/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

>>6536
Word. This reply's really good. The best people I know online are from small-ish tightknit communities.

& don't be shy as well

>>6649
Discord being spyware is one major issue. There are alternatives, but people just don't use them for some reason. I also don't like the idea of talking to groups in general. Who do I talk to? If it's dead and no one is there, what do I say? And if there are too many people around, it's not really possible to have a great discussion. I tend to prefer responding to people, but even if there are only a couple of people talking, I don't want to join a conversation that other people are having and potentially get in their way. In general, imageboards are what I like the most, but we never exchange contact information even when a good discussion does happen. The internet really feels kinda hopeless. It never leads anywhere.

Someone did get me to use Discord (after a conversation, so I had to be convinced, and to me trying to make someone use something else feels rude) and then "ghosted" me, as the kids say (and I used it in a browser with a good VPN and generally tried to keep it from being too invasive), and I was desperate enough to try a couple of groups, but it just didn't work and I couldn't talk. Gave up after joining a small group and a message loudly announced that I joined. Made me panic and quit everything and never try again. Real time online communication makes me too nervous. This is one aspect of myself that I definitely hate. For talking to complete strangers that I know nothing about, it's too much. In a way, it's scarier than real life and I can't contain my spaghetti, it immediately explodes out of my pockets.

>>6652
Maybe I should play RuneScape. I actually never played it, which is strange because I played MMOs way too much in the past (and I certainly regret that now). Somehow never played one of the more popular ones, very strange. Kinda scared, though, because I may end up spending too much time on it. When I did play MMOs, I was really bad at interacting with people. Couldn't do anything that required collaboration. Still, I did talk to some people, though I never initiated the first interaction.

>>6649
Almost the same for me, only difference is that it was on Skype and not Discord.
I honestly think that I am still chasing that feeling of belonging, comfort and intimacy. I miss those people, they were the best friends I ever had. We talked about everything with each other, did a lot of stuff together and helped each other out a lot. We even met once irl.
Whatever they do now and wherever they are now, I wish them only the best.
I miss them and the places I visited in the past, often I think about them.
I have to be honest and admit I am longing for things that are gone and won't come back. The reason why I am still on the Internet… I know nothing else and have the silly hope I will one day meet people I like again and a place I call home.
>>6655
I actually met those people that I mentioned above on an imageboard and we got together because I dropped my contact information. Maybe just risk doing it, I doubt that on places like Uboa something bad follows.

>>6657
My post made me think more about this matter and I think what I truly search is the cirklewanking I had with the few people I mentioned.
The playful teasing and shitposting, paired with the occasional serious talk about something. Exchanging opinions about stuff we watched and played, being just able to life my interests. Just having friends that are likeminded and there for you.
I am honestly afraid finding out if I would be satisfied again if I met new people that I get along with. I have changed, feeling more tired, more jaded, more burned out. I am afraid to get what I am chasing and finding out it isn't fulfilling anymore. That the magic is gone or separation regarding online and irl is getting to me now.
I wonder if I ever stumble upon a website again that makes me feeling fond of it or if the Internet just got stale for me. But what else is there for me except the Internet? There is nothing and no one else around, I cling desperately to it and I am afraid it won't be what I need nor want.

>>6536
How do you look for communities? How do you find small groups? Uboachan discord is fucking humongous

I have much better luck on tiny discords (like under 100 members), but it's near impossible to find them. I feel like I could have some success if I just had opportunities to interact with people but it seems nonexistent unless you already have friends to invite you to servers and shit.

yeah i do, ive known about what the next decade will bring for some time now. though i dont have the mental capacity and motivation to actually prep or do something about it so im just waiting to die the next 5 years or so

often. i think it's just a way to justify failing/dying. if it's not "my fault", i'm absolved of all guilt, as opposed to my current ugly spiral (and it's inevitable ending) being totally on me.

Yeah, especially when my depression gets wild. I can't stop thinking about how humanity is always walking towards it's own destruction (and I kinda hope that the end comes soon enough so I can leave this place without hurting the few people that I have by my side)

My empathy has been activated and I feel the need to respond to every post in this thread. This is making me feel actual pain. I must contain it and only reply to what I immediately read, and not read too much, or I won't have the time to do anything before sleeping. Do not apply that logic to me, I understand that people can't reply to everything and aren't always in the mood to do so, and then just forget about it. Please kill me and end my suffering.

>>6330
Or not enough, since replying to older messages feels kinda weird. Very unbalanced. Either too much, so you can't have a good discussion, or nothing at all to talk about. And how do you start a discussion? Who do you talk to? Everyone? That's kinda weird. And even if you do talk to one person, isn't it awkward to know what everyone can read what you're saying? I don't know, I never liked being around groups of people in real life, and online it's not really better.

>>6646
My posts tend to be longer and more detailed than most. Most of them are responses to other posts, and I tend to respond to anyone that responds to me as long as I have something to say, so in a way, it's good when I don't get a response, because someone will have to end the discussion and it typically won't be me unless there is really nothing else to be said.

I can pretty much only commonly relate to people on dead imageboards. There are not that many people that I talked to in the past that enjoyed interacting with enough to clearly and fondly remember, but almost all of those have been on imageboards. Occasionally comments somewhere else, but that only happened a couple of times.

>>6647
Sometimes what people say can be overwhelming, and responding can be difficult. I know that I struggled with that before. Especially when people say a bunch of truly horrible things, I can struggle to even know how to react appropriately. I'm sure that I made other people feel the same in the past. I could tell.

>>6648
And people can be reluctant to revive old threads or respond to posts that are too old in general. Maybe assume that the poster Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6656
>Sometimes what people say can be overwhelming, and responding can be difficult. I know that I struggled with that before. Especially when people say a bunch of truly horrible things, I can struggle to even know how to react appropriately. I'm sure that I made other people feel the same in the past. I could tell.
I relate and really feel what you're saying since this just happened to me yesterday. I tried to interact with people outside of what I'd usually browse, on an 8gag spinoff to see if it was any good, but they were pretty hostile. Maybe it was because I tried to make a random rambling post to fit in, but yeah I feel like I am just failing really hard at trying to branch out because deep inside most people on imageboards look down on people who aren't the regular kind that they expect. I wish I understood people, even those who I think would get me. Honestly I wish there was a better alternative besides imageboards but there just isn't.

>person asks something
>I and another person reply
>OP only talks to the other person
sounds like real life.

>>6693
Seems that way. I can only relate to a few people in boards like this and for the most part that's about it because I guess I'm too weird, but it never goes beyond that because leaving contact information at all feels like pressuring people too much, so I have never done it.

>>6693
>I wish I understood people, even those who I think would get me

Relate to this a lot. I think that's what makes finding places I can interact in so special for me, though: I feel somewhat more understood, and like I can understand more. Maybe it's just because of the similar pains we find ourselves going through that many of us find boards like this more welcoming.

>>6709
I tend to get worked up about this, as well. Sometimes, it makes me wonder if the way I speak/type makes me seem like either a stuffy arsehole who is impossible to talk to, or just a total retard, even if the actual content of what I say is the same as another person.

you just, find the courage. just do it. that's literally it. and then stick to a routine. there is no How's or magic tricks because it's all up to you.

Hey OP, maybe you could try to stock up on less things in a lesser amount of time. For example instead of buying 5 weeks worth of food every 5 weeks you could buy 2 weeks worth of food every 2 weeks. I did this and eventually I got down to a day worth of food every day. You can go out during the night, or in the rain when no one is around. That's what I did. I still don't have a job but I'm way more confident in myself now

>>6664
Infuriatingly, I know you're right.

>>6665
Good on you, anon. I'll probably try to start with something similar, and see if I can ease myself into going out more often despite myself. Thanks.

>But I've started relying on others like a fucking leech to bring back all the stuff I need for me sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, this is usually the norm for NEETs.

>>6685
I used to have a deranged kind of "pride" from taking care of myself in some small way, so it stings a bit to end up getting worse like this.

Everybody at the start of this thread is 5 years older now.

>>6683
That's scary. I don't want to be 30

24 going on 12.

>>6688
Don't get b&, don't be a dummy,
Don't post your age if you can't legally party

28.

18. Been here since 14. Sorry Sei but I'm legal now =P

Similar story for early life. Only ever had friends on 1st grade and we never talked (we just gathered sticks together outside). After 1st grade I was left alone, but I didn't mind it. It was nice to just think alone all-day. It was like this for the rest of my school years. surprisingly I was never bullied for it.
As for this isolation having a damaging effect? Surely yes. I try to avoid places and times of day where I would have to meet people. If someone asks me anything usually my response is just one word and I get called absent-minded for this, but guess I am. Hehe.
Life is currently pleasant overall and i don't mind my past or present.

(op here. Dashchan)
>>6629

>do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all?
> i always find it so empty

I agree. It never feels like I'm part of something. It doesn't matter if I've been in a group for a year and half. It doesn't matter if everyone knows me as another one of them, sees me as an individual. I will always feel empty and lonely. I have a habit of deleting socials and making new accounts as a "new beginning". It doesn't matter if its something I did or just out of nowhere. It always happens eventually and I end up at square one.

>>6631
>Life is currently pleasant overall and i don't mind my past or present.
not a bad state to be in at all tbh. there's something peak-comfy about just riding the wave of whatever state you've ended up in.

>>6632
>It doesn't matter if everyone knows me as another one of them, sees me as an individual. I will always feel empty and lonely.

fuck, i relate to that. ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet? it's true for some people, but sadly i think other people are just made to be alone even if they hate it.

>I have a habit of deleting socials and making new accounts as a "new beginning".

i was in that kind of loop for years, and only gave it up because i ran out of motivation to make more throwaway emails for it. it's kind of weird to remember people's names but not have a single person who could recognise me by my online aliases anymore. i hope you get out of it and find an actual place to belong.

>>6635
>ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet?

Always. I was really scared of this when I was in late high school (11th to 12th grade) it suddenly hit me like a train that I either find a group right now or spend my life possibly by myself all alone, but no matter how hard I tried to fit in with other people I just couldn't. The closest I went to being a functional social person was when I joined this random Turkish guys Discord server, and I actually started to use Discord a lot because of it, though I also saw the friend group crumble around me too. Even if I was really well known and loved by all members I still felt extremely lonely and it hurt a lot. It hurts a bit writing this too

>>6631
Kinda similar background I think(?) I was a very social kid in 1st and 2nd grade, when I went to a different school in 3rd grade I was always left alone by others. The only times my middle school "friends" "hanged out" with me was in 8th grade, when I told the school counsellor about my suicidal tendencies. Figured easily she told them to hang out with me, since she couldn't really bother considering she tried to ship me off to CPS as soon as she could.

I do not trust theraphy because of her. My dad made fun of me for a whole year because of her. I will and do base me not getting help solely on her and I do not care.

>>6629
>do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all?
I know I answered to this in 6632, but I'd like to add more)

I started to use 4chan back in 8th grade, I really liked the anonymity it gave me. If i posted anything in Facebook or whatever my peers would find ways to berate me with them, I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums. Going into high school I kinda figured I didn't agree with the same things as the people of 4chan talk about, so I searched for other boards, lainchan etc etc… and ended up here. Uboachan is really nice. Some people in high school thought I was really cool for a while (because I used imageboards lol) but that didn't last long and they moved oPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6636
>I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums

yeah, same. i think this is why i keep coming back to imageboards, despite wanting "actual" friends i can talk to on a more personal level. for some reason the anonymity is much more comfortable for me than having any kind of name to my posts. i often change which boards i use and my typing styles to make myself even less identifiable from day to day.

who is that cutie, OP??

>>6405
>who is that
Imagine being this much of a newfag </3

>>6408
okay. but answer the question.

coco keiki https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnCtedV-SEg
>5 years ago
I wonder what they are up to now

>>6626
I know how you feel

Hate it when that happens.

I would live in my summer house if I could again. I spent a year in the middle of nowhere when I was 16, good times

I would stay up all night play ps1 final fantasy 7 on my crt TV or read manga and go to the beach at 6am with the grey sky and cold weather, just do nothing and sit there listening to music in my mp3. Sometimes take steaming hot instant noodles with me there. I would give anything to experience that sweet peaceful isolation again.

>>6613
wow, that sounds amazing…

Seeing as no one said it has to be in reality, I'd like to live on the same property & yard I've always lived on, but:
>in a space severed from this world
>no neighbors
>it's only ever overcast or rainy
>the only inhabitants besides me are my 3 waifus and some living/talking stuffed animals
>assume I'm self-sufficient. cistern for the rainwater etc.
>and please for love of the nature gods, trees that are climbable

I'd have the same hope for the future I had as the kid. Shitty things would happen but I could always have hope for tomorrow.

>>2672
Remotest home possible, even if I have to lose out on shit like internet or TV or whatever, I don't care if I'd have to live by lantern light or cook off of a camping stove or something, I'd just like to do my own thing in peace.
Can't bother anyone else if they can't bother me.

>>6588
I have 'only' autism and I have had pip/esa for 8 years with three reviews. I think the key to communicating your problems is provide copies of diagnosis papers and write to criteria on each point.

>>6589
Yeah, going in with all the information you can is essential. Won't stop them trying to put you in the ESA work related group for shits and giggles, though.

>>6590
It has for me so far. I want to stress that it is *vital* the paperwork is filled out thoroughly, with tons of evidence such as diagnosis papers, reports from psychiatrists/psychologists, any contact with care or related services. It also helps to have involvement with Citizens Advice. On the day of your assessment it's vital you don't mask and must present your difficulties in a bare and truthful way.

It is 60% detailed paperwork evidence, 30% filling in the application paper to tie your difficulties to the criteria and 10% baring all at your face to face (many people make the mistake of dressing up/masking for an 'official' event). Hope that helps.

I've been told and diagnosed with issues, yet I don't agree with this assessment, for at least 5/6 years ive been a neet/hiki.
For the most part I don't mind it but sometimes it can be a pain, I wish others were able to understand.

I can share and I will share from the perspective of others as I have a poor ability to introspect and deny I have anything wrong with me. Sorry my english

I am NEET and hikikomori for a long time.
Medical issues are many but mental ones.
I am disabled according to the doctors and state so get looked after by people.
I do not desire anything more than this bed and some media to consume.
This includes relationships.

I try to make friend but shy away in the end only to vanish as it is not enjoyable.
Suicide also is something I think of a lot and have material to do so however but scared.
I get confused often about myself and the people around me.

Isolation has made me unable to relate to people even on the internet and in person there is no hope. I understand people but I do not find happy time in what they like.
Many years now on my own with my own thoughts and I do not know myself.

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