>>10289You are probably aware of this, but since your dream is insane, you should probably accept that the only way you'll achieve it is by going insane. There's nothing wrong with this, insanity is really only a change in perspective which I'm sure you want. You've probably heard of Nietzsche, and his story, but if not, basically he too had a perspective that could only be truly realized with insanity. Of course he realized it and through it he became a living testament of his ideas.
Similar to him, I think you should also begin to look inwards and realize your idea in yourself. The only control we can have over reality is our perception of it. Actions and interactions only follow naturally from perception, just as people act by their beliefs, impulses, or feelings. None of it would be possible without the perception of it. This is regardless of whether or not there is an objective, concrete reality that exists dependent of our senses. So it is pointless to even consider the existence of a real reality when one is a being that relies on perception to identify said reality.
For you, concrete reality isn't necessary anymore. You should completely reject it and start striving to live completely in your head. It's not as simple as plain egotism however. It's simple for narcissists to look into their own minds and only see themselves. If you're truly adept, when you look inward, into your consciousness, you'll begin to see that there is much more than yourself. Conventionally, or sanely, consciousness is our tie to ourselves, our verification of our own existence. Under insanity, you can realize that it is more: it is our connection to the nonexistent realm of the abstract, or anti reality. Zero, for example, is the quantification of nothing. Of course, zero can't actually exist in reality, only the idea of it. You can't have zero of anything, apparently under sanity. Yet we use zero as a basis for everything, because nothing is somehow the basis for everything. Another example is god. If God is defined as the true creator of all existence then from where did he create existence? If existence did not exist before God, then God didn't exist when he created it. You could say then that God is nothingness, akin to zero. You could say that reality is a copy of something with no original form to copy from. And so I believe you can somehow realize your dream
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