/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

I'm honestly shocked I've made it through this year so far and I haven't off'd myself for all the crap that's happened.

I'm at least thankful that I still have a job even with the pandemic happening but it's a job given to me by my own parent. The job itself which doesn't have permanency and doesn't even give me enough pay for me to properly live on my own which yeah, that means I still live with my parents.

Last year I ended up flinging my diploma due to not passing two courses within it and this year I haven't even been given any thumbs up in trying to finish that and even then I feel so tired of constant study for a job that I'm not 100% that I'd even be fine with for most of my life. Yet it feels that I've come this far with what I've learnt from there that it's the only way I can go here on out.

God and socially this year has been horrible to. My girlfriend for 3 years broke up with me after having visited her city 3 times before and feeling like something could actually happen. I loved her so dearly and even now I can barely get over her just, sobbing really thinking about it.

On top of that a social group I had been with for longer started calling me a pedo due to the age she was when we started dating, which is both none of their business and ultimately wrong since there was nothing like that involved and even if it was were not even in the bloody U.S. where there's rules like that, but regardless they kicked me out and threw me under the bus, making lies up about the ages and when it even started.

My only social solace has been in two small groups which may as well be full of the same kinds of people in here, NEET-like and in conditions close to that of hikkis. Not to mention in one of them there's a single person who drives attention to himself completely ignoring me passing me off as annoying and I just left that entire circle because of that… Just how the hell does one get out of this soup? I feel like going on I'm just going to rot away as some failure despite all the "success" I've had up to this point. I've lost the one person I truly loved and there's now a group of people that wish I never existed.

I'm sorry if this isn't something that fits into this board but… I just think after this year I'm just going to permanently be confined to a screen in a vein hope to find happiness.