It's weird. By all accounts my life is finally in an upswing. I'm on course to finish my associate's degree next may, and to return to the university I dropped out to finish a bachelor's by 2016.
I also escaped from a nightmarish overnight schedule stocking shelves - by, strangely enough, making enough monthly writing fetish fiction. Still - a more fulfilling job than stocking shelves.
I've even battled my social anxiety (that caused me to initially drop out in the first place) to the point where I can actually bring myself to somewhat social events without needing a friend for comfort. I guess that's the best thing I can thank wal mart for.
Anyway… despite all this, I feel more disconnected than ever before.
I never really noticed before, but now that I'm 23, I realize that… well, nobody actually cares. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own existences that I'm not even a blip on their personal radars unless I force myself into their lives - and that's the thing, I don't want to.
My best friend and I had a falling out early this year, and despite some efforts on my part, he didn't want to take any time at all to repair what we had. After enough time apart, I realized I didn't even truly know him. He never opened up.
Another friend and I started hanging out all the time. She would even go so far as to get out of work early just to grab coffee with me. Then suddenly, as soon as she got a somewhat higher tier job (teacher) she can't find the time of day to hang out more than twice over the span of literal 7 months - despite constantly filling her schedule with other activities with other people.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.