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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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File: 1669452195947.png (7.44 KB, 380x390, Untitled.png)

 No.7532

I genuinely don't know how to connect with people anymore. They always say making online friends is an easy option, but I can't even bring myself to digitally chat to anyone about my interests. Even posting this is taking up a lot of nerve for me. Nearly graduating college, and I haven't made a singular friend in university. My classmates are either arrogant, rich kids or pretentious know-it-alls. I don't know what I wanna do once I graduate. Probably get a job and earn some money. It's kinda pathetic to say that I wanna earn enough so I could afford seeing a therapist. Therapy is so expensive here, I haven't even had an actual medical check-up in years. And not to be that guy who self-diagnoses mental illness, but I think there is something up with me that can't be just chalked up to "introversion". I want really do wanna make friends, but at the same time, I feel detached and disconnected from everyone. I just feel like every person I meet is temporary, hence why I don't really put in much effort into long-lasting relationships.

I made one online friend, and that was because I was so fucking desperate and possibly manic that I messaged them first. Haven't been close with them recently. Now, I still wanna talk to them, but I don't want to bring them down with my bullshit depressing nonsense. My cousins keep inviting me to go out and I'm grateful for them. But, I can't help feeling like a charity case. I know full well there's some pity there, and that my parents asked them to hang out with me. Likely because they were that worried I was a piece of shit loner. I don't wanna come off as being completely sad, I feel kinda okay actually, it's just it feels like I'm just floating by directionless, making no impact on anything or anyone.

 No.7543

>Nearly graduating college, and I haven't made a singular friend in university.
You may have more opportunities than you realize. Have you joined any clubs or online chats linked to your university? I often find that it's hard to relate to other people and once I find myself having a brief conversation with someone the room is filled with silence. But people are more alike than you think.
>I just feel like every person I meet is temporary, hence why I don't really put in much effort into long-lasting relationships.
You must not be afraid to share personal details. If someone you like asks you what your favorite music is, tell them, but don't be cringey or edgy about it. You have to be able to openly talk about the things you enjoy, just don't vent about yourself.
>My classmates are either arrogant, rich kids or pretentious know-it-alls.
It's hard to be friends with someone if you always look down on them or find a reason not to like them. People are more than their outward appearance.

 No.7544

>>7543
Why are you still here?
Do you browse other chans?

 No.7545

>>7544
I come back every once in a while, not very often at all. The same goes for other imageboards. I recently joined a group (still in university) and this was not something I would have ever imagined for myself.

 No.7561

OP here. Sorry, I'm new to forums so I dunno the etiquette and how to format yet.

>>7543
I did join organizations in my university. Unfortunately, we're still mostly on online classes so I haven't had the opportunity to meet new people yet. The orgs have their own discord servers, but again, I'm mostly a lurker and I don't know how to approach people digitally either.

>It's hard to be friends with someone if you always look down on them or find a reason not to like them. People are more than their outward appearance.

Admittedly, I wrote the original post when I was in a bitter mood. I know that there's more to people than outward impressions, and that I gotta lighten up. Still, I've been with some of my classmates for years now, and I was not clicking with their personalities. Some of them are just generally unlikeable and complain a lot— and I worry that those traits rubbed on me 'cause I'm not any better.

 No.7562

>>7561
Honestly don't worry about the formatting too much. I used to get on anons for it until I saw many 4chan archives from 2003-5 that were filled with anons reddit spacing, using tumblr grammar before tumblr existed, and using lolspeak. In other words, anons have formatted and talked in a myriad of ways for many years and the collective beatings we give each other are more to just collectively beat each other than to actually maintain any culture. It's somewhat taboo for me to be explaining all this upfront, anons are generally supposed to learn through the aforementioned beatings, but I like this place and find it more constructive to explain on smaller boards.
That said, posts are generally considered more readable when formatted without a space inbetween paragraphs, opting instead to just hit enter and type new paragraphs on the immediate next line. Grammar doesn't matter much, but at least using capital letters at the start of a sentence and using periods is generally appreciated too.

/\ The paragraphs above follows readability formatting convention. I've noticed that sometimes spaces between large paragraphs when there are a lot of paragraphs are tolerated depending on the board too. Some boards will call this "reddit spacing." Notice how my first two paragraphs don't have a space between them but this one does. Below I will provide an example of what I personally consider to be true reddit spacing, this is actually kind of obnoxious in my view, but board culture too has embraced it in various points of its own history. In terms of vernacular, you will pick up what words mean and what normal words to replace with board culture synonyms overtime.

im writin dis 2 demonstrate teh most obnoxious form ov formattin

in da 2000s dis wuz wai MOAR common

ins't dis kind ov annoyin?

imagine readin it on CRT ( ◕▿◕ )

(Secretly though, I love old emoticons, and am totally fine with them, this board seems to be too sometimes.)

 No.7563

>>7562
I didn't know that spacing paragraphs was called reddit formatting. I always did that when the adjacent paragraphs weren't related, because it's just easier to read.

Fuck sticking to conventions decided by other people, though. Unless it's extremely obnoxious (as you point out), or just plain unreadable because of poor use of punctuation, anything is fine, really.

>>7532
I would suggest just sticking to a general chat rather than trying to befriend people individually. Those that like you will eventually interact with you more, and if you also feel someone is interesting, you should definitely interact with them if that's what you want. There's also no pressure to "keep a conversation appealing" or worrying about what to say, etc. Because you're not the person who drives the conversation in the first place. Just think of it as throwing some words at the wind.
I used to have the lurker syndrome like you, but my (rare) contributions were usually appreciated by a few people, who eventually became close friends. I have to admit that they were more ongoing / not as timid as I was, which helped as they typically initiated the interactions, but I don't see why you shouldn't find similar people.

Now, this is all anecdotal (and therefore not a magic solution that works for everyone), but please do consider just trying even if you don't feel comfortable / you're nervous to say what you think. Especially on the internet, most people just spout random shit, so in the worst case, people will not really think too deeply about what you say, and in the best case, you might find similar-minded buddies.

 No.7564

File: 1671185827772.png (9.92 KB, 512x448, eva.png)

Can I offer some advice as an extroverted autistic?

How i've always made friends is by finding common ground. Where i'm from, it's not unusual to talk to strangers especially if something happened, such as a late bus, or a shit class. It's often just small talk and a shared laugh but if you play your cards right and have enough time, you might just be able to introduce yourself to whoever you're talking with.
Met one of my closest friends because i was reading jojo's bizarre adventure in class and they asked about it (i admit i went on a bit of an autistic rant about it, but it paid off)

finding common ground is key to having a really good topic of conversation, so if you want to make some close friends, seek out places oriented around your interests. You don't have to be totally active in them, just shoot a 'hello chat; gif or something once in a while and you'll eventually strike up a convo

>I just feel like every person I meet is temporary, hence why I don't really put in much effort into long-lasting relationships.

Unfortunately that is the nature of friendships. eventually, they will fade. However, i also think that's what makes friendships so good: limited time. Opening yourself up and making memories before everything fades is what makes them so precious.

You are almost definitely going to have to open up and start actively seeking them out, like when you were in your possibly manic state, but trust me, the self pity is worth the connection times a thousand.

I imagine seeking out a much more outgoing person as a friend could work: as one of those people we often take the more introverted ones under our wing. I was always the loud and slightly obnoxious one out of my friend group of depressed autistics

I hope things get easier for you anon!

 No.7585

>>7562
This is really informative, thanks! I generally just try breaking up my thoughts into multiple paragraphs to avoid big blocks of text. Still adjusting to board culture, especially with all the slang and vernacular. Might commit a faux pas, but I'll probably learn as I go.

>>7563
>I would suggest just sticking to a general chat rather than trying to befriend people individually.
Yeahhh, this definitely seems like the way to go for me. If New Year's resolutions carry any meaning, I'm setting out to stop lurking, go out there and just say stuff that interests me in the hopes I attract similar-minded people. Initiating conversations are hard for me, and I guess there is the major fear of being ignored. Probably need to just suck it up and get used to it.

>>7564
Thanks for the advice! I can't really tolerate going outside meeting people yet, so maybe I'll just make baby steps with interacting in group chats. I wish I can make another extroverted friend to at least balance my personality out. All my close friends are either far away or too busy, so it's just me with my introverted self recently.



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