The self-administered Rorshach test is something I do with each and every dream my brain chooses to present to my consciousness.
>Maybe i'm pushing these intrusive thoughts back too much and they are starting to show in my dreams.
I was getting curious as to why you run away from them. Is it just because they feel bad? Don't you feel bad all the time already? Why hide from bad things if they won't kill you?
When I was going through my period of vivid psychic horror, I would explicitly summon it, and attempt to capture it in drawings. Avant garde/Dark ambient sound really assisted with that expression and experience. I decided that the horror which existed within my brain, and at the same time seemed impossible to have been generated by it, was nonetheless a part of it, and that assimilation with was the only way to move in any direction - not necessarily forward, but maybe down?
There is no good or bad, and everything in the world suffers anyway - look at how the bugs writhe, starving, how the cute animals fight over what raw scraps of plant life or even better, human garbage that is left for them on their paved-over ancestral homes. Much to the chagrin of the people who built their own physical, mental, and emotional prisons, and now starve within them for all forms of sustenance.
I say it's not that there's nothing to fear, it's that there's nothing left
to fear; we are already dead and dreaming.
Sorry this got bloggy, I am very tired and felt like writing something.