions of extracting trace amounts of maternity from her neet.

>>393
I was feeling exactly like that a while ago, especially with the constant loneliness and co-dependency on me by others. Understandable.

I can't tell you how to fix your friendships, that's up to you. Albeit I can tell you what I did on my own. The biggest thing to creating healthy friendships for me is to find something you can do and talk about with them together regularly. It doesn't have to be as big as a shared hobby, a shared routine activity is enough. This allows you to open interactions on a tone that doesn't touch your or their emotions.

It might be obvious, but don't go around telling your friends about your worries if you do not want them to do the same to you. They might be fed up with your self-deprecating talk and will pour their emotions on you instead.

TL;DR: Find topics you can circle your conversations around, write down some conversation starters to use and try to derail any self-deprecating rants while respecting their needs (aka do not be that guy who is mean to sensitive people for no reason.)

OP here. Thanks for the encouragement. I worked my first real day at the new job yesterday.

I think I'm at least a little bit lucky, cuz it seems like I have a good team, and even the manager is pretty chill. Still disorganized as fuck though, it's Walmart. From what I read on r/walmart others aren't so lucky in that way.

The downside is this is a busy store, I'm working on the busiest days, and the evening shift which brings in all the weirdos. I already had a few, one guy paid for a car battery in ones. But at the same time, it's nice not to wake up to an alarm every morning. I also live in a place with a lot of immigration from literally everywhere, which wouldn't be a problem, except sometimes it's hard to communicate with customers if there's a problem. I don't even recognize half of the languages I heard.

>>386

>Everything about working at walmart sounds scary as fuck

Yeah, black friday and the holidays are gonna be here before I know it. We'll see how I really do come then.

>It's doubly impressive that you're sorting out insurance stuff in hopes of finding treatment

In my state we're legally required to have insurance, so I have to sign up for medicaid. I've been on it more or less since the beginning. They want me to renew this year I think because my old ID expired. One of my biggest fears is neglecting or messing up legal paperwork and having it fester for years only to get some big fine or jail time way later or some bullshit. maybe that's just my monkey brain scaring me though, lol.
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How did you pass the interview OP? I've had a couple interviews for retail positions in the pass but always spilled the spaghetti and didn't get them.

>>388
don't feel bad about the languages thing, a lot of people don't know more than their first unless they cared in school, especially americans. the key during those times is to be patient and speak slowly, not necessarily loudly. you can also try to complete sentences for foreigners in english and they'll usually nod excitedly at you if you get it right. obviously you could run into an impatient asshole, but no matter what corporate tells you you're still the one who's there to help in that moment or not, and that customer is practically indebted to you. don't be afraid to pass them along to someone else if you just aren't feeling it.

>>389

I think body language makes a difference. For a lot of NEETs with mental health issues they might accidentally give off "school shooter" vibes. I have issues, but it's not autism which can affect body language, it's probably OCD. My body language communicates more like an awkward nervous idiot, i'm constantly checking and trying to reassure myself and overthinking every little shift in tone and expression in the person i'm talking to. I also have facial tics which I don't see people mention or react too much thankfully. But, I maintain good eye contact, I have a sense of when to nod, agree, interject, etc. You don't need to be a savant of social intuition, i'm sure as hell not, but getting the basics down can go a long way. If you creep the interviewer out that's probably going to be a deal breaker, but being awkward isn't, it's an entry level job. be a little more aware of your body language is the best advice i can offer you.

>>390

Yeah, thanks. I grew up here so I'm familiar with talking to people who don't have the best english. I already had to abort one guy's order cuz I couldn't understand what he wanted, his card wasn't working and he just stared at me confused when I said anything.

*hands me item and two receipts* "Are you returning?" "yesyesyesyesyes"

"Okay, you gotta go to customer service for that, I can't help you." *stares blankly* "Customer service?" "nononono" *hands me a gift card and points to receipt saying it has $50*

"Okay, you're buying then?" "yesyesyesyesyes"

I scan the items and put the gift card in, register says card is invalid "This card is invalid, you can go to customer service to sort it out if you want" *stares blankly for a solid minute*
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Congratulations, op. 8-year neet year as well, I'm not exactly looking or a job but I'm a hiki as well for 7 years who's planning to move out and possibly readjust myself for the real world.

That's good you're seeking treatment for your undiagnosed problems, I have a feeling I too have thing undiagnosed but still am a little wary of going to get them diagnosed. Maybe I'm a bit afraid of what I'll find out about myself.

sharpening up my communication skills is also a future goal of mine and would like to be able to small talk like everybody else face-to-face. Best of luck

OP again.

>>362
Hi 362! How are you doing? I've read your post around the time you shared it and today It randomly came to my mind. How are things going? Hope all is well. Remember that if you mess up you can always try again. I've failed as well, and nothing wrong with that, i think.

To quote >>361,
>Just get back into the rhythm once you're ready again.

>>361
Thank you for your words anon, I think I'm way too compulsive about beating myself over this, but you're right I believe.

>>360
Yes, as much as I wouldn't like to admit so to myself. Recently a relative of mine sold some parts of his old gaming computer and gave me the GPU as a late birthday gift, so while that's nice, it obviously hasn't really done me much good. However I am fully aware that is in my own decision. Which makes it sting more.

I really want to start working again because it gave me something to look forward to other than new Yotsubato volumes. But one day Yotsubato will end as well and I will really need something that I can look forward to my whole life and will help me in my life as well
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>>368
Things aren’t too bad thanks for asking. It is pretty rough for someone like me to be working a socially oriented job but I’m managing pretty well, usually in the early morning most customers don’t even talk. The last jobs I had were full time and this one is only part time so it’s quite a bit easier and gives me more time in the day so I’m working on getting back to eating well and lifting weights.
All in all, so far so good. I’m planning on keeping this job til I’ve saved up a decent amount and I even calculated the amount I have to set aside for nicotine, caffeine, supplements, gas, and food. The rest goes to saving, once I’ve saved the amount I want I think I’ll switch to a less social job and maybe get an apartment around that time

>>371
Well since I talked about the job I got a few months ago guess an update is an order with what’s going on now. I was going to call out earlier this week on Sunday, just felt shitty and didn’t want to go knowing the place would be bad and they’d make me wait way too long for someone to cover me to use bathroom or leave. I also knew it would be busy and I’d be stretched thin so I just really did not want to work but nobody answered my call to call out. In my months of working there I’ve only called out one time in the first month.
Monday though, Monday I really just said fuck it didn’t even try to call. So now I’ve fallen into an old habit. A rough one at that considering it’s how I went from working my first job after graduating into a full NEET after faking a whole month after only one month of actual work.
I did already plan to quit, I know this isn’t the way to go about it and the fact I didn’t actually *want* to be a cashier again I just needed a job so I wouldn’t get kicked out after being NEET for the second time in my life. It should also be said I think they took my no call as quit cause a coworker told the supervisor I said I was gonna quit if they keep taking forever to get someone to cover me to use bathroom and leave, not even just frequently but everyday. I didn’t actually tell him I would quit but that was the last day I actually worked so maybe that’s how they took it. My schedule on the app emptied out this weeks and the next two weeks are normal then the third is empty as well. So I don’t think I’m going back. I’ll basically do what I did before even if I have to fake a month again.
That’s really it, I’m probably gonna end up NEET again and I quit in the worst possible way. I’ll update again sometime

As a NEET I can't say this is very encouraging. After highschool I went to work in various factories and warehouses for at least 4 years so I know what it's like. None of them went anywhere. You spend 8-12 hours a day in a hot, filthy, noisy environment often lifting heavy objects for minimum wage, no benefits, no chance of a promotion or raise, and only the bare minimum legally required break time.

Sometimes I regret becoming a NEET but reading these posts has just done the opposite for me. It's reminded me of why I became NEET in the first place.

I hate being a NEET also though, I don't mean to encourage NEETdom. But if you can get a job in an office then please be grateful. I would love an office job of any kind. No matter how boring it is, as long as I am not breathing in toxic dust and sweating my ass off next to ex-convicts.

>>383
Honestly fuck amazon and all the other similar shitty warehouses, everything about that short part of my life was the most soul draining thing I've yet encountered. I'd get near run over almost daily and breaks were a total joke, I wouldn't even consider myself lazy.
I think I still developed a nostalgia for it though since I did get lucky enough to meet two people my age into otaku culture, I'm still sad sometimes that I accidentally ghosted them lol. The ex-convicts thing was also a kind of fun part for me though, there were at least lots of weird people you'd never see again to get talking experience or stories from.

>>339
What if you can't help yourself though? Mental illnesses can be so severe that they can't be properly treated, like schizophrenia and autism. At a certain point, people can't really be held responsible for their own self-improvement.

>>342
I mean, as long as we are able to live independently, hold a job, pay rent, etc., we are definitely responsible for ourselves. People like severe autists are unable to do that, and shouldn't be judged harshly. I can only speak from my own position: I have moved out and live alone. It's terrifying because I have no one nearby to help, and only I can take steps to improve my situation. Wizardchan and other sites seem good for providing a sense of belonging and companionship, maybe also sympathy, but browsing it did not help me at all in practical terms, in fact it only dragged me down. I don't know shit and cannot help you guys, let alone myself. I just wanted to share my experience.

I hope this is the right thread.
I've been hikki/neet for almost 7 years since graduating highschool and started finally just working at a "real job" last week. It went okay, I've always been painfully nervous around people and was never able to make friends during school, but I've never super offensive or anything at least, so I feel like nobody really hates me or anything yet hopefully. I just have to remember not to say too much all the time unless I want to make someone visibly uncomfortable. My brother was nice enough to let me work for him for two months before this so I had at least a little bit of social conditioning I guess, but everything still feels like it's just a dream. Lying about little things makes it easier to fake being likeable, andU honestly it seems like a lot of people out there are pretty insecure and stuff on their own despite being a lot more normal, so I think it's opening my eyes a little bit.
I actually couldn't make it through this whole first work week and had to call off on friday for some made up reason since I couldn't stop uncontrollably crying. Somehow I'm not stressed about possibly losing the job or not for taking a day off so early, but I hope nobody's too angry with me come monday, I don't know. I never went to college because I didn't want to be in a place where people could remember me, all I've done this whole time is pretend to be an artist or something, there's so much time I regret wasting. I've been very slowly opening up this year and I can at least finally make blog posts like this, I'm sorry if this was really autistic and boring to read through but it's actually kind of nice reading similar stories and maybe getting responses instead of just lurking all the time.
TL;DR It gets lonely really quickly in real life, especially when it also sort of feels like I'm losing part of myself in a way. It's a little late but I'm glad this place is here, I can cope while trying to get my life back.

I got a job some years ago in an office, the job isn't actually hard and i learnt the very basics of social interacton just enough so i don't behave like an alien.

I'm paid enough to get by but my work colleagues are horrible, all of them are lunatics and extremely aggressive, they all hate me and every day try to make me quit.

That's the only reason i hate going to work every day, but i'm looking for another job with better colleagues and also better pay, I still have no goals in life though.

hi ubuu,

i apologize in advance for the post itself, it might sound extremely
cringe-y to you. i never write shit like this so i can't tell very well
how it comes off as on a dead yume nikki imageboard

relatively reclusive with a short temper. i can get very angry
sometimes but otherwise i'm fine. very melancholic. i haven't really
socialized much in my life especially the past few years but had a
pretty comfortable life up until then. my parents work abroad.

i have moved back here(in my home country) about one and a half years
ago and started working and being on my own. this in sharp contrast to
what had been up until then (can't say i've had a great life but it
was comfortable by everyday standards).
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>>185
some of the fedverse sites (as in federated network, not glowing people) are kinda good. IRC can still be good if you know where to go, but its quite cliquey and people are very protective of their own little patches, wary of new ppl. i really think that the higher the barrier to entry (as in; technical knowledge) the better the community tends to be, for me personally anyway. i use discord to talk to friends from the realworld but its absolute trash, i hate the design and and the stupid little noises it makes.
People always complain that the internet that we all know is dead, but obviously it is. the wild west was never going to last forever, its just gone more self-hosted. there isn't a company on the face of this earth that would host the shit we all used to talk about circa 2005.
Seek and ye shall find dudes !

>>186
I have been seeking for years and found nothing, but thank you.

>I can't make any connection with these people that has any meaning beyond the superficial.
Do you try to fit in with society or are you actually trying to bond with people? If the former, then it's no wonder lol. Unironically be yourself and keep an open mind, but have a resolve of steel and be prepared to be treated like a weirdo by oversocialized people. You'll eventually find at least someone similar to yourself.

>>120
I dunno man, I'd love to not *have* to work, but wage society demands so. Being a NEET doesn't necessarily imply being a hikki, you know?

>>117
Yes and no. Sound like we walked fairly similar paths (also working towards my PhD and people have completely 180'd their opinions on me as a result). I don't think I'll ever be able to relate to normies but I think that works to your advantage.

What kind of PhD you working on? Something you find yourself quiet passionate about? I'm doing spider ecology with a blend of taxonomy (it's been my passion since childhood) and being super passionate about something normies don't get or understand is like crack for normies. They keep inviting me to do educational and social things (on bad days I feel like they want me to dance for them like some kind of clown, but the more and more I do it, the more and more fun I'm having) and it's building my confidence up nicely. If you feel like you have the spare energy, talk to some local volunteer groups related (even loosely) to your PhD topic and throw some educational volunteer work under your belt. It's true that we may never be able to relate to normies, but when you swim in the same waters as them enough, you'll notice that relating to them isn't the only way to interface with them. Some of them truly appreciate us oddities for what we are and want to hear what we have to say.

Don't sell yourself short eh? You made it to the PhD phase, normie or not, you've got the skills, now you just have to show them off a little!

>>186
this post inspired me to apply for a job at the NSA and join the fedverse

>>364
I said it to OP and I'll say it to you. Why aren't you entitled to kindness, at the very least respect and dignity? This is a basic tenet of self confidence, but also healing, and this is the recovery board. I can even find you some sources if you insist, but regardless, I believe OP is entitled to all of the above and so are you. Take care, anon. Sage out of politeness to OP.

>>352
This is a purely anecdotal story, but i think it might help you. I believe a lot of my mental illness stems from bullying and humiliation in my early and teenage years. It made me believe i was undeserving to even talk so people could hear me. I was so afraid of someone hearing what i was saying and starting something on me for it. I've been diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and GAD, and i believe the manic episodes are the bodys natural defence to extreme levels of depression. I used to self harm, ive fucked my arm up, I have nerve damage in it. I used to binge drink, I fractured my skull, eye socket and had to get a finger amputated because it got ripped off in a particularly stupid drunken incident. My stepdad is abusive, he's got violent with me multiple times, and he is extremely manipulative. I've been forcibly hospitalized multiple times. I think I might have and idea what you're going through
After all this, and only recently, I finally realised im deserving of things like basic human decency. I am maybe good enough to have someone actually like me, not love, but it's a good first step. Maybe you can too, it's just a mindset, you need to believe it for it to be true. Your thoughts create your reality, if you only think in negatives, your life will be negative. Notice I used the word believe a lot.

I don't know where else to post this. I had a big long blogpost typed up but I don't want to post it. It's too personal and too embarrassing. I don't want or expect anybody to reply to this. I'm sorry to make a stupid whiny attention whoring post like this but I have no idea what to do at all. I wish I was dead

>>352
I'm getting frustrated since we're facing the same problem. I end up asking myself "why would I want someone though?" and just do something else. Everytime I have these thoughts I realize I wasn't doing anything pertaining to my career or schedule.

>>376
I'd like to read you.

>>376
Please do post it. Don't be afraid to express yourself. I'll read it at least.

>>373
Normal people usually have goals related to their daily lives. A lot of them are really boring.

My advice would be to create goals for yourself at work. If you hate the job, think about what aspects of it are getting to you and try to look at them in a different way.

You can also create projects for yourself to work on. See how fast you can organize these items, try talking to at least three coworkers, bring a notebook and draw in it, etc. Make a game out of this, which will pass the time quicker.

>>373
Goals don't necessarily have anything to do with working, you may or may not work, that doesn't change your goal of becoming the greatest Minecraft youtuber in the world Anon.

…one day

I like to think that since the current 2020-2021 topic, there's alot more emphasis on working from home. Especially in the tech industry.

I'm sure you'll find a job or two that will accept people working from home.
Personally I prefer working somewhere else because I get too distracted at home and I loose focus quickly.

>>306
>programming or computer science
Oh God there's so many of us in the same field.
I'm a com sci guy and I work from home, it's not unrealistic for that career, the best piece of advice I can give you is that it's a trap.

It sucks exactly as much as your regular job, the general situation varies depending on your employeer, but the second you procrascinate you're DEAD, because you WILL give excuses for your delayed work, it WILL pile up and the day will come when you will realize you're surrounded by your own bullshit excuses, the only real benefit is that you can stop caring about clothes as much.

In other words, you will have to work just as hard, while also avoiding the temptation of jumping into your favourite MMORPG to help your sinking shithole of a guild because everyone there is a fucking noob that can't do anything on their own and keeps trying to cause drama and okay I'll stop projecting.

op here

saw psychiatrist today and got dose raised to max and getting refill soon, feels good to make that first step after ive been putting it off for months and months

honestly wouldnt have done it if it wasnt for my friends being obnoxious assholes and pushing me but it feels good right now, im not gonna get my hopes up too quickly because feelings can drop so quickly but today was a good day, thank you for your responses

>>306
OP, I'd be very careful about working from home. While it is very flexible, you'll likely find that your very own home becomes more of a workplace in your mind. This could make you feel less relaxed overall, because it's now associated with 8+ hours of work five days a week. It's no longer "home sweet home", so to speak.

2006-2015: 375% increase in CS majors
2006-2015: 20% increase in number of software-related jobs