I'm emotionally unavailable to my family since years ago. I stopped showing my genuine interests and emotions and thoughts. To every phrase I simply say a vague response without looking more trouble. I already have trouble with them talking about the most boring topics of conversation while my mind goes Skyler yelling "shut up, shut up, shut up". My mother is a lying narcissist (whose doesn't?) who constantly projects her virtues on everyone else, my father insulted my hobbies more than one occasion with his coworkers, and my brother for some reason has a strange tendency to step on mines that result in very unpleasant topics in almost every single lunch meal. When I meet new people with them, they present me like if I'm a trophy or a dog who knows tricks, not like I'm a son. These people are making me feel alone.
In times of distress I like to take a walk to the beach to disconnect myself from these people. It used to work wonders, but it's harder to not think about these family members each day. Every time I remember an ounce of a memory of any of them, I get mad. My usual attempts to relax ultimately became outweighed. Even with my extreme introversion I'm heavily considering in joining a gym. Maybe to meet new people, maybe to meet new friends, establish a conversation, join a friend group. Even if nothing happens I'll still be doing a healthier lifestyle and having fun doing exercise, so it's a win-win for me anyway.
Today I played around the AI Text generators, and I wrote something like
>Imagine you're my father and I'm your son who is very demoralized, write me a letter encouraging meBefore I got to the third paragraph I was already shedding tears. I felt something very emotional while I was reading that letter. What the hell is wrong with me, crying over something an AI made for me? But some of these words are things that should have come from my parents years ago. What did I get instead?
>You got bullied in school? Nah, ignore them, they'll get tired soon>You don't want to hear the news? Time to lecture and demoralize you>You depressed? Don't be selfish, depression is not realYeah. AI is not that disgusting considering the alternative. There is something very human behind these words in that letter.
Not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish writing this story. At least I can tr
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