/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

how can I not feel paranoid around others? I know very well how humans behave in a group. I know they hate virgins, failures, social inept people like me. I know they despise them, they are disgusted by them, they see them as useless and misfits, like dogs to kick or clowns to laugh at

I am not interested in learning trades or doing manual things. they are 100 times more digestible than doing office work but I am not passionate about em. I just want to learn them because they're not entirely boring and they make me feel useful.

I like art. acting, fooling around. music, maybe. not so much. singing serms better than learning an instrument, and dancing is rad

I'm no longer interested in fitness. martial arts are entertaining but I am too old to compete. they are a means to channel my frustration and my anger. fitness and combat sports give me a feeling of confidence and security. it doesn't matter that I lack character, that I feel vulnerable or useless, I rely on the excuse that I least I can fight. they don't make me strong, actually strong. I don't care about gaining strength or being a better fighter anymore. they don't work the way I want them to and change nothing. total waste of time

I resent everything and everyone. I hate that they know how to socialize better than me. I hate their confidence. I hate that they can belong so easily. I hate that they have more guts than me. I hate being a coward, a weakling, a fag. I hate being hated. I hate feeling threatened

hate and fear make me feel lonely, very lonely. I don't have to talk to others: they are wolves in sheepskin that at the first opportunity they have they are going to use my weaknesses against me and belittle me
It's not that I don't think they understand me, I'm not that hard to understand. I just don't think they're going to empathize at all

I wonder how I look from others' perspective

so I got promoted at my job and now I'm a phone salesman. today I got the calls' script and I was told to listen to my coworkers so I can pick up their conversation lines. that's no problem, but the thing is, I got scared, and it showed. I became very quiet through the work day and sat all hunched over
dealing with people is not my strong suit, but I've been asking for an opportunity to harden up to the things I fear or don't like, and now it came, sadly I'm just out of the loop
all I can do right now is pray for strength and courage. any advice?

I have been hikki for about 5 months now and I am wondering what I can do to support my Hikki lifestyle. I just want to do something where I can live a basic life (internet, food/water, small living space). My only thing I require out of it is no human interaction in it besides online.

So I am a 19 year old neet. I have been thinking about what to do with my life and honestly after thinking it for a long time I thought that helping people with mental problems or anxieties like mine is what I want to do so I am going to start studying psychology. My problem is that every time I try to start something in my mind tells me I would fail so I just resort to helping people like this online like in other anonymous boards and stuff writing supportive messages for them and spending time with them to help them feel better. What tips can you guys give me to motivate myself to get out my house or even just leave this lifestyle?

Do you guys ever go back to /n/ to reminisce?
I just did and found some posts I made back in 2012-4.

Give it a try and tell me what became of your past troubles and situations, please.

Im a hikki in korea and my uighur neighbors dad wants to kill his daughter because I had sex with her.

hey guise
what's the longest period you've been without a bath?
I haven't showered in 5 days, my record is 2 weeks

i hope this is ok, to rant here. i rarely make threads but i don't know. it's hard right now, so i am sorry. but damn.

i want a friend.

i want to know what it's like to be with someone that doesn't pity you; hasn't been stuck with you by order of a higher power; that's not in your family, and obligated by blood to make a weekly phone call; someone that genuinely wants to be around you. going out to eat, going to the movies, playing video games together, talking about your feelings, rabb.iting (?), sharing your writing, roleplaying, playing d&d. tagging each other in memes over twitter. i want someone to be with.

but i know i don't deserve it. i'm lazy. i'm rude to people on the internet just to make myself feel better. my breath stinks all the time, even though i brush and floss. i'm weak and ugly and stupid. i have disgusting fetishes. i'm boring, i know, i've never been able to hold a conversation. didn't even get bullied in high-school by the bullies because they know i wasn't meant for much but the part of shadow.

i'm sick of myself; i've been sick of myself since middle school. but i'm too cowardly to suicide, and i keep thinking things will get better.

and perhaps they will.

but i can't see myself making a friend the way i am. and no, this isn't me scouting for friends. this is just me unloading all my bullshit on a bunch of anonymous people that're probably going through the same thing, or worse.

i don't know. i want a friend to hold me and tell it's ok. but i'd be disgusted by anyone that wanted to get close to me.
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There are times you really can't stand the society you live in, you can't help but think most of the people close to you are lazy, evil, backwards, or simply plain retarded while you are the only one still sane.

There is nothing wrong about avoiding the people from your area when you can't stand them, being alone may be the only option when you are surrounded by primitive savages, remember the problem is not with you, it's just that you happen to live in the wrong place.

Life story time
>Be 7 years ago
>18
>Have pretty OK life in front of me
>Suddenly start losing all motivation and sleeping more and more
>Be NEET for 3 years
>Finally get a part time job (cashier, though boss had me doing everything in the store)
>Start going to doctor thinking I was depressed
>2 years, 8 months of therapy, 25 different medications, $26,000 (after insurance) in doctor bills later
>At this point sleeping 16 hours a day and working the rest
>Occasionally dozing off during work and even while driving
>Doctor finally gives me CFS/ME diagnosis
>Tells me there's no treatment
>Gives me prescriptions for Adderall, Vyvanse, Concerta, Ritalin & Desoxyn
>They work great for a couple days before losing all effectiveness (even at max dose), takes over a month for tolerance to get back down
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