/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

Sometimes I have this feeling that I would have been a lot better off if I decided to drop out. From what I recall, majority of the times it wasn't all about learning and instead asserting your own dominance in the social hierarchy and social standing. Maybe even stooping down to someone elses level at the expense of your own self. There were also some social pressures and expectations I had to meet which screwed up with my productivity and learning since I was worrying most of the time. Which makes me come to think that isolating myself from all the nonsense and reprioritising would have been a better approach.

I'm honestly shocked I've made it through this year so far and I haven't off'd myself for all the crap that's happened.

I'm at least thankful that I still have a job even with the pandemic happening but it's a job given to me by my own parent. The job itself which doesn't have permanency and doesn't even give me enough pay for me to properly live on my own which yeah, that means I still live with my parents.

Last year I ended up flinging my diploma due to not passing two courses within it and this year I haven't even been given any thumbs up in trying to finish that and even then I feel so tired of constant study for a job that I'm not 100% that I'd even be fine with for most of my life. Yet it feels that I've come this far with what I've learnt from there that it's the only way I can go here on out.

God and socially this year has been horrible to. My girlfriend for 3 years broke up with me after having visited her city 3 times before and feeling like something could actually happen. I loved her so dearly and even now I can barely get over her just, sobbing really thinking about it.

On top of that a social group I had been with for longer started calling me a pedo due to the age she was when we started dating, which is both none of their business and ultimately wrong since there was nothing like that involved and even if it was were not even in the bloody U.S. where there's rules like that, but regardless they kicked me out and threw me under the bus, making lies up about the ages and when it even started.

My only social solace has been in two small groups which may as well be full of the same kinds of people in here, NEET-like and in conditions close to that of hikkis. Not to mention in one of them there's a single person who drives attention to himself completely ignoring me passing me off as annoying and I just left that entire circle because of that… Just how the hell does one get out of this soup? I feel like going on I'm just going to rot away as some failure despite all the "success" I've had up to this point. I've lost the one person I truly loved and there's now a group of people that wish I never existed.

I'm sorry if this isn't something that fits into this board but… I just think after this year I'm just going to permanently be confined to a screen in a vein hope to find happiness.

I'm just trapped in an endless swirling antlion pit of worthlessness, what do I do?

I've been socially isolated and excluded from having friends ever since I was a little kid because I have debilitating ADHD, depression, anxiety, autism ect.

After barely scraping through highschool, I managed to move out of my abusive parents' house into a shoddy bedroom rental in a house full of real creepy normie cis dudes. At this point I somehow managed to make a girlfriend online because we're both NEETs and after a couple years of dating and mailing my stuff to her house in boxes because moving services aren't affordable, and finally took a plane to move in with her.

We've lived together for about two years now and she's the light of my life and the only reason I haven't offed myself. But after two years, dozens of resumes, and the fucking ocean of spaghetti I've spilled trying to hand them out, I still can't find work.

Her parents are nice enough to let me live here rent free until I can find work, but I've just become such a parasite. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard and the world refuses to acknowledge it. Help.

I've been a neet for 3 years, and my concentration and memory is dog shit now. I' m getting tired of this lifestyle, but it also feels impossible to move on. How can I study properly now? Or be trusted not to fuck up at work? I hate how I basically made myself retarded.

Even when I was in school I asked stupid questions/made stupid mistakes that would make people give me 'are you fucking stupid?' looks. They always say there's no such thing as a stupid question, but it's just lip service. I'm tired of people's judgement for being slow, especially if I'm around others and can't think properly because people make me so nervous. But I also want to do something worthwhile with my life.

I developed an internet "addiction" and I can't get out of it. There are many issues that have piled up since I started to ignore them. How can I replace the internet with something productive?

Not a NEET exactly but I grew up with anxiety issues because of an overbearing mother. I was feeling like I was getting better ever since I started college but the pandemic has made my issues worse because of having to take classes online which made me not able to focus well. I was also trying to get over my anxiety issues when talking to people.

I am thinking of taking a break but my mother wants me to take classes part time so I won't struggle. I am unsure about my major since the pandemic threw it in the gutter. I haven't picked my classes yet and feel like I'm wasting time and money. My mother is worried about me since I don't really leave home to exercise or anything since the pandemic has started and I am not taking care of myself as I should.

I do have friends but I only trust a few people in my life due to bullying, unpleasant experiences, and people not understanding me. Even then, my anxiety interferes with situations sometimes. I question or feel like I'm too shy to talk seriously to most of the people I meet online/irl. Most of the time, I put on a mask to hide how nervous I am.

I have a job interview today but I'm trying to have low expectations since I've struggled to find a job ever since I was laid off unfairly years ago. It's gonna be hard not to stutter. I'm mostly afraid of slipping into becoming a NEET because of struggling so much lately.

How good/poor is your hygiene?

Do you have any unusual aspirations that you did not have outside of NEETdom?

I have been getting some very strange longings to become a street artist. I've even been creating stencils and posters that I will never put up. I guess the optimistic viewpoint is that I've been released from wage slavery and now want to do something real and exciting with my life, but its never going to happen anyway because I'm too scared of the police so I mostly just sleep and kill myself.

I also want to wear a cloak and sword and go on a Hobbit style adventure, but…

Recently i lost all my friends including internet ones too. So i've been feeling pretty frustrated. Usually i loved spending time on my own and denied people in meetings just because i changed my mind. But since my internet friend got a gf (we were tight about 3 years) , i argued with my the only one irl friend and worldwide known pandemic got to my hometown i (surprisingly) have nobody to share my feelings with. How to enjoy your own company without knowing that you always have a"pillow of safety" in the form of friends?

Have any of you ever experienced ego death? It was such a terrifying but also very eye opening experience for me. I ended up going outside for the first time in a couple of years the day afterwards. Couldn't even get my own groceries, couldn't even get near the front door… I know it's not all simply solved now, I'm still going to have some issues, but for the first time in my life I finally feel grateful to be alive, and it's such an amazing feeling. I think I'm finally on the path to escaping this hellscape of agoraphobia.