/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

I thought that once I turn 18 it would be my chance to become a normie and I tried but it didn't work, so I realized it would never happen. Plus I don't like being around people who don't like me (normies).

First I wasn't able to adapt to the new social environment in high school and I was humiliated and isolated. The first two years were really painful but gave me a lot of knowledge about myself, and my curiosity and lack of stimulation made me start to read books and learn music. But I had already acquired many bad habits (terrible sleep, excessive masturbation with disgusting porn, junk food, withdraw, etc.) and started taking antidepressants, which I'm pretty sure did me more harm than good, and all the physical and mental damage left me unable to apply what I learned to overcome my social anxiety and start getting things done (plus I still had many shitty ideas). Now I'm 20 and still in a bad situation, but things are slowly getting better.

>>109
Yeah, same here. It seems us gifted kids usually end up very successful or complete failures with nothing in between. This is why there's no mediocrity for us and self improvement is a pain in the ass.

I feel like I was naturally born to withdraw but struggled with the notion having been brought up having been told that good social skills are required for life. After a long time of forcing myself to be something I'm not and hating it, I had a breakdown over it as well as all the misfortunes in my life and just kind of shut down everything

>>64
I'm not sure. The most obvious change in me happened when I went to a new school at age 13. I was a lively kid, but couldn't make friends and got into arguments easily. I just wanted to play video games, but didn't know how to find anyone else who was interested. I felt like I was in a hositle environment. I became self-conscious of my quirks. I didn't get really bullied for them, just lightly picked on from time to time. I could't deal with my emotions and was impulsive, petty, and kinda antisocial. I didn't really have anyone I could talk to about that, not even in my family. I realised the best way to avoid humiliation was to become plain and quiet, which made me withdraw hard into online communities and defined who I am today.

On the first day of university, spending the night alone in my dormitory room, I had a breakdown, realising I was way in over my head. The lack of real life skills learned over the previous six years combined with inability to socialise ensured my three years in uni were just a protracted period of failure which ended with my dropping out.

In some ways I still feel mentally stuck around the age of 15 even though I'm a grown-ass man now. I'm learning to capture and recognise my emotions, as well as learning social skills that most people my age acquired many years ago. I'm coming back to that inner child I sealed away. I'm going beyond the embarrassment and reconnecting with who I really am, so that I can stop with my self-hate.

I got a job and moved out at 26. That forced me to talk to people and learn some social skills through trial and error. I could say that around 30 I became somewhat sociable.

You still there and doing alright? I'm in the same position. I truly feel having part time hours while monetizing a hobby you have to make up for the unworked days feels the best emotionally.

Unfortunately this is the way almost all of us are doomed to live. There is no pause button, no meaning, no end in sight. Nearly all of your remaining waking hours on this planet will be spent toiling away as you are, in service of an entity the means nothing to you other than serving as a means of keeping you off the streets.

You will get used to it though, that's the worst part. The only card we have to play is using those fleeting hours after we clock out and the weekends to keep ourselves sane. Maybe try to meet somebody. Develop a hobby of some kind with a real skill floor and ceiling, something that'll yield long term fulfillment rather than short lived dopamine hits that leave you numb and dead inside. If you don't wanna rope, ya gotta cope. There's just no other way.

>>199
You'll get used to it.

>>259
Fucking depressing reading this but it's true.

>>259
Completely true. Our parents were baited into reproducing like all of them are. And here we are, having to live a mediocre life of wageslaving. We need to stay strong bros and never give up, we need to cope with this. Working IS NOT FUN. We are all aware of this. We need to find ways to tolerate it while looking for something better.

>>209
I love stealing paper and shit like that.
>>201
You're a student, you're not useless at all.
And why do you have to be useful? For whom? Women and employers? Enjoy your life anon. Stop thinking like that.
>>203
I admire your strength, anon. This advice is good.

i lost "it" 3 years ago after a family crisis happened and my neet life was turned upside down. then the pandemic happens and what was kinda bad got really bad. i started working again and i can't really tell, it's better in some ways than my brief still-a-neet-but-hate-my-life phase 3 years ago, and worse in other ways. i started working voluntarily because i couldn't enjoy being a neet anymore.

one thing that changed specifically because of work is "sundays." or technically thursday for me, since i work weekends. i feel a crushing weight every thursday, i start to worry about the work week ahead of me, all the way until i get there. when i'm at work it's not that bad, but the day before is a nightmare every time, i can't rest.

I understand. I miss when time was one river instead of a thousand puddles.

I get it OP, I’ve been an on and off NEET for a couple years. Before my current job I’ve only worked about 5 months in two years. I now have two months at this temp job and I’ve found what you’ve said to be true every single time I’ve worked. I think it’s that, when you’re NEET, you KNOW you have time. I don’t know about you but every time I’ve had a job the workday usually drags on (my current job feels like it goes by a lot faster than my other ones) and time spent at home goes by way faster than it should to the point it actually stresses me. I know that’s just how it is but it’s worse than I feel it is for most.
Maybe being NEET at all just screws you over with things like this. When you try and relax like you did as a NEET it can’t ever be the same because now you know whether in the back of your mind or if it’s all you can think about that work is right around the corner. I don’t think work is a necessarily bad thing either, it’s just way more difficult with mental illness. Depression, anxiety, paranoia, you name it that shit makes life in general significantly harder. Atleast as a NEET you have the time and you can take how ever much you need which can make the healing process of mental illness easier but while working the tiredness and dread only takes a lot of you out of you.
I’m not the best to put it into words either especially cause I’ve only been working a fraction of what you have OP. I don’t know if it gets better even with all the meds and self help a person can get.

>>306
>programming or computer science
Oh God there's so many of us in the same field.
I'm a com sci guy and I work from home, it's not unrealistic for that career, the best piece of advice I can give you is that it's a trap.

It sucks exactly as much as your regular job, the general situation varies depending on your employeer, but the second you procrascinate you're DEAD, because you WILL give excuses for your delayed work, it WILL pile up and the day will come when you will realize you're surrounded by your own bullshit excuses, the only real benefit is that you can stop caring about clothes as much.

In other words, you will have to work just as hard, while also avoiding the temptation of jumping into your favourite MMORPG to help your sinking shithole of a guild because everyone there is a fucking noob that can't do anything on their own and keeps trying to cause drama and okay I'll stop projecting.

op here

saw psychiatrist today and got dose raised to max and getting refill soon, feels good to make that first step after ive been putting it off for months and months

honestly wouldnt have done it if it wasnt for my friends being obnoxious assholes and pushing me but it feels good right now, im not gonna get my hopes up too quickly because feelings can drop so quickly but today was a good day, thank you for your responses

>>306
OP, I'd be very careful about working from home. While it is very flexible, you'll likely find that your very own home becomes more of a workplace in your mind. This could make you feel less relaxed overall, because it's now associated with 8+ hours of work five days a week. It's no longer "home sweet home", so to speak.

2006-2015: 375% increase in CS majors
2006-2015: 20% increase in number of software-related jobs

>>372
Almost every other major is far worse when it comes to job prospects. That's the sad part. The exceptions would be nursing, accounting, and a few other fields that absolutely suck.

>>393
I was feeling exactly like that a while ago, especially with the constant loneliness and co-dependency on me by others. Understandable.

I can't tell you how to fix your friendships, that's up to you. Albeit I can tell you what I did on my own. The biggest thing to creating healthy friendships for me is to find something you can do and talk about with them together regularly. It doesn't have to be as big as a shared hobby, a shared routine activity is enough. This allows you to open interactions on a tone that doesn't touch your or their emotions.

It might be obvious, but don't go around telling your friends about your worries if you do not want them to do the same to you. They might be fed up with your self-deprecating talk and will pour their emotions on you instead.

TL;DR: Find topics you can circle your conversations around, write down some conversation starters to use and try to derail any self-deprecating rants while respecting their needs (aka do not be that guy who is mean to sensitive people for no reason.)

OP here. Thanks for the encouragement. I worked my first real day at the new job yesterday.

I think I'm at least a little bit lucky, cuz it seems like I have a good team, and even the manager is pretty chill. Still disorganized as fuck though, it's Walmart. From what I read on r/walmart others aren't so lucky in that way.

The downside is this is a busy store, I'm working on the busiest days, and the evening shift which brings in all the weirdos. I already had a few, one guy paid for a car battery in ones. But at the same time, it's nice not to wake up to an alarm every morning. I also live in a place with a lot of immigration from literally everywhere, which wouldn't be a problem, except sometimes it's hard to communicate with customers if there's a problem. I don't even recognize half of the languages I heard.

>>386

>Everything about working at walmart sounds scary as fuck

Yeah, black friday and the holidays are gonna be here before I know it. We'll see how I really do come then.

>It's doubly impressive that you're sorting out insurance stuff in hopes of finding treatment

In my state we're legally required to have insurance, so I have to sign up for medicaid. I've been on it more or less since the beginning. They want me to renew this year I think because my old ID expired. One of my biggest fears is neglecting or messing up legal paperwork and having it fester for years only to get some big fine or jail time way later or some bullshit. maybe that's just my monkey brain scaring me though, lol.
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How did you pass the interview OP? I've had a couple interviews for retail positions in the pass but always spilled the spaghetti and didn't get them.

>>388
don't feel bad about the languages thing, a lot of people don't know more than their first unless they cared in school, especially americans. the key during those times is to be patient and speak slowly, not necessarily loudly. you can also try to complete sentences for foreigners in english and they'll usually nod excitedly at you if you get it right. obviously you could run into an impatient asshole, but no matter what corporate tells you you're still the one who's there to help in that moment or not, and that customer is practically indebted to you. don't be afraid to pass them along to someone else if you just aren't feeling it.

>>389

I think body language makes a difference. For a lot of NEETs with mental health issues they might accidentally give off "school shooter" vibes. I have issues, but it's not autism which can affect body language, it's probably OCD. My body language communicates more like an awkward nervous idiot, i'm constantly checking and trying to reassure myself and overthinking every little shift in tone and expression in the person i'm talking to. I also have facial tics which I don't see people mention or react too much thankfully. But, I maintain good eye contact, I have a sense of when to nod, agree, interject, etc. You don't need to be a savant of social intuition, i'm sure as hell not, but getting the basics down can go a long way. If you creep the interviewer out that's probably going to be a deal breaker, but being awkward isn't, it's an entry level job. be a little more aware of your body language is the best advice i can offer you.

>>390

Yeah, thanks. I grew up here so I'm familiar with talking to people who don't have the best english. I already had to abort one guy's order cuz I couldn't understand what he wanted, his card wasn't working and he just stared at me confused when I said anything.

*hands me item and two receipts* "Are you returning?" "yesyesyesyesyes"

"Okay, you gotta go to customer service for that, I can't help you." *stares blankly* "Customer service?" "nononono" *hands me a gift card and points to receipt saying it has $50*

"Okay, you're buying then?" "yesyesyesyesyes"

I scan the items and put the gift card in, register says card is invalid "This card is invalid, you can go to customer service to sort it out if you want" *stares blankly for a solid minute*
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Congratulations, op. 8-year neet year as well, I'm not exactly looking or a job but I'm a hiki as well for 7 years who's planning to move out and possibly readjust myself for the real world.

That's good you're seeking treatment for your undiagnosed problems, I have a feeling I too have thing undiagnosed but still am a little wary of going to get them diagnosed. Maybe I'm a bit afraid of what I'll find out about myself.

sharpening up my communication skills is also a future goal of mine and would like to be able to small talk like everybody else face-to-face. Best of luck

>>185
some of the fedverse sites (as in federated network, not glowing people) are kinda good. IRC can still be good if you know where to go, but its quite cliquey and people are very protective of their own little patches, wary of new ppl. i really think that the higher the barrier to entry (as in; technical knowledge) the better the community tends to be, for me personally anyway. i use discord to talk to friends from the realworld but its absolute trash, i hate the design and and the stupid little noises it makes.
People always complain that the internet that we all know is dead, but obviously it is. the wild west was never going to last forever, its just gone more self-hosted. there isn't a company on the face of this earth that would host the shit we all used to talk about circa 2005.
Seek and ye shall find dudes !

>>186
I have been seeking for years and found nothing, but thank you.

>I can't make any connection with these people that has any meaning beyond the superficial.
Do you try to fit in with society or are you actually trying to bond with people? If the former, then it's no wonder lol. Unironically be yourself and keep an open mind, but have a resolve of steel and be prepared to be treated like a weirdo by oversocialized people. You'll eventually find at least someone similar to yourself.

>>120
I dunno man, I'd love to not *have* to work, but wage society demands so. Being a NEET doesn't necessarily imply being a hikki, you know?

>>117
Yes and no. Sound like we walked fairly similar paths (also working towards my PhD and people have completely 180'd their opinions on me as a result). I don't think I'll ever be able to relate to normies but I think that works to your advantage.

What kind of PhD you working on? Something you find yourself quiet passionate about? I'm doing spider ecology with a blend of taxonomy (it's been my passion since childhood) and being super passionate about something normies don't get or understand is like crack for normies. They keep inviting me to do educational and social things (on bad days I feel like they want me to dance for them like some kind of clown, but the more and more I do it, the more and more fun I'm having) and it's building my confidence up nicely. If you feel like you have the spare energy, talk to some local volunteer groups related (even loosely) to your PhD topic and throw some educational volunteer work under your belt. It's true that we may never be able to relate to normies, but when you swim in the same waters as them enough, you'll notice that relating to them isn't the only way to interface with them. Some of them truly appreciate us oddities for what we are and want to hear what we have to say.

Don't sell yourself short eh? You made it to the PhD phase, normie or not, you've got the skills, now you just have to show them off a little!

>>186
this post inspired me to apply for a job at the NSA and join the fedverse

>>207
well, promotions are mostly out of the window, since they are experience-based, and i dont plan to stay here long-term
saving money is closer to my end goal. since my career is not very well paid i plan to make investments, so having a good amount of cash hoarded will help me immensely. thanks for reminding me
the time limit is a great help too. enduring this semester at college and checking how im feeling and hows my gpa doing are a good measuring post. plus i think i can get more outdoorsy jobs if i look into them

damn, your advice was very solid. thanks a lot

>can you please give me words of encouragment?
All I can say is, be careful with mental exhaustion. Sorry.

>or at least tell me what you would do in my position?
I'd quit if I thought the pay wasn't worth it but you said you're unionized and got good employers so…

>>204
Apply for janitor somewhere else before you start resenting how much you have been deformed by your own façade

Currently dealing with similar shit, I'm working an office-ish job at a local manufacturing company and am tasked with registering arrived products using Microsoft Dynamics AX 2012 and a label scanning machine called "MODI". My back fucking hurts doing this shit and seeing "4PO-061876", "4PO-59160", ETC. all day is mind-numbing.

If I were you, I'd keep working the job but try removing sources of stress outside of it to relax more. At least that's what I try to do.

Anon -you're doing a really good job, obviously this is hard labor and very difficult on your body - try to remember to do stretches so you fuck up your spine and whatnot forever. Keep in mind that any job, no matter how difficult, slowly gets easier and easier with time. A few months from now your body and your mind will be used to it and your workdays will fly by instantly. Good luck saving up money, hope you have fun as a park ranger!

another blue haired anime girl.png.mp3.tiff.exe.bitcoin

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ot: its gonna be fine

you can probably find some warehouse work