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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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When I have to interact with people, quite often, they will find a way to misinterpret my anxiety. There are many misinterpretations, but they all seem to revolve around the other person involved. They think I must only be anxious because of them, not realizing that people with social anxiety are pretty much always anxious around people, except perhaps around their family members or a small group of friends. But around people they don't know, they will be anxious.

I have been accused of racism for being anxious around non-white people at my college's cafeteria, despite the fact that I get social anxiety around white people too. One time, a female counselor implied that I must be anxious around women, not understanding that I am anxious around men too. People have said thinks like "anon is bad at talking to girls" or "or anon gay?" but I am just bad at talking to people in general. Saying I'm "bad at talking to girls" implies that I'm good at talking to guys, which is not true.

The female counselor I saw sent me to a male counselor in the same counseling office place and I was anxious around him too. He seemed to take it personally and thought it was about him as an individual. Very unprofessional across the board. He also asked me about drugs and alcohol and I told him about my drinking, and so he thought I must be anxious because of drinking too often (it's the opposite: I drink too much to cope with anxiety, not the other way around).

Another time, someone invited me to volunteer at a homeless shelter. I was sleep-deprived and also still had social anxiety, because I always have it, and being in a situation where I had to serve people food and talk to them made it especially bad. The person who invited me implied that I was afraid of homeless people, even though they've seen how I act around other people.

A final example was how I was invited by my friend to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. They are extremely loud and outgoing and it was a little intimidating with all the questions and being put on the spot a few times. My friend thought I really enjoyed checking my phone, when in reality I was only doing it to avoid making eye contact or to cope with my extreme anxiety.

I don't get the impression that very many people truly understand what I'm going through, and these accusations make it even worse.

Have people ever misinterpreted your mental health issues? If so, what happened?
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They do. As a rule, good experiences that are the polar opposite of the bad experiences you've had help healing.


Basically everyone in highschool thought I'm an asshole because I didn't say hello or talked to them. Even a fucking teacher called me out and said I'm a bad person for doing that to my classmates. Like they couldn't even imagine it can be hard for someone to do.


Normalfags really have no emotional intelligence


I'm not sure if I had social anxiety because almost everyone stared at me, or the other way around. What the fuck was so interesting about me that they felt the need to stare? I dressed in nondescript single-color clothes, combed my hair like Chad, and walked normally. Or was it that they can tell I'm trying not to make eye contact? They can tell what you're looking at, so maybe they can tell what you're averting your gaze from? Similar to the MC in "Watashi ni Shinasai", my look of terror may have been misinterpreted as a cold glare, minus the glasses.


Yeah, it's the body language. Also if you have a "resting face" you're pretty much evil for them.

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Ever consider taking a vow of silence?

Like I get so tired of people calling me stupid or retarded… or just giving me *that* look. It would be so much easier to just shut up forever.
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NEETs/hikkis tend to have issues like anxiety and depression, right? Aren't psychopaths people who lack empathy or feelings? I think that, in order to be a NEET/hikki, you have to feel emotions too intensely. Social anxiety is caused by thinking about other people's judgments too much. If someone was a psychopath (or maybe I am getting words confused here), they wouldn't care at all what other people think. In fact, that kind of insanity could lead to extremely high confidence.


He's implying that if a psycho can feign emotions they do not possess, "so can you", not that anybody here is a psychopath.


I want to send my love to all of you anons, and I feel you, as someone who's been bullied in an inescapable setting, and considered this. I recommend writing in a journal, talking to yourself, or if you can, finding one person that you can talk to about random things. Expressing yourself regularly will give you a sense of being a stable, logical, single human being, and other people's behavior doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Our minds are beautiful and we were all meant.


Only the bullied retards like to spout nonsensical and delusional crap like this. You should have been bullied more.


Careful not to cut yourself on that edge.

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My girlfriend is a NEET.

She has had a few jobs in the past, but she has always had to leave due to mental health problems. She has been struggling with mental health problems ever since her teenage years. Specifically, she has BPD and depression. I can relate with many of her feelings and experiences, because I also struggle with depression. One thing I should mention is that we have only talked online; I will be meeting her in person for the first time very soon. I seek other opinions and perspectives.

If you are in a situation similar to her, how would you want someone to support you?

If you have been in a similar situation, how did it go?
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>goes into containment board
>complains it's a containment board
0/10 newfag isn't even trying. Please stop.



>online long distance relationships exist and those isolated in their rooms won't be any less hikki for that.

I mean there could also be a physical relationship of 2 hikkies in a room togheter that dont interact with soceity and other stuff like a single hikki whould and tick all the boxes if we where to count them as one person like not going outside for 6 months and not interacting with others (other than themselfes) . dont know if that counts as hikki or just NEET.

While very unlikely , its a possibility , the most likely way i can think of is hikki meeting hikki online and falling in love then deciding to move in the same room.

I mean hikki is ultimately just a label to describe existing behaviour at the end of the day so it doesnt really matter of someone is labeled a hikki or not because if they still suffer most if not all the symptoms (for example didnt leave the room for 10 months except one time 5 months ago when they needed to buy milk from the store may not be techically hikki because they left the room but still suffer the acute social withdrawl and all that stuff).


>if we where to count them as one person


My ideea was that its a very socially recluse couple , as in:

-spending most of the day and nearly every day confined to home,

-marked and persistent avoidance of social situations, and social relationships, (except for the GF/BF)

-social withdrawal symptoms causing significant functional impairment,

-duration of at least six months, and
no apparent physical or mental etiology to account for the social withdrawal symptoms.


If somebody wanted to be a normie they could do it on heyuri or 7chan
I'm glad you think you're that important

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By self-improvement I mean doing more than the basics (getting a job/moving out), non-essential things like having hobbies or a social life. If I start now I will be quite old-ish by the time I see results, and most people will be moving on to something else. I cannot fill the gaps in experience, just make try to catch up and pretend I'm not behind.


just try to catch up*


Plenty of people either do those things because they want to, or because they think they can find additional social acceptance for having done them (which is really just another way of saying they want to do them). If wanting to do them doesn't apply to you, then don't. But understand what frequently befalls those who choose not to do those things.


I was a loser a few months ago. I'm still a loser, but now I can play the piano at a very bad grade 2, draw very poorly, and just about understand Japanese spoken by a small child.
Still, I'd recommend it, especially if you're a NEET like I am, since you'll be doing something with your time. I started doing these because I wanted to.
My regret is not starting earlier, since I'd be way more proficient than I am now, and probably enjoying it more since I won't have the frustrations that come with being inept at things.


Self-improvement should at the end of the day mean improving your life , making yourself a happier person (in the hedonistic sense) , this includes stuff like delayed gratification ofcourse.

>social life

If you dont want to have a social life its ok , if you do , thats ok as well. I personally just dont feel the need , considering you mentioned it you likely do. Do not be influenced by what others think of you (for example: "I must have [X] because soceity will thing bad of me if i dont")

Think about it , is it a genuine need to connect with other human beings (or something along those lines) or is it just "soceity will (not) like this" (do this for basically everything for example , nice cars, nice clothes, latest iphone , etc.) .If you do , i cant help you. The pandemic likely made it harder , and try finding people with similar intrests but thats about all i know.

WARNING: DONT fall into the trap of trying to delude yourself into thinking you dont want a social life when you acttualy do because its too dificult.


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Need any art advice?

While i dont know what your weak and strong points are as i havent seen your art , i will give some general advice:

-Unlearn symbol drawing
Symbol drawing is when you draw what your mind thinks it sees rather than what your eyes actually see. You likely already got past this stage but i am mentioning it nonetheless.

Here is an exercise to help you unlearn it. Decide on a thing to draw , for example a lamp. Destroy all your preconceptions of how a lamp looks like. Think of it as an alien object that you need to document , you cant take photographs and you need to draw it as accurately as possible.

-Learn the fundamentals and start with perspective
if you can do perspective you can do whatever the fuck and it should look ok as long as the perspective is good it should look ok atleast. Feel free to break normal perspective if you want to go for a certain feeling but learn the rules before you break them.

You may at first fall into the trap of doing isometric perspective (the one you learn in math class and draw cubes with), in art perspective all parallel lines , eventually meet at a place called the "vanishing point" (the ones going up dont meet up if you are doing 2 point perspective , which is usually "good enought") , this point is usually on the horison line (aka. the eye line) but in certain cases its not (ie. Stuff that is slanted , you need an auxilarly vanishing point for those)
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They have no idea how lucky they are to have a job. I've been a hikki since 2013 (I'm 27 now) and it seems there's no way of getting out. I fully believe I will expire as a homeless dude without a penny to my name. What a life.
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Same, I think that's true for many of us.


When I am a neet, then after a few months I start to wish for a job.
When I have a job, then after a few months I start to wish to be a neet again.
Both has it's downsides and upsides, everytime I experience the downside from on thing I want the upside from the other back.


I worked in the past many years before being a hikki and it had its upsides I think it is important for people to work if they do not have any other goals in life it is artifical though and to devote yourself to working as a life goal is stupid but if you can honesty be happy to be a cog in the machine consuming and producing value then you really are lucky.

I get retardbux now and ony really spend my money on drugs.
I do not get annoyed when normies complain about working I get more annoyed when they try to tell people they need to work and I agree people need to work as a general rule but you hear young people berated for being a NEET more than for being lifeless droids that have no goal other than hedonism.

Us hikikomori are really just fucked if we have no goals it is all fucked I do not think we shoud look beyond the curtain if you can be normalscum go for it you are lucky not because you can get things that some of us desire but that you can desire at all.

I have had it all it is all shit I am just too afraid to kill myself at the moment because my drug use convinced me we do not die after death.


You die when you work.


You're all stupid and got brainwashed by bourgeois propaganda. Working for a wage will not make you happy nor set you free or whatever retards say these days, at best it won't make you have to worry about having food on your plate if you're poor, but it'll still make you miserable and crush your very soul.

Now, working on personal projects and just for fun is an entirely different matter.

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I wanna know if anyone here has completely given up on finding a partner. I feel like maybe accepting the forever alone lifestyle could bring some comfort and maybe happiness into my life. Maybe im too weird and fucked up, and giving up hope is the right thing to do. Thoughts?
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It dawned on me that my life is so fundamentally different from that of the average human's and that really upset me for reasons I don't really understand. I think about it most evenings now and it's become very hard to sleep at night or get out of bed in the morning.
I read an article about how people were ignoring lockdowns to have sex, and it just hit me in a way I wasn't expecting.
Sex is a thing normal people have, and they have a lot of it. Intimate relationships are a thing normal people have. And that made me feel awful.
Most people have, at the very least, had a hug from a girl before they turned 23. Not me. I have missed out on one of the most basic experiences a human can have, it's only going to get more difficult to have it as time goes on, and being a NEET only going to make that more difficult. Someone suggested that I have sex with a female friend. I have never had a female friend.
I do not know how much longer I can put up with living like this. I have been miserable for the last quarter of my life, but never like this.


sex won't make you happy
when people think it does, it's because they're so miserable that even that is better than nothing


Sex doesn't matter to me anymore because I have hands. Still, having no emotional connection does make me suffer like nothing else. The lack of physical contact does hurt as well, but not being loved is the worst. I never had any female friends either, and never even met a female that I ever wanted to befriend anyway. Hope I can solve this sooner than later, but now my life is just a bunch of waiting and nothing else. I want to end my isolation but the world is getting in the way. It's almost like it knows.


Fucking finding a partner lmao. It's exactly as you say, accepting the fl lifestyle allows you to focus on what makes you happy. I've been way less depressed since giving up on looking for a gf since i realized ive been wasting my time.


Some people ITT talk like only relationships between mentally sound people should be "allowed". Sure, your partner shouldn't be your therapist (because therapists fucking suck), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't help each other if you've got issues. That's a big part of friends or partners.

Not that I'd know, I'm completely aromantic and asexual and possibly autistic. I hope that doesn't detract from my point.

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I think about it a lot. Normies look for help when they have mild anxiety/perceived worries and whatever they have is very easy to treat because their worries are baseless and the solution is usually "be positive and stop overthinking uwu". And then you have people like me, whose insecurities and reasons to worry are rooted in reality and confirmed every fucking day by other people. How are these people dealt with? "Be humble and accept that you're doomed to be a worthless retard"? No idea, I've sworn off seeking help but I'm beyond repair, I should be put down.
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Stop trying to gatekeep mental illness, holy fuck.


If you are here at all chances are I wasn't talking about you. Don't be offended kek.


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Offended? This whole "normalfag" (not "normie", you newfag) is just an unhealthy defense mechanism to feel better about your life.

It'd be a lot better to instead accept yourself AND everyone else instead of being as prejudiced as the stereotypical normal person is. Normalcy is just a spook anyway*, everyone on Earth is a lot more complicated than what appearances tell. And so are most mental illnesses, if you ask me. All this labeling and identity bullshit has done plenty of harm to humanity already.


To add to my point, plenty of so-called autistic people are just people who realize how retarded some social norms and willingly opt not to follow them, but psychologists don't care, it's easier to diagnose someone as crazy and make them take funny pills. And don't get me started on ADHD.

End of rant.


I don't say "normalfag" because I'm not a disgusting 4chan neckbeard like the rest of you.(calm your beardless neck my dude)

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Have any of you ever thought that you were born to be a reclusive, socially inept hikki? I know I was, given my circumstances and mental health. The universe placed us within our own trapped minds and didn't spare a wink.

But hey, at least it's peaceful living like this.
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It's so surreal to think that most people have lives and I don't. Even if I stopped being a hikki, I could never have a normal life, let alone a fulfilling life with nice memories.

Then there's the suicide option which is not that good because it would affect other people, not that anyone would miss me but I don't want to ruin anyone's mental health.

It's one of those things where you have no true solution, you have to make incredible efforts to be *normal* and barely even that, while people who started out in a better place have the means to do more. And when you draw the line at the end, who had the more important life? They don't give a fuck that the odds were against you since the beginning.


Hey hikki we do have lives just not normalfag ones but can still enjoy the isolation lifestyle if you cannot stand not being physically near people you are unlucky hikki because I really love being isolated from people :3
Fuck being "normal"


>>6421 yeah isolation is the best!


Same.Staying at home is much more preferable then going out and dealing with other people.


I've made my peace with it. Considering a lot of different factors, yes it was provably destined to be like this

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>basically didn't leave my home during middle-school because bullying, depressed

>2~3 year of highschool were the best, actually made some friends and hang out with them

>got into college, was so motivated and happy

>my high school friends stop talking to me

>some only talk to me when they want something and when I try to talk to them they ignore me, so I don't know if they are my friends anymore

>start becoming lonely and depressed

>doesn't even have friends on the internet

>doing well in college but at the expense of my sanity

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Not them, but I don't know where to look. I used to post my drawings on tumblr while it was alive, and surprisingly made some decent connections. It sounds silly, but I can't remember how. Time went on, and all those connections are gone now anyway. These days I only have a modest twitter, since I don't like having social media in the first place. Some neat artists follow me, but I have 0 idea how to initiate. I don't like the idea of just DM'ing and saying "Hi, what's up". Maybe we don't even have good chemistry. I don't like the idea of finding people on discord either. It's got a lot of people that aren't my type. All I can find online are either embarrassing meme lgbt weebs, or hans get ze flammenwerfer guys. Anyone exempt who did seem alright, we're really silent, and communication died pretty quick. I hate being the one that has to keep prodding for conversation.

I don't know where I fit in, I don't know where to look. A while back I was even desperate enough to try tossing my hat in /soc/. Besides some people back from highschool, uboachan is the closest I've felt to fitting in before.


Same. Only that I don't have people irl.


That's pretty much how I feel. In a way, the internet is even worse than real life. I can think of things I could do in real life. Going to the right places would probably work, and allow coincidences to happen. On the internet, I have to be active, but how and where? Even if I go to a place full of people, the fact that it's online doesn't make me suddenly like interacting with groups of people. It's terrible.


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Finding similar interests seems to be the key. Discord is weird in that you can join a server for pretty much any anime or gacha game from the last 6 years, and instantly join an autistic 24/7 conversation about say, shipgirls, since that's the channel's only topic. But those people rarely become your friends. The best luck I've had with making friends is finding people with the same sexual preferences and fetishes. It's kind of sad. The men I connect with the most are the ones where we can share pictures and circlejerk together. Outside of them, I'm always the one to initiate. I used to be a coomer who regularly fapped twice/day. I've since cut it down to once every other day, but it seems it hasn't changed me mentally beyond regaining self-control. I can actually spend entire days focusing on my real hobbies without a sexual thought, but they're all solitary. Like I said before, similar interests help but it's not healthy if those interests just make you and your friends enable eachother endlessly. Pic related - I've formed some deep friendships around this fetish.


Of course, common interests are a necessity. But I wonder why sexual interests would work better. Seems very strange to me to form connections through that, with people that I'm not even sexually interest in. Not sure if I could do it myself.

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i was a neet at a certain point and i was put in a psychiatric hospital because of it, it didnt help at all and made my condition and my comfortableness with being in my room bad, what im saying is i cant be comfortable while in my room beause of my experinces.


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What did you experience for you not to be comfortable in your room anymore, anon?


>not being comfy in a room because been in a psychiatric hospital
What is it about this that made you uncomfy I am the same and for me it was having people come forcibly remove me and place me with schizos to "help" me.


>i was a neet at a certain point and i was put in a psychiatric hospital because of it
Sounds like your family fucking sucks, dude.

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