Theres genuinely something wrong with me being uncomfortable hanging out in group of people I know and being with people irl itself. There only one person that the only close friend irl I could go out with and others are that friend's friends. They're good

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Anonymous 08/04/24 (Sun) 16:36:42 No.8343

Theres genuinely something wrong with me being uncomfortable hanging out in group of people I know and being with people irl itself. There only one person that the only close friend irl I could go out with and others are that friend's friends. They're good and cool with me, but mostly times I used to hangout with that only friend and I was pretty satisfied with that. There always feeling of being left out while hanging with group, all of them talking to eachother well without my speak because mostly they talk about things they equally have interests in, except me, their conversation is filled with well social skills since all are extraverts with no problem in socialising. Only way I used to be while im around them it's looking at phone and be like background character. I could just not go out with them but being home is worse since I still live with parents. It always been like that from my childhood and recently I've been diagnosed with autism and confirmed to have lack of sociability so im scared of becoming mature knowing well that when I'll get my own place I'll shut myself in and it's possible that I can lose my only irl friend that have plans on moving to other country and only conversation with people I could have only online. Im such a retard buh.

Anonymous 08/08/24 (Thu) 15:36:46 No.8356

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>Only way I used to be while im around them it's looking at phone and be like background character.

That used to happen to me. While they talk about "mainstream things", I could hardly share something to the conversation because it wasn't interesting for me, to the point that we don't actually talk anymore. Even when I tried, it was pointless; not different from trying to put a circle into a triangle hole. You may feel alone even with people around you, who, for personal experience, is more axfixious than being actually lonely, like if they are just ignoring you for being that "freak".

Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri) 18:01:42 No.8359

Escape ur confort zone that is how you grow always

Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri) 19:54:23 No.8360

Why is it always "escape your comfort zone" rather than "expand your comfort zone", it's such a needlessly uninviting phrasing that it makes my head spin

Anonymous 08/10/24 (Sat) 16:04:24 No.8363

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>>8343
I used to be like this. Well, I'm not fully out of it, but what saved me was getting other autistic friends. Finding them is the hard part though…good luck with that lol

You will know you are with your people when you can be completely retarded around them, with none of the irony or fear. I still haven't gotten over my "don't belong here" feeling though, even if i know it's not true, that might be something that haunts you for a long while.

Actually here's a pointer (this is also for YOU, reader): try searching up all your interests and check if there are any cons/meetups or discord servers near where you live. Talking to people irl or online can be tough, it sure was for me, but stick to it and you will be surprised how quickly you can rack up crazy amounts of social credit, especially among a bunch of other losers who never make the first move

but idk though

Anonymous 08/10/24 (Sat) 20:25:31 No.8364

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>>8363
I can verify this as an autist with many friends, most of them were made through discord servers and/or conventions.

Getting friends you can be utterly deranged with is incredibly important, but yes, making those friends is the hard part. I can't offer much advice in the way of that, since I'm a naturally loud and friendly person, but what I can say is that once you get a few, they tend to gain their own friends and you get introduced to them, and then it all snowballs.

What i CAN advise on is the importance of comfortability around them. If you can be the most insane retard Gods earth has ever seen and the people you're with match that energy? you've found keepers.

funnily enough i met my keepers at an autism group, lol.

pushing yourself out there is balls hard, but it's that first step that's most important. Even one or two messages in a server to your interest goes a long way.

…don't quote me on that, though.

Anonymous 08/11/24 (Sun) 12:24:30 No.8368

>>8364
autists do you thinkan retard is a slur

Anonymous 09/17/24 (Tue) 00:18:20 No.8536

>>8363
This is actually pretty good advice. I've been trying to get myself out there more by going to shows that my fave bands are playing in, and I recently went to a convention for the first time, but it's really scary putting myself out there.

I often drink at those events and try to spark conversation with a stranger, but I find myself eventually clamming up and walking away, telling myself I'm being annoying or weird when there's any pauses and the like. I don't know.

I'll definitely look at online communities relating to my interests, I somehow didn't really think of that

Anonymous 09/17/24 (Tue) 00:45:34 No.8537

>>8343
I've honestly felt that way myself many times, and I've realized that we all simply have a select niche that we would fit you. I'm sorry your friends don't make the effort to include you, but in my eyes, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it or try to change yourself to fit in with them.

Instead, I feel its more important to accept the person you are, flaws and all, and be confident in that person. Be confident in your interests and hobbies or mannerisms, no matter how "weird" or "niche" you might imagine them to be, and look for like minded people.

Interact with communities of your favorite games or animes, go to conventions and compliment someone's costume and spark up a convo about the series their dressed up as, compliment someone's cool t shirt you recognize, etc. Every little effort counts and builds to a greater whole.

You got this, even if it doesn't seem that way. You'll find the people you want and deserve.

Anonymous 09/19/24 (Thu) 00:22:34 No.8545

I don’t feel comfortable around other humans. I used to have that feeling of being left out, that fear, and so I’d do my best to impress people and I would end up coming off as weird and arrogant. So then I retreated from people. I guess it’s easier to run away from the fear than fight it and overcome it. I went through a 5 year period of shutting myself off from others. It’s been so long I don’t even think I’m capable of making friends. Like whatever hardware is in the brain for socializing has all rusted away now and it’s hopeless.

Now I like being the background character. It does upset me when I think about it, but I don’t think there’s any other way anymore. I wish I could be professionally successful but I don’t feel a need to be connected to other humans anymore.

Anonymous 09/25/24 (Wed) 09:02:03 No.8564

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>>8343
God I feel you OP. I like to think that despite it all, I've done well enough for myself irl wise with masking that even if I drop out of shit, I have irl friends who seem to like me, have had relationships etc, but I cannot shake this feeling of not belonging. I still will feel like an alien, and the loneliness of having achieved a friend group and still feeling like an outcast is unbearable.
Esp on the topic of having one friend that you really connect with but not finding it easy to just hang out with them. I hate feeling like such a jealous piece of shit when I see him hang out with others and not choose me constantly. He's a very friendly and popular person so I just remind myself to have faith in our friendship, but often times I hate having to hang out with him and then others who I don't really find any fulfillment in interacting with.
At some fundamental level there's always a disconnect, and I hate when the seemingly one beam of light is constantly stolen. I really don't want him to hate me though, I hate thoughts like these