>>6627Because of work reasons I was dragged off to internet cafe's at the age of 6 or so,I spent 4-12 hours a day there, everyday(averaging around 8-9 hours a day) until I was 11 and the internet cafe I went to went bankrupt. I actually had a few friends there, but they obviously couldn't be playing in the internet cafe as much as I, and our relationship was more like distant older brothers/little kid than anything else because they were all way older than me, so I spent the vast majority of my time alone. There was only a specific set of games there and because I was too young, and didn't know english or any sites in my native language basically everyday was spent playing the same games over and over again, at some point I started acting like there are various different me's in my head(like a tall one, fat one, etc. all with different opinions and ideas) and I would talk to them, though thankfully that stopped by itself after a few months.
I would almost never talk with my parents, because they woüld always come home past midnight, though I myself would go to sleep extremely late too(like 12pm as a 7 year old, a few years later I would start spending going to sleep only at 4-6am, and only get 4 or so hours of sleep a day because of school and whatnot). Until I was 11 or so I would rarely see my mother, and my relationship with her was extremely bad with her. I would rarely see my older brother too, since he got chased out of the house when I was 5 or so, and I've only seen my older sister 10 times or something my whole life.
At school I actually had a decent social life, several times I had my own little group of 3-4 people that I would lead, and in 4th grade I was the best friend of the class' "chad" so to speak; that same kid introduced me to anime, which basically became my downfall though.
Because my parents were always at work, and because I spent my entire childhood at the internet cafe without being let outside I couldn't navigate the streets at all, and due to that I spent every summer vacation at home with nothing to do, instead of playing with school friends.
At that time(summer vac of 4th grade) I had already learned english well enough to read english subtitles on anime without problem, and my brother had recently given me his PC too, so I started to watch anime on my PC, all the time. But that soon became a coping mechanic to deal with my horrible surroundings(all alone at home everyday, poor so I live in a disgusting squatter's house where there's no shower at all and no plumbing, shit like that) and I started thinking exclusively of anime girls, self-inserting, etc and started hating everybody, especially my parents. I even snapped one day and was about to stab my father from behind one day, but I pussied out at the last second, and thinking back I think he knew I was going to do it.
Anyway, that isolation caused me to lose all of my social skills in just a single summer vacation, and the immense loathing I had of other people stopped me from trying to improve it too. By the start of 5th grade I had turned into somebody who would exclusively interact with others by shaking his head or nodding, and I continued that until 7th grade, where I finally became a bit more normal and less angsty, though I still had no friends. By 10th grade I became somebody who could interact normally, though awkwardly, with other people, but I also became somebody who literally doesn't give a single shit about social interaction, and can't even feel lonely anymore. Even now in my working life I just go to work, go straight home the moment my shift ends, and then spend all my free time on the internet. I haven't had a single friend since that guy from 4th grade, and to be honest I'll probably kill myself when I run out of fun things to do in the internet.
This became a 10k word long autistic blogpost instead, but I'm too lazy to sift through my post and shorten it
