/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

Oh yeah anon, i deal with my fair amount of forgetfulness, compulsive daydreaming.
Overall I feel that cognition has dulled.
I don't know if it's due to the fact that i'm nearing 30 of age, or due to social isolation, or maybe it's a mixture of both.

I often have to reread the same sentence multiple times to grasp its meaning.

Anyway, if you ever find a solution, don't forget to update this thread.

psych wards are abuse festivals for the unqualified to help ppl who need it. haven't known anyone who has gotten out of there with their trauma worsened or faking to be better to get out of there asap.

contact a doctor and talk about your symptomps. bring with you a notebook with a written timeline of your life with the most important emotional events with specific months. look out for, besides depression which you probably def have, derealization or dissociative disorders which might cause compulsive daydreaming because your mind might need escapism from something in your life.

look up and ask a doctor about the difference between randomly spacing out and involuntarily dissociating for no apparent reason.

autism diagnosis are given to ppl with other buried beneath issues because it's easier to label someone as an autist than a traumatized person. i talk from experience.

Could it be internet addiction? My mind is always floating off day dreaming about stuff I'm doing online. I need access to the wired everyday all the time and can't function without it. It's impossible to break free too becsuae the internet is everywhere.

I have plenty of problems with this. My mother used to call me "the absent minded professor" when I was a kid because I consistently forgot stuff, lost stuff, left stuff sitting places, went into rooms without knowing why I was there, etc. As I got older I got it just a little more under control, but it's still pretty bad. I've self-diagnosed with Dyspraxia, which presents with poor coordination and physical ability, particularly in childhood (I couldn't hit a baseball off a tee until I was 9) and a solid ability to remember information, but a horrible working memory. It fits me perfectly.

I remember many things very well - for instance, I can easily list all Soviet premiers and party chairmen in order, including the obscure fellas between Kruschev and Brezhnev, and I can likely recall the plot beats and elements of any story I find interesting in detail, even years later. I forgot to get my parents to sign my progress reports in school about 95% of the time. I realize I can't start my car because I forgot the keys about 70% of the time. When I have to go to a new place, I usually recite the directions to myself the whole time, otherwise I will forget them. I had a phase in my teens where my parents would have to notify me that I've been showering too long, because while in there I would lose perception of time and have no idea that I had been in there for two hours.

Some stuff is definitely up with my executive function abilities. I still struggle slightly, though only slightly, with basic coordination. It might sound like ridiculous advice, but I really recommend exercise. Exercise has helped me think better and stay more sane by keeping me more in touch with my body. I only got started as a way to work out my frustrations, but it has helped me feel more real and less confused. I like these methods because I don't have to actually interact with people, and there isn't really a standard for success or failure. I run at night. Sometimes I just do wallsits and pushups and don't even leave my room. Yoga is probably a good starting place. These ideas can easily just be more overwhelming things you don't want to do, so for me, it's easiest if I just think of them as similar to a game or a movie - they're just some new bullshit I'm trying because I'm bored and miserable.

There's probably a lot more to it, but having something that keeps your attention builds up your attention. It's hard, though. I like exercise because it's almost lPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>496
It could be. I started using computers when I was a kid and since I was a loner I'd spend all my days web surfing, using IRC, or posting on forums. Lo and behold I developed severe executive function problems and a fucked up attention span.

>>373
Normal people usually have goals related to their daily lives. A lot of them are really boring.

My advice would be to create goals for yourself at work. If you hate the job, think about what aspects of it are getting to you and try to look at them in a different way.

You can also create projects for yourself to work on. See how fast you can organize these items, try talking to at least three coworkers, bring a notebook and draw in it, etc. Make a game out of this, which will pass the time quicker.

>>373
Goals don't necessarily have anything to do with working, you may or may not work, that doesn't change your goal of becoming the greatest Minecraft youtuber in the world Anon.

…one day

>>373
>>373
>What kind of goals do normal people have? A few months into a part-time job and nothing feels fundamentally different from NEETdom. I don't know what I'm supposed to be toiling over.
Normal people have some sort of instinct that makes being a wageslave drone fun. You don't have that, I don't have it either. But having money is still necessary, so you have to adapt. Work should never feel like a good thing. Work is simply necessary

>>405
Wonder if it's dependent on finding the right job or wageslaving will always be like this. I've been "allowing" myself new purchases with the extra money but it's a lot less gratifying than I was imagining.

I think I was expecting too much from getting a job.

They stopped renewing my contract last month, back to NEETing. Learned that I'm really bad at juggling work, commuting, and personal interests. Can understand the people who say they don't have hobbies now. Getting older, running out of time.

>>414
I'm most interested in games and literature. Video games are the only medium I can think in with any sort of flow, thinking in coherent sentences is really difficult (that's why it takes me so long to respond, sorry again about that). I think literature is a much better way of interacting with reality through art, my thinking on video games is usually either generating realities or exploring within the medium (they do have a unique ability for placing the player in liminal spaces though which is a very interesting way of interfacing with reality). Games' disadvantage is that they're overtly art, there's less possibility for "is this real?" in them than there is in writing (there are examples though when it comes to authorship and the story surrounding it's creation. Sad Satan is like that. The Beginner's Guide is a very interesting one. I've wanted to make games that touch this mode of thinking too, and I'm sort of convincing myself now that I'm wrong to suggest they're less powerful than literature for it, but there are things writing is just better for. Language is true by default, that's what it was developed for, while games are fiction by default and you have to try very hard to touch the player's idea of truth. When I'm free I want to explore the world, and I'll probably make a blog or something of stories from my travels, partly for the sake of communication but partly as a medium of creation. I'd invent characters and places and warp the aesthetics of occurrences and myself, not to convince people of a lie (I wouldn't care if people knew or not) but as a way of crystalising ideas and altering my way of experiencing reality. All communication breeds aesthetic, topological and factual parasites in the speaker and the receiver, what I want to do is be aware of and engineer those parasites to be forces for good.

Sorry for not closing that parenthesis by the way, the more I continued that line of thought the more dumber it felt to put a ) at the end.

>>413
>What I really need is to physically get away from my family, and at that point whether they want to accept stuff or not isn't my problem, but I'm not capable of working a proper job so I don't know how I'll ever do that
bro if i'm reading this correctly she's helping you from becoming a homeless drug addict yet you want to move out despite not having an income. you need a good smack on the head for being ungrateful. get a job THEN start thinking about moving out

>>421
I don't want to get into an argument about this but I'll address it because what I sound like to you is probably how everyone with the same problem sounds to those with different experience. Yes my parents are the reason I'm not homeless or dead or something. They're also the reason why without them I WOULD be homeless. From day 1 I was conditioned to be incapable. There's so much shit from the past which I thought was just unfortunate at the time but looking back is extremely abnormal and bad. You can say oh it's easy to blame your parents, but they're your entire reality from when your brain is hot playdough until you start going to school, and after that they stay about half of it. It took me a long time to understand how much that means. I'm really trying to get stronger, grow the bits that didn't grow and change the bits that went wrong, but it's not easy at all, and I know I won't be able to do enough while I'm living here. You're asking me to be grateful for being forced to someone's mercy.

>>396
You're right, this happened to me, my mother raised me to dependant and ineffectual, it's a terriblee thing to do to a child.

>>420
cat video proved wrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jto2peSOLac

I've come to find I will always feel like I'm just running in place. In a lot of fields I actually am, and in some I'm even running backwards, but nonetheless I try run at the same pace time marches. Keep running.

aw, hug

I often feel the same. When I feel less hopeless, I can tell myself that there is no shame in spinning your wheels. So long as you yourself feel like an attempt is being made it actually matters very little where progress is or isn't being made. Maybe a few more weeks of effort will reap a reward… but when it gets bad, it is hard to believe in anything at all. The only way to keep the hope alive is to keep on trying, and to keep making a push.
IMO, the best thing you can do is to think about how you can achieve sociability in stages. You need only push out of your comfort zone a little at a time to give yourself a chance, to make progress - and that too might feel like being stuck in place at first. Don't know what social skills you feel you lack, but your post is coherent and emotional, so maybe look into talking in VC online, undergoing remote therapy, or having yourself go outside with those people who are around you and get them to give you that push to interacting with people outside. I am in that latter phase right now, and am desperately hoping to be able to talk to strangers without someone else present soon.
Just a few suggestions. Disregard if I am assuming too much. Best of luck, anon. You're on the way there.

When people tell me I've come so far I assume they are just being polite. They don't want to point to obvious glaring problems so they try to talk positive but can't find anything specific to mention. It's why I hate those words becuase people are just trying to make you feel better when really they see you as a piece of shit.

I've literally failed in life. I never made friends in high school or college, I can't hold down a job and I hate leaving my home. I was fired for being too quiet. I even suck at being a weeb.

Of course your university degree will still be valuable. I can't speak from personal experience, but one of my relatives only started university at 25, and he's pretty successful. It really depends on what you are more in favour of doing, you can get a basic IT or teaching degree in a couple months and that'll already land you an alright job. If you know another language, you could look into applying for an online job, content moderation being a pretty alright one. Really you have a lot of options for potential career avenues that would only need maybe a month of training or a 1-2 month long degree that could then just land you a whole career, your options are pretty open.

>>471
I dropped out, but when I was at uni, there was a 30 years old guy. I'm pretty sure that he graduated and got a job because he was really motivated and knew almost everything.

>What should I start working on now?
You should read about various topics. Go to a library or something and browse the non-fiction books.

>Please help me to find something to do. I want it to be important or profitable.
You should find something that interest you because you will be much less motivated to do something just for the money.

just letting you know that I’m currently a uni student and several of my classmates are much older than that. there’s a fourty something year old in the class. one of my friends is twenty seven. another classmate is in their thirties. It is literally never too late

Finishing uni is 100% worth it OP. You are very very young even though it may not seem like it and finishing uni at 22 is genuinely early by many people's standards these days. Adolescence is lasting into people's late 20s and even in some cases early 30s today. You finish uni in your early 20s and you'll be ahead of the pack.

I think what you're feeling is pretty standard for those with jobs, especially if you're just entering the workforce or if its one of your first jobs.
When you're jobless, such as when you're growing up or when you neet, 'work' is seen as a break from free time. Now that you have a job, you're feeling the fact that that's no longer the case, now free time is a break from work. Your holidays, weekends, etc are now just countdowns, opposed to much of what you're used to. Not even school or university is comparable because you still have ample free time in those environments.
If there's any advice to give it's to attempt to appreciate free time for what it is, that is to say, enjoy being in the moment, rather than letting the inevitability of the future work ruin that. How and how well you do that is part of growing up.
Sorry if this doesn't help, have a tortoise :-)

>>457
yeah, I'm the same way. it's why I get kind of terrified whenever the time comes to get a job again. it's just anxiety or something but it's one thing to know you're pretty much just more stressed than you're used to being, and another thing to actually be able to chill out.
as said before it's honestly best to just try to live in the moment and to remember to enjoy the little things around you. you do get used to the newly raised stress level over time, at least in my experience. I tend to watch more comfy anime or replay games I've already beaten if I can't actually pull myself together enough to get into anything new and exciting- do anything you can to entertain your restlessness as long as it's fun or feels like more than just kind of killing time until it's back to work. it helps having stuff within reach like a hobby thing or a handheld console so you aren't just doomscrolling on your phone after work. your phone is probably your biggest enemy right now if it's maybe unintentionally making you feel like you're losing time to it or something. maybe read some manga or pirate a bunch of books if you find yourself stuck to it? manga tends to turn into a work break thing if I'm not talking to coworkers which also helps blend things together in a way.

TLDR; afterwork restlessness sucks but try hopping into any remotely fun or interesting thing so you aren't just scrolling, it doesn't have to be deep. it'll keep you from getting burned out over time.
also, remember to get actual sleep and try not to do the whole "revenge insomnia" thing or whatever, it'll make you feel worse over time if you do. rooting for you anon

>>457
When I got my last job I was literally having hallucinations, falling in and out of consciousness in the office, just became extremely paranoid and stressed to the point I couldn't actually relax. I stopped eating properly and lost interest in stuff I enjoy. Haven't watched an anime or read any manga in nearly 6 months. I couldn't even sleep. Getting fired was the best thing that happened to me. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me exactly? Is this what everyone with a job goes through? Because Jesus it's even worse than I thought…

>>460
I never actually recommend this but unironically microdose weed with like gummies or something if it's legal where you are and you'll feel better

>>376
I enjoy reading stuff posted by anons, no matter how personal or attentionwhoring it is. All stories posted here are pretty relevant and interesting to read.

>>355
this is why I avoid looking for a gf now. It's too much drama, too messy, too stressful, too much responsibility. I enjoy living comfy. But I won't lie, it took a lot of effort to get here.

i acknowledge that this is a unavoidable biological necessity of us human beings but still. how can i say it…

a disclaimer, is my first time actually answering someone so i must say that i'm kinda too logical minded to say anything but tips that might help ya in your journey(of wich i really think you can end up in a happy ending, we have the power to make decisions, this alone is enough) so, sorry if it bothers you

point 1 - as an ASD myself i now have an SO, it was kinda natural i would say, we met, we became friends and after around a year we started dating. ur problems do not make you unable to date, me and my So had problems when we met
one thing that i observed is that we both were kinda in the "same level", that's one real bottleneck. we're both kids with problems but we were trying to be better no matter what and we ended up dating partially because of that
finding people in different 'levels' is not a good idea since you'll not be compatible in the long run, even if you have lots of fun in a first moment(a chunk of online friends i had ended broken up because of that)

you'll get what you got yourself, it's a similar thing to the phrase "we are what we eat", indeed you're born in a bad place and condition but remember, we're human beings and we can do anything we want, as long as we have the hability to decide for ourselves.
That's kinda the message of No Game No Life even that it oversexualize children i fucking love this anime, because of this message and setting.

one tip that i give you is that people are essential for your journey, really. Specially when they share their side of life with you, i struggled greatly trying to live all alone but i failed, i'm not intelligent enough to do so(you must be a hardworking genius to acomplish that)
people are essential because we're people, we want to defeat our monsters to live in a society made with people for people so just like a war general we must eat the most information we can about the human condition and like a mad scientist test our hypotesis even if it means we must do "unthinkable" things for ourselves at this point in time.

even if you can't react online try getting some new friends out there, create an amino/discord/bereal/blablabla account and try socializing, one of my best social moments of my teens was trying up amino and discord, those places have very different ways to socialize
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

i'm so tired of this lonely life. every single time i think someone might actually have feelings for me, i'm proven wrong again. a girl i work with has been acting really weird towards me lately - namely, she comes up to me and gropes me randomly. it just makes me feel miserable because i know she's probably just messing around with me and creating material for her to share with her friends and laugh at later. as weird as it is, i wouldn't even mind if it was at least genuine. i just hate being nothing but someone for people to laugh at. i work 5 days a week and come home to an uncared-for house because my family is too lazy to do anything. i have to clean the rooms, do laundry, dishes, clean litter boxes, feed the cats, whatever. most of the time i can ignore it and just power through and look forward to playing a new game or something. ever since this girl has started touching me i've just felt empty and lonelier than ever. i wish she would either stop or just tell me she likes me. i don't know how to explain this better. i don't want to give too much away. sorry. i just want someone to care about me

>>433
You explained yourself well enough, so don't worry about revealing too much.

Ultimately it might be best to "let the ship sink". There's only so much you can do here, especially regarding the situation with your family. It'll be hard, but you need to say something to everyone involved. Let your coworker know that her behavior bothers you. If it doesn't stop, report it to HR- what she's doing sounds like sexual harassment. Regarding your family members, sit down with them and have a conversation about cleaning. This shouldn't be your responsibility alone; everyone needs to contribute equally, and if they refuse to help then stop picking up after them.

There's always the option to switch jobs or move, but if you don't have those resources (and a lot of people don't) then there are other options you can try.

I guess I'm responding because I'm living with my parents and they don't make an effort to clean the house often, so I'm often left picking up the slack. They both work full time, and our home got flooded so they have an excuse not to. But it still frustrates me that it's become my responsibility. Reading this actually helped a lot:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28971924

I found that fic after playing Omori, and while it didn't solve the fact that our house is in the state it's in, it captured a lot of the frustration and misery I was feeling at the time, about my situation. So reading it was sort of cathartic in a way, if that makes sense.

Maybe I'm not the person you were hoping to get a response from, but my point is, people do care, and they are willing to help. It just depends on who you reach out to. I'm sorry you're forced to put up with all this mess, anon. Hopefully things will get better.

One often finds themselves confronted with a feeling of guilt when feeling nostalgic or attached to ones own past. Feelings of emptiness and a longing for a return to how things were are all very standard procedure for what is essentially just growing as a person. You should not hate this or yourself, or feel any form of guilt, as to shy away from these feelings is to deny a part of yourself that is evidently very real. Part of maturing as a person is realizing you still have feelings for your youth and accepting that, but not allowing it to control you.
I too have recently undergone a big change in my life, and like you I find myself frequently thinking of the past and how, despite myself being miserable during those times, I really wish I could go back. Unlike you however, I had the brief chance to return to my old life, although only temporarily; And a funny thing happened during that: I quickly realized that I had left such a life for a reason, and that when I looked back on these times I romanticized and embellished them to be or have felt better than they actually were. I looked back on these awful times fondly because the life I live now is foreign and difficult, and so, in order to cope with the difficulty of adapting, I looked back on when my life was admittedly easier with rose-tinted glasses.
And so my advice to you, if you are even still checking this thread; Is to recognize your feelings, to accept them as part of you, as you as fluid as you may be are still resistant to change like all humans are, and for you to not relish in the past you clearly remember wishing to leave, nor for you to attach emotions to memories which had no emotions to begin with. To accept the burden of your currents life's difficulty and to surpass it, as that is what it means to mature as a person.

Hope this helps.

>>428
Anon here. I’ve been trying to come up with a reply to this for several days now but with no luck because you put it all so well that I don’t think words could be used again. the best word combination has been made. Everyone go home.

I’ll instead just say that this reply made me bawl in the middle of the night. thank you anon.

>I had the brief chance to return to my old life, although only temporarily; And a funny thing happened during that: I quickly realized that I had left such a life for a reason, and that when I looked back on these times I romanticized and embellished them to be or have felt better than they actually were
no joke, that’s what happened to me too when I was writing the first post. Uni’s out right now and I only left the house once or twice during christmas. I’m going out drinking with friends again soon though, and I couldn’t be more excited.

>Hope this helps
It did

I thought that once I turn 18 it would be my chance to become a normie and I tried but it didn't work, so I realized it would never happen. Plus I don't like being around people who don't like me (normies).

First I wasn't able to adapt to the new social environment in high school and I was humiliated and isolated. The first two years were really painful but gave me a lot of knowledge about myself, and my curiosity and lack of stimulation made me start to read books and learn music. But I had already acquired many bad habits (terrible sleep, excessive masturbation with disgusting porn, junk food, withdraw, etc.) and started taking antidepressants, which I'm pretty sure did me more harm than good, and all the physical and mental damage left me unable to apply what I learned to overcome my social anxiety and start getting things done (plus I still had many shitty ideas). Now I'm 20 and still in a bad situation, but things are slowly getting better.

>>109
Yeah, same here. It seems us gifted kids usually end up very successful or complete failures with nothing in between. This is why there's no mediocrity for us and self improvement is a pain in the ass.

I feel like I was naturally born to withdraw but struggled with the notion having been brought up having been told that good social skills are required for life. After a long time of forcing myself to be something I'm not and hating it, I had a breakdown over it as well as all the misfortunes in my life and just kind of shut down everything

>>64
I'm not sure. The most obvious change in me happened when I went to a new school at age 13. I was a lively kid, but couldn't make friends and got into arguments easily. I just wanted to play video games, but didn't know how to find anyone else who was interested. I felt like I was in a hositle environment. I became self-conscious of my quirks. I didn't get really bullied for them, just lightly picked on from time to time. I could't deal with my emotions and was impulsive, petty, and kinda antisocial. I didn't really have anyone I could talk to about that, not even in my family. I realised the best way to avoid humiliation was to become plain and quiet, which made me withdraw hard into online communities and defined who I am today.

On the first day of university, spending the night alone in my dormitory room, I had a breakdown, realising I was way in over my head. The lack of real life skills learned over the previous six years combined with inability to socialise ensured my three years in uni were just a protracted period of failure which ended with my dropping out.

In some ways I still feel mentally stuck around the age of 15 even though I'm a grown-ass man now. I'm learning to capture and recognise my emotions, as well as learning social skills that most people my age acquired many years ago. I'm coming back to that inner child I sealed away. I'm going beyond the embarrassment and reconnecting with who I really am, so that I can stop with my self-hate.

I got a job and moved out at 26. That forced me to talk to people and learn some social skills through trial and error. I could say that around 30 I became somewhat sociable.