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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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🎉🎉🎉 Happy Birthday Madotsuki! 🎉🎉🎉

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I'm beginning to believe that there is truly a hard set limit regarding how much we can truly improve ourselves.
I used to be a hikki, I didn't want to go outside, I watched anime and played video games all day, I took part in niche communities and hobbies and was generally a social outcast. Yet I had aspirations to get a slice of a regular life, a slice with friends and girls like you'd see in your SOLs, and so I did it.
Throughout all the odds and all the pain I forced myself to go out relatively frequently, I got the friends, I got the life I even got a girl for a short period of time. Sure I wasn't a chad or even a normie but for a long time I experienced true cyborgism, something I had worked towards for ages.
Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing. Socializing has mostly brought me hardships and suffering I still experience today, and it just makes me think "why did I make myself do this for so long when I never enjoyed it?"
And it made me realize something. Of course I didn't enjoy it, it's simply not who I am. Simply not what I was built to enjoy. This extroversion, this social life, it's simply not for me. And yet I, and collectively a large amount of shut ins, had/have this illusion that being extroverted is something to aspire to, a self improvement goal. But it isn't, there are simply those built to have a normal social life and those who aren't. Not everyone can or even necessarily wants to have this social life, yet it's almost like we're brainwashed into thinking that it's an inherently better way of life than what we have now. There is a fine line between self improvement and being someone you're not.
Proper hygiene, cleanliness, passion to do anything, are all things that are self improvement, but being someone you're not, a normie, a cyborg a social individual is simply something you're born with or not, and I think accepting that reality is pretty important.
Sorry for the text dump, just getting that off my chest before I resume going back into full blown hikkism like days of yester year.
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>Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing.
You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so. That includes coming on here and posting this because online posting is a form of socialization when one expects interaction in turn, especially if it is done for non-practical reasons. You posting that you dislike socialization is ironic, though understandable. I dislike it too, but I engage in it through imageboards because my mind likely sees this as a way to fulfill social desires without incurring as much of a burden as one would face in real life.

Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go. There is no need to "self-improve" unless you neglect hygiene and other basic things. Why the hell should anyone waste years of their life "self-improving?" If you need to get by, then do what must be done (job, military, welfare, etc.). Just enjoy this life as it comes, fulfill basic needs like shelter, and you are set.

>achieve greatness
What would you define "greatness" as?


>>You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so.

I suppose I was too broad, of course everyone requires an amount of socialization (as we are group animals) and I too find image boards to be the most comfortable level of such socialization i can consistently tolerate, anything beyond that is when it starts becoming much of a nuisance.

I did desire conformity, because I was simply made to believe that it was the only way to properly live.

>Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go.

We are inherently flawed as perfection is only an ideal created as a goal post for improvement. The argument whether you 'should' aim for improvement or not is of course entirely subjective, and I think either opinion is fine, but the desire to self improve, whether that be in a skill, socializing, or else wise is something most people have even if they don't inherently act on it.

I also have things in life I'd like to improve in, skills and crafts, but I think it's important to realize what you truly want to improve on and what you've been made into thinking you need to improve on. I've wasted so much time and money wanting to be better at socializing simply because I was made to believe that was something you had to do. It simply is not the case beyond non-utilitarian reasons, as is most other skills you do not wish to strive for.
As you said, there is no need beyond what is needed to get by. It simply took quite a long time for me to truly realize that


>I even got a girl for a short period of time
How do you form a relationship?
People sometimes say that it will develop on its own after the initial effort and that one should not overthink it, but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am. How did you do it?


How do you form a relationship?

I dunno anon. I wasn't really the one who did any of the initiation. She had been a friend of mine for a while and one day she made a joke about us being together and I jokingly played along with it. After like a week of this joke she asked me privately if maybe I wanted to make it a real thing and if she could take me out on a date and I thought she was a pretty cool friend so I kinda just went with the flow.

I wasn't interested in her beforehand, and I never really felt anything that I would classify as love. The relationship only lasted around a year (though I was the one who broke it off) so I wouldn't really promote the 'go with the flow' attitude that I took.

I guess what I'm saying is that in my case it did kind of develop on its own, or at least I wasn't the one to develop it, but you kind of at least need to be aware of the person in a romantic way because the person who I ended up getting just 'leaving it develop' wasn't someone I was really into to begin with.

>> but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am

I dunno, I'm pretty reserved myself, even when I did socialize a lot. Not because I was ever particularly anxious, I just didn't talk much and always kept to the sidelines unless made to do else wise. I don't really think being reserved was much of a hindrance.

If you want my 2 cents I think it was just luck.


As someone who's extensively browsed r9k, OP's post is nothing akin to the garbage that gets posted there (and was quite relatable in fact). Being realistic about ones potential for growth isn't the same thing as being a needlessly defeatist tumor.

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Perhaps it's a stupid question, however having never worked a day in my life I feel this feeling is no different from the existential dread of the inevitability of growing old and dying. Just as if you're severely balding or have some kind of terminal illness, there is quite literally nothing one can do to prevent it. As of now I can only feel numb to the fact.

>Question: How can one manage to survive as a hikkikomori? Answer: Because one's food, clothing, and shelter are often assured regardless of situation. In today's society, as long as you're guaranteed the barest essentials, you can continue to live out your hollow existence indefinitely. I didn't realize it before, but in a way, being able to live as a hikkikomori is a luxury. Without the assurance of food, clothing, and shelter; unless you're prepared to die, there's no other choice but to work.
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And what were you doing all day in that computer


general admin, order inputs, appointment/meeting schedules and some note taking. i had the "special" privilege of not using the phone either, being such a socially awkward sperglord. with no real raise or promotion path, i never thought just typing stuff for an hour a day at most would be so soul crushing.

again, though, it was the isolation of it all that got to me. you can ignore quiet, asocial peers if you're keeping busy, but i was not. though it may be an assumption to say a lot of people here might have similar people issues to me, i think they might, so my advice remains keeping busy with engaging work if you find a job again.


I was in the same position after I graduated from university, until about a year ago when I had a breakdown and became NEET.

I found when I spent so long trying to look busy by doing nothing at all, when real work came along I couldn't see the difference anymore. It all felt so pointless, and then I began to take that poison home with me.

When started my last job the 2-hour commute was the part I hated most, but by the end it was the only enjoyable part of my day.


Work/school doesn't get easier over time, I was miserable for nearly my whole life before I became a NEET
It puts me in this mindset that is impossible to get out of, and I can't ever clear my head even after hours or days of being away from work or school. It's permanently draining and there's no way to cope with it.
Constantly feeling worthless, encounters with other people wont go out of my head, as well as the noise. I can't deal with it, but I'll have to soon. Can't. Whatever


It'll be okay anon. One way or another, the misery will end. That's what I hold onto.

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From my past experiences and casual observation, I came to a conclusion about why people have friends. There's two reasons: entertainment, and validation. I've seen a lot of this myself from my own friendships. I haven't had many, so I can list them all pretty easily.

Michael 1: I met him on the bus on my first day of kindergarten. He sat next to me and that was all it took to form some kind of bond between us. By some luck, we happened to have the same class for all of the pre-grade years. One time, I saw him talking to a girl for a long time during recess and started running around teasing him about it. At the end of the day I apologized and he started going on about wanting to marry her one day. Okay. As soon as first grade started, we were placed in different classrooms. I was worried about it and rightfully so. We immediately started talking way less. As soon as I moved that was the end of our relationship. There was little to no goodbye and I had no way of keeping in touch. Who knows if he remembers me.

Annie: Annie was another school friend I had before I moved. She's the only girl I have ever been real friends with. She had kind of childish tastes even for that age and made me play ring around the rosy with her. After a bunch of boys who I already didn't like started teasing me about it, I started giving her the cold shoulder and eventually she got pissed off at me. That was how our relationship was left off. There was no real conclusion. I still regret it, but here's the thing. It wouldn't have made any difference if I had left on good note with her. It's not like there's any way we could have stayed in touch. Phone numbers were beyond me at the time. Even then it would fizzle. It's just one of those totally inconsequential things.

Michael 2: Michael 2 is where things start getting more interesting. Michael lived across the street and he was an odd character. He was a blond, classic Americana kind of boy, except he has this weird sadistic/violent streak in him. We would always play soccer together against each other's sisters and we would always win. He would then treat me to Gatorade after every game and the whole deal. He was obsessed with this wrestling game and naturally I wanted to play it with him just because of that. The more sociopathic side of him came out sometimes though. One time while he was riding his bike across the street and passing me, he flipped me off because he was mad about something. Another timPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
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Yeah, i'm fine with dying sooner. It's not worth it.
>You're asking to be able treat a relationship casually while getting total conviction from the other person
I already said twice that that's not what i'm asking for. I don't even know what you mean by treating a relationship casually. I don't make those kinds of distinctions. A relationship is just a relationship to me.
>the other people you deal with also have to bend over
How? How did I ever make people bend over for me? They say something to me, and I always listened and responded. That's it. Even if they didn't say anything to me, I would still opt to be around them. They could just be silent the whole time and I would be fine with that as long as they responded to me. Maybe i'd be confused.
>But it's necessary for both parties to put themselves out there
I never complained about how people establish relationships. Sure, you have to put yourself out there. My problem is with how you have to keep putting yourself out, and keep jingling keys in their face so they don't turn away. I think relationships should be binary and perpetual. Once it is created, unless there is some very good reason for it to end, it remains. Forever, and in the same state. That it what I want. I want somebody with no spines. I don't want to waste energy playing touch and go and getting pricked. I don't want to deal with that, even if it's detrimental to my health.


>I was too dull and quiet to entertain anybody for long. Too dull to give your cellphone number to. To dull to stick around with. I was thrown out like a used tissue. I'm not making this thread because i'm bitter towards one person, i'm making it see if anybody else can see what I see. I'd like to hear about any similar experiences.
Thanks for relating your experiences, OP. I can see things like that too, but at the moment I do not want to type it all up. Too much thinking.


I really, really like the contents of this thread. That is all.


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I found this whole thread to be extremely relatable. My friendships throughout my life have been very similar to yours, OP. Even if I spent hours talking to someone, at some point they would get bored of me and we'd just stop talking. If not that, then they end up hating me for whatever reason, they get sick of me, and I never usually find out what it is I did wrong. This has been a repeating cycle in my life. One of the best examples I can think of is a girl I knew from primary school messaged me on Facebook a few years back and we started talking again. We spoke for a month or so, before eventually she started giving me dismissive short responses, or just didn't respond at all. Then someone else I knew at the time messaged me about her, and showed me that she was now talking to him the same way she did to me. I simply stopped being entertaining to her and she latched onto the next guy who would give her attention. I don't understand how you can just drop someone from your life because you're bored with them, like they're a toy you don't want to play with anymore. I will never really understand neurotypicals and their sociopathic way of thinking.


I enjoyed this thread a lot. It was really interesting and thought provoking to see you recap your friendships throughout your life. Makes me think about my own history of friendships and current ones.

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I'm not too sure this goes on this board but it feels like it'd fit here more than Off-topic.

Anyway, does anyone here have an imaginary friend? Any kind, I think even tulpa sort of count. If so I'd love to hear stories even if it's childhood imaginary friends. More so I'm interested in how many NEETs and Hikkikomori have them and how it affects your day to day life.
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I don't have an imaginary friend


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Sometimes I talk to objects (like the batteries in my remote) and pretend like they're alive and give them voices but I dont think this counts


I used to have a waifu who I imagined and talked to. It actually helped a little, like when I was in stressful situations I would imagine her there, reassuring me and telling me things were going to be okay, which would calm me down.


when i was a teenager i used to have a tulpa kaworu boyfriend i used to talk to all the time on my way home from highschool.
funnily enough after some time I would genuinely feel some form of love emotion when he was being affectionate towards me.

That make belief love was stronger than any love I've ever felt from real people


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I believe there's a spirit guide that watches over me. I've never communicated with it one to one, but it'll manipulate reality around me and put me in situations that I can learn from, while also making sure I'm okay. I believe it's a female entity, almost like a motherly figure that keeps me on the right track in life. Sometimes bad things will happen, but I always end up learning something important from those happenings that I needed to know later on. The only time I feel like I saw her was during a DMT trip where I saw it as this all encompassing geometrical figure orbiting my life like the moon. We didn't communicate in that instance either, but I'm almost certain it was her. Looking back on life, it was always kinda obvious I was being protected. I'd get out of incredibly dangerous and life ruining situations unscathed. Wasn't until a couple years ago where I thought about it and started believing that an entity/guardian angel must be protecting me. I think she does it because I have a higher purpose in life, which gives me confidence to make big decisions and chase my dreams. I don't feel invincible, but I do definitely feel like there is a path I can follow, kinda like the good ending, that this entity presents to me and it's my choice to follow.

(Interstellar spoilers) The best way I can describe how it feels is like when Cooper discovers, at the very end of Interstellar, that the beings helping them, the ones they thought were aliens, were actually higher dimensional humans. We never see definite proof of this claim, but it's what Cooper believes after he thinks about all they've experienced and how they experienced it. Love that movie btw, everyone should watch it

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Any winners?
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No, I couldn't even win at this


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Almost a bingo, huh

I hate my life


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Actually, you got diagonal double bingo.


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thought I'd hit a lot less than I did but here I am

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Im a neet too, a neet for many many years

I dont like to whine, not fond of self piety as its painfull and dangerous

Im prety good at avoiding reality with games, animes and random interests I cant keep for longer than a week

Life sucks but I cant fuck my family over with suicide. They arent the best but I cant do that.

Im 36 and despite being intelligent and talented with words , I have no skills, no degrees and no experience.

Nowadays ive been more and more unable to block reality as the rope is slowly tightened around my neck. Despair is starting to settle in and im looking for a way out of this shit.

Good thing is my parents might last for a few years and I can still train myself and try to get a job even when im so old.
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as a working programmer who did not start at 10 and used to feel the same way this is almost entirely BS and you are fine


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learn c OP


The problem with todays work market is that every single company, no matter how shitty it is, wants only the crème de la crème of the work force. They can afford their behaviour today because the work market today is a global one. You cannot find a genius engineer that will work for 15% less pay than average? No problem, put an add in estonia, you will have 50 applicants for this offer in no time.

However, times are not getting hard for us here. Very bad times are ahead of us and I doubt

In Japan, already 39% of the workforce is only part time employed. That means they work 7 hours a day, 6 days a week and earn 3 dollars per hour. Full time employment means you work 12 hours per day for a little more. People who lose their jobs end up homeless very fast because there is no unemployment money or welfare from the government. Young people who earn badly often end up in appartements with up to 8 or 9 other young people in similar situations.

In China, many factories are closing and the labourers who came from rural villages cannot find new work anymore because when you are past age 35 nobody wants you anymore. Many factories are beeing abandonned and rebuilt in cheaper places like Vietnam, Bangladesh and soon Burma. Many of those people are forced to leave the cities and go back to their ancestoral homelands in the villages. Then you have other Chinese who are young but still struggle to survive in cities even with jobs. I watched how one newspaper reporter lives in a bunker/basement and barely can afford the rent. Then one couple that lives in a bungalow with no running water and a shared toilet with 10 other "appartements". Then at the same time, there are ghost cities everywhere beeing built. I always believed that those ghost cities don't belong to anyone but this is wrong. Rich upper middle class people have bought those appartements in the ghost cities and now try to turn a profit on those investments by renting or selling it.

In America you have tent cities on the rise everywhere. Homeless people make up about 1% of the population already. In Silicon valley, rents have become so expensive that even workers from the prestigous tech companies cannot afford to rent and instead live in their cars. This is all happening while about 14% of real estate is not occupied by anyone. Bureau of statistics claims that jobs are in recovery mode but they do not tell you that most of the new jobs beeing created are waiter and bartendePost too long. Click here to view the full text.


Can attest , the 4 hour introductory python and C++ programming tutorials are great.



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anybody ever have to go extremes in order to avoid stalker family members or those you live with who incessantly intrude upon your privacy? Especially when they do in fact do it then when you catch them they act as if they weren't doing it at all.

I %100 wish this was 2014 again when I'd get the entire place to myself for 9 hours/day.

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Anyone here has an absolute lack of motivation to do anything? Usually I find it hard to relate to other people because they mention having a hobby, having "only one friend" or even a girlfriend. Well, I have neither of those.

I have a really hard time to start doing things because of this lack of motivation, but when I finally find something I like, I usually get bored or tired of doing it in like… 2 days or so. With friends, I also have this social anxiety, I can't look at other people's eyes and can't even start a conversation. And the worst part is that whenever I feel like we're finally becoming friends or having a good relationship, I have no idea why but I start feeling uncomfortable around them at the point that I start avoiding them…

So, after a few years being a hikki, I finally got slightly motivated to find a way to move to Japan. I studied a bit and got a scholarship to study in a Japanese university. Well… It's been more than a year already, and after the first month here I stopped going to classes, made no friends and have no motivation to do anything at all again. I basically buy enough food for a few weeks, store everything inside the fridge (which is just next to my bed) and don't go out of the bed until I start feeling really hungry.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you usually find motivation to start doing something new?
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Where did you go out to?
How did you find a job you like?


>Even if it's just finishing an anime series, sit down and watch. Don't think - just process input.
I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with doing this. You can waste so much time thinking yourself out of doing something, which just leads to more inaction, causing you to fill your time with more thinking since you aren't doing anything. Lately I have revoked my thinking privileges and seeking out new experiences has become easier. Just have to be careful not to mindlessly soak in too much if you care about what you let into your mind.


Everything outside of absolute basics I cannot do. I am bored? Use the internet, gives me something to do. Hungry? Go downstairs, get food. Go down the hall to the bathroom afterwards. Anything other than these things just feels so hard to do.

I start a journal, I can’t bring myself to ever write in it consistently. Even shows are too difficult sometimes, feels like a chore to watch them sometimes. The novelty wears off.

I used to write. People have always complimented my writing skills my whole life.
I used to dick around in GIMP, editing photos into cool-looking posters or weird surrealist messes.
I used to make videos. Little skits, video game footage, montages, etc.
I used to make music. Badly, but I still tried.

Now? I just sit around all day, stuffing my face with junk food looking at the same old websites because it is slightly less boring than doing anything else.


I have a stalker family member, the stress induced from constantly having this ugly fat deluded person literally wanting to listen/watch everything I do causes me to not be able to think straight. I literally stay up nights sometimes in the bathroom hiding because our rooms are next to each other and even then he'll make attempts to step out of his room quietly and try to listen to what I'm doing

I had motivation to do several things over the past years but would just get swept away by the stress, I still strongly believe living somewhere else away from this person and these people in general would vastly improve my quality of life in ways that are unimaginable to me in this moment.


It doesn't matter where you go, you just have to get out of your comfort zone and go somewhere. I started going to local 5national parks, beaches, dance clubs, car meets, concerts, flea markets etc. It doesn't really matter. The point is, you're exposing yourself to what you may think you aren't interested in or just stuff that makes you a little uncomfortable. Do whatever comes naturally when you get there. The only thing you cannot allow yourself to do is leave early because "This is stupid, why am I even doing this?" or "I don't even wanna be here, I'd rather be at home anyways." Ignore all that and expose yourself to the world around you. I didn't like parks and I still don't like parks, but walking around in a safe place I wasn't familiar was an experience and it led me to other things I was actually interested in, like walking through urban cities I wasn't familiar with. I know that might sound strange, but you have no idea what you'd actually like to do until you throw yourself out there.

Apply to jobs that you are just semi interested in for whatever reason. Do pizza delivery or something random. For me, I got a job at a car dealership because Joey Diaz, a guy I really admired at the time, would talk about working as a salesmen at a car dealerships on his podcast that I listened to a lot. That was the ONLY reason I applied to a dealership. I got the job as a porter, which is someone that literally just parks cars and pulls them up for customers. I learned a lot of things just being in that environment. Things I would never have learned otherwise. After working there for a while, I discovered that I have an actual interest in cars that I would never have realized had I not worked around them. For context, I never gave a shit about cars up until then.nI was a good employee, so my boss was open to training me as a mechanic. I didn't originally want to become a mechanic because I was afraid of change, but then I realized that this was a real opportunity before me that I was gonna miss out on because of misplaced fear and complacency. I snapped to my senses and pushed like fuck to get that new position and I loved it. I still love it. I ended up buying my own project car because of the skills I learned working on other cars and have met so amazing people and have made so many amazing irl friends because a mutual interest in something that I would hPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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There's probably something fucked up about how I lead my life but I just couldnt afford to do what the rest of people do, I dont want things to be predictable… I lived as a hobo with people on the road or on my own for the last 4 years but now even this is becoming to seem shallow, I dont know what to do to not get bored by life… Sometimes I feel I should just start a revolution… I feel like I'm missing something to have a fulfilling life, maybe I should get a gf and start simping but no grill will want of a hobo who lives in a trailer and digs trash to eat and live…
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Hmmm, sounds interesting, problem is I live in France and there's not a lot of those in here, I lived in small communities but there always was a problem with drugs/alcohol among members, the best community experience I had was during COVID, I lived at some friend's uncle's farm for 2 months and it was great, we just did not keep on after COVID…


sounds like communism


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I can imagine drugs and alcohol in communities being a major problem. I've seen it myself, Twin Oaks specifically has fairly well put together people for the most part, they're really good at letting in people who are constructive for the community and making it a safe place for families (last I visited there were 4 families with children there.)
Anyways, that really sucks that this sort of thing isn't as common in France, I would have thought that less individualist countries would have more intentional communities if anything.

They interact with the market through the cooperatively owned and operated businesses on site, (seed exchange, hammock factory, tofu factory, farm, furniture and woodworking workshop, etc) but internal to the community, yah, it is very communistic. Their catchphrase is, "Not Utopia Yet." Clothes, medical care, a monthly stipend, food, comfortable shelter and empathetic people are all really valuable things to have guaranteed even when the more consumer pleasures of our general society are less present there. And I really want to emphasize, there's no culty shit, they don't ask for any of your money and are officially secular though members are welcome to practice their respective religions.
The reason I'm not there right now is because I visited as a teenager and was too young to be settling down in a place like that and because I (perhaps foolishly) have tried to engage with the status quo instead and have been utterly failing at it for nearly 7 years now. Community college was awful, I can't manage to motivate myself to work a "real" job, I've just been sat in my room now for years. Maybe if I'm still like this at 30 I'll actually go back. I'd miss my mom though, she's probably the only reason I've stayed this long.
Here's some pics of one of my favorite rooms (a reading room with wifi) in one of the buildings there and a view from one of the bathroom windows. When you've grown up in moldy run down rentals your whole life the rooms in these images are luxurious. I have more pics if uboanons are interested, the buildings get nicer the more recently built they are there. The ones from the 70s are pretty small with small ceilings and some of the newer ones have modern 15ft ceilings in the hallways and big common roPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


>When you've grown up in moldy run down rentals your whole life the rooms in these images are luxurious.
True, I've never lived in a place as good looking and comfortable as those in your pictures. It's a bit shocking that a community like this survived for 50 years by itself. I assume they don't just let you sit on your ass all day but make you work for your stay? Probably still a better place than an actual workplace though



Well, there are a few commmunities and I'm looking for some that might be under my radar, I'm hoping to be part of one in a year or two…

Problem is in less "individualistic countries" as you call them, people are less pressured to create viable alternatives to the system because they can just have free housing and a little bit of money for the rest of their lives, hence they become apathetic and actually more individualistic than ever, quite the paradox but it also kinda makes sense…

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does anybody else remember hikkichan, ever so often I entertain the thought of somebody recreating/revamping it and giving us an entire imageboard. except I would much prefer it be an .onion than surface net


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I was on Hikkichan for quite a while. Sometimes I use the Wayback Machine to re-read the archive of that site.


I have no idea how to code or create a webpage let alone maintain it so no, I cannot do it.


You need to have Linux skills if you want to host a chan. Knowing how to program (preferably in the same language that the chan software uses) is only beneficial but it's not a hard requirement. Also, knowing some SQL can be beneficial as well (but it's not a hard requirement either).

Some resources:
- Start with https://www.w3schools.com/html/default.asp and the w3schools CSS tutorial. But don't use the rest of w3schools tutorials because they suck.
Another great resource is https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Learn

- Learn Linux skills: https://xubuntu.org/ + https://www.virtualbox.org/ + https://linuxcommand.org/tlcl.php
(you can also dual-boot Linux and Windows. You just need to use Windows disk management utilities to shrink a partition. Reserve 20GB or more for Linux. Use the existing EFI System Partition and make at least the / (root) file system. But the Xubuntu installer should ask if you want to use the free space and it should do the partitioning automatically in that case). You can use Rufus (https://rufus.ie/en/) to make a flash drive that contains the Xubuntu installer and the live environment. You can use PowersHell to check the integrity of the installation iso file: Get-FileHash xubuntu.iso -Algorithm SHA256

(You can first practice installing Xubuntu using VirtualBox virtual machine without making any changes your real HDD)

- (optionally) Learn how to program: https://automatetheboringstuff.com/

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