/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

I think I'm this way by design. A mother is just a person. I'm weak, people can be weak, a mother can be weak. I've come to understand that the weak can be manipulative. They leech their being from other people in a really insidious way, people who aren't strong enough to tear them off. Having a baby is meant to be an extremely powerful experience. I think my mother felt that and couldn't face going back. I began to grow, her baby was leaving her, she couldn't take it, I was pruned. Cultivated to forever be reliant and incapable. And now like a smackhead who's built an immunity to the drug, she continues to go through the motions of extracting trace amounts of maternity from her neet.

>>396
Interesting theory, anon. This has helped me understand, and I agree with you, it stems from weakness. Let me contribute by saying that in such situations you need to accept that you have to be the one who is more mature in the situation. Tell her (and your dad too if necessary) that you want to be independent. Even if they manipulate you and try to keep you weak you need to be firm, like an adult should. You move out, you become independent, and in time they will deal with this change, and they will be FORCED to grow up. Normally they should've done this for you and to you, but you need to do both things: help them mature, and help yourself grow up, too. Good luck, anons.

>>409
Hey thanks for replying. I saw your post a week ago but I didn't have the energy to write a reply. My mother is a really difficult person to be firm with because she's irrational, and after things cool down she doesn't even acknowledge what happened making the whole thing a waste of time. Also I'm really bad at communicating so often if things get heated I just stand and stutter and embarrass myself, "lose the exchange" for whatever that means. I'm trying really hard to be more firm with life in general though. What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that unless by some miracle I end up rich off some artistic project online. It's a cycle where I can't get better until I'm away from them, but can't get away from them until I'm better.

>>413
What type of artistic project do you plan to make

>>414
I'm most interested in games and literature. Video games are the only medium I can think in with any sort of flow, thinking in coherent sentences is really difficult (that's why it takes me so long to respond, sorry again about that). I think literature is a much better way of interacting with reality through art, my thinking on video games is usually either generating realities or exploring within the medium (they do have a unique ability for placing the player in liminal spaces though which is a very interesting way of interfacing with reality). Games' disadvantage is that they're overtly art, there's less possibility for "is this real?" in them than there is in writing (there are examples though when it comes to authorship and the story surrounding it's creation. Sad Satan is like that. The Beginner's Guide is a very interesting one. I've wanted to make games that touch this mode of thinking too, and I'm sort of convincing myself now that I'm wrong to suggest they're less powerful than literature for it, but there are things writing is just better for. Language is true by default, that's what it was developed for, while games are fiction by default and you have to try very hard to touch the player's idea of truth. When I'm free I want to explore the world, and I'll probably make a blog or something of stories from my travels, partly for the sake of communication but partly as a medium of creation. I'd invent characters and places and warp the aesthetics of occurrences and myself, not to convince people of a lie (I wouldn't care if people knew or not) but as a way of crystalising ideas and altering my way of experiencing reality. All communication breeds aesthetic, topological and factual parasites in the speaker and the receiver, what I want to do is be aware of and engineer those parasites to be forces for good.

Sorry for not closing that parenthesis by the way, the more I continued that line of thought the more dumber it felt to put a ) at the end.

>>413
>What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that
bro if i'm reading this correctly she's helping you from becoming a homeless drug addict yet you want to move out despite not having an income. you need a good smack on the head for being ungrateful. get a job THEN start thinking about moving out

>>421
I don't want to get into an argument about this but I'll address it because what I sound like to you is probably how everyone with the same problem sounds to those with different experience. Yes my parents are the reason I'm not homeless or dead or something. They're also the reason why without them I WOULD be homeless. From day 1 I was conditioned to be incapable. There's so much shit from the past which I thought was just unfortunate at the time but looking back is extremely abnormal and bad. You can say oh it's easy to blame your parents, but they're your entire reality from when your brain is hot playdough until you start going to school, and after that they stay about half of it. It took me a long time to understand how much that means. I'm really trying to get stronger, grow the bits that didn't grow and change the bits that went wrong, but it's not easy at all, and I know I won't be able to do enough while I'm living here. You're asking me to be grateful for being forced to someone's mercy.

>>396
You're right, this happened to me, my mother raised me to dependant and ineffectual, it's a terriblee thing to do to a child.

>>420
cat video proved wrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jto2peSOLac