you can learn how to program here:https://www.freecodecamp.org/
this website alone will not make a good programmer and will not fix your inconsistency; that's just something you have to work through unfortunately; i know that because ive struggled endlessly with the same thing
i'm really sorry to hear about your situation and i hope it gets better for you; i love you. let me know if i can help with anything else
I want to learn programming just like OP but (and please don't take it as making fun of OP because I'm not) as a 21 year old I feel that I will never be a good programmer because all good programming wizards began to code at 10 or something like that.
as a working programmer who did not start at 10 and used to feel the same way this is almost entirely BS and you are fine
The problem with todays work market is that every single company, no matter how shitty it is, wants only the crème de la crème of the work force. They can afford their behaviour today because the work market today is a global one. You cannot find a genius engineer that will work for 15% less pay than average? No problem, put an add in estonia, you will have 50 applicants for this offer in no time.
However, times are not getting hard for us here. Very bad times are ahead of us and I doubt
In Japan, already 39% of the workforce is only part time employed. That means they work 7 hours a day, 6 days a week and earn 3 dollars per hour. Full time employment means you work 12 hours per day for a little more. People who lose their jobs end up homeless very fast because there is no unemployment money or welfare from the government. Young people who earn badly often end up in appartements with up to 8 or 9 other young people in similar situations.
In China, many factories are closing and the labourers who came from rural villages cannot find new work anymore because when you are past age 35 nobody wants you anymore. Many factories are beeing abandonned and rebuilt in cheaper places like Vietnam, Bangladesh and soon Burma. Many of those people are forced to leave the cities and go back to their ancestoral homelands in the villages. Then you have other Chinese who are young but still struggle to survive in cities even with jobs. I watched how one newspaper reporter lives in a bunker/basement and barely can afford the rent. Then one couple that lives in a bungalow with no running water and a shared toilet with 10 other "appartements". Then at the same time, there are ghost cities everywhere beeing built. I always believed that those ghost cities don't belong to anyone but this is wrong. Rich upper middle class people have bought those appartements in the ghost cities and now try to turn a profit on those investments by renting or selling it.
In America you have tent cities on the rise everywhere. Homeless people make up about 1% of the population already. In Silicon valley, rents have become so expensive that even workers from the prestigous tech companies cannot afford to rent and instead live in their cars. This is all happening while about 14% of real estate is not occupied by anyone. Bureau of statistics claims that jobs are in recovery mode but they do not tell you that most of the new jobs beeing created are waiter and bartender types of jobs, which are part time mostly and have shitty pay. Also, Amazon is hiring 10 part timers for every fulltime employee.
Europe has the same problems. We are simply past our golden age. Every organism in life has the natural cycle of birth, growth, golden era, degeneration and death. Our societies have experienced an incredible golden age after world war 2 until maybe the 80s. Then since the 90s our downward spiral began and 20 years later it got amplified by automation and "process optimisation". We are simply dying societies.