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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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Seeing as absolutely everyone misread the /hikki/ rules sticky and used it to draw apocalyptic conclusions about the death of all that was good about /n/, here's a less flippant sticky with less room for ambiguity, in the form of a Q&A. We've also made some concessions based on your feedback in thread >>13, which was moved to /sugg/ for being meta.

What is allowed on this board? What is its purpose?
On this board you can discuss and request or give advice regarding NEETism, Hikikomoriism, anxieties and social or mental issues arising from these conditions of living, and things closely related to these topics. If you're content with being a NEET at this stage in your life, that's ok, and you won't get in trouble for saying so. The board's primary focus is self-help and advice regarding these issues, and particularly help in escaping the NEET lifestyle, but this focus is not exclusive. Despite rumors, threads looking for help with suicidal feelings or drug addition are also allowed.

What is not allowed on this board?
* Encouraging others to become NEET.
* Attacking or discouraging others for being NEET.
* Giving or requesting advice on how to enter the NEET lifestyle.
* Encouraging or showcasing drug usage.
* Announcing your planned suicide. Call a hotline or something just don't do it here or it becomes my legal responsibility.
* Helping others to plan or commit suicide.
* Topics not related to the purpose of the board. Such topics will be moved.
* Intentionally breaking these rules or the global rules will still result in a warning or ban.
* Rule 6 is enforced more liberally on /hikki/. Users may be banned from /hikki/ for inflammatory remarks in cases which might not result in a ban on other boards.
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I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. In my life I met many shy people that had trouble socializing but no one was ever even close to being on my level. I may not be the person with the most social anxiety on the planet but it wouldn't surprise me if I was in the top 100. I'm so awkward I can't even interact with my mother or my other family members. suicide might be a pussy move when there's a chance that your life will get better, but when you're like me it's the only reasonable thing to do. I don't know what comes after this life but if there's an hell I'm not afraid of going there. I doubt it could be much more painful than my current existence. At least there only god would judge me. I wouldn't have to deal with my family's stares and their opinions about me. I wouldn't have to deal with the shame that is my existence.
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there probably arent video games in the afterlife even if there is one


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If nothing matters, why fear the opinion or judgement of your parents or those around you?

Use this mindset to start somewhere with talking or socializing, maybe pickup a few hobbies?


If you're in top 100, I must be in top 10. The way you write is articulate enough to look like there's a normal person behind the screen.


As if being reductive adds to the thread.
Social anxiety isn’t a tool to judge people.


If socializing irl is difficult, then how about gradually ramping up the complexity of your online interactions until they mirror irl socializing? Going from text typing to voice chatting to eventually video calls with people you trust in a comfortable community can help. As much as everyone on the boards shits on it, discord is pretty good alongside vrchat and other chat games.

It’s really difficult to restart a negative social history with any person, even more so with a family member. Finding new people to be with is always preferable to solitude, but it’s just as hard. Meeting online friends irl or going to groups centred around common interest after exchanging a few emails with members is possible, but isn’t a one-size-fits-all method.

Finding a medium of expression, whether it be verbally, visually, a blog, or whatever works in time, is what I want to stress. Alongside this, actively looking at literature and arts as a mirror to learn more about yourself is helpful in giving yourself the ammunition and motive to express, as well as acting as a hobby.

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Anyone here has an absolute lack of motivation to do anything? Usually I find it hard to relate to other people because they mention having a hobby, having "only one friend" or even a girlfriend. Well, I have neither of those.

I have a really hard time to start doing things because of this lack of motivation, but when I finally find something I like, I usually get bored or tired of doing it in like… 2 days or so. With friends, I also have this social anxiety, I can't look at other people's eyes and can't even start a conversation. And the worst part is that whenever I feel like we're finally becoming friends or having a good relationship, I have no idea why but I start feeling uncomfortable around them at the point that I start avoiding them…

So, after a few years being a hikki, I finally got slightly motivated to find a way to move to Japan. I studied a bit and got a scholarship to study in a Japanese university. Well… It's been more than a year already, and after the first month here I stopped going to classes, made no friends and have no motivation to do anything at all again. I basically buy enough food for a few weeks, store everything inside the fridge (which is just next to my bed) and don't go out of the bed until I start feeling really hungry.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you usually find motivation to start doing something new?


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>Anyone here has an absolute lack of motivation to do anything?

I surely do. After leading a "normal and promising" life, after having many friends and having been through many relationships, everything went south a while ago. Since then, day by day, I'm getting increasingly life-weary, disillusioned, cold and cynical.

I couldn't be bothered with people anymore, as I know, from experience, that they will eventually stab me in the back.

I couldn't be bothered with hobbies anymore, as all the things I used to enjoy are now tainted with painful memories.

I couldn't be bothered with languages anymore, as the country I'd like to move to will never issue me a residency permit anyway. Gangsters, petty criminals and unskilled laborers from neighbour countries keep on swarming there, but they are okay with that. It's me (and a few others who are genuinely interested in their country and their culture) who they have to protect their nation from.

>I also have this social anxiety, I can't look at other people's eyes and can't even start a conversation.

I believe it has nothing to do with how social you are. There are many hikikomori who are excellent artists/musicians, and are really productive. And here I am, the polar opposite of what you described, yet, I'm in the same place as you are.

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hey guise
what's the longest period you've been without a bath?
I haven't showered in 5 days, my record is 2 weeks
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last bath/shower was August 8th, 2018. Haven't washed at all since.
I used to shower twice a day because it felt good but I just don't have access to clean running water right now.


With the exception of basic (where I think I went the first five or so weeks without showering) I get to feeling too gross by the time I hit day four to procrastinate any longer on it. I don't feel too bad about missing a day, but yeah. Four is the absolute limit for me.


one month
i was 10 at the time and had summer vacation, i thought it'd be funny to walk around and annoy people by being stinky. i laughed my ass off the whole time people walked away
thankfully i know better now and i try to rinse myself off of the daily muck i produce


Just over 4 weeks. When I was younger in school we had summer holidays, I didn't leave my bedroom and spent it playing wow, watching harem and jacking off. Eventually my dad told me to have a shower. For some reason I just don't get disgusted by my own odor. Even if my room is a mess it doesn't bother me at all. I'm told my room must remain tidy but I struggle to understand why. I do shower regularly though for the sake of my skin and odor around others.


I regularly go one week without bathing. The longest period I have gone without bathing was one month.

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I don't know where to turn at this point so I'm just gonna post this here. Not even sure if it's on topic for this board but whatever.

I gave in to the waifu thing and have been in love with a fictional character and considered myself in a relationship with him for a little over three years. I had a tulpa of him which I'm unsure if he was around before or after I fell in love. He has since disappeared. It was due to something that happened but it's romantic melodrama. My issue is that I lived my life in a body with someone else, someone who I loved, trusted, and couldn't be without for three years. But I made a mistake and he disappeared.

I want him back in my life but I can't help but feel like it'd be impossible to separate our romantic relationship. I am currently with someone else and I honestly don't think I could ever go back to being with him in a relationship. But I want him back in my life…It's selfish considering I'm with the person who sort of was the catalyst to our relationship ending. It'd probably be hard for him.

I have no idea how to handle the situation if I even can get him to talk to me at all. I'm really just desperate at this point and have no idea who I'd turn to. My situation is very atypical. I just hope someone can give me advice of even just comfort me maybe.
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I think your mind might be prioritizing your real life partner over the tulpa, perhaps recreating your tulpa in the context of a mutual friendship might work


I've been with both fictional and real life. For me it's just who i fall in love with, not who they are. My current significant other is real and also knows about everything relating to this more or less.

Advice for you would be to let go of it. Regardless if they can date real people vs fictional, they're with someone else and as long as they're happy and not in a bad situation you should accept that and step back. I had a friendship not ruined but made awkward because my friend never wanted to get over me because he figured a fictional character wasn't serious enough or a phase or whatever, but it was pretty shitty to have him treat my relationship that way. If you value their friendship I'd honestly just cut it out and wait and see if they ever are willing to take the step with you before making a move.

It was basically just taking my tup for granted when we were together and the first sign of someone else who i could be with I guess it just caused him to leave. It was before I was even with my current SO. So it was never prioritizing my partner because it happened before that was a thing. When he left and we split I just didn't focus on him at all either because I didn't want to bother him if he was upset. And honestly I didn't even think it was much of anything at first. There's been times I hadn't felt him around for a few days, but then days turned into weeks, and months. I was waiting for him to talk to me about everything too. He never answered just left.


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i think tulpas are very sensitive to your mental state, so if you begin to focus on someone else with the same kind of relationship context as your tulpa, it may disappear.

i'd recommend to perhaps follow the same steps and bring him back as a close friend/confidant


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That's a pretty good idea, and sort of what I've thought about doing, but now seeing it in writing makes it much clearer of a choice. Thank you.

I don't want to go into too much detail since too much discussion is probably not allowed but I plan on tripping on dxm tonight and have been rewatching the series he is from. Hopefully it helps me talk to him in some way.


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being alone for so long has stunted my ability to talk so much that i can barely construct full sentences in my head, let alone hold a conversation with anyone
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Wrong, false. While people can and do bullshit, a lot of the times, they'll actually feel bad in the moment but wont take meaningful action or still give a shit five minutes later.


You have a point but I wouldn't say that "suffer" is the right word. Most of the time I do get overwhelmed around people who are in a bad situation, but the decision to care or not is something else. I tend to keep distance especially if I can't help.


I respect hikkies as i am hikki too. And i assume problem desribed here is not a simple one like "my girl dont apriciate my football skill"

Profesional help. Do you have emough money for that?

The way you look on it depends.

It is a question like "my wife is simulating in the bed what i should feel about it?". Normal person dont give a fuck is it simulation or not. Feel-ish bu normally-egoistic person would thank "wife" because she put an effort to please that person.
But only a depressive one would feels tricked and cheated.

Depression is a internal suffering. Watch Sapolsky.


> they give a shit five minutes later
They are also aware of this, hence they avoid people, who make them feel bad. Who wouldn't?


I used to have this severely, it was like being someone who broke his legs learning to walk again. Since then I have always made sure to talk to myself regularly, or otherwise risk losing my ability to construct sentences. I think you have to treat you ability to speak like you treat you physical ability, use it or lose it.

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 No.254[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

How old are you?

ADMIN NOTE: This discussion is OK again since the change to Rule #1.
173 posts and 57 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


I'm 21. I've been a NEET since I left high school when I was 17.


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2 decades since may
I've never worked a day of my life except helping family with construction and landscaping odd jobs


lol didnt meant to post oekaki orz


31 recently.
My life is really weird.

On the one hand, I have a decent programmer job, and I there's a couple thas good friends of mine, and allowed me to contact some high up people such as euro-parliamentarians and other influencial people. We are shaking up some things.

Besides those, I spend all my time alone. I had an exgf a few years ago but it went to shit after college. For some reason I don't manage to make any new friends and I don't really care about gfs anymore, so I just kind of live in a void.

I also know way more than I should about meditation, the occult, and other things…

I've had some ridiculous experiences, like chasing a suicidal schizo around a town, along with the police and the taxi company.

All those things may look like my life is fun, but it's actually being alone, browsing niche stuff, meditating and nothing happening until one of these crazy events happen, I'm a magnet for them.

If life were a script, I'd really want to meet the writer, and ask him wtf did he smoke when he wrote mine! Not that I'd complain though, it's not bad, just bizarre. I'm not a NEET, yet normal people feel like aliens to me. The feeling is probably mutual.


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I'm a peaceful and squeamish guy. I even feel sorry for killing bugs
even so, I took an interest in the army and the navy (I'm not a yank). there's something so cool about their disciplined and hard life, how those institutions can whip people without courage, without a purpouse, a goal, or a skill into shape. it truly is a beautiful thing to behold. I like how they harden mind and body just so average joes can face the unexpected. plus you learn cool things too, from survival techniques to self-defense and trades
and hey, paying you to learn all these things is great

still, I can't even think about myself harming someone else, and that's the biggest downside. it's pretty much what they train you for, too. are there any other similar careers that teach you similar values but don't revolve around harming others? I was thinking about becoming a fireman or a park ranger. similar enough?
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I have a hard time dealing with people, and that's what I fear the most about being in the military
just what you said kinda gave away what types of people you can find there, and that's what I expected to: from sociopathic murder machines that jerk off to assault rifles to overgrown schoolyard bullies who act all grr big strong macho man
I wanna have a good time and meet nice people, like everyone else

so yeah fireman might be too much for me, and I always wanted to be a ranger. I love the outdoors. the problem is the job market. I'm not sure how stable and ample it is for rangers. getting a job as one seems difficult too (because of the requirements. they seem to surpass whatever you can learn at college), and I don't understand very well how to get a position either


>from sociopathic murder machines that jerk off to assault rifles to overgrown schoolyard bullies who act all grr big strong macho man

…and you forgot the "My life sucks, so I'll make sure everyone else's will do so as well!" people.

>the problem is the job market. I'm not sure how stable and ample it is for rangers

I would say pretty stable, given that one's really dedicated, which you seem to be. I could imagine the dropout rate to be really high. People take this up as it seems all serene and idyllic, only to leave after their first late autumn/winter out in the wilderness. Many people say how they are "outdoor type" and how they love nature, but they eventually learn the had way that there's a difference between going to hiking/camping whenever one feels like (and when the weather is nice), and being out in the wild all the time.

>they seem to surpass whatever you can learn at college

Certainly, it covers quite a broad range subjects. Forestry, biology, fire prevention and firefighting, and so on. But they will certainly train you. So you shouldn't really be worried about what you don't know yet, you will have ample time to learn everything.

>and I don't understand very well how to get a position either

As I don't know which country are you from, I can't really give any advice on this. But rangers are almost always under the command of the ministry of agriculture and forestry. So their office would be the first place I'd go.


sound advice and great numbers
thank you fren uwu
I'm argentinian btw


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You could try Bariloche, although I'm not sure whether they're hiring people or not, what with the economy fucked up and that shit.


>I'm argentinian btw

I see. In that case, I still can't give you any direct advice, as I'm from within the EU.

But good luck nonetheless, and keep us updated on your progress!

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I'm sure most here have their own summer bug horror stories. Last summer (for example) I had a plastic container sitting around untampered with for god knows how long and when I opened it one day it had an entire thriving ecosystem inside it. My nose is broken so rotten food junk/fermented piss does not bother me at all but bugs drive me insane.


Those look like carpet beetle I think. They can produce allergic reactions in some people resulting in symptoms similar to bedbug bites. The symptoms are caused by the fine hairs that they shed which pierce the skin.


Try to look up picture of rooms/houses in far worse conditions than your own, that kind of stuff usually motivates me to clean like there was no tomorrow.



Not trying to be insulting but, if you got to that point, just cleaning won't cut it. Those things will hatch and lay eggs all over the place, incredibly hard to remove because they stick on surfaces / crevices. Might actually need to clear the room of all furniture and go at it with a pest removal service.


>17 become stoner/NEET hybrid
>only go to school to score weed
>have old apple pipes stashed in desk drawer
>fruit flies form a colony on their
>amazed my high ass looking at the rows of fruit fly maggots on my old pipe
>another time eat a piece of shitty fudge because of the munchies
>didn't like it so tossed it in a cup and left it on dresser
>weeks later look in it and its teeming with maggots, not fruit fly either as they are much bigger
it was pretty much one summer that all this happened because I got an ounce of shitty mexican regs that itself was full of dead bugs and just got high as fuck for 2 months on end

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When I have to interact with people, quite often, they will find a way to misinterpret my anxiety. There are many misinterpretations, but they all seem to revolve around the other person involved. They think I must only be anxious because of them, not realizing that people with social anxiety are pretty much always anxious around people, except perhaps around their family members or a small group of friends. But around people they don't know, they will be anxious.

I have been accused of racism for being anxious around non-white people at my college's cafeteria, despite the fact that I get social anxiety around white people too. One time, a female counselor implied that I must be anxious around women, not understanding that I am anxious around men too. People have said thinks like "anon is bad at talking to girls" or "or anon gay?" but I am just bad at talking to people in general. Saying I'm "bad at talking to girls" implies that I'm good at talking to guys, which is not true.

The female counselor I saw sent me to a male counselor in the same counseling office place and I was anxious around him too. He seemed to take it personally and thought it was about him as an individual. Very unprofessional across the board. He also asked me about drugs and alcohol and I told him about my drinking, and so he thought I must be anxious because of drinking too often (it's the opposite: I drink too much to cope with anxiety, not the other way around).

Another time, someone invited me to volunteer at a homeless shelter. I was sleep-deprived and also still had social anxiety, because I always have it, and being in a situation where I had to serve people food and talk to them made it especially bad. The person who invited me implied that I was afraid of homeless people, even though they've seen how I act around other people.

A final example was how I was invited by my friend to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. They are extremely loud and outgoing and it was a little intimidating with all the questions and being put on the spot a few times. My friend thought I really enjoyed checking my phone, when in reality I was only doing it to avoid making eye contact or to cope with my extreme anxiety.

I don't get the impression that very many people truly understand what I'm going through, and these accusations make it even worse.

Have people ever misinterpreted your mental health issues? If so, what happened?
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>Have people ever misinterpreted your mental health issues?
All the time. My family likes to pretend that mental disorders that aren't overtly crippling don't exist. They barely consider autism a disorder if you're more functioning than the furthest people on the spectrum. It's always "Why are you even sad? There's nothing to be sad about" or "Stop being so shy!" when it comes to my manic depression and crippling anxiety.

The only one who doesn't do that is my dad, who treats it like some sort of sick competition. Whenever someone tries to talk about mental health and mentions something they have, 99.9% of the time you'll immediately hear "I HAVE THAT, TOO!!". You know he treats it like a competition because it's never to sympathize, only to direct everyone's attention toward him.


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Your dad might be a narcissist. Those are typical symptoms. Maybe look into that, and don't overlook covert narcissism. I've noticed how much extra attention narcissism seems to get in self-help circles.


Sounds about right, he demonstrates most of if not all the symptoms with constant gaslighting thrown into the mix for flavor.


Do you suppose that might have been projection on your Aunt's behalf, anon? How is she around other people, and your parents in particular? Is she emotionally manipulative?


>That's why I think positive experiences won't cure anxiety entirely.
>You can't possibly train yourself to overcome fear over all social situations
Sorry for selectively quoting. I agree with the second sentence, but not with what I feel is the spirit of the first. In my experience, it is the case that ``healing experiences of successful social interactions'' only train for similar social situations. However, it is also my experience that this is enough. Maybe I live a monotonous life, but being able to deal with a limited amount of social interaction already allows me to deal with the majority of social interaction. Isn't that enough?

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