I'm beginning to believe that there is truly a hard set limit regarding how much we can truly improve ourselves.
I used to be a hikki, I didn't want to go outside, I watched anime and played video games all day, I took part in niche communities and hobbies and was generally a social outcast. Yet I had aspirations to get a slice of a regular life, a slice with friends and girls like you'd see in your SOLs, and so I did it.
Throughout all the odds and all the pain I forced myself to go out relatively frequently, I got the friends, I got the life I even got a girl for a short period of time. Sure I wasn't a chad or even a normie but for a long time I experienced true cyborgism, something I had worked towards for ages.
Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing. Socializing has mostly brought me hardships and suffering I still experience today, and it just makes me think "why did I make myself do this for so long when I never enjoyed it?"
And it made me realize something. Of course I didn't enjoy it, it's simply not who I am. Simply not what I was built to enjoy. This extroversion, this social life, it's simply not for me. And yet I, and collectively a large amount of shut ins, had/have this illusion that being extroverted is something to aspire to, a self improvement goal. But it isn't, there are simply those built to have a normal social life and those who aren't. Not everyone can or even necessarily wants to have this social life, yet it's almost like we're brainwashed into thinking that it's an inherently better way of life than what we have now. There is a fine line between self improvement and being someone you're not.
Proper hygiene, cleanliness, passion to do anything, are all things that are self improvement, but being someone you're not, a normie, a cyborg a social individual is simply something you're born with or not, and I think accepting that reality is pretty important.
Sorry for the text dump, just getting that off my chest before I resume going back into full blown hikkism like days of yester year.
Your first sentence isn't really related to the rest of the post unless you DEFINE self improvement as being social. It sounds like you're an /r9k/ guy, that place really genuinely will brainwash you into thinking that way so I'm not surprised. The capacity to be able to socialise is always a positive, but not liking socialising just means that socialising is not your goal in life, which is also good in my opinion. Think about how big the world is and how many things there are to do. You don't achieve greatness by walking through normalcy first. Some normal people achieve greatness, but if you struggle to even reach their standards of mediocrity then you won't get it that way. Your path is somewhere through the unmarked bear-filled woods where you'll find treasures and curses that those in the city will never know. It's too dangerous for those who's life's winnings are tied to the city, but if you have nothing to lose then I say close your eyes and walk recklessly into the wilderness.
yeah sorry about the header and first sentence I only realized a little bit after posting.
Yeah r9k was definitely my original main stay board for a long time so I agree I was probably brainwashed into thinking that.
I agree with what you said almost wholeheartedly, I'd say it's a shame it took me so long to realize this but at least I realized at all.
>Yet for what? What has it brought me? I've never enjoyed it, I've never enjoyed socializing, hanging out, having a girlfriend, nothing. Even after I shed my anxiety all I was left with was a general distaste for socializing.
You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so. That includes coming on here and posting this because online posting is a form of socialization when one expects interaction in turn, especially if it is done for non-practical reasons. You posting that you dislike socialization is ironic, though understandable. I dislike it too, but I engage in it through imageboards because my mind likely sees this as a way to fulfill social desires without incurring as much of a burden as one would face in real life.
Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go. There is no need to "self-improve" unless you neglect hygiene and other basic things. Why the hell should anyone waste years of their life "self-improving?" If you need to get by, then do what must be done (job, military, welfare, etc.). Just enjoy this life as it comes, fulfill basic needs like shelter, and you are set. >>7490>achieve greatness
What would you define "greatness" as?
>>7494>>You must either like socializing enough or feel enough of an aversion to isolation (or a drive to conform) to do so.
I suppose I was too broad, of course everyone requires an amount of socialization (as we are group animals) and I too find image boards to be the most comfortable level of such socialization i can consistently tolerate, anything beyond that is when it starts becoming much of a nuisance.
I did desire conformity, because I was simply made to believe that it was the only way to properly live.
>Self-improvement is fallacious because it assumes that there is always something needing to be improved on and that you are flawed from the get-go.
We are inherently flawed as perfection is only an ideal created as a goal post for improvement. The argument whether you 'should' aim for improvement or not is of course entirely subjective, and I think either opinion is fine, but the desire to self improve, whether that be in a skill, socializing, or else wise is something most people have even if they don't inherently act on it.
I also have things in life I'd like to improve in, skills and crafts, but I think it's important to realize what you truly want to improve on and what you've been made into thinking you need to improve on. I've wasted so much time and money wanting to be better at socializing simply because I was made to believe that was something you had to do. It simply is not the case beyond non-utilitarian reasons, as is most other skills you do not wish to strive for.
As you said, there is no need beyond what is needed to get by. It simply took quite a long time for me to truly realize that
>>7488>I even got a girl for a short period of time
How do you form a relationship?
People sometimes say that it will develop on its own after the initial effort and that one should not overthink it, but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am. How did you do it?
How do you form a relationship?
I dunno anon. I wasn't really the one who did any of the initiation. She had been a friend of mine for a while and one day she made a joke about us being together and I jokingly played along with it. After like a week of this joke she asked me privately if maybe I wanted to make it a real thing and if she could take me out on a date and I thought she was a pretty cool friend so I kinda just went with the flow.
I wasn't interested in her beforehand, and I never really felt anything that I would classify as love. The relationship only lasted around a year (though I was the one who broke it off) so I wouldn't really promote the 'go with the flow' attitude that I took.
I guess what I'm saying is that in my case it did kind of develop on its own, or at least I wasn't the one to develop it, but you kind of at least need to be aware of the person in a romantic way because the person who I ended up getting just 'leaving it develop' wasn't someone I was really into to begin with.
>> but I know that I would need to apply myself to ever achieve one because of how reserved I am
I dunno, I'm pretty reserved myself, even when I did socialize a lot. Not because I was ever particularly anxious, I just didn't talk much and always kept to the sidelines unless made to do else wise. I don't really think being reserved was much of a hindrance.
If you want my 2 cents I think it was just luck.
As someone who's extensively browsed r9k, OP's post is nothing akin to the garbage that gets posted there (and was quite relatable in fact). Being realistic about ones potential for growth isn't the same thing as being a needlessly defeatist tumor.