>>7297>>7289Replying to myself just to randomly vent / blog I guess, there's a weird comfort in just saying my thoughts on this board every once in a while. It feels like a lot has changed while nothing has changed in two years. I still go to gym, and I work at that job still and got a small promotion, so I've been able to save up money and visited another country for the first time ever.
I wasn't self harming since this post, until a friend commit suicide in 2023, so I started again. Part of me thought I grew out of it, but I feel like at this point my way of dealing with my emotions has been so unhealthy for so long that I'll never stop doing it, I feel like my emotions are much stronger and linger longer than normal peoples' do, but maybe they don't, and I'm just making excuses. It doesn't help that I think a part of me really likes my scars, like they're a significant part of my history like tattoos or something.
I also recently got very close with a girl, but my insecurities started showing, and I think this made her lose interest in me, so I started cutting again while at work today. I couldn't find anything sharp, so I snapped my plastic ID badge in half and used that, if there's a will there's a way I guess. I need to go to therapy or go on antidepressants or something, but I'm so emotionally closed off from most people that it feels scary to ever be open.
