/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

>>523
How did they feel from when you began to now, how long were you on them and what are you taking? I don't know what they dish out these days and didn't care to as it always leads to inner death. SSRIs or some of them are 20% fluoride so I reckon it just eases the stressed and depressed parts of your brain by killing it and further use leads to the emotional death and zombie state of mind that many users have before they come down hard and go batshit for whatever period of time. A friend of mine took Prozac for a couple months because they were so depressed they were forgetting things along the lines of how to tie their shoes, and they're really not the same anymore even after that short period of time like their personal strand of darkness has been locked up and they express their feelings in a more generic way.

In comparison ADHD meds aren't that bad but I realized retrospectively that roughly during the period I was on Vyvanse I was barely having any fucking dreams, that it's like my thoughts are topped out and I can only go so far to develop an idea, and the width of what I visualize in my head fucking shrank so there's probably not much difference between it and SSRIs. I'm beginning to ramble but if you have any questions about it feel free to ask.

My diagnoses was updated, i no longer have to fight against crazy people for food nor do I have to be chained to a bedroom in order to be sedated, i can now display agressive behavior at will as well as restrain it with enough effort, i have resumed my lenguage learning courses and started studying some online course about materials, i still feel the need to lash out sometimes but a gym was useful in quenching that need, i can't go to the gym right now so managing my anger issues have become increasingly difficult, i lost all my files countless times and i am far too jaded to download them again, so i just gave my CV to some russian mail provider, I hope this time i don't get accused of being a russian spy by the homosexual charlatans, but if i do i hope i get to fly out of here and leave this horrid country behind.

>>525
I've been taking Zoloft for about 5 months, and it'll probably take me an additional month or two to taper off them. I only started taking them as a temporary measure to get me back on track after my OCD relapsed, but it's reached the point where the negatives far outweigh the benefits. I feel like I've been lobotomized at times, and the emotional numbness feels almost as miserable as the OCD itself does. It's been fucking up my short term memory as well; I often forget things right after I started thinking about them, kinda like what happened with your friend. I just hope the effects aren't longlasting.

I stopped taking the Vyvanse a while ago, and I probably won't be trying any other stimulants anytime soon. I feel like my OCD makes me incompatible with them.

I'm pretty certain that I have OCD, BPD and maybe ADHD. I've tried to come out and explain to my parents about this but they were quite dismissive, and I also live in a place with poor mental health awareness so I'm not diagnosed but I wish I were.

I can manage by BPD but my OCD can be debilitating at times, and I've experienced almost every type of OCD that's there from thinking about jumping from rooftops, being afraid of urine, feces or spit, worrying if I have colon cancer, or even worrying if I were a P. An important way I cope with my OCD is by avoiding everything. Sometimes I even avoid going out. I also avoid watching anime, and sometimes even the internet, because seeing lolis trigger my POCD.

itd likely help but im scared of going to any kind of doctor or whatever. ive physical complications as well that i really probably should get checked out but i just cant bring myself to

anon here. small update.

in about two weeks I’ll be out of here.

Despite a lot of shit going down the past couple days, I am starting to feel more safe and loved.

hopefully the move will go smoothly and I will be happy.

thank you for letting me rant

good luck.

Op here. The move took forever, but I’m here now. Tomorrow, I’ll be out and hopefully my new life can begin. I’m nervous, but excited, somewhat feeling like I’ll finally be safe and happy. Maybe I won’t be, but it’s worth a shot.

Hope all of you are well

>>517
i hope things go well for you in this new stage in life :) something i heard from a friend is that one new years, they try to do all the kinds of things they want to do for the year (ie: read more, go to library; be healthier, go to gym etc) i think this is a great time to try that! make ur first day special :)

>>517
that's really cool. I hope today went alright for you, you're doing something to actually change your life which is more than what most of /hikki/ can say at any point.
this wasn't the image I was looking for but it's fitting, hopefully

I don't know what to say about this but i hope you manage to finally do something with your life, this comming from a guy that not only lived like this but will probably return to live like this.
Also fuck women and their tricks.

Oh yeah anon, i deal with my fair amount of forgetfulness, compulsive daydreaming.
Overall I feel that cognition has dulled.
I don't know if it's due to the fact that i'm nearing 30 of age, or due to social isolation, or maybe it's a mixture of both.

I often have to reread the same sentence multiple times to grasp its meaning.

Anyway, if you ever find a solution, don't forget to update this thread.

psych wards are abuse festivals for the unqualified to help ppl who need it. haven't known anyone who has gotten out of there with their trauma worsened or faking to be better to get out of there asap.

contact a doctor and talk about your symptomps. bring with you a notebook with a written timeline of your life with the most important emotional events with specific months. look out for, besides depression which you probably def have, derealization or dissociative disorders which might cause compulsive daydreaming because your mind might need escapism from something in your life.

look up and ask a doctor about the difference between randomly spacing out and involuntarily dissociating for no apparent reason.

autism diagnosis are given to ppl with other buried beneath issues because it's easier to label someone as an autist than a traumatized person. i talk from experience.

Could it be internet addiction? My mind is always floating off day dreaming about stuff I'm doing online. I need access to the wired everyday all the time and can't function without it. It's impossible to break free too becsuae the internet is everywhere.

I have plenty of problems with this. My mother used to call me "the absent minded professor" when I was a kid because I consistently forgot stuff, lost stuff, left stuff sitting places, went into rooms without knowing why I was there, etc. As I got older I got it just a little more under control, but it's still pretty bad. I've self-diagnosed with Dyspraxia, which presents with poor coordination and physical ability, particularly in childhood (I couldn't hit a baseball off a tee until I was 9) and a solid ability to remember information, but a horrible working memory. It fits me perfectly.

I remember many things very well - for instance, I can easily list all Soviet premiers and party chairmen in order, including the obscure fellas between Kruschev and Brezhnev, and I can likely recall the plot beats and elements of any story I find interesting in detail, even years later. I forgot to get my parents to sign my progress reports in school about 95% of the time. I realize I can't start my car because I forgot the keys about 70% of the time. When I have to go to a new place, I usually recite the directions to myself the whole time, otherwise I will forget them. I had a phase in my teens where my parents would have to notify me that I've been showering too long, because while in there I would lose perception of time and have no idea that I had been in there for two hours.

Some stuff is definitely up with my executive function abilities. I still struggle slightly, though only slightly, with basic coordination. It might sound like ridiculous advice, but I really recommend exercise. Exercise has helped me think better and stay more sane by keeping me more in touch with my body. I only got started as a way to work out my frustrations, but it has helped me feel more real and less confused. I like these methods because I don't have to actually interact with people, and there isn't really a standard for success or failure. I run at night. Sometimes I just do wallsits and pushups and don't even leave my room. Yoga is probably a good starting place. These ideas can easily just be more overwhelming things you don't want to do, so for me, it's easiest if I just think of them as similar to a game or a movie - they're just some new bullshit I'm trying because I'm bored and miserable.

There's probably a lot more to it, but having something that keeps your attention builds up your attention. It's hard, though. I like exercise because it's almost lPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>496
It could be. I started using computers when I was a kid and since I was a loner I'd spend all my days web surfing, using IRC, or posting on forums. Lo and behold I developed severe executive function problems and a fucked up attention span.

>>373
Normal people usually have goals related to their daily lives. A lot of them are really boring.

My advice would be to create goals for yourself at work. If you hate the job, think about what aspects of it are getting to you and try to look at them in a different way.

You can also create projects for yourself to work on. See how fast you can organize these items, try talking to at least three coworkers, bring a notebook and draw in it, etc. Make a game out of this, which will pass the time quicker.

>>373
Goals don't necessarily have anything to do with working, you may or may not work, that doesn't change your goal of becoming the greatest Minecraft youtuber in the world Anon.

…one day

>>373
>>373
>What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.
Normal people have some sort of instinct that makes being a wageslave drone fun. You don't have that, I don't have it either. But having money is still necessary, so you have to adapt. Work should never feel like a good thing. Work is simply necessary

>>405
Wonder if it's dependent on finding the right job or wageslaving will always be like this. I've been "allowing" myself new purchases with the extra money but it's a lot less gratifying than I was imagining.

I think I was expecting too much from getting a job.

They stopped renewing my contract last month, back to NEETing. Learned that I'm really bad at juggling work, commuting, and personal interests. Can understand the people who say they don't have hobbies now. Getting older, running out of time.

>>414
I'm most interested in games and literature. Video games are the only medium I can think in with any sort of flow, thinking in coherent sentences is really difficult (that's why it takes me so long to respond, sorry again about that). I think literature is a much better way of interacting with reality through art, my thinking on video games is usually either generating realities or exploring within the medium (they do have a unique ability for placing the player in liminal spaces though which is a very interesting way of interfacing with reality). Games' disadvantage is that they're overtly art, there's less possibility for "is this real?" in them than there is in writing (there are examples though when it comes to authorship and the story surrounding it's creation. Sad Satan is like that. The Beginner's Guide is a very interesting one. I've wanted to make games that touch this mode of thinking too, and I'm sort of convincing myself now that I'm wrong to suggest they're less powerful than literature for it, but there are things writing is just better for. Language is true by default, that's what it was developed for, while games are fiction by default and you have to try very hard to touch the player's idea of truth. When I'm free I want to explore the world, and I'll probably make a blog or something of stories from my travels, partly for the sake of communication but partly as a medium of creation. I'd invent characters and places and warp the aesthetics of occurrences and myself, not to convince people of a lie (I wouldn't care if people knew or not) but as a way of crystalising ideas and altering my way of experiencing reality. All communication breeds aesthetic, topological and factual parasites in the speaker and the receiver, what I want to do is be aware of and engineer those parasites to be forces for good.

Sorry for not closing that parenthesis by the way, the more I continued that line of thought the more dumber it felt to put a ) at the end.

>>413
>What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that
bro if i'm reading this correctly she's helping you from becoming a homeless drug addict yet you want to move out despite not having an income. you need a good smack on the head for being ungrateful. get a job THEN start thinking about moving out

>>421
I don't want to get into an argument about this but I'll address it because what I sound like to you is probably how everyone with the same problem sounds to those with different experience. Yes my parents are the reason I'm not homeless or dead or something. They're also the reason why without them I WOULD be homeless. From day 1 I was conditioned to be incapable. There's so much shit from the past which I thought was just unfortunate at the time but looking back is extremely abnormal and bad. You can say oh it's easy to blame your parents, but they're your entire reality from when your brain is hot playdough until you start going to school, and after that they stay about half of it. It took me a long time to understand how much that means. I'm really trying to get stronger, grow the bits that didn't grow and change the bits that went wrong, but it's not easy at all, and I know I won't be able to do enough while I'm living here. You're asking me to be grateful for being forced to someone's mercy.

>>396
You're right, this happened to me, my mother raised me to dependant and ineffectual, it's a terriblee thing to do to a child.

>>420
cat video proved wrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jto2peSOLac

I've come to find I will always feel like I'm just running in place. In a lot of fields I actually am, and in some I'm even running backwards, but nonetheless I try run at the same pace time marches. Keep running.

aw, hug

I often feel the same. When I feel less hopeless, I can tell myself that there is no shame in spinning your wheels. So long as you yourself feel like an attempt is being made it actually matters very little where progress is or isn't being made. Maybe a few more weeks of effort will reap a reward… but when it gets bad, it is hard to believe in anything at all. The only way to keep the hope alive is to keep on trying, and to keep making a push.
IMO, the best thing you can do is to think about how you can achieve sociability in stages. You need only push out of your comfort zone a little at a time to give yourself a chance, to make progress - and that too might feel like being stuck in place at first. Don't know what social skills you feel you lack, but your post is coherent and emotional, so maybe look into talking in VC online, undergoing remote therapy, or having yourself go outside with those people who are around you and get them to give you that push to interacting with people outside. I am in that latter phase right now, and am desperately hoping to be able to talk to strangers without someone else present soon.
Just a few suggestions. Disregard if I am assuming too much. Best of luck, anon. You're on the way there.

When people tell me I've come so far I assume they are just being polite. They don't want to point to obvious glaring problems so they try to talk positive but can't find anything specific to mention. It's why I hate those words becuase people are just trying to make you feel better when really they see you as a piece of shit.

I've literally failed in life. I never made friends in high school or college, I can't hold down a job and I hate leaving my home. I was fired for being too quiet. I even suck at being a weeb.

Of course your university degree will still be valuable. I can't speak from personal experience, but one of my relatives only started university at 25, and he's pretty successful. It really depends on what you are more in favour of doing, you can get a basic IT or teaching degree in a couple months and that'll already land you an alright job. If you know another language, you could look into applying for an online job, content moderation being a pretty alright one. Really you have a lot of options for potential career avenues that would only need maybe a month of training or a 1-2 month long degree that could then just land you a whole career, your options are pretty open.

>>471
I dropped out, but when I was at uni, there was a 30 years old guy. I'm pretty sure that he graduated and got a job because he was really motivated and knew almost everything.

>What should I start working on now?
You should read about various topics. Go to a library or something and browse the non-fiction books.

>Please help me to find something to do. I want it to be important or profitable.
You should find something that interest you because you will be much less motivated to do something just for the money.

just letting you know that I’m currently a uni student and several of my classmates are much older than that. there’s a fourty something year old in the class. one of my friends is twenty seven. another classmate is in their thirties. It is literally never too late

Finishing uni is 100% worth it OP. You are very very young even though it may not seem like it and finishing uni at 22 is genuinely early by many people's standards these days. Adolescence is lasting into people's late 20s and even in some cases early 30s today. You finish uni in your early 20s and you'll be ahead of the pack.

I think what you're feeling is pretty standard for those with jobs, especially if you're just entering the workforce or if its one of your first jobs.
When you're jobless, such as when you're growing up or when you neet, 'work' is seen as a break from free time. Now that you have a job, you're feeling the fact that that's no longer the case, now free time is a break from work. Your holidays, weekends, etc are now just countdowns, opposed to much of what you're used to. Not even school or university is comparable because you still have ample free time in those environments.
If there's any advice to give it's to attempt to appreciate free time for what it is, that is to say, enjoy being in the moment, rather than letting the inevitability of the future work ruin that. How and how well you do that is part of growing up.
Sorry if this doesn't help, have a tortoise :-)

>>457
yeah, I'm the same way. it's why I get kind of terrified whenever the time comes to get a job again. it's just anxiety or something but it's one thing to know you're pretty much just more stressed than you're used to being, and another thing to actually be able to chill out.
as said before it's honestly best to just try to live in the moment and to remember to enjoy the little things around you. you do get used to the newly raised stress level over time, at least in my experience. I tend to watch more comfy anime or replay games I've already beaten if I can't actually pull myself together enough to get into anything new and exciting- do anything you can to entertain your restlessness as long as it's fun or feels like more than just kind of killing time until it's back to work. it helps having stuff within reach like a hobby thing or a handheld console so you aren't just doomscrolling on your phone after work. your phone is probably your biggest enemy right now if it's maybe unintentionally making you feel like you're losing time to it or something. maybe read some manga or pirate a bunch of books if you find yourself stuck to it? manga tends to turn into a work break thing if I'm not talking to coworkers which also helps blend things together in a way.

TLDR; afterwork restlessness sucks but try hopping into any remotely fun or interesting thing so you aren't just scrolling, it doesn't have to be deep. it'll keep you from getting burned out over time.
also, remember to get actual sleep and try not to do the whole "revenge insomnia" thing or whatever, it'll make you feel worse over time if you do. rooting for you anon

>>457
When I got my last job I was literally having hallucinations, falling in and out of consciousness in the office, just became extremely paranoid and stressed to the point I couldn't actually relax. I stopped eating properly and lost interest in stuff I enjoy. Haven't watched an anime or read any manga in nearly 6 months. I couldn't even sleep. Getting fired was the best thing that happened to me. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me exactly? Is this what everyone with a job goes through? Because Jesus it's even worse than I thought…

>>460
I never actually recommend this but unironically microdose weed with like gummies or something if it's legal where you are and you'll feel better