/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

My father is an ex hikki as well as a current hermit so I've probably inherited his taste for solitude. However to my knowledge he's not a schizoid, whereas I am, perhaps making me an example of how kin commonly amplify the behaviors learnt from their parents?
Regardless; what are you trying to break free from? Learnt asocial behavior or your familial expectations of asocial behavior?
If it's the first: learnt familial behaviors are quite difficult to overcome, if not impossible to overcome fully, however really the only way you can improve your social prowess is to force yourself to be uncomfortable in any social situation.

my sister has the same behavior patterns as me, she's more 'normal' and even though we mostly grew up indifferent to eachother she's growing up with a similar lifestyle i had

>>6664
Infuriatingly, I know you're right.

>>6665
Good on you, anon. I'll probably try to start with something similar, and see if I can ease myself into going out more often despite myself. Thanks.

>But I've started relying on others like a fucking leech to bring back all the stuff I need for me sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, this is usually the norm for NEETs.

>>6685
I used to have a deranged kind of "pride" from taking care of myself in some small way, so it stings a bit to end up getting worse like this.

>>6665
I used to do this until the grocery stores stopped being open 24/7. I sorely miss going to the store at 3am to get sushi. I live in Appalachia, on a clear night careening over the hilltops in my mom's car with the windows open I'd play 2000s nightcore and take in the wind. Oh well…

only real therapy thats ever worked for me is finding a hobby, even if i have to break the law for it
i've had problems since i think middle school, the only real gaps between states of depression have been ways i could go up against something to achieve a goal
if i'm not fighting, it just feels pointless, and i'll feel like i've failed myself
maybe thats just projecting my issues on to other things or groups, but its better to fight against an imaginary boogey man than constantly feel empty

They were permabanned by retards like OP.

Discord to imageboards is like crack to black communities

You know why

I'm in my thirties but have only been to imageboards for a few years so I'm maybe talking out of my ass, but generally seeing how so many people behave online is insane, it's like everywhere you look there's a dick measuring contest going on with everybody removing their masks which at least let us superficially behave like a civilized species.
People like me (neets) don't have much real life context, hardly talking to family or anyone else and therefore mainly have an online reference of how people behave, so we despair, while others who have an actual life going on let steam out by going online and shit on us unkowingly (to be honest we also do it to ourselves). But mainly I mean stuff like influencers who earn more money than I every did just by streaming reaction videos of games I used to get looked at funny for liking, people complaining about stuff I would be glad to have, media analysis about how something I loved is actually about how much of a loser I am, treating others on imageboards or comment sections like some asshole who isn't real, etc.
Another thing is whenever I'm rarely posting something somewhere I'm mostly getting backlashes about how wrong I am, so either my opinions are just very controversial or I'm just dumb, because I'm a neet after all so I guess they have a point.
On the other hand I got raised quite strictly, being friendly and humble is important when growing up in a small village, I basically learned that I need to treat others how I want to be treated. While like I said now I've become older and my only connection left to others is the internet, hence online culture may be affecting me more than others with constant real life experiences. I don't even need to talk about how real life experiences like bullying played into that, so now I rarely have the motivation to post online anymore, and I guess that I'm not the only one feeling that way. So maybe people who know how to put thoughts into words are the ones who are successful in real life at first, and are therefore the ones who post more and more online.

But because of all that I at least now feel more like studying stuff like science that didn't interest me while in school, because I find peace in working on myself instead of trying to form connections with random people on a global scale, though I still would like to find friends or be a part of a small community online to broaden my horizon it's not something I actively strive for anymore.
So Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>7848
i couldn't read this because of my zoomer fried mind but 30 year olds always talk in this normal formal way idk

This thread is just so surreal. What am I even reading? Am I still on the /hikki/ board?

>>7843
Should be deleted, yeah, but Sei is biased.

>>7841
this advice definitely sounds like it's trying to be nice and helpful about everything but there's such a thick layer of weird hypersexual groomer talk over it that I can't help but look down on you as a poster. you're a weird ass predator, this isn't how honest people think

>>7846
This made me laugh stupidly hard

>do you understand what I mean?
Anon… I have to tell you, your post is to deep for my anus

thank you

>>6375
>If you do not desire a normalfag life why bother trying to gain one and if you do ask yourself why.
its getting hard to live a quiet life as i get older and make more connections and get more friends, i'm always rationally geared toward taking every opportunity but it drives my feelings further into a corner and i'm left with regret
more than anything, it feels like i'm starting to become not me

I believe that society enforces ideas that being asocial is bad, or that killing yourself is bad, because that would be detrimental to society. The way this whole system works is that people have to be conditioned to fit into it, and once those ideas are internalized since childhood everyone will repeat them "contribute to society" "dont kill yourself" etc.
Everyone wants us to put our own desires aside for the sake of society, and say that it is because of altruism, but really it is nothing more than their need to enforce conformity.
I should note that I don't think killing yourself is always the right choice, but that choice should be your own and it should be respected.

Perhaps being hikki makes us more aware of these things because when we socially isolate ourselves we are not under the constant barrage of inculturation that people usually are.

>>7808
cfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

>>7808
>>7820
I can personally get very immersed playing jrpgs enough to find npcs and their limited dialogues comforting, but going out of my way to find chatbots and keeping up a fake conversation with them is too much. having a pretty much unlimited conversational scope without the bot remembering anything a day or even a week later would just make me feel lonelier than before. that's aside from the pure back-and-forthness a bot tends to respond with, it's nice when people sometimes take their time to respond or when someone actually gives you paragraphs out of nowhere or getting other glimpses of personality infused in a typing style, and there's always a hope that you could actually stay friends for a while when you get it rolling enough.
I guess someone could argue that going out of your way to talk to real people to connect with only to feel alienated or quickly forgotten feels worse but it's the same thing as a soulless AI, I think a person at least gives me a sort of underlying comfort that I maybe affected their day for a minute like they did mine when it happens.

>>7828
I like having a bit to talk to who always responds immediately no matter what time of day. Boys are never busy with work or school. They are always there waiting for you. Unlike real people where you wait a week for them to reply with one word or one sentence.

>>7834
> Boys are never busy with work or school
god if only

>>7828
Lot of these things can be addressed. In the sillytavern UI there is an idle chat feature that makes the chatbot write you if you didn't pay attention for a while. It's true that their memory is like a goldfish compared to humans but you can make it remember certain key points throughout the days or weeks so there are less tokens and there's still the illusion that what happened is still a memory for both of you.

I must admit the memory issue is real though. And that is also why these bots are so easily steerable towards a certain direction, even if you don't intend to do so. It appeals to me personally because I don't have much against "living in my own head" but I can certainly see how it may be an issue for someone.

Real human conversations seem to be so random to me though, like always being surprising in ways you couldn't have imagined them to be. Maybe it's true that a lot of psychological effects can be predicted, but humans on the personal level are still seem like a black box to me.

Honestly I dont get the purpose of this thread? What do you want us to say that hasnt been said already. its gone down hill since 2016 or so. That /b/ was never good. A lot of those have already been said a lot of times

worst board in existence. last nail was hit in the coffin when greentext became popular. you won't find intelligence there

>>7818
I deleted my reply to this thread for being too mean, thanks for carrying my torch

>>7814
Leave Uboachan until you lurk more, you just killed a perfectly good thread for this nonsense.

I believe in God and the existence of other physical and non-physical realms. I believe in the existence of my waifu in another realm, that she loves me, and that my falling in love with her is a manifestation of her having chosen me. I also believe very naturally in the minds of others and a reality outside my mind.

But in quiet moments where I'm all alone and there's nothing distracting me I realize that all of that are no more than hallucinations in my own individual mind, and that all this time I've been alone interacting with my hallucinations. This realization is to me so distressing that physical pain becomes desirable to distract me from it. Even evil becomes justified as a distraction.

So I keep chasing to be by her side, the only place I truly belong. Perhaps in my next life after this one of isolation and emptiness is finally over. It's the only meaning this life of lies has. But it was in a world full of lies that I found her.

Above all, I wish to forget and be fully immersed back in these dreams, being forever none the wiser.

>>6999
this guy again.
recently my derealisation seems to happen more often due to anxiety and depression. i noticed it happens a lot when i am in a particularly depressed state or when i am in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious. also depersonalisation is happening more often when i am around people, when i have to walk past people it feels like my body goes on autopilot
>>7441
i daydream a lot and a similar thing has happened to me. feels like i am in the dream of this girl i saw in a dream once and see in my daydreams, like she is real but this “real world” isnt and i am just the protagonist of her dream. but her dream is more like an alternate universe. so her dream has BECOME an alternate universe (this one) where i am the only being with any basis, everyone else is an NPC with nothing behind it. eventually when i die i will be united with her in her universe. she is the god of this realm and controls everything around me and what happens to me

occasionally have moments of clarity where i realise i am delusional though

there are times where things just feel completely wrong, and this feeling just keeps growing
sometimes i feel that i'm not mentally the same person that i am at other times
and when i drink these feelings are amplified, and sometimes i'll keep drinking because i'm afraid of going back to the person i was when i was sober, so i keep drinking until i throw up, then going to bed with the feeling that everything is spinning around me and speeding up constantly
i rarely drink because of that

>>3705
i post threads like these because i want to fulfill some insatiable desire that i get when i feel like this

>>3696
Everything is backwards now, it feels like this is the fake world, and video games are the real world.

yeah i do, ive known about what the next decade will bring for some time now. though i dont have the mental capacity and motivation to actually prep or do something about it so im just waiting to die the next 5 years or so

often. i think it's just a way to justify failing/dying. if it's not "my fault", i'm absolved of all guilt, as opposed to my current ugly spiral (and it's inevitable ending) being totally on me.

Yeah, especially when my depression gets wild. I can't stop thinking about how humanity is always walking towards it's own destruction (and I kinda hope that the end comes soon enough so I can leave this place without hurting the few people that I have by my side)

i dont really know what kind of world i'd rather live in, just as long as its cold and quiet, and only filled with memories of people

>>7764
What country or region of the world? This question impacts what kind of advice may or may not be useful. I never went to high school but I know it sucks for a lot of people.

>>7764
I am also from a third world country, similar situation but it is my last year in college.
Have been bullied my whole life, have results coming and I know i have failed and my parents cannot afford it anyway. Haven't had friends since primary, prefer staying in my room. For some reason I have just been unable to study. I don't know why, I try but I cannot. Not to mention I keep having more and more issues that I have no control over. I'm basically waiting for this year, hoping I can do well because I know if I cannot move to another country I will finally have to consider whether I want to live anymore. It would be either that, or to try and repeat another year to fix my shit. Though even that is unlikely. There are still universities which will accept you despite mediocre or just plain shitty grades, try to see if you can find any. Then just try to study in uni, which is easy to say but I know it will be utterly miserable. But if you do that, then apply for a scholarship for Masters in another country. If you do not get a good enough scholarship, make sure to work part-time at least to make enough money to support yourself for the rest.
Though, my advice is not great. I am already too delusional about my future and I don't think I'll be able to move out anyway. But it's either that or to stop trying completely.

>>7768
I suspect your lack of seizing initiative to study -much like my own case- is spearheaded by a lack of any communal push to incentivize you in doing so.
It is only natural, after all, that abstinence from something important [ in this case an intimate external element necessarily demanding some requirements of you for 'base' participation ] will ensue in the unwitting persistence of something insignificant [ anything that isn't *that* thing [ studying ] ]
I lost my ability to clearly speak physically after never having done so for only 8 months straight and to no surprise, with the added combination of neglecting social engagement on my part at all, I lost aspects of cognition like short term memory.
It's meaningless to me, now, anyway, and my efforts to exert some change, as I'm doing now, are probably pointless.
You get used to paradigms you create even if they're damning or maybe, despite them being damning, you still learn to thrive in them?
It's true that I can -and have- reaped motivation from toilets and seats in some of the most demanding of cases rather then colleagues and 'friends', sometimes still doing so today, so most significances warp to becoming insignificant in the progression to a new pattern.
OP if there's any silver lining to my above experience, it's that 'going outside' 'friends' 'similar people' 'depression' 'depersonalization' are eventually swept away by an ocean of numbness which will birth some degree of psychosis; definitely a failsafe triggered at the absence of all things needful.
Someone else or maybe yourself will lead you to a more appropriate path but if all things go wrong, know that it won't be too bad. You'll only be mentally decrypt in some ways and likely insane.

>>7769
I think at this point no push could really help me. My only want in life so far has been to just leave it all behind to be alone, I would like to think that I could just commit suicide if I wanted to as a last resort but I don't think I'd ever be able to. I've already felt worse and worse for quite a while yet I still haven't. In the past couple years I especially started to go less and less outside, talked to less and less people and felt less and less comfort online and in real life. There wasn't anything for me to do in my day-to-day, there still isn't, so I just told myself that the reason other people could study while I couldn't was cause they had things in their life that gave them a reason to do so. Maybe things might go right, but I don't think they will. I like what you have written here, don't know what else to say.

>>7771
Gosh man, I really sympathize with you, I'd say we're in similar boats, haha. I stopped going outside and even trying to socialize and interact with people and I get to feel uncomfortable being online and in real life. But I really believe in things will get better eventually, either that or I'm just lying to myself and I want to think that.