I'll allow the conversation, but guro images are a violation of Rule 3.
I dunno what there really is to say or discuss, but I've self-harmed for a long time. Started cutting around 13 and am late 20s now, but have self-harmed since I was a kid by biting my hand and stuff, but didn't think anything of it.
I always cut with blunt scissors, enough that it'd cause a lot of superficial bleeding but no serious deep scars, so my arm is still scarred, but it's all very faint. Used to do it very often, multiple times a week, and it'd usually be impulsive over being upset or angry, but I've not been doing it as much recently. Doing it with a sharp blade not only scars more, it was less satisfying because it cuts so easily. Using blunt scissors felt satisfying because it took more to cause bleeding.
I've only been self harming every few weeks now though, and when I do it, it's usually so impulsive that I just punch my thigh or arm instead. It doesn't feel as satisfying as cutting with scissors, but the bruises still look nice to me in the same way that bleeding did.
Picture is a photo I took one time, I liked how it looked.
Well a week later and I just got so upset over something that I ended up cutting again for the first time in almost two years. I fell out with a friend and I responded negativity, but they said very malicious things they likely knew would make me feel the worst they could make me feel.
I've not been this upset in a long time, I feel like I've lost years of progress just from this. Recently I have been going to gym near daily and just got a part time job, but was waiting for dates, but now I feel like ghosting them and I don't want to go to gym with cuts. Wearing long sleeves during summer sucks, I wish I was better at controlling my emotions. They're so strong it's like a physical need to get them out, or I can't stop being fixated on them until do something.
I don't know why I'm blogging here, I should probably just try doing a personal journal.