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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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I missed out on everything as a kid. I was always left alone by my peers which fucked me up of any social skills in the long run. I still have trouble holding a conversation. Have you guys had any trouble as a kid? This extreme isolation happened from 3rd to 8th grade which was enough to cripple me possibly my whole life. Or what is left of it anyway. Nearly 6 years of my life consisted of going home from school and back. Every day. Never talk with anyone, not even with family. Just me and my thoughts from a young age

I don't want to be like those other anons who just vent out shit here, so I'll ask the question, have you guys went through something similar that had a damaging effect on you? I still feel bits of loneliness from it.

pic unrelated FLCL just makes me feel like shit


I'm honestly scared making this thread. I am not a lurker but it's still anxiety filling thinking I may bring up some unpleasant memories to some anons. Maybe it's the coffee. Mods please delete if you know best and sorry


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i wouldn't be sorry anon. we're all friends here, even if we'll all call you a fag.

my life was pretty much the same from being a kid to when i left school, and even when i was still able to work i didn't talk to my coworkers unless i absolutely had to. i don't think anyone can be in that kind of state of isolation and not develop some weird ways of thinking and fucked up, recursive logic for the way the world works. i think it's damaging in more ways than just being starved of contact, because you'll inevitably end up justifying your isolation in some way, by blaming others or yourself in the most toxic of ways.

the only real human interaction i had (and still have tbh) was with randos online, but that could never really fill the void for me. do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all? i always find it so empty, even moreso than my few interactions with my family, though i guess it's good that i talk to them sometimes nowadays, at least…

for me, i wonder if my early categorisation as being an asocial nerd who liked walking through the backend of nowhere was just early symptoms of extreme social anxiety. when you're a kid, it's harder to understand what the fuck is wrong with you, and for others to do the same. and like you say, it kinda fucked me up forever as well. i not only didn't get to develop normal skills like holding conversations or looking people in the eye, but i ended up not noticing what was actually going on until i was too alone, too poor, and seemingly unable to fix it.


Exact same experience. It was pretty much voluntary though.


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Similar story for early life. Only ever had friends on 1st grade and we never talked (we just gathered sticks together outside). After 1st grade I was left alone, but I didn't mind it. It was nice to just think alone all-day. It was like this for the rest of my school years. surprisingly I was never bullied for it.
As for this isolation having a damaging effect? Surely yes. I try to avoid places and times of day where I would have to meet people. If someone asks me anything usually my response is just one word and I get called absent-minded for this, but guess I am. Hehe.
Life is currently pleasant overall and i don't mind my past or present.


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(op here. Dashchan)

>do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all?

> i always find it so empty

I agree. It never feels like I'm part of something. It doesn't matter if I've been in a group for a year and half. It doesn't matter if everyone knows me as another one of them, sees me as an individual. I will always feel empty and lonely. I have a habit of deleting socials and making new accounts as a "new beginning". It doesn't matter if its something I did or just out of nowhere. It always happens eventually and I end up at square one.


File: 1625794936889.jpg (177.33 KB, 2048x1724, E1CLZj4VIAInSeG.jpg)

>Life is currently pleasant overall and i don't mind my past or present.
not a bad state to be in at all tbh. there's something peak-comfy about just riding the wave of whatever state you've ended up in.

>It doesn't matter if everyone knows me as another one of them, sees me as an individual. I will always feel empty and lonely.

fuck, i relate to that. ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet? it's true for some people, but sadly i think other people are just made to be alone even if they hate it.

>I have a habit of deleting socials and making new accounts as a "new beginning".

i was in that kind of loop for years, and only gave it up because i ran out of motivation to make more throwaway emails for it. it's kind of weird to remember people's names but not have a single person who could recognise me by my online aliases anymore. i hope you get out of it and find an actual place to belong.


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>ever wonder if you're just stupid and haven't found the "right" group to be in yet?

Always. I was really scared of this when I was in late high school (11th to 12th grade) it suddenly hit me like a train that I either find a group right now or spend my life possibly by myself all alone, but no matter how hard I tried to fit in with other people I just couldn't. The closest I went to being a functional social person was when I joined this random Turkish guys Discord server, and I actually started to use Discord a lot because of it, though I also saw the friend group crumble around me too. Even if I was really well known and loved by all members I still felt extremely lonely and it hurt a lot. It hurts a bit writing this too

Kinda similar background I think(?) I was a very social kid in 1st and 2nd grade, when I went to a different school in 3rd grade I was always left alone by others. The only times my middle school "friends" "hanged out" with me was in 8th grade, when I told the school counsellor about my suicidal tendencies. Figured easily she told them to hang out with me, since she couldn't really bother considering she tried to ship me off to CPS as soon as she could.

I do not trust theraphy because of her. My dad made fun of me for a whole year because of her. I will and do base me not getting help solely on her and I do not care.

>do you use imageboards a lot, or interact in forums or irc's at all?
I know I answered to this in 6632, but I'd like to add more)

I started to use 4chan back in 8th grade, I really liked the anonymity it gave me. If i posted anything in Facebook or whatever my peers would find ways to berate me with them, I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums. Going into high school I kinda figured I didn't agree with the same things as the people of 4chan talk about, so I searched for other boards, lainchan etc etc… and ended up here. Uboachan is really nice. Some people in high school thought I was really cool for a while (because I used imageboards lol) but that didn't last long and they moved on.

This was probably the longest post I've ever made my whole life. Definitely has some errors. sorry in advance


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>I really liked that I could take on anon identities in 4chan and other forums

yeah, same. i think this is why i keep coming back to imageboards, despite wanting "actual" friends i can talk to on a more personal level. for some reason the anonymity is much more comfortable for me than having any kind of name to my posts. i often change which boards i use and my typing styles to make myself even less identifiable from day to day.


File: 1634907033693.png (1.37 MB, 1369x767, 1575851896158.png)

I went through the same shit anon. but judging by the replies it's depressingly common. I actually think it will become even more common in the coming years as the cumulative damage from how things are these days starts to show.


I was the type of kid in school that made an ass out of himself in grades 1-7, which got me a small clique of "friends" that laughed behind my back, save for one dude that forced me to end a growing relationship with a nerdy girl my age because he thought "I was too cool for her and it would ruin our image/friendship". Then as I matured, I became extremely reserved and forced into class with sociopaths and ghetto retards. During my high school years, a lot of fucked up abuse went on (including an event which lead to hospitalization and a permanent ugly scar on my chest and stomach), which lead to a lot of body issues. It was so bad, quitting school was a plausible option. But I manned up and got my diploma. Now I'm just another anon looking for a job that leaves me with enough time to tend to my own hobbies.


File: 1643160171185.png (759.67 KB, 760x839, why.png)

Went through basically the same.
Socially isolated growing up, and the little interactions I did have probably ruined me in the head considering how little I trust to talk even with my parents nowadays. I repressed most of my life and now I have problems remembering and problems being honest in a conversation.
Trust issues I guess, always a feeling I have to please the other person, getting attached too quickly because of a lack of understanding social norm, feeling simultaneously accepted as part of the group and yet thinking they would all be better off without me and won't even notice if I'm gone.

I think I have been better off not socializing. If I can't be alright with myself, I won't be alright with anyone else, and they won't need to bother with me.


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Because of work reasons I was dragged off to internet cafe's at the age of 6 or so,I spent 4-12 hours a day there, everyday(averaging around 8-9 hours a day) until I was 11 and the internet cafe I went to went bankrupt. I actually had a few friends there, but they obviously couldn't be playing in the internet cafe as much as I, and our relationship was more like distant older brothers/little kid than anything else because they were all way older than me, so I spent the vast majority of my time alone. There was only a specific set of games there and because I was too young, and didn't know english or any sites in my native language basically everyday was spent playing the same games over and over again, at some point I started acting like there are various different me's in my head(like a tall one, fat one, etc. all with different opinions and ideas) and I would talk to them, though thankfully that stopped by itself after a few months.

I would almost never talk with my parents, because they woüld always come home past midnight, though I myself would go to sleep extremely late too(like 12pm as a 7 year old, a few years later I would start spending going to sleep only at 4-6am, and only get 4 or so hours of sleep a day because of school and whatnot). Until I was 11 or so I would rarely see my mother, and my relationship with her was extremely bad with her. I would rarely see my older brother too, since he got chased out of the house when I was 5 or so, and I've only seen my older sister 10 times or something my whole life.

At school I actually had a decent social life, several times I had my own little group of 3-4 people that I would lead, and in 4th grade I was the best friend of the class' "chad" so to speak; that same kid introduced me to anime, which basically became my downfall though.

Because my parents were always at work, and because I spent my entire childhood at the internet cafe without being let outside I couldn't navigate the streets at all, and due to that I spent every summer vacation at home with nothing to do, instead of playing with school friends.

At that time(summer vac of 4th grade) I had already learned english well enough to read english subtitles on anime without problem, and my brother had recently given me his PC too, so I started to watch anime on my PC, all the time. But that soon became a coping mechanic to deal with my horrible surroundings(all alone at home everyday, poor so I live in a disgusting squatter's house where there's no shower at all and no plumbing, shit like that) and I started thinking exclusively of anime girls, self-inserting, etc and started hating everybody, especially my parents. I even snapped one day and was about to stab my father from behind one day, but I pussied out at the last second, and thinking back I think he knew I was going to do it.

Anyway, that isolation caused me to lose all of my social skills in just a single summer vacation, and the immense loathing I had of other people stopped me from trying to improve it too. By the start of 5th grade I had turned into somebody who would exclusively interact with others by shaking his head or nodding, and I continued that until 7th grade, where I finally became a bit more normal and less angsty, though I still had no friends. By 10th grade I became somebody who could interact normally, though awkwardly, with other people, but I also became somebody who literally doesn't give a single shit about social interaction, and can't even feel lonely anymore. Even now in my working life I just go to work, go straight home the moment my shift ends, and then spend all my free time on the internet. I haven't had a single friend since that guy from 4th grade, and to be honest I'll probably kill myself when I run out of fun things to do in the internet.

This became a 10k word long autistic blogpost instead, but I'm too lazy to sift through my post and shorten it



I hope you're ok.


going through the same shit as you man.
not that it means much coming from some ghost on a forum, but I hope things get less terrible for you.


File: 1709202324360.gif (24.81 KB, 300x291, 1123671219104.gif)

I made this thread nearly 3 years ago now. (might've fucked up with basic math… idk) Feels like a week ago and a decade ago simultaneously.

Nothing changed, as I knew they wouldn't anyway. So I was right when I said

>It always happens eventually and I end up at square one.

3 months ago I got into a community college for 2 years studying Graphic Design. I have a class in about 2 hours and it takes about 40 minutes of train to make it there. Of course me being the dumbass I am, I applied impulsively to a degree I knew I'd hate. I'll probably skip again. (already completely failed the first semester) Wish I applied for disability bux instead, or re-took the entrance exams. I'd like to imagine I could get into Cybersecurity or similar but obviously that's not true, and at this point I have to desire to fix anything anyway. Just waiting until I don't wake up one day.

So I live the rest of whatever I have left knowing I gave my parents one last false hope.

One positive is that I finally am at peace knowing not all is my fault. (99% of everything still is) I was confirmed by professionals to suffer from ADHD. Which doesn't help anyone but it did give me some peace of mind. (if any) At least many things make sense now.

Did anything change for you anons? I hope you're doing better than me even though I know it probably isn't the case.



>and at this point I have to desire to fix anything anyway
meant to say I have *no* desire to fix anything
Fuarrrrrrrrk. I'm retard


Me too man. I ended up isolating myself for my entire childhood (and basically my entire life) and so never really ended up developing a real personality or any skills to speak of. Im thinking of just taking a coat and turning myself into a hobo so I do something other than wake up and rot.


Friend, do you know Jesus Christ? Call Him, He won't let you down. Believe in His death for our sins, burial, and resurrection on the third day, and you'll be forgiven of your sins against God, which billions have, including me. You'll receive the Holy Ghost, you'll be sanctified and be quickened, He has transformed me and He can transform you too, if you need someone to talk to, I can leave my email or create a Matrix or whatever if you'd like.


File: 1709646471443.png (149.96 KB, 1200x1890, teatetatteatataetata.png)

Begone yaldaboath, my suffering is mine to despair through alone.


File: 1709665667808.jpg (85.49 KB, 395x480, paid_in_full2.jpg)

It's sad to see that you've been deceived by the gnostics, do as you wish, but Jesus Christ is the Way out of sin, shame, regret, past mistakes, unforgiveness, hurt, anger, and it goes on and on.


And it is not what you do (but of course, action follows faith), but what HE DID, DOES, and WILL DO.


Don't dwell on it. Just look ahead. Forget about the stuff you missed out on and focus on the things you could be missing out on now.


Just believing in him won't help, it's a necessary step, but not the end of the path. You have to be baptized in order to get into heaven, and yes, you can lose your salvation if you continue to sin, hell is full and it will sadly only fill more up these days.
Please watch and/or read these links, this goes for everyone here:
I was a NEET and after being forced out of it the only way for me to go on was by constantly daydreaming. Even that didn't fully help, because what most of us lack is a reason to even get out of bed. We can't connect with people IRL nor can we do so with the world itself really, so we're left stranded in this alien world, which seems to just hate us, with apparently no reason. I know how shit being a NEET can be, don't delude yourself, but it still seems better and more reasonable than slaving away for things you don't care about. Yet we still yearn for meaning, for something that justifies our existence. Please just give it a chance, give yourself the chance to believe and it will soon make all much more sense. This existence seems like hell sometimes, but what awaits afterwards for the unjust will be much worse. Living a life of sorrow, yearning for the sweet relief of death, only to be thrown down deeper into eternal damnation.
Please, give it a try, believe, what do you have to lose at this point? I know I didn't had anything to lose and after starting to believe, praying, being baptized and refusing myself to sin I made a recovery I didn't even knew I was capable of anymore.


While I am okay with religious topics being discussed on this site, I ask that you refrain from directly attempting to convert people to your religion here. I am sure I am not the only user this is traumatic for, in fact I had to delete other users' visceral reactions earlier. This is now a rule going forward.

I have more personal thoughts on the matter but I do not want this thread to be further derailed.


Your thread drove me insane although amongst other factors 3 years ago tbh. More other factors really


Pretty much the same.
I spent the majority of my childhood & teenhood in isolation and the little social interaction I made weren't great which made me further retreat.

Kinda surreal to think i'll be 30 in few months. I'm very much the same but I blame myself less now.
I find solace in the idea that it was out of my control and there wasn't much I could do about it.


Was it my fault? Please be truthful.


I became super religious as a result of being isolated. Its been a relief for me and a headache in other ways. I'm still an isolated loner. I've been a social outcast since I switched schools at elementary. I used to be liked in my original school but when we moved everything went wrong and I never recovered. I'm not trying to say religion is a crutch or anything. But I can see why a lot of socially outcast people are drawn too it. Too much existential pain in the world and secular stuff doesn't quite cut it. Being religious only made people reject me more but I just kept to myself. It did make me calmer, less angry, diverted me away from right wing incel shit and less suicidal. Helped me come to terms with my suicidal ideation too. I guess it helped.

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