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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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File: 1533267074784.jpg (137.47 KB, 1280x720, K-ON!! - 17 - Large 30.jpg)

 No.5030[Reply]

Post things you've made or things you are proud of. Creating things can feel nice when you have been alone and devoid of accomplishment.

 No.5031

File: 1533267263058.png (9.89 KB, 799x499, Screenshot (8).png)

OP here, Ill start. I have made a pong clone with Reimu and Cirno from Touhou, it also has health bars instead of just a score. Originally I planned to add more characters to be selectable but I never really got around to that, maybe ill come back to it one day.

 No.5032

>>5031
post it

 No.5033

>>5032
I guess I can. Id like to clean some of it up a bit and add a disclaimer, since it was just a personal project. but I can probably put it up somewhere tomorrow.

 No.5087

File: 1536899249161.png (14.76 KB, 466x321, neet trip.PNG)

i made a tripcode generator for another chan i use, pic related are some tripcodes it generated with the word neet in them

 No.5088

>>5087
Use Meriken's.



File: 1535319649206.png (566.93 KB, 692x900, mdsf98342n.png)

 No.5072[Reply]

Does anyone care to start a trivial relationship with a stranger online?
I want to improve my social skills to make increase my odds of survival out there.
I apologize for this post if it is not allowed, or it is looked negatively, to ask for contact information.
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.5074

>>5073
I apologize for the ignorance, but I don't really know where you put your email.

 No.5075

>>5072
Mouse over his name, and it should appear in your link bar.

 No.5076

>>5074
Right click the part of my post that says anonymous and copy.

 No.5077

File: 1535369152247.png (150.82 KB, 560x600, 1483248735500.png)

Feel free to hit me up, I'm always up for a chat

 No.5080

File: 1536605717743.jpg (250.09 KB, 1920x1080, d.jpg)

Three times I have tried this "fast paced" online dating stuff and three times I have met actually insane individuals. Maybe you are different. Or not.

Anyway, making friends is great so hit me up.



File: 1516442636029.png (106.12 KB, 500x405, tired.png)

 No.4346[Reply]

I just really don't like people. There are some individuals I like, but I really loathe humanity. I hate how judgmental and shitty they are to anyone who doesn't meet their narrow standards. I hate how tribal they are, deriding anyone who happens to be outside of their shitty little groups/societies/cults. I hate how dishonest people are, nobody keeps promises even though breaking a promise is one of the worst things you can do. I hate how violent and stupid people are, choosing to beat each other to death over dumb shit instead of working together to make the future better. I hate how hypocritical they are, mocking others for their actions and then turning around and doing the same exact thing. I hate how the internet which used to be a safe haven from the real world has now become the very thing I was running from. And most of all, I hate when people use power as an excuse to ruin others' lives to satisfy their fragile and pathetic egos/feelings.

It's driving me nuts and I don't know what to do. It's years away before I can just put my brain into a computer or just hide away in a bunker with some companionship AIs and just fuck off. I still have the biological desire to socialize which is frustrating. I hate people, but at the same time I need them too. Being around these people exhaust me, and I really wish I could just be alone most of the time outside of the few hours I do work or go to school, which is something I'm only doing because it's impossible for me to be a NEET anymore without dying.

Does anyone else suffer from misanthropy? Have any coping skills or tricks to become at peace with being a loner/outsider?
28 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.4813

File: 1527029953736.gif (18.58 KB, 528x359, timecubeflierimg.gif)

>>4811
Yep. Medical science and advertising are totally in the same place that they were in the 50s. The idea that all xenoestrogens are created equal is stupid. Phytoestrogens have not been proven to be harmful. That belief is not just, "not mainstream", it's, not scientifically proven. Science is not about, "connecting the dots", and you cannot come to conclusions just by, "connecting the dots". Relearn the scientific method. You only have a hypothesis right now. If you cared about the truth above all, you would want funding to go into this line of research without dogmatically telling people that their life is in shambles because of soy. Plenty of things that weren't, "mainstream yet", ended up being totally wrong. I could say the same thing about the time cube. It's just not mainstream yet. Any day now the papers will be coming in: We live in 4 simultaneous days all happening in four different quadrants! The experts were wrong! Academia was wrong! Get 40% off on international flights! Hurrah!

 No.4814

>>4813
>Medical science and advertising are totally in the same place that they were in the 50s
>it can't happen again!

Sure thing, which is why "scientific" studies nowadays are funded by corporations with certain interests in mind are the norm.
I won't bother with the rest, I think I've already put more effort than what I should.
>dogmatically telling people that their life is in shambles because of soy.
>dogmatic
Yeah, hormonal disruptors are not real, it's more of a thing of faith. And I didn't specifically target soy as the original post was more about xenoestrogens in general. If you avoid soy, you are avoiding xenoestrogens.

 No.4815

>>4814
I literally never said that soy isn't unhealthy. Maybe it is. It's not known for sure right now.
>more about xenoestrogens
Yeah, that's why you jumped into a conversation about soy. That's still not how chemistry works.
>Yeah, hormonal disruptors are not real
Not what I was arguing.
>I think I've already put more effort than what I should.
I appreciate your altruistic attempts at converting me so that I can see the light.

 No.5067

>>5064
Which posts have been pissing you off?

 No.5069

>>5068
If you're still here by the time I post this, I hope you can find some source of happiness in life, if not from people, from a hobby or passion. Life is always worth living because there's nothing else there. Having thoughts is always better than being a rotting carcass. Wolves will eat you regardless or how happy or miserable you were in life.



File: 1534693758511.jpg (96.23 KB, 1280x720, La storia della Arcana Fam….jpg)

 No.5057[Reply]

Hello fellows NEETs I have a very singular problem. My reason for not going outside as much and working is not anxiety or fear of the outside world, though I am indeed very shy and awkward and seldom socialize.
I've been interned into mental hospitals and the like because this kind of living is making me do things that are considered too strange and worrisome, I'ts driving me crazy.
Anyway, I have a strange problem, when I go outside for too long I get very painful headaches and I have to go home early, not normal headaches but something on another whole level. I've been to psychiatrists and psychologist and regular doctor and they find nothing wrong with me, they say it's a psychological reaction.
This problem has prevented me from having a job or just going grocery shopping with the family and I don't know what to do. I'm taking medication for it but it's not working at all.
Do you have any ideas of what I can do or do other NEETs here are NEET because of other particular reasons?

 No.5058

When did these headaches start?

 No.5059

>>5058
In a way, I've always had them it's just that now they hurt and last more. I had little headaches as a child.

 No.5060

>>5059
Did you always have headaches elicited by going outside?

 No.5061

>>5060
Yes. I've always got tired of going outside and socializing and it leads to headaches ever since I can remember.

 No.5063

Could be the light, have you tried wearing shades, or even welding goggles?



File: 1532385356532.jpg (3.95 MB, 3840x2160, 4510264-original-character….jpg)

 No.4982[Reply]

What's the thing with the japanese stuff? A lot people here share their interest here. I mean I know some stuff and like some manga / anime artwork, but I wouldn't call me particular interested in japanese culture, language or media. Anyone who isn't really passionate about this?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.5029

Japanese stuff is pretty different in comparison to most western stuff, I think it makes pretty good escapism because of that and attracts a lot of similar people.

 No.5035

File: 1533371041866-0.jpg (240.91 KB, 850x1387, 1517594650947.jpg)

File: 1533371041866-1.png (3.22 MB, 2000x1071, __original_drawn_by_mifuru….png)

File: 1533371041866-2.jpg (807.9 KB, 900x1300, 1517288813763.jpg)

>>4989
that makes me nostalgic. there's something i miss about old pre-social media days where there was something more genuine developing in the communities. i miss some of my old neighbors the most and wish i kept in contact. I remember this one really cute Asian girl in my neighborhood and she would send me comics that she would slide under my front door. I always enjoyed talking to her. I wonder what she is up to now.

writing this paragraph evoked something painful in my thought process. i really don't think i meet anyone who makes me happy like that anymore except online.

 No.5036

File: 1533373045170.jpg (38.24 KB, 346x508, 1517437441552.jpg)

>>5035
I think I know what you mean thought I didn't know my neighbors well. one of them was this old russian man who lived alone, then one year he died. once he gave me a wrench out of nowhere and I was a kid who didn't know anything about tools so I thought it was weird but now I realize how grateful I should have been. anyway I used to poke around online at my old friends and saw them reminiscing over an old picture of them and they couldn't care less about me anymore. I don't think I was the "token" in their group, I was genuinely less close to them. I didn't get an allowance and go out and do kids stuff like most kids did. Sad since the 90s was the last chance to really do that type of thing. I'd always think it was weird when I'd get presents like that, like a wallet or a keychain since I had no money or keys, I didn't care about them. I found an old power rangers wallet in my garage, from the original series(US series obviously). maybe I'll start using it for the fuck of it.

 No.5037

>>5035
Do you have any way to contact her? I'm sure she'd be happy to see you again.

 No.5056

It's a combination of their culture and their "aesthetic" that draws me in. I think that too many people in Western culture that read manga or watch anime have a glamorized and biased view of Japan, me included.



File: 1532590603923.jpg (137.67 KB, 751x1063, konma.jpg)

 No.4994[Reply]

Ayy,ive just started going outside more recently i think i can adapt more to society i try to walk out side 1nce a day

 No.4995

File: 1532596078962.jpg (86.77 KB, 1000x714, DLJUMvdUIAAo4BM.jpg)

Good job. If people make you too uncomfortable, try going out at really early hours in the day, when most are still asleep. Listen to the chirping birds and chase the rising sun.

I made myself a promise two years ago or so to take a photo of the sunrise from a particular place in town. I still haven't owned up to that, even though I've seen it in passing by train and car. I might be a little superstitious here, but the prettiest sunrises always seem to come up on days that mark some kind of important change in my life. Sets the mood just right.

 No.5034

File: 1533370119126.png (507.64 KB, 500x750, 1531795112102.png)

>>4995
Sunset/sunrise is usually the most calming time of the day too. the sky is so beautiful, so dense and vibrant. sunset/sunrise and night are my favorite times of day



File: 1529243123481.png (1.3 MB, 700x996, _Umareboshi ch00 p003.png)

 No.4922[Reply]

Sup everyone. I'm a longtime on and off lurker and recovering hikki/NEET that's nearing thirty. Looking for advice or insights on my current situation, or just shared experiences…

I've started working recently and I don't know what to do to improve my current situation. It's a menial job at a restaurant and busy days can be pretty tough, I don't want to keep doing this forever, but I don't have much in the way of qualifications. Nor am I a very able person, I've been a NEET for more than 50% of my life and lacking in a lot of common life skills, partially due to Aspergers Syndrome and possible mild narcolepsy.

I was thinking of going to university but my track record regarding my educational career had been so poor I'm afraid to do so, also I feel I might be too old, and the thing I want to study hardly guarantees a successful career. At least I'm lucky to live in a country where education doesn't cost an arm and a leg, I can afford it without going into debt.

All I do these days is work, eat, sleep, play vidya and study a little Japanese. My shitty work schedule means I can hardly go out to meet my friends. I'm sorry for being incoherent, if you read my gibberish thank you. tldr; my life sucks mildly: what do?? Especially to people that managed to crawl out of their hell holes to improve their lives. How did you do it?
24 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.5011

>>5007
If you move to some area with flourishing tourism, you could overwork yourself to the bone during the season as many people do and then live off that for the rest of the year.The job most people here turn to and one of the only ones where you can make a meaningful profit without investing too much is waiting tables / barrista, where you can make a pretty hefty profit off of tips alone in some places, but you can probably imagine how stressful it is, and it requires at least some semblance of social and motor skills. I couldn't stand it for more than a week even in a tiny restaurant. Expecting proficiency after 7 days of lifetime experience might be too much, but I'm still fairly certain that normal people aren't as clumsy or forgetful as I was. In short, I was pathetic. So choose with some thought.

 No.5012

File: 1532835535153.jpg (89.91 KB, 850x396, __original_drawn_by_mocha_….jpg)

>>5011
I just to Maine. What you described fits most of the people there. Working on a boat is another seasonal job that requires less on the fly social interaction. Don't know much about the pay, but I heard it was good.

 No.5024

File: 1533153248737.jpg (437.01 KB, 1264x1800, 41e376e7-a8af-46af-9bfd-f3….jpg)

>>5004
People are hell.
Working with people is hell.

The souschef just blew up at me again for??? Reasons I don't understand?? I have no idea what I did to get on his bad side. The boss is utterly confused about what is going on but we should be discussing it tomorrow. I'm tired of walking on eggshells when the souschef is here. Everyday I give it my best shot, and I understand that my 100‰ might look like someone else's 60‰, but I know that other people can see that I'm busting my ass off. It makes me sad, because I actually like the work and my coworkers, but it is not worth all the stress this is causing me. The souschef is an stubborn old guy and even if I explain about my disability tomorrow he is likely not going to change his mind about me :(

 No.5027

>>5024
Does he treat everybody like that? How do the symptoms of your disability affect your behavior?

 No.5028

File: 1533236409742.png (202.16 KB, 963x882, f4307701-ef80-4fd8-9bf2-76….png)

>>5027
Well, I don't want to get too much into it, but I may appear standoff ish or curt to some people. I get along fine with all off my other collagues however And yeah, he mostly seems to have it out for me. I try not to take it personal but I can't help but think he really detests me for being weird.



File: 1532924969455.png (124.44 KB, 650x650, hatsune_miku___rolling_gir….png)

 No.5014[Reply]

Hey, /hikki/! Needed advice, and you guys are pretty fucking helpful no matter what, so …

You see, I used to have friends and that kinda stuff but i got hit with depression and anxiety so we fell out of touch.

One "friend" in particular is acting like a huge bitch over the fact I can't hang out cause I'm too busy healing and taking care of myself instead of talking about boys and relationships. She keeps talking about me behind my back and acting like I'm just a nuisance in group projects when she barely does any work herself and I have to carry the team.

Yeah, I basically was her personal slave. Now I am too pissed and nervous about everything, I'm free!

Problem is, what do I do with her?
When we get paired, she acts all huffy and shit.

Please help, Ubuu!
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.5018

File: 1533016605019.png (1.2 MB, 2000x1440, 841464.png)

>>5015
8th grade, anon, forgot to mention!

>>5016,>>5017
I will! Thank you.
For starters, girls do have a tendency to gossip. That discourages open discussion of things.(USER WAS BANNED FOR BEING UNDERAGE)

 No.5020

File: 1533017535311.png (2.05 MB, 2216x1600, talking openly.png)

>What could they possibly do to you?
Social ostracization. Middle schoolers aren't allowed on this board as far as I know, however.

>I am sure if she is a friend, she will do anything to help you get better.

Is there even any point in calling people that trash talk you behind your back and treat you as a slave friends? Doesn't seem to fit the definition to me.
Distance yourself from her as much as you can, before she sucks out your soul. Not that it's an easy thing to do, but you'll be glad for it later in life.

>8th grade

Yikes. That explains some things I guess.

 No.5021

File: 1533023366558.gif (131.93 KB, 640x480, 1496474780664.gif)

It's been a while since I've seen this message, based mods.

 No.5022

File: 1533044273540.jpg (81.92 KB, 434x646, 16609d13dc3493af2e4cbd1de6….jpg)

Basically, what >>5020 said.

>>5016
>What could they possibly do to you?
There are thousands of ways people can make life a hell for you in a circle of people if they have more power than you inside it. It really depends on how much of a bitch that person is, and from what we can read from OP's intel, this one is a big one.

>>5017
>Grow a pair, op. If somebody is giving you a problem, tell them. What could they possibly do to you?
This only makes sense if you have more power than them when you "grow the pair". If you confront somebody who is stronger than you or in a better position socially, you will only make a fool out of yourself and will become the target of hate and mocking or even violence in some cases (depends on the person).
All of this supposing you actually are shy/reticent/low-profile/whatever fits the classical /n/profile, and the other girl has actually power inside your social circles. If in reality you don't give a fuck about people and this "friend" (or she doesn't have any say in your world), by all means do this. Do not let yourself be stepped on.

Now, to OP: Unfortunately, you didn't seem to know about our rules. Underage users aren't allowed on this site (we're +18 for a variety of reasons). Next time play it smart and ignore age questions.
I'd paste an IRC channels or something in case you wanted expanded advice, but since you're underage and female, that's a terrible idea and the ideal excuse for people to call me (or anyone joining that channel) a pedophile, so sadly, that won't happen.
Anyway, in my opinion you should cut out your relationship with this girl. You obviously aren't in for what she wants off you, and she acts like a bitch to you, so yeah, you aren't really "friends". Do not hang out with her, if you end up being with her in some project or something, ignore her stupid comments (i.e. do not rebut) but don't treat her badly, and keep your distance (i.e. work with the other people in your group). If after a long while she's still like this, yeah, talk with other of your friends and see what would be the better approach. What do your other friends thinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.5023

Tell your parents, if they give two shits about you they will do something about it, one adult should be enough to handle problems with a bunch of kids, unless they don't care or are completely useless.



File: 1531031681881.jpg (255.11 KB, 850x612, __original_drawn_by_qian_m….jpg)

 No.4951[Reply]

I've been considering whether or not getting a pen pal would be worth it or not. I looked at site for that sort of thing and it allowed you to find people from a a specific country. Okay.
>Japan
I figured they would have the most interesting socially inept people. Rather than some kid, a really old guy, or some creep, I could imagine a Japanese person having a similarly neurotic kind of mind set as me. Maybe that's naive, but the results I got didn't betray me expectations. Almost all women for some reason. One of them really stood out to me, it's kind of depressing actually.

>I have been waiting for my ideal person for so many years

>first i don't want any humans who have friends really
>maybe just talk is actually fine but mostly meaningless plus boring i think
>so it is meaningless to have a communicate with those kind of humans
>i wonder always why they all like to keep having those kind of meaningless humans for their friends
like online friends to something like that
>sometimes there is really a good person is true even on the internet
>but you really can continue to have a communicate with that person until the death
>or you really care about? or
>at least i don't keep anybody and i am keep waiting for my ideal person for myself
>i am very selfish and egoist
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
22 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.4983

File: 1532385486053.jpg (1.02 MB, 744x1052, __original_drawn_by_arizuk….jpg)

>>4980
None of that has to do with being sweet. Not all lonely people are actually loving on the inside. Many in fact aren't(including myself). She is not, "one of us". First of all, she hates chans and, "weebs". Secondly, she is truly mentally ill and has a warped perception of the world. She is massively hypocritical. I definitely don't identify with her. I don't expect a magic person to come and save the day. Her obsession with cutesy things and candy isn't sweet, it's juvenile. Arrested development. I don't think i'm anywhere near perfect or anything, but look at the list she wrote to describe her ideal person again. That's not sweet.

 No.4987

File: 1532423878730.jpg (213.62 KB, 719x1000, lonely.jpg)

>>4983
"Weeb" and "chan user" are not personality traits. You could probably very well talk to her while simply keeping quiet about either of those and she wouldn't notice. The language barrier's already enough. If your character is entirely based on being those two things, you might want to reevaluate your life.
In regards to the chan thing, though, you could make the argument that chans perpetuate a certain culture, a way of thinking and speaking, that she dislikes, but you gotta keep in mind that she's Japanese and probably thinking of Futaba and the like, eventually 4chan, judging from a couple of her more politically coloured blog posts (which are all just jokes about Hitler looking かわいい anyway). If using chans has influenced you to your core, being on Uboa and making coherent posts about your feelings and all that gay shit should at least be some kind of confirmation that you're not too far gone to talk to her (since all she does is talk about her feelings). Smaller places like this one tend to have a somewhat different culture, after all. I definitely know that I feel completely alienated if I ever think of posting on 4chan, and the same goes for Uboa's discord where most of that crowd seems to gather, even though I'm perfectly fine with posting here.

However, I entirely agree with what you said about arrested development. The difference between her and ""us"" (whoever that mystical conglomeration might be) is her apparent childishness and naivete. Her expectations of an entirely inhuman being who will devote its existence to her needs - people here have said that they wish for such a thing, but I'm pretty sure all of them ackknowledge that it's impossible and drudgingly accept it. She switches between despising reality for it, to despising herself, which is something some people here might have in common. She's aware of her flaws, she's made posts about hating herself, her looks, her anxiety, her helplessness… But since she doesn't seem to be able to do much for herself (well, she's started to help her mom with cooking or something), the only realistic way for her to find a person she can become closer to is lowering her standards and accepting these same flaws in other people as well. Judging from her posts though, she just seems too self absorbed to ever figure that out. Odd, you'd think such experiences would at least make a person morePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.4988

>>4983
she is hurt, alone and yearns for someone who will love her as she is. Of course it is driving her insane. Her standards for her ideal person are quite high for what she can offer but she probably just wants her person to be similar as she is. Sure her postings are full of hatred but this hatred is a reaction to not fitting in the world and not having your basic desire fulfilled.

>arrested development

she often posts how she found things in school complicated and nobody ever wanted to explain her stuff. How everyone just left her rot away in the swamp and moved on. She might have had struggles in school but she also reads about nihilism, nietsche and edison so it is hard to evaluate this one.

On the hypocritical parts you are right though. There are many instances where she calls other people fake but also claims she has a fake persona for interaction. At least she does not deny it though. With "one of us" I thought she is reclusive, socially handicapped, lonely and borderline suicidal / nihilistic. She hates weebs and chan users mainly because some of them wrote her only because she is Japanese and they expected a quick fuck. I would also be disgusted and more careful about them in future.

 No.4990

>>4988
School smarts don't encompass all of intelligence, but seeing how she writes and that she has printouts of what looks like math exercises for elementary school students, I dunno…

Oh, and would you mind pasting her comments on nihilism/Nietzsche/Edison that you've mentioned? I'd like to see more of her thoughts on these topics. I do remember her commenting on Freud I believe, saying something like "he's an interesting guy, he thinks in a strange way like me" and generally liking his stuff.

 No.4993

>>4990
i just looked again and she deleted the edison posts.

Anyways, This is my favorites from todays posting:
>I actually already have Popeye arms
>just it is covered by the gross fluffy meats

>see

>where we came from?
>it is like your mom pooped you out
>so we are shit
>real shit

I think she is heavily in depression. She writes that she cannot do much besides sleeping. Always tired. I know those feels as I have the same ones. When I read her postings I can see myself so often in her postings. It really hurts.



File: 1505191181148.png (14.67 KB, 882x1289, 5c64635da1c7756e761275fe31….png)

 No.3788[Reply]

>Been a hikikomori for 11 years
>Been trying to recover for about 2 years now
>Failing
>I feel like i want to die

I fucking hate my life can anyone relate??.
26 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.3834

>>3826
Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Sometimes it's more comfortable taking the easy route even though the easy route makes you feel like shit. Your half-hearted attempts at change would indicate this.
I understand the feeling, making changes when you've been living like this for 11 years isn't easy, and that's precisely why you need a big change to get the ball rolling. Anxiety attacks or whatever is just something you will have to accept at first, but it'll get better with time.

 No.3835

File: 1505851979517.png (237.57 KB, 1499x726, 5muedS3.png)

>>3828
Whether you believe what I'm saying is up to you, but here's my take on it, which I'm sharing because I can relate to you on the bullying and weird kinks/fetishes/double life bit.

As already said, a functioning adult worth their salt at worst are just going to rib you a little. As long as you can take the banter and understand that most adults aren't going to bully you to the point of feeling excluded then you'll be fine in most workplaces and just everyday life like shopping for food or going to the movies. That's the reason why I pointed out that the adult world is nothing like school. Because it isn't. I have an annoying stutter at times and only the shittiest people actually mock me for it. I tend to be awkward as well and people don't bully me for that either.

Most people will put in the work to be respectful, understanding, and tolerant. All you have to do is put in the work to be the same of them.

As far as weird fetishes, attractions, etc, why is it anyone's business but yours? I fap to futas, monster girls, and girls sticking their fingers/tongue in foreskin and yet, this never has to come up in normal conversations. I don't just talk about my obsession with sex toys for that matter either. And knowing how people are, I just assume people have weird kinks and hobbies too. Maybe my manager at work is really into scat play but if he does, he does a good job at hiding it.

Only people I see who get rejected are those who too proudly discuss their more TMI parts of themselves to anyone. I work with such a person, she just told me about how she loves gay guys making out and how she's an asexual, and how she loves the NSFW nature of the Undertale fandom, and once announced that she had to shove a tampon up her snatch.

I don't know, I know you said that you don't like being a pedophile, but just don't make your kinks/sexual attractions into your identity? Just don't be that guy in pic related.

 No.4916

>>3788
8 years. Can confirm the feels. I wish I had an answer. At least you aren't alone. I'm in the same sinking boat.

 No.4928

yes I can relate OP
I just had this feel again today.
For the first time since october I cried again
in the shower so nobody can hear, like a little girl

I hate the fuckup I have become and I hate the person I am. I hate beeing a waste of oxygen and I wish I could drop dead.

 No.4960

It's 3:56AM. When the clock hits 3AM, my heart sinks and I freeze with hesitation. For the past month, I've been planning to visit the railroad, but I keep pushing the date for tomorrow, with an excuse every time. To be fair, I was exhausted each time. I'm exhausted now, in fact.

But it's not exhaustion, and it's not procrastination either; it's the instinct of self-preservation. It's very easy to plan suicide, but when the time comes it's not that simple to fight core human nature. I'll eat some coffee grindings and sleep in the morning. In the dead of night, the streets are empty.

Determination and will can overcome more than just instinct, and, of course, desperation always helps in this case. But humans aren't animals, or, they shouldn't be. I'm not a cornered rat; this is an act of dignity, not desperation. And I refuse to live in a world like this. They'll scrape my remains from the pavement, but they'll never have my soul.



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