/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

is anyone here a migratory NEET?
I find that my restlessness stops me from being able to stay in one place; even though chronic illness and money are always concerns that can limit whether or not moving is a good idea, i really can't stand staying in the same place for more then a few months. i did some thinking last night and realized i have lived in 15 different houses or apartments all over the country since 2019.. I just moved again last week and i'm already feeling very very restless. sometimes I go back to stay with my family, which can be peaceful, but eventually the usual home-life problems drive me away again.

how do you settle down? regardless of if i'm with someone else, a girl or a boy, friend or someone who likes me, wants to fuck me, whatever, i can't stand being around anyone, i always leave again trying to find something that feels right; i'm only happy when i'm in nature by myself.. so whenever i end up in a city again i guess that's when i get the craziest like this.

just checked twt and saw that theres atleast 5 genocides going on,and ai art is rising,how is it people still have hopes for the future of humanaty and havent alredy turned to neets???

Should I go back to the psychiatrist and get my medication?

does anyone else get intense attachments to ppl u dont even know??? like i feel like ik them better then anyone and have known them their entire life and maybe even am them but ive never even talked them once lol. the ppl i am refering to r captianhowdie, zombiebeatz2000/noriko and gerard way..

post everytime you get neetshamed
got neetshamed today

how do u make friends while a hikki? im not a hikki by choice, its by force since my illness' make it hard to go outside and im really lonely these days - 🥩

so, i'm just assuming most people on here that don't live alone are housed (begrudgingly or not) by their family.
from what i read, it seems like this is always a major stressor and cause of strife, but this isn't the case for me, more like the way of life.
am i alone here in having asocial / avoidant parents who have just accepted it as the way to exist for themselves and their kin?
how do you break free of something like this, and still keep your bonds intact?

How does anyone in this situation find it in them to seek help for mental health problems? I'm one of those long-term NEETs who can go outside very occasionally (think once every few weeks), mostly to stock up on bare necessities I need for the long-haul in isolation, but it exhausts me to no end.

To add to this, my already fragile mental health (generalised anxiety/clinical depressive disorders) has been deteriorating even more this past year than before, and now I can't even take care of those basic needs reliably anymore. I know the solution is to go back to my doctor or even see if my old therapist would see me again, but how does one find not only the courage, but the desire to seek out such serious and draining help when you can't even shower most days or hardly want to get out of bed? I used to imagine that I could go back anytime, because if I timed it to one of those days I had to go out anyway, it would be easier. But I've started relying on others like a fucking leech to bring back all the stuff I need for me sometimes. I'm probably moving one step closer to full unbroken isolation, and it sucks.

On any days where I feel "better" I prefer to ride the wave of that small high, and then I'm right back down where I started. I know that most of us losers here are stuck in similar cycles of inaction, because all we need to do is "just go to therapy and get a job lol", but it feels like I'm not going to break out of it, because I've been stuck in it so long that I don't even know what it means to "break out of it" now.

What do, /hikki/?

That's probably a bit of an unusual topic. Does anyone here also struggle with late sexual initiation in their lives?

I've been lonely for the most part of my life, up until early 30s due to a multitude of reasons.

For more context: i am a late-transitioning trans woman (i do actually pass and that's by standards of a pretty conservative central european country)

At school i struggled with impeded social skills and i was a moderately unattractive person at that time (in my opinion) - by either masculine or feminine standards of beauty.

I had a very little internal sense of gender back then and felt pretty much like a genderless entity, although my environment treated me like a dude, obviously.

Due to my general emasculation i was often badly mistreated and abused by male peers. It was a small, provincial school, full of people with very conservative and narrow mindsets. Girls were pretty traditional there and weren't interested in me, plus it was generally expected that i should initiate things, as a "man", while i was never the type to do so.

Later in life i have become extremely secluded and never completed any education beyond HS. This of course left a huge negative impact on my social life and skills.

With the life context out of the way - fast forward to 2023.
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I am hikikomori and I used to get upset about it but then I tried to overcome agoraphobia and social anxiety only to discover I prefer being by myself.
There is nothing out there for me so I sit inside and listen to music and I feel very tranquil yet suicidal at the same time I think it is peak apathy. I have given up on myself and that is honestly ok with me I see life differently now and am gla I spent near a decade as a hikikoori.
I have had a lot of time to investigate thoughts and the world from reading and experience but have come to understand that there is no understanding and trying to do so will only lead you to the abyss.
Reason leads to pessimism and bleak existential despair because we are human and cannot cognize beyond what we can observe without building on top of many abstractions.
I might die or I might not and none of that matters unless I think it does but I did want to make this post to try encourage some other hikki not to improve as such but really think about everything.
If you do not desire a normalfag life why bother trying to gain one and if you do ask yourself why.
I took a knife to my watch and cut a sliver off as I hope that it may help someone else.
It can always get worse in life that is a certainty but also as the Buddhists say our desires bring us pain however we need to juggle well and not go to any extreme with ascetism and just throw our hands up whilst experiencing the wind brushing against our face and accept it as it is without any other added abstractions.
Mindfulness is important a lot of us we think far too much it causes much of our social anxiety also and it is not bad to think a lot but we have to realize our cognatize skills have become over extended and are useless do you understand what I mean? do you understand what I mean when I say that empiricism can never explain anything beyond an observation of what appears to be and a philosopher can never explain anything beyond a structure built from abstractions which are untestable?
We cannot know and the more you know the more you know that a universal theory or answer to life is out of our hands for it requires understanding every single moving part that exists and we will never know because we are limited that is a theme repeated throughout life.
We could birth a machine with a semblance of consciousness a meta human but no matter how "intelligent" it too would be trapped within the simulacrum from which it was constructPost too long. Click here to view the full text.