/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

Real quick, I'm a schizophrenic NEET on disability but because Murica I do not make enough to live off of on my own. I've always had to take roommates to share the rent with, and because most people don't do that for free, it's usually a romantic partner I move in with. Because I'm vulnerable and stupid, I end up falling for a person who hurts me, or even starts beating me and insulting me just to put me down. So I run away. I call a friend somewhere else in the States who can move me somewhere else, and then it starts again. I meet a person, they hurt me, I leave.

You get the point, basically. Medicaid is state based, so when you move elsewhere, you need to reapply for that state's version of Medicaid. As I've already been to half the states in the country, and already moved twice this year, it's been very hard to keep my medical benefits steady (they can take up to 100 days to approve an applicant after the forms are filled out or, if you have SSI, respond to a change of address.)

I can't get my meds so it's harder and harder to go outside, I can barely get food, and might be moving again in another few months too.

My family says they're willing to house and feed me and take care of the cost of my medicine, but the only stipulation is that I cannot bring anyone home with me. THe problem with this is that I'm extremely codependent, too broken to live for my own sake, so I need someone to lean on and be my purpose. But after 6 or 7 consecutive relationships that turned abusive, I'm really just thinking there isn't much hope for me living comfortably, or doing anything other than struggling like an animal every day to survive.

Are there any other diagnosed schizophrenics here whose conditions are severely disabling? If so, I'd love to know how you're all getting by, because I'm having a really tough time out here. (pic unrelated, just a drawing I did when I moved here)

I'm not a hikki, but struggle with similar issues such as anxiety, isolation, alienation from others, loneliness etc… I can relate to a lot of people here. Because of some of my behaviour, I've started to wonder if I'm neurodivergent, possibly having autism or ADHD.

Some of these being:
- Hyperactive thoughts and restlesness due to it, and in this state going completely in an automatic mode
- Spacing out a lot, excessive daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming
- Sensory sensitiveness, mostly to noise and I often experience a sensory overload and a shut down
- Very limited interests, if I don't have internal motivation to do something, I'm completely disinterested in it and have an extremely hard time completing it
- Liking sameness and getting distressed and annoyed when it's disturbed
- Difficulty recognizing what I'm exactly feeling, same with my desires and needs
- Clumsiness, often bumping to objects, poor motor skills.
- Liking and preferring being alone

There's a lot still to figure out but that's something… I'd say I'm quite emotionally intelligent, people often say that I'm good at conversing and they like talking to me because of that (in writing but still), so that makes me doubt it.. I also learnt to speak normally and to write at a quite young age too with ease. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just imagining it all, trying to make excuses for my inadequacy and laziness…

I've noticed that there are many neurodivergent people around, so that's why I'm posting this here… I'm planning to read more about it, but if anyone would like, I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts about this and experiences with such. Feel free to vent here too.

Is there an effective way to deal with harassment?

I got myself into a bad situation on social media, and it's making me want to isolate, or just fall back on old habits.

I wish I could go back and start over more than anything. Despite only leaving my house once a week I somehow still have some friends that invite me out for board games and stuff. But I can see the writing on the wall, I'm getting older, not quite hopeless yet but approaching hopeless. My 30s loom over me like a darkling plain, past approaching and unforgiving.

I have so much trouble just talking to people, even people I like, even people I've known for years. I have anxiety for days sometimes even a week leading up to hanging out with someone. I always have lists of things I want to do to try to improve but barely accomplish even a 10th of the things on them. In one part because of my aweful habit to procrastinate on everything even sleep, when sleep really should be my best friend.

Yet, in the other part I have crippling anxiety being around people almost universally. Only my mother manages to make me feel truly at ease and she'll be dead in a few decades and then it will just be me.

Why did it have to be like this? What can I even do? I've been depressed over not even getting to go to high school for the past half decade of my life once I realized far too late how important and formative the experience would have been. Instead I dropped out at the age of 17, and it took more years yet to realize how much of a fuck up that was.

I never got bullied by other children as an adolescent really, the problem was always the adults. Peg the weird kid as an autist and segregate him. That's all they ever did, segregated classes, segregated bus, segregated school programs, whole segregated schools and eventually solitary confinement for refusing to do schoolwork. I was never violent, just depressed and unwilling to move, what an offense to the people who were supposed to be there for me the most during some of the most important years of my life.

And now hear I am. Still terrified to go outside because it was conditioned into me to be terrified. I've since been diagnosed with PTSD from all this. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to relate and maintain the energy others do. I try but where others seem to get energized by social interaction it just exhausts me for days and weeks and throws me into spirals where all I can do is laze around and play old video games. Yet I need the interaction, and I need the motivation they have to get better while there's still time… thanks for reading my blog if you did ubPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

post itt if you are sickly as well as NEET

i got CFS/ME/SEID/whatever docs wanna call it, but basically im too tired to leave the house or even bed most of the time, and its not depression or anything mental

also get mad headaches, nausea, and dizziness from just standing up

also relevant is itt NO BULLYING ALLOWED!!

I've been thinking about this for quite a long time. I'm a hikki and NEET, don't have an education and am disabled. What are some ways I could I get by when/if things go sour, or if I want to leave this lifestyle? I am probably too far gone already, but hopefully one of these can work for you. This topic gets discussed a lot in NEET/hikki communities, but I'm mentioning a lot stuff I don't see listed elsewhere. Don't believe anyone who tells you "bro you have to go out and work a job, sorry, that's life." Fuck that noise! Some of these are fully sustainable, some are risky, just for short-term cash, or a small amount of passive income. Some of these are kind of out there and and may not work well in practice.

(You'll want to read the first reply to this thread for a continuation, the body was way too long.)

>Pornographic artist/developer
Porn artists and porn game developers can make serious money through both commissions and Patreon. The more depraved/niche you're willing to do (gay, furry, scat etc.), the better the pay is. Porn games can also make a lot more money than just doing porn art.

>Boosting people, competitive vidya
I've done this when I was a GM Overwatch player, but I don't play that game anymore. With enough skill and time put in, you could sustain yourself completely with this. Hard part is getting a reputation at the beginning, you need to be patient. Should be smooth sailing from there, as long as major changes to the game don't fuck you up.

>Game cheat developer
Subscription private cheats. You can read and learn a lot about cheat development on forums like UnknownCheats. It's really not that hard; if you know C or C++, you're ready to get started. Cheat development is fun, too. Alternatively, use your undetected private cheat for boosting people more reliably.

>The Amazon affiliate program
This is a little complicated to explain here. It involves creating websites and SEO. You'll want to read this, it actually has some good information, explained better than I ever could: https://old.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/comments/5mzpz6/in_2016_i_made_31615415_via_the_amazon_affiliate/
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I've given up with my life and want to end it but I also want to end it as well for a fuck ton of over people what do?

[spoiler] Thinking about blowing up a crowded subway car or something.

What works depict hikikomori/shut-in characters that you found relatable?

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm scared to live on my own. My situation could not end with me being labeled a NEET, exactly- after graduating college, my parents let me continue living with them. I fell out of contact with all of the friends I knew in university. It's been seven years since I left high school, seven since I dated or really made any meaningful connections with anyone. I work a shitty part time job that leaves me with no energy to be social. Trying to help around the house more, but I feel like such a disappointment, barely knowing how to pay bills, clean, unable to really accomplish anything.

All I can do is lay in bed and play games. That I can't fuck up, at least. I'm grateful everyday to have these resources and not be homeless, but I'm terrified of the thought that my parents could die someday, and I'd be left alone, unable to survive. Does anyone else live with this fear, losing your caretaker? How do you deal with it?

Is anyone else sad when their posts get no replies? I don't mean here but on bigger sites. I'm kinda lonely.