You are not a failure.
I have had panic attacks before which have steered my life in a different direction that I initially would have imagined it going in, but I'm still here.
I had a panic attack in a plane before it had taken off during a school trip. It was so bad I had to go out of the plane before taking off. It was horrid having to get up and move through the plane and have everyone watch me like that.
A low point that made me incredibly dejected for weeks.
Later, I tried going to a folk high school (Americans don't have it I think, I don't want to explain the concept, but it's kinda like a boarding school for all ages mostly 18+ and up)
I had to quit just a week in due to being completely wrecked. It was as if I had been in a constant state of anxiety the entire time. It was terrible.
I was incredibly dejected for months.
It's been a couple years now since my troubles with anxiety truly turned for the worse, but it's starting to look up now and I've learned some things.
Other anons have already given good advice. It's important to try and tie yourself to reality and not get lost in it when it happens. Acknowledge your panic attack and accept it. Do what you can to get through it and continue moving forward. I think it will get better, slowly. It will get better.
You Are not a failure just because you are not like everyone else. You have your own troubles that you have to deal with, and that doesn't make you a failure. Grow from your experiences and learn about yourself. I think you will come to better handle your panic attacks if you take anons tips to mind and remember them. Sometimes it's not all going to work, it will surely be lots of ups and downs, but don't give up. I got lucky and got a really good psychiatrist a bit later. It's possible that seeking professional help will be beneficial to you, but the opposite is also true.
I was also deeply, deeply struck by the theme of struggling through great adversity in Berserk when Miura died. Deeply struck. It is a very strong message and it has impacted me greatly in the last few monthsPost too long. Click here to view the full text.