/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

years old post but whatever
i frequently experience derealisation and less frequently depersonalisation. it feels like real life is just a white void (think the armoury scene in the matrix for example) and this is just layered on top like a blanket but its not real and sometimes i press my finger into the walls or furniture expecting them to phase through because they are not real. during these times my surroundings usually feel like they look fake and artificial. in some cases my vision looks as if i am viewing through a fish eye camera lens

sometimes when outdoors i feel as if i am really at home and the outdoors are just a hallucination. in these moments i usually have to resist the urge to lay down on the pavement because i have to tell myself that i am really outside and i am not at home but i just cant shake the feeling. and thats what this really is, sometimes i genuinely believe that none of these things mentioned throughout but the majority of the time i know its wrong and this is real and i control my actions but i just cant shake the feeling and it wont go away

and sometimes i just dont feel my actions are mine. i feel they are robotic being performed automatically regardless of my mind. this happened earlier today and most often happens when outside going to the shop

something i feel may be related is i am sitting still and i feel like moving or getting up but i just cant do it and i keep sitting or laying perfectly still but could just be laziness desu
dead thread but i needed to get this out there

I'm in a perpetual state of (subdued) derealization. Wish I felt it stronger, actually. If I genuinely felt like none of this was real, it'd be easier to care less about trivial stuff.

Although, the depersonalization is much stronger. I think the feeling must be similar to what people who do certain drugs experience. I feel like people are actively immersed in their thoughts and their perception of who they are, and what this is. Sometimes I like to just watch my thoughts like they aren't mine, and it really feels like i'm just some foreign perspective watching a machine run on auto. When I think like that, all my actions feel completely predetermined – Simply a collection of fundamental particles governed by determined, albeit probabilistic, laws, and i'm merely a sentience along for the ride. I probably don't even exist.

>>6999
Forgot I made this thread. Time doesn't matter much here. Relate hard to your post, not the bit about fish eye but that's interesting because there's truth to that. If you look at a close bit of ceiling corner and a far bit they're at different angles. We just don't normally percieve it that way because it's more useful when straight lines are straight and not curved. But if you look at a drawing using that sort of perspective it looks curved. Merry christmas anon.

>>7012
Maybe.

Asialand?

Yeah, same. Made no difference.

Whenever I take it I just get a headache or end up feeling MORE tired…

>>6915
>>6882
>>6881
Not OP, but it made no difference for me too because I was taking vitamin D pills that did almost nothing. The doctor prescribed me little bottles that had high vit D and I had to take it once a week and I felt a bit better. Idk if you already tried it, but if pills don't help, you should try with something more strong (like 10k IU) but you should be aware that if you don't do any tests, you could take too much and have vit D toxicity.

There are some other very common deficiencies that a lot of people have, moreso if you don't eat very well. A deficiency in any of these will contribute to brain fog and depression.

* Magnesium - Take Chelated Magnesium, it doesn't give you the shits like Magnesium Citrate and it absorbs better.
* Vitamin B - Take a Vitamin B Complex pill.
* Choline - You can get this from a Choline pill or from a Lecithin pill.
* Vitamin D - Already discussed.
* Fish Oil - This is another important one. High EPA/DHA oil is best but regular Fish Oil pills help and are cheaper. Keep them refrigerated.

works on my machine although the change from off to on isn't a total cure turnaround

went outside for a relatively long walk. i don't necessarily feel any different, but the cold wind and rain was an experience.

>>6942
Thank you.
I remembered the forest road with the vending machine the most, everything else felt pretty fresh to me after all this time. The thing that stood out to me was all the Mesoamerican influences in the art style, which completely went over my head the first time I played it.

I've only baked pies and buns before, but perhaps I'll bake cookies with your recipe some day. May good things come your way so you can relish in those moments with your delicious cookies.

>>6944
I also went for a walk because the sun was shining brilliantly here today with a clear blue sky. It was around near freezing temperature, but the sun made it feel warmer and put a smile on my face.

>>6944
walking out in the rain is the best

>>6945
i should go out on a sunny day sometime, it would probably do my health some good. i'm glad your walk made you smile.

>>6946
yeah, it's my preference to go out when it's raining. the sounds are relaxing, i like the damp air, and it tends to be quieter too.

>>6943
sad

>>2367
use the big 5 its better in my opinion

Glad to see all the other INFPs, I love you all. Life sucks doesn't it?

intp-t. typing is nonsense though, you will never get a solid result due to the inherent lack of a single, rigid personality in people. it can be even further complicated by psychological shit like multiplicity.

>>2367
INTP-A here. op's pic related pretty much sums up what everyday feels like.
when socialization and empathy doesn't happen automatically you really feel how little in common everyone has

INTP is the worst personality type to have. It makes your life so much more difficult, not twice as hard more like you're fucked beyond belief.

You are always thinking about living in an ideal world but never actually living in the world you are in now. You're good with theoretical concepts but inept when it comes to practical application of knowledge. This basically makes you incapable of doing most tasks or you do them poorly. You can't stand being around other people but are forced to accept the fact that you can't entirely avoid them.

It's fucking exhausting being alive.

I feel like some people are just born fucked.

I read somewhere that neuroticism (emotional instability) is genetically predetermined. May explain why some people are more prone to reclusion than others. They were just born weaker.

>>6884
Modern epigenetics is currently trying to form a working theory around the interplay between how environment affects a person's genetics and then in turn how those genetics affect offspring. The hypothesis posits that environmental conditions which cause a mental state in a person can leave a genetic remnant on that persons genes which are then passed down to their offspring.
Meaning. If a person goes to war, comes back with PTSD, and then has children after having developed PTSD. Their children will in turn have a higher genetic probability of developing PTSD too.
The inverse is also true according to this concept. Namely, that a person who's father has PTSD, and then either fails to develope PTSD themselves, or developes PTSD but then works through it and mostly heals before having children will pass on a more positive genetic probability of developing PTSD to their children. Once you get a few generations down if each family member in a family tree overcomes the condition before having children their children will have virtually no chance of developing the condition barring another extenuating non-genetic environmental cause like a war.
All this means is that when we see people who come from horrible families they are not only environmentally disposed to bad mental health but also genetically disposed to bad mental health and often even intergenerationally disposed. There's a lot working against some people, and sometimes it requires grand environmental interventions to help them, and do to how fucked our cultures are in general this century that is increasingly rare.
The only hope, is that if you do make it out, you are actively removing bad traits from the gene pool. Genes are likely not static even within a person's lifetime despite previous scientific assumptions from the last century. They may be malleable things that change as we change.
Please no one take this as an argument for eugenics, it's not at all. Quite the opposite, empathy may help eliminate genes that are generationally traumatizing humanity. Moreover, people are not static predetermined things. People have a measure of agency to combat predisposed genetic probability and environmental influence too can make a worlds different. It's not some simplistic nature vs nurture, but rather an interplay of all causal interactions that make up a human being whether genetic, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6885
is this how they're planning to make the various heredity-vs-psychometrics infohazards compatible with or complementary toward Personal Responsibility as a concept? because it looks fine on paper but eventually you're going to have to explain why doing chin-ups doesn't make you taller

>>6885
>not some simplistic nature vs nurture, but rather an interplay of all causal interactions that make up a human being whether genetic, environmental, otherwise
In other words, nature vs nurture as described by someone who doesn't understand it
>empathy may help eliminate genes that are generationally traumatizing humanity
2broscience4me

>>6757
Either because you saw a few trans people in similar online communities talk about the same things and became a slave to your confirmation bias, or because trans people on the Internet tend to network with each other. Probably a combination of both.

>>6868
To be fair, the only reason it's not an insane post is that so much insane bullshit has been worked into the general discourse that you can express total lunacy without ever once stepping outside standard consensus.

Like, the "cult" thing. We know what a "cult" is because of the "anti-cult movement", which is a thing from the '70s where prots and feds joined together to exterminate new religious movements because their doctrine was heretical and they didn't pay taxes, and which peaked with a bunch of children being immolated.
And what makes "cult" work, the implied verb, is deprogramming, which is a thing where you pay heavies to abduct people from a religious order until such time as they stop believing in it.

In other words, it's castrating zillenial horseshit not significantly different from a shitlib boomer whining about 'YouTube radicalization'. "We are manifestly correct," so the eternal narrative goes, "so if people choose to do other than We wish, it's because they were illegitimately manipulated in a way that fits precisely a preexisting and murkily quasi-legal category that justifies using the maximum force against them."

>>6871
Except it's worse than that, because they want the definition of "cult" expanded to the point that there doesn't even need to be any coherent doctrine, any leadership (weaksauce Discord frameups from the '10s aside). In other words, the proper domain of that which polices against cults, its beat, is the totality of human social interaction.

>>6871
You actually gave that much of your time and effort to respond to a lazy shitpost.

>>6873
I did. It was worth saying.

>>6631
>Life is currently pleasant overall and i don't mind my past or present.
not a bad state to be in at all tbh. there's something peak-comfy about just riding the wave of whatever state you've ended up in.

>>6632
>It doesn't matter if everyone knows me as another one of them, sees me as an individual. I will always feel empty and lonely.

fuck, i relate to that. ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet? it's true for some people, but sadly i think other people are just made to be alone even if they hate it.

>I have a habit of deleting socials and making new accounts as a "new beginning".

i was in that kind of loop for years, and only gave it up because i ran out of motivation to make more throwaway emails for it. it's kind of weird to remember people's names but not have a single person who could recognise me by my online aliases anymore. i hope you get out of it and find an actual place to belong.

>>6635
>ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet?

Always. I was really scared of this when I was in late high school (11th to 12th grade) it suddenly hit me like a train that I either find a group right now or spend my life possibly by myself all alone, but no matter how hard I tried to fit in with other people I just couldn't. The closest I went to being a functional social person was when I joined this random Turkish guys Discord server, and I actually started to use Discord a lot because of it, though I also saw the friend group crumble around me too. Even if I was really well known and loved by all members I still felt extremely lonely and it hurt a lot. It hurts a bit writing this too

>>6631
Kinda similar background I think(?) I was a very social kid in 1st and 2nd grade, when I went to a different school in 3rd grade I was always left alone by others. The only times my middle school "friends" "hanged out" with me was in 8th grade, when I told the school counsellor about my suicidal tendencies. Figured easily she told them to hang out with me, since she couldn't really bother considering she tried to ship me off to CPS as soon as she could.

I do not trust theraphy because of her. My dad made fun of me for a whole year because of her. I will and do base me not getting help solely on her and I do not care.

>>6629
>do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all?
I know I answered to this in 6632, but I'd like to add more)

I started to use 4chan back in 8th grade, I really liked the anonymity it gave me. If i posted anything in Facebook or whatever my peers would find ways to berate me with them, I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums. Going into high school I kinda figured I didn't agree with the same things as the people of 4chan talk about, so I searched for other boards, lainchan etc etc… and ended up here. Uboachan is really nice. Some people in high school thought I was really cool for a while (because I used imageboards lol) but that didn't last long and they moved oPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>6636
>I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums

yeah, same. i think this is why i keep coming back to imageboards, despite wanting "actual" friends i can talk to on a more personal level. for some reason the anonymity is much more comfortable for me than having any kind of name to my posts. i often change which boards i use and my typing styles to make myself even less identifiable from day to day.

I went through the same shit anon. but judging by the replies it's depressingly common. I actually think it will become even more common in the coming years as the cumulative damage from how things are these days starts to show.

I was the type of kid in school that made an ass out of himself in grades 1-7, which got me a small clique of "friends" that laughed behind my back, save for one dude that forced me to end a growing relationship with a nerdy girl my age because he thought "I was too cool for her and it would ruin our image/friendship". Then as I matured, I became extremely reserved and forced into class with sociopaths and ghetto retards. During my high school years, a lot of fucked up abuse went on (including an event which lead to hospitalization and a permanent ugly scar on my chest and stomach), which lead to a lot of body issues. It was so bad, quitting school was a plausible option. But I manned up and got my diploma. Now I'm just another anon looking for a job that leaves me with enough time to tend to my own hobbies.

real hikkis dont use discord, they live in solitude, sleeping in mountains made up of filthy pizza boxes and anime dvds

if we assume for argument's sake that you're talking about IRL, I don't think you can
I've thought to myself about when my parents will inevitably ask "when are you going to get a gf", but I have no outside places, nor a workplace in which I could find one, and I think it is the same with regular friends as well
in that regard, finding someone who you can attempt to become friends with is hard enough, actually finding someone who you want to be friends with is even harder, not to mention that both you and this person will stay in regular contact
as a tangent, not long ago (March this year or something), my 'parole officer' and my mum tried to set me up to be friends with someone, and they thought we would be good friends, because, to quote her directly, "you're both gamers", and while he was not thoroughly unpleasant, I had no interest in speaking to him (also I found out several months later he was a nonce)
guess that's just me forcing an excuse to blogpost, point is, finding friends is hard, but at least as /hikki/posters we have a tenuous connection, which is something, and maybe it's better that way, finding friends is a lot of hard work for what in most cases does not produce satisfactory results
but I'll be your friend if you want

Rule number one: never ever use discord. You will only find two kinds of people there: meme spouting underage retards or some really fucked up mentally ill freaks (trannies, schizos etc).
Personally I've made a few friends on penpal websites, but you gotta be comfortable with using your real pic for that.

>>6855
>meme spouting underage retards or some really fucked up mentally ill freaks

Man, I don't know what alternative reality imageboards you come from, but sign me up. You've just described most of this sphere's userbase

"A channer-to-Facebook-normie pipeline? How would you even do that?"

Hey OP, maybe you could try to stock up on less things in a lesser amount of time. For example instead of buying 5 weeks worth of food every 5 weeks you could buy 2 weeks worth of food every 2 weeks. I did this and eventually I got down to a day worth of food every day. You can go out during the night, or in the rain when no one is around. That's what I did. I still don't have a job but I'm way more confident in myself now

>>6664
Infuriatingly, I know you're right.

>>6665
Good on you, anon. I'll probably try to start with something similar, and see if I can ease myself into going out more often despite myself. Thanks.

>But I've started relying on others like a fucking leech to bring back all the stuff I need for me sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, this is usually the norm for NEETs.

>>6685
I used to have a deranged kind of "pride" from taking care of myself in some small way, so it stings a bit to end up getting worse like this.

>>6665
I used to do this until the grocery stores stopped being open 24/7. I sorely miss going to the store at 3am to get sushi. I live in Appalachia, on a clear night careening over the hilltops in my mom's car with the windows open I'd play 2000s nightcore and take in the wind. Oh well…