Ex-NEET/Hiki general thread, how long has it been since you got out of it? What are you working on right now? Do you feel like going back to that life sometimes?
I got a job and started going outside 6 years ago, after 2 years of being isolated completely, sometimes I feel tempted of just staying at home playing videogames all day, or to stay in bed doing absolutely nothing, I am still depressed, recently something bad happened, and I felt the need of going back to those habits, close my social media and be a full time anon again.
An important part of my recovery was the people around me, and volunteering at hospitals and hostels for the bed, working still feels kind of weird though.
Now I work as a programmer and web designer, not the best job for someone like me, but it's what I learned to do.
It's hard, but like an anon told me here, if I got out of that mentality once, I can do it again, and so can you.
>>6>I can do it again, and so can you.
No offence, but save us from this overused motivational bullshit.
Just because YOU managed to do it, in YOUR country, at YOUR age, with YOUR background, supported by YOUR friends, it doesn't mean that it will universally work for everyone.
Once you spend enough time in the real world, the world you have isolated yourself from for years, you will understand.
>>6>I felt the need of going back to those habits, close my social media and be a full time anon again
Are you suggesting that everyone that wants to stay anonymous on the internet is also a hikikomori, or that it's a bad thing to "close your social media"?
>>7>No offence, but save us from this overused motivational bullshit.
I was stating what an anon said that made me feel a little better in this same imageboard, you can take it or leave it, if it helped me to hear it, it may help others even though it's not your case.
>Just because YOU managed to do it, in YOUR country, at YOUR age, with YOUR background, supported by YOUR friends, it doesn't mean that it will universally work for everyone.>Third world shithole>Old enough>Background with no job or career opportunities, abusive family>Homeless for a year and half>2 friends
I don't think why you'd bring that up, I told you more details now because I may not be what you think, but I never suggested it'd work on everyone, perhaps you should turn down your defenses a little bit, I am just bringing my personal experience to the table and opening discussion.
>Once you spend enough time in the real world, the world you have isolated yourself from for years, you will understand.
I clearly said I have been six years in the real world, and a lot more of misfortunes happened to me, just because I decide to remain positive, even though it's hard, that doesn't mean anything of what you just said.
I think there is no need to be so hostile, do you want me to tell you the world sucks? It does, but I am not saying this is your case, or anyone elses', I am simply stating my personal experience as an individual in a situation that's worse than you seem to think, and bringing up a sentence that helped me to read.
Everyone copes with their tragedies in a different way, so you may as well let us know your experience instead of trying to treat me like some kind of privileged brat who hasn't lived anything real.>>8>Are you suggesting that everyone that wants to stay anonymous on the internet is also a hikikomori, or that it's a bad thing to "close your social media"?
There is literally no correlation between what I said and that, and no, in no way I am saying that, it doesn't make any sense, I was stating again what happened to me and to me only.
The purpose of this thread is to share your personal experiences, I'm not a psychologist, just someone in recovery.
>>9>instead of trying to treat me like some kind of privileged brat
Make no mistake: what you achieved is, without doubt, amazing.
However, the original argument is still valid: it doesn't mean that just because you could do it, everyone can.
You might be living in a shithole. You might be right. Yet you still got a second chance from the society of that shithole, and now you work as a programmer.
But in a genuine shithole, where only the most privileged would ever get near a low-end white collar job, where being a bricklayer or a car washer considered to be elite jobs, people rarely get a second chance, if ever. Once they lost grip of their lives, either because of their own mistakes, or because of something outside of their control, they will be treated like garbage, and will only get kicked, spit at, and made fun of by everyone. Nobody will give them a chance.
I know there are worse places to live in, I am not saying everyone can, I am just repeated something that may help people in a similar situation.
Hell even some people who have it much better than me find this lifestyle impossible to overcome, the medicine for this type of lifestyle really isn't the same for everyone, sorry if I made it sound like it.
I understand, and I jumped to conclusions too soon.
What triggered me, again, was the "if I can do it, anyone can" line, that in the end wasn't even yours. Please understand that it is the hallmark quote of entitled brats (see attached pic). And I heard/read it so many times (previously exclusively from the abovementioned people) that it really got on my nerves.
You are clearly not one of them, you truly lost everything, but you got back on your feet nonetheless. I sincerely apologize, and I admire what you achieved.
I understand why it'd sound that way, no need to apologize, I like the idea of this board, I feel like it was missing, I know of more than a couple ubuu users who are ex-NEETs and trying to stay on that side.
I never fit any of the NEET communities because I'm disabled. But I never fit the disabled communities because I'm very reclusive and don't like their fake cheeriness.
I want to stop having to rely on benefits, I want to earn my own keep and yet I don't know how realistic that is. I have a pain condition that can flare up at a moments notice and take me from functional to passing out the pain is so severe. I manage it so that is extremely rare but there's still periods where I'm in too much pain to be of any use and I'm always and always will be unreliable.
I've looked at putting self published books together for Amazon. To try working on building a fanbase for my hobbys and getting e begging bucks for it but none of it feels within my grasp. I work at such a slow rate to manage my condition I couldn't put together enough work to compare to NEET bucks and I don't get on well with others enough to network my way into the big leagues.
I sit in an awkward position where my mind demands I be more and my body laughs in it's face and tells me to sit down before it kicks my ass. My girlfriend is really understanding on the matter and we get by with how things are, but I'm struggling to keep my head above water mentally. I want to do more than I am capable of and it eats away at you. Even being in a relationship feels bad because you have to let them down so often, and no amount of reassurance stops you feeling like an asshole for it.
I doubt you understand what a huge advantage living in a third world country can be in this scenario. You can get by on making crappy websites for people in the first world and live off of that income. Someone in the first world can't live off that sort of income, it's too low. It's the same issue with "Go do labour" has in the first world. There are third worlders who under cu first worlders because they're willing to live much lower quality lives or share houses with 10 to 20 people. As a third worlder your options to survive are much easier to find than a first worlder who has their options devalued by your success.
Someone in Europe or the USA trying to live off of web design is very unlikely to work. It's the sort of job teenagers get while going to college or stay at home mothers do to fill their time. You can do it because the first world wants it done cheaply and you don't need to pay first world bills. Square space and Wordpress have destroyed the market value of web design because any idiot can make a website easily.
Got a job at a restaurant, got a car, got some friends. Things went well. Quit that job to go to a sports bar to make more, and I'm slowly relapsing. Quit that job and got a comfy IT job where I program all day.
Somewhere in there I got a girlfriend and I've been snapping at her lately it wasn't like this before. I think secretly I want to go back to the NEET lifestyle but I know that's giving up. Life was "easier" and my mental health was much better, but there's no way I can afford bills or do anything worthwhile.
I feel even more trapped than before, losing my job is basically going to fuck me over harder.
i dunno where I'm going with this
last year, when I enrolled in college
then in january of this year I got a job and I'm currently on that shtick
I don't dislike college but being unemployed is more likable than being a wagie. or maybe my job just sucks
turns out that was the last shove I needed. now I get out of my house way more than I used to (doesn't make it less unlikeable, tho, and crowds still make me feel like I can't breathe), I hardly play video games,and even got as far as kissing a girl for the first time in my life (I'm 20 yo), so everything is peachy. I just need to start a sport, and I'd feel completely satisfied
Aged 30. Have never worked. Dropped out of life in 2012, though really never had a life. As in that was the year I dropped out of college at age 22.
I always have resented society and only do more so as I get older, ever more full of angst. I have no social life nor have had even an inkling of one for the past five years. Maybe six. Last bj 6 or five ago, last gf (as the bj was a one night stand) was 10 years ago, though there were failed platonic attempts in between.
I've been rejected from SSI several times. I have no friends. I only went to 'college' to bomb courses while also getting paid to go, until I bombed too many so the pay stopped. I've lived with the shitty parents ever since. I had not lived with them since age 11.
Implying that you are here to help people recover from not fitting into society is asinine also. Advice is for fools, opportunities only fools would not notice, ergo you could not help anyone that isn't a fool and fools don't come onto such places online until so populated that there's nothing but normalfaggots afoot. So it's very pointless. As soon as such places get populated disingenuous memes will plague the place.
I did look for work at age sixteen though, but was rejected. Once at 18 too if I recall, got a spontaneous interview from some homosexual, as in actual homosexual, middle aged man that was obese and had a porn mustache. He sensed that I wasn't into hiim so I guess that's why I never got the job then. past then I vowed to never get work that's beneath me, especially because minimum wage work is ironically more high competition than higher level work. I would never beg over and over again throughout the years of forced education just to get an entry level job, not that they'd give it to someone with my assets to begin with. By the time I dropped out with no degree, at age 22, I had no work experience and the only place I volunteered was shut down by the recession. So why would they hire me? They would not. I would not take it by such an age, some Mcdon-tier job, I would refuse. Uneducate me first, go back in time and let me act like the hooligan that deserves such a job and let me drop out at sixteen then give it to me. Further irony, this age of mine is not allowed to even have entry level work until they have at least a HS level education, and I was put into school late by my retarded parents. I end up 20 by the time I can finally get used to working. As if that would happen. 20 years old was far too long a wait. So it's only been down hill since then. By down hill, meaning less and less part of society. Less social life, less money, even plasma donations are not a possibility as my hypertension gets me booted off along with the thing getting stuck in the vein randomly. Even if plasma donations were going to let me in, it takes five hours on the bus to go back and forth to make the 20 they'd give me. That's 20 divided five times, to make it five US dollars. Less than minimum wage. I thus realize over time, time and time again, just how ridiculous the systems put in place are for me to use. Even the money I made from 18-22, foster check money for schooling, it merely made me lazy or by age 18 I might have got a job. Of course not. Because the system damned me in all ways it could. I should though, try again? Proving that it works? It does not, ergo I am not working nor ever have, ergo I will not get a job ever even if I choose to get one. It'd still not work. Nor will I. The time I sat here is proof, speaking louder than my words that it does not work. For anyone that makes it out, you betray yourself to make such an example. It virtue signals that I can make it to, when you didn't either or you'd have made it initially. You only think you made it but are a fool that tried far harder than those around you. You're a slave more than they are or you'd never have been neet. I resent you for this. A worker strike even among those never neet would be appropraite for a society as backwards as this one is, and everyone knows it to be backwards. But you prove the system works every time you become part of it. You enable it. You are the system, an agent of it. A fool.
unironically get help
I've been forced into therapy to try to get on SSI for years. No SSI happened and all it did was make me get rejected by a therapist until I got one so ditsy that I essentially just talk at her while she listens.
Therapy is a giant waste of time. I was aware of that before I went and was not proved wrong.
Anything else you'd like to spout that is of the world that I do not belong in? Advice is for fools, I already posted that, ergo your post is a low effort troll and you now get to be called what you are, a (normal)faggot.
OP here, first of all, like I said earlier to the other anon, I'm sorry I made that last sentence sound overly positive, it's just my own experience and I was only thinking about myself there, it's a recurrent issue I have.
Leaving that aside, yes, I am part of the system as a wageslave, the system may not be perfect, or even good, but I much rather be part of it than to feel like I used to when I was a NEET, and you know what? I see it as a necessary step, to maybe one day feel as far away as possible from this that you call slavery.
Even if what you say is true, those you call fools also deserve to be happy, we're human beings, what's even so bad about being normalfags or fools?
I don't know, we just live different realities, what you call betraying yourself, I call adapting, we're just different anon, there doesn't need to be any resentment.
>>25>deserve to be happy
Leaving aside the semantics about what deserve even means, normalfaggots attack bums to make themselves feel better so that warrants my negative reaction. So do many other things normal people do. Any time I've tried to convince myself to do work of some kind rent was too high and fun things are illegal, so yeah. No thanks society. My IQ is average, my attention is low, my tendons inflame, there's no point in trying for those reasons alone without my perspective of molten hatred being added. They'd deserve it if they had a sense for charity, they don't for men. Children, elderly, women, but not men. Men created society and men have hatred of which the other humans cannot have. It's all such foolishness.
Core resentment is when if I choose to live in the woods I'd be arrested by police that are paid by tax payers. Basically you attack me. Homelessness is effectively illegal in the USA due to loitering laws, tresspassing laws, even laws against sleeping outside, and many others. Also you'd figure there'd be more micronation communities, or communes, whatever, but there are not even many attempts at such things, adding to the utter contempt that I have as it reflects how easily the rest of my peers are corrupted by the shittiest reward system imaginable. Masochistic abrahamic ethics that say enjoy it later. I am alive in time, now, not later, I shall not live my life backwards. Your sky fairy ethic ran society is a cruel joke and so is this board.
I guess you're the biggest joke here since you actually waste your time doing the same thing the people you despise do while being condescending about it.
If you don't like the board, don't post.
Well let's try to be polite to one another, despite the bumps this is a good thread, and I feel like I needed this board.
It's interesting to see a group of people who lived isolated come to different conclusions and to open up, I never talked about these specific things to anyone.
Another thing that happened to me when I started working is that I moved my hiki habits and depression to the workplace, I was a very shitty worker, procrascinated a lot, needing the money made me snap out of it, or rather, force myself to.
I don't know if this was unhealthy or not, but soon enough, I stopped feeling like it was forced, and started working normally.
I don't like anywhere online currently but it's not like I'm about to get a life out in normalfaggotland.
Not while I'm around on your dead site you faggots. If you could get a job you'd have one. Advice is for shit. Opportunities are what would get someone non-hiki.
it's a good song I'm not gonna question it
Oh okay. It reminded me of someone lol.
OP here, still working, temptation is still there, sometimes I waste too much time of the day, but, I think that's normal? Anyhow I'm kinda satisfied with how my life is going, I am trying to push for personal projects, I am trying to learn a new language and my gf loves me, I absolutely prefer this inconvenient outside world, instead of being stuck in a room doing nothing smelling horrible like I was in the old days.
One thing I would like to achieve is to have a routine for sports, but I don't feel like putting the effort, I'm not overweight, but I want to feel at my best.
Though I am in general satisfied, I still think I'm very far away from what I'd wish to be.
Laura is that you?
Oh, I wasn't aware this board existed. I'm glad it does, looks like just the place for me. I used to browse /hikki/, and /n/ before that, and now that I'm on a bumpy road to normalfaggotry, I'm pleasantly surprised Ubuu keeps offering me a place to talk about life stuff. Even though I haven't played Yume Nikki or derivatives/clones since about 2012… I'm sorry for the upcoming disorganised post. There's much I'd like to say, but I have little time.
I "graduated" from NEETdom about 4.5 years ago. I think I even posted about it on /hikki/ somewhere at some point.
Some days I wish to stay in bed, or just quit my job and live off of my savings for a while. I'm far from the best employee. My work performance is very unreliable, and I've been communicated that twice on no uncertain terms, being denied a yearly raise. That happened this year, too.
Looking back, I feel like I've mostly only continued to languish since getting the job, and am barely hanging on by a thread. When I was at my worst, I would bottle up all my emotions, being unable to tell them to anyone out of shame or because I did not want to bother them. That's the primary driver of my work performance plummeting, as that made me avoid my co-workers and resent my job for always feeling like a fraud and a disappointment to my team.
I have been working remotely almost exclusively since the pandemic began, and honestly I like that, it's nice to have peace and quiet, and do some chores on the side to keep my place tidy and comfy, but some days I've abused home office by sleeping during work hours, sometimes wasting an entire work day and causing me to panic. At least sometimes I have also worked for my job in my free time to make up for the losses.
A few months ago I forced myself to open up to my co-workers about my feelings or face being fired if I continued to avoid them and fail to do my job. It's a constant source of embarrassment telling them my doubts, fears and anxieties, and admitting my ignorance to them repeatedly, risking looking stupid when asking questions they might consider basic, but it does help me get those emotions off my chest so I can actually get to work. Now I'm on a waiting list to a psychotherapist so I can hopefully learn some strategies for better handling my emotions, or for dealing with procrastination.
I work as a software tester. I think I've told that on /hikki/ somewhere before, too. I've stuck to this one job for years and haven't changed it. The pay is low for the IT field, but still well above the median pay. I'd like to one day look for a better job, maybe finally get a degree after failing out of college a decade ago. But first I really want to develop a good work ethic. Procrastinating repeatedly makes me feel like living garbage. It's not the kind of person I want to be.
This is a video a friend sent me, it contains a great speech. Truly, persistence is the only superpower we can have.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLI5VzRDb3U
On most days I stay at home. Discovering websites that allow me to order food with delivery from many different restaurants greatly facilitated that. Sometimes I'll go exercise. I like to do cardio: some jogging or walking. It's a habit that I have tried and repeatedly failed to cultivate for a decade, but it gets me moving at least once a month on average, I'd say. I have intensified the exercise lately as I'm getting on in years and wish to remain healthy for many more decades. Nowdays it's more like exercising 3 times a week. I had to move very far away from family home to work here, and I often feel too scared to explore the big city I live in. My usual walk route I discovered around the time I got here, and had stuck to it with minor variations for four years, never really straying from it, which is pretty autistic, lol. But last week I went exploring because a colleague told me about a little forest located not far away from where I live, and sure enough, I found it. It's nice. I think I have a new route now. I'll have to explore it more, especially paths through the forest, and I probably won't go there at night because it's too spooky.
Anyway, it feels good to walk or jog for about 10km, or do some calisthenics, or both, and then stretch. You can feel your health and strength gradually improve as you keep at it at least semi-regularly. I feel healthier now than ever - even more than when I was in my early 20s. It's a good feeling. Even though wounds take longer to heal than they used to.>The body was too long
Continued from >>338
Talking to normalninjas is the hardest thing. I usually find I have nothing to say. I went to some pony
conventions and was disappointed to find out repeatedly that I didn't really have much to say to anyone, even those I thought were my fellow bronies, but I'm getting used to that now. I stammer and I slur my words or mangle them, but at least through practice and repetition I've learned to smile and be more genuine and less embarrassed around strangers, though I still feel some anxiety approaching them.
There are more issues I struggle with, but I think this post is long enough as it is.>>22>Implying that you are here to help people recover from not fitting into society is asinine also.
I wouldn't say I'm here for that purpose. I can tell you that years ago I was a regular on Wizardchan, back when I was still allowed there by the rules, a shut-in and NEET like them, and I was hoping to help the people there out of their depression. But I did not belong. I only discovered that nothing I told them really made a difference. Now I believe those people need to want to help themselves. You can't do it for them. They must see for themselves the futility of talking to like-minded people, and the value of guidance of a trustworthy mentor figure. They must evaluate if they don't actually prefer to mooch off their parents, as it's a pretty safe life. (On some level, we all want that life, I think.) They need to take the first step to reject NEETdom.
What if you can't help yourself though? Mental illnesses can be so severe that they can't be properly treated, like schizophrenia and autism. At a certain point, people can't really be held responsible for their own self-improvement.
I mean, as long as we are able to live independently, hold a job, pay rent, etc., we are definitely responsible for ourselves. People like severe autists are unable to do that, and shouldn't be judged harshly. I can only speak from my own position: I have moved out and live alone. It's terrifying because I have no one nearby to help, and only I can take steps to improve my situation. Wizardchan and other sites seem good for providing a sense of belonging and companionship, maybe also sympathy, but browsing it did not help me at all in practical terms, in fact it only dragged me down. I don't know shit and cannot help you guys, let alone myself. I just wanted to share my experience.
I hope this is the right thread.
I've been hikki/neet for almost 7 years since graduating highschool and started finally just working at a "real job" last week. It went okay, I've always been painfully nervous around people and was never able to make friends during school, but I've never super offensive or anything at least, so I feel like nobody really hates me or anything yet hopefully. I just have to remember not to say too much all the time unless I want to make someone visibly uncomfortable. My brother was nice enough to let me work for him for two months before this so I had at least a little bit of social conditioning I guess, but everything still feels like it's just a dream. Lying about little things makes it easier to fake being likeable, andU honestly it seems like a lot of people out there are pretty insecure and stuff on their own despite being a lot more normal, so I think it's opening my eyes a little bit.
I actually couldn't make it through this whole first work week and had to call off on friday for some made up reason since I couldn't stop uncontrollably crying. Somehow I'm not stressed about possibly losing the job or not for taking a day off so early, but I hope nobody's too angry with me come monday, I don't know. I never went to college because I didn't want to be in a place where people could remember me, all I've done this whole time is pretend to be an artist or something, there's so much time I regret wasting. I've been very slowly opening up this year and I can at least finally make blog posts like this, I'm sorry if this was really autistic and boring to read through but it's actually kind of nice reading similar stories and maybe getting responses instead of just lurking all the time.
TL;DR It gets lonely really quickly in real life, especially when it also sort of feels like I'm losing part of myself in a way. It's a little late but I'm glad this place is here, I can cope while trying to get my life back.
I'm a hiki of 5 years looking to escape this life soon. Thank you for sharing your experiences, they're certainly inspiring. I'm sorry you got dogpiled by other ill-intended anons. We're meant to be helping each other up so that was really depressing to read.
I was also a hiki for 5 years right out of highschool! I just want you to know that you can do it! Sorry if this is oversharing but it took me 4 attempts and 2 involuntary psych ward trips to finally get things going but for 2 years i've been living away from home going to uni, socializing, etc. There is something on the other side of the barriers built around you I promise. It does get better just stick with it and know that even if you feel alone you are not the first or last person to live this way, many people before you have succeeded and you can too
also I just wanted to say that it's very reassuring to hear that im not the only one who has depressive episodes and urges to just stay in bed some days or quit and relax for a while. reality is not so forgiving but i dont think i would have it any other way
I got a job over 10 years ago and I still have the same mindset from when I was a full blown hikki, in fact I still do the same when work is over, lock myself in my house and never talk to anybody even on weekends, but at least I have money now.
hell yeah, thats the real shit
be a normie at work, be reclusive at home.
at least i dont have to worry about what will happen once im too old to work now.
I'm a hikki of 8 years.. roughly how did you manage to make it into a uni? I think academia is the only thing I can picture myself in and slice of life anime makes school seem fun but at this point it's very hopeless given that I did poorly in highschool and I'm past a lot of random "under 25" government benefits
Not the same guy but try for a community college and do your basics, at best you may need to pass some exams to reach placement and if you do bad you start on courses to level yourself.
Past that just try and hit good grades for a decent scholarship, pretty sure some are given by the institution, depends, but they may cover 100% of your tuition in the best of cases. From there on you can decide to either stay for a tech degree, or transfer your credits to a university (a state uni might be the best shot here, nothing too fancy unless you manage to score extremely good grades and get many referrals).