Oh, I wasn't aware this board existed. I'm glad it does, looks like just the place for me. I used to browse /hikki/, and /n/ before that, and now that I'm on a bumpy road to normalfaggotry, I'm pleasantly surprised Ubuu keeps offering me a place to talk about life stuff. Even though I haven't played Yume Nikki or derivatives/clones since about 2012… I'm sorry for the upcoming disorganised post. There's much I'd like to say, but I have little time.
I "graduated" from NEETdom about 4.5 years ago. I think I even posted about it on /hikki/ somewhere at some point.
Some days I wish to stay in bed, or just quit my job and live off of my savings for a while. I'm far from the best employee. My work performance is very unreliable, and I've been communicated that twice on no uncertain terms, being denied a yearly raise. That happened this year, too.
Looking back, I feel like I've mostly only continued to languish since getting the job, and am barely hanging on by a thread. When I was at my worst, I would bottle up all my emotions, being unable to tell them to anyone out of shame or because I did not want to bother them. That's the primary driver of my work performance plummeting, as that made me avoid my co-workers and resent my job for always feeling like a fraud and a disappointment to my team.
I have been working remotely almost exclusively since the pandemic began, and honestly I like that, it's nice to have peace and quiet, and do some chores on the side to keep my place tidy and comfy, but some days I've abused home office by sleeping during work hours, sometimes wasting an entire work day and causing me to panic. At least sometimes I have also worked for my job in my free time to make up for the losses.
A few months ago I forced myself to open up to my co-workers about my feelings or face being fired if I continued to avoid them and fail to do my job. It's a constant source of embarrassment telling them my doubts, fears and anxieties, and admitting my ignorance to them repeatedly, risking looking stupid when asking questions they might consider basic, but it does help me get those emotions off my chest so I can actually get to work. Now I'm on a waiting list to a psychotherapist so I can hopefully learn some strategies for better handling my emotions, or for dealing with procrastination.
I work as a software tester. I think I've told that on /hikki/ somewhere before, too. I've stuck to this one job for years and haven't changed it. The pay is low for the IT field, but still well above the median pay. I'd like to one day look for a better job, maybe finally get a degree after failing out of college a decade ago. But first I really want to develop a good work ethic. Procrastinating repeatedly makes me feel like living garbage. It's not the kind of person I want to be.
This is a video a friend sent me, it contains a great speech. Truly, persistence is the only superpower we can have.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLI5VzRDb3U
On most days I stay at home. Discovering websites that allow me to order food with delivery from many different restaurants greatly facilitated that. Sometimes I'll go exercise. I like to do cardio: some jogging or walking. It's a habit that I have tried and repeatedly failed to cultivate for a decade, but it gets me moving at least once a month on average, I'd say. I have intensified the exercise lately as I'm getting on in years and wish to remain healthy for many more decades. Nowdays it's more like exercising 3 times a week. I had to move very far away from family home to work here, and I often feel too scared to explore the big city I live in. My usual walk route I discovered around the time I got here, and had stuck to it with minor variations for four years, never really straying from it, which is pretty autistic, lol. But last week I went exploring because a colleague told me about a little forest located not far away from where I live, and sure enough, I found it. It's nice. I think I have a new route now. I'll have to explore it more, especially paths through the forest, and I probably won't go there at night because it's too spooky.
Anyway, it feels good to walk or jog for about 10km, or do some calisthenics, or both, and then stretch. You can feel your health and strength gradually improve as you keep at it at least semi-regularly. I feel healthier now than ever - even more than when I was in my early 20s. It's a good feeling. Even though wounds take longer to heal than they used to.>The body was too long