/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

I'm afraid of going outside
I'm afraid of how the world works

Insects/Arachnids. They've fucking terrified me since I can remember. Something about the way they move and look incites pure, visceral dread and panic in me. The only way I can stomach killing them is by throwing massive books. The thing about bugs is that they don't care. They would crawl all over you or into your mouth or urethra without a second thought. There's nothing stopping them. Not size nor conscious. A bear sized centipede wouldn't think twice about feasting on the flesh of sheep or humans with the same soulless expression that they always have. They're literally the closest things to monsters on the planet. In my head, killing them is so quick and easy, but when i'm actually face to face with one its like my ability to reason is totally overpowered.
I remember how after a centipede crawled into my bed one time. I was paranoid about it happening again for years after.
When I was in middle school, in the dead of one night I was staying up late on my pc. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw what looked like a black spot on the wall. I became completely convinced that it was a stink bug. I just stared unblinking at it for what felt like hours… Eventually I had enough and retrieved this extremely powerful roach spray, which lets off a noxious, head numbing odor, from the kitchen cabinet. When I got back to my room, I was surprised that that unidentifiable black spot was still right there. After staring some more, I finally worked up the nerve to bombard the spot with who knows how many sprays.
It still didn't move or anything. I turned on the lights and saw that it was just a pin in the wall that I put there and forgot about a week before.

Megalophobia, the fear of large objects. These types of things look really cool on images but being in front of one of these has terrified me since I was a kid

All of my phobias are anxiety based…
I have a noticeable stutter, which makes me too nervous to really speak in public.

I get really anxious when I think about how much time has passed since a certain period, I don't know if that fits but it's semi related. Other than that I've been scared of jellyfish. Didn't even get stung I just saw one and thought it looked horrific

>>4724
>there have been cases where if the mind is too deprived of sensation that it will begin to manufacture hallucinations.
I always thought that kind of hallucination you're talking about only happens when you close your eyes in a quiet environment and the sleep paralysis kicks in i.e. night terrors. Feel free to correct me though.

>>4735
IIRC there were some experiments that had a patient locked in a bed. They had been blindfolded and they had headphones emitting white noise and static. Reportedly it manifested in illusions and hallucinations.

do a home purification ritual
it's pretty simple

>>4676
Probably schizophrenia. If you won't get treatment, just ignore the things that are not "normal". If do this for long enough, you'll be able to involuntarily filter hallucinations from real things.

Example:
>some shadow dude told me to fuck off from the outside of the second floor's window
>the probability of that happening irl is 0, ignoring

.

>>4744
Oh, yeah, of course because I didn't adhere to your arbitrary code of conduct it's a waste of time to actually acknowledge my points. Better just call them digs to invalidate them instantly. God, you fags are insufferable.
See, now you should be able to tell the difference between passive and actiive agression.

>>3752
I was bullied a lot when I was preteen, it still hurts 15 years later and killed my ability to trust people.

>>4786
same. until this very day …

>>4703
I fucking love science!!!

OP here, I checked back on this program when less spooked out and found it to be a perceptional comparison and diagnostic tool! Here's my results from the first exercise:

…………

Your Self:

Energetic
Proud
Practical
Lower Class

Ideal Self:

Enthusiastic
Proud
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>4747
Why is your ideal self uncultured?

>>4749

That's a very good question! The scoping tends to deal with shades of personality qualities and synonyms; one such dipole would be sophisticated (worldly/influential) and "small town" (narrow-minded/squareness). I don't think the test is too far off actually with my background taken into consideration. Even though I have some exposure to higher education and literature I would tend to see myself as a "provincial" as opposed to cosmopolitan.

You might want to try it out yourself; the great thing is you have the option to view your qualities in layman's terms or according to psychological adjectives, which possibly means that you could funnel your results into other tests. Admittedly, I don't know much about Leary's work on psycho-metrics, but I'm curious as to where he got his ideas from.

Here's the results of another test I did before I got launched into/from the Fallopian tube.

…………..

Current Love:

Energetic (Wired)
Over-friendly
Creative
Ultra-sophisticated

Ideal Love:

Energetic (Wired)
Confident (Charismatic)
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

And the really cool thing about this system is that it encourages you to take multiple camera shots as part of a progression. It assumes that your self-perception and perception of others is always going to be in flux, allowing you to chart the permutations of your very mind!

>>4585
What would you consider the point of no return in that kind of situation then?

A Hikikomori i've never had a job in the outside world and every time i try to reintegrate back into society i fail i'm just not compatible with society nor do i agree with many of society's rules and expectations i haven't been to the doctor in 5 years and if i were to go back i would probably be diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. i've been isolated since 2007 and i don't live in the real world i avoid life through escapism because of the shitty hand i was dealt growing up and like i said up top every time i try to reintegrate back into society i fail there is nothing for me in this world except escapism and living in my room until i die.

>>4675
Godspeed, I'm rooting for you.
Hopefully you'll be able to escape that vicious cycle.

>>4687
>Hopefully you'll be able to escape that vicious cycle.


Maybe someday but i don't see that happening any time soon.

>>4585
Hurr, you actually take care of your teeth and think that you're a real hikikomori/NEET?

>>4672
thank you for your clarification. It seems to be a scam site indeed.

You could try getting your life together by getting an education.

>>4674
That costs money. A lot of money.

if this cashlords thing is a scam then how about running your own scam? I mean you could set up your scam to target people from rich countries while you live in a poor country that does not give a shit about small fish like you. There is an entire scamming industry in nigeria and india. If you scam some american out of 200$ nobody will try to prosecute you for it or extradict you to usa.

Sei, people are literally suggesting illegal advice. Lock this thread.

>>4649
but anon, we all buttcoin gillionaires here

>>4657
>New Testament
See that's the problem right there. You've gotta read the old testament or just pick up a Torah, which aren't translated in a biased, deceitful way like the, "old testament", is. you might wanna pick up a Kabbalah while you're at it. Listen, there's no, "good", and. "evil", side. God is everything, he is incomprehensible(book of Job). You can't try to simply god into this dumb, childish battle of good vs evil. Nobody can stand before god. Also, Satan is actually an angel. That's right; he's an angel whose job is to tempt humans as a means of testing them. Look it up. So much revisionism and misinterpretation and poor translation plagues the Christian faith. Did you even know that it's actually Yahweh, not, "Jehovah"?
jk, but still, think about it

>>4657
for me it's a similar situation except with painting. Ive been going to an art uni for a year now (still going through second semester) and everything relating to painting now seems to feel heavy and unenjoyable to me( even though i love painting and drawing overall and garnered decent skills over last few years). I feel like a dropout because i havent been attending painting classes for over 6 weeks now, im constantly anxious about professors not liking my ideas or way of painting (ive gotten that criticism from them before, i didnt take it as a personal offense or anything, but it was still difficult to stand up and go paint again). I'm starting to think, that these studies are not for me and it will only destroy my fondness of painting as a hobby, im glad that at least my drawing and sculpting classes are going fine overall and i notice improvements in them.

>>4659
It's not even Yahweh, it's Adonai

>>4557
Ugh, you don't get it. Talking to people isn't as bad as that feeling of exposure and vulnerability.

>>4558
I probably don't understand what you feel. But I feel much more anxious ordering food at anywhere else where I actually have to speak to restaurant staff. At a buffet I can just take what I want, and I generally have a clear idea of what food I want.

>>4593
So you don't hate walking in large crowds and having people look at you?

>>4134
I too hate buffet tables. I feel extremely self conscious whenever I conduct myself around them. Always confused which way I should circle the tables, as people always end up going the wrong way. I always feel awkward when plating up, nervous that I'm going to make a mess or taking too long. I always dread the possibility of tripping and begin to concentrate too much on how I'm walking resulting in me looking extremely weird. I always end up forgetting a piece of cutlery or a serviette that I didn't see was being handed out at the beginning of the line and have to fight my way back to grab it. My anxiety grows the longer I stay and people begin to look at my miserable face with contempt. I end up giving up and retreating back to my table as soon as I can without plating everything that I want because I hate the situation so much. I never end up enjoying the meal anyway because it is simply a hodge podge of random ingredients that don't work together and would much rather prefer ordering something better from a menu.

>>4658
Finally somebody gets it. Moving around tons of people while you're all holding plates and taking stuff is infinitely more uncomfortable and awkward than sitting in a stationary position and having things set on the table for you.

congrats

I'm working on it now. I'm studying for A+ cert and have an interview scheduled for a simple job to keep cash flowing. I started dating a cute girl I went to school with. From here on out it's just a matter of keeping up with both discipline and commitment

>over a year

You are a like a little babby

>>4584
I'm not going to say the struggles don't vary in severity over time, but I'm just gonna say neetdom should not be a contest. If I managed to get out a year and a half in it still would be hard as fuck for me

Believe me, man… This part happens to everybody. Lasts longer for some than it does others, but it never lasts forever. Right now you're just going through the toughest part of going back into society. And it has nothing to do with you; it's just from being isolated for so long. Just remember to keep on telling yourself that the panic is normal, and that it won't last forever.

>>782
bingo. It's totally normal to feel a little panicky for the first few weeks of changing your lifestyle.

>>674
When I'm a neet the mental stress and pressure from my parents makes me want to work, then when I get work I want to be a neet again. But I can't, because I know that being a neet will be worse. I stare at the calendar multiple times a day counting down the weeks left until my contract ends, but I know that the moment it does I'll have to find work again. Life is absurd, but what can you do.

>>674
I get the feeling. I'm not a hikki anymore and haven't been for the past year and a half or so. I had gone from being a neet for four years living off my mom to still living off my mom but now in college. I'm doing very well in school especially since I taught myself to program while a neet as a way to feel like I'm not useless. I somehow got an internship last summer and am now working with a professor writing code for them.
To be honest, I don't know how I feel. I hated being a neet and it caused me constant stress so I'd work constantly at little projects hoping that it would get me somewhere in life. I guess it's working but I have this constant pressure to succeed and to be perfect so that I don't revert back to being a neet. It's also incredibly painful to still have to rely off my mother despite being in school.
I don't want to be a neet again. It made me feel depressed, shitty, and useless. Now that I'm not a neet, I feel an intense fear of failure in addition to depression and feelings of uselessness. I wanna wish for something but I don't know what… I guess I just want everything to stop.

>>782
your posting is quite accurate. I was neet for nearly 3 years. Mostly in isolation. Found a job again in september and I have been there for nearly half a year now. It still feels tedious sometimes to get up early and actually do something the entire day. Sometimes I also feel like quitting again because I am so weak. I mean, the job itself is comfy and the people are nice to me but I just feel like nothing matters anymore and I might die as well tomorrow and nothing would be different. Pay is also okay for me but I have nothing to spend it on as I lost joy in pretty much all my former hobbies.

I am not sure if this phase will end eventually just as you described. I mean, beeing neet has ruined me completely. It is like tasting a drug and then always longing for the feelings you felt on your first hit. Forever hoping you will experience it again. It was not that exciting to be neet but I really enjoyed the freedom and carelessness I had. I could oversleep and spend half a day in front of the screen and still have time to go for a walk in the park or work out. When you spend your entire day with work or work related stuff you never have the time for anything and even if you did, you would most likely be too tired. Then on weekends you sleep until 11am, go to a fast food place for lunch and half the day is already over.

NEET life just felt like one giantic vacation. Like when I was a kid and we had summer vacation just without ending after a few weeks. I would love to be neet again but I also understand that it would not be good for me so I will stick with this job at least for a few years. Might also save up money for my next neet vacation.