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/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

Board for recovering NEETs and Ex-NEETs who are trying to reintegrate.
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For five years I've been slowly decaying: I've lost my health, dropped University, twice, and my relationships with my family is in shatters. Also what bothers me is that people I knew (I don't have any contacts left) now have good jobs, some of them their own families, while I still simply just run away from all problems I encounter.

I tried to do something with it so many times, but it never really worked out. I'm not sure whether anything can be done now, but I can try one more time.

To change the pace I will go to a local library tomorrow, so I can be closer to other people, will spend some time learning (or doing) something actually useful and will try to build up courage to make up with my family.


Right now is probably not the best time to go out, with the virus and everything. I am cheering you on though. Things will turn out ok.


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Yes, you are right, however it just can't go on like this. I skipped the library today exactly because of this, and now the moon is out and I haven't done anything useful, again. So maybe I can at least go to a nearby park? We don't have a mandatory quarantine, and I don't contact with other people to begin with, so it shouldn't really matter in the end.

I did however read these 3 wonderful papers, they were easy to follow, and it was sooo enjoyable - but it's not what I should have been doing! That's the problem.

I will try again tomorrow!


Good to hear, just be sure to stay safe and healthy. You probably won't be happy if you're in the hospital with sickness.


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It was a little bit better today. I managed to start my project - I want to write a simple torrent tracker, so when I finally try to apply for a job I can show at least something.
And writing code turned out to be really hard - you just can't compare it to reading papers or books.
Thank you, yes, you are right, especially now.
Stay safe too.


Well the library isn't going to help you…


Going out and doing anything could help OP, even if it's just a few interactions with library workers or random people. I find my confidence is like a snowball that builds up with repeated positive social experiences.


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Thank you.

My project is underway, though it is still a total mess. I would try to finish it by the end of this month and try to find a job afterwards. It's been quite hard so far, but at least I'm making progress.


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I don't really have much to say other than I am rooting for you, OP. Things are crazy in the world right now, with the quarantine and everything, so I hope that if you're going out, you're staying safe. I genuinely am hoping that you find the happiness that you desire, build up that positive energy.


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It's been kinda bad recently, the project hit a snag by the end of the previous month and nothing has changed ever since.
But I'm still trying, libraries are open now, so at least this problem has solved itself, I also found a small homey group of three people where we try to learn a new language.
I just hope it isn't too late.

I also have severe headaches and nightmares, which destroyed my daily regimen completely, and I always feel groggy and cloudy.
But I try to (and will!) stay positive regardless.


Good luck, OP. I'm rooting for you!
Very nice images of Rakka btw.


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Thank you! The second day in library was even more productive than the first one, well it is still a long way from what other people call "Productive", but I'm happy anyway.

I also found a nice job place I would try to apply for, right after I finish writing this torrent-client, or at least writing its core logic.

Headaches are a little bit worrying though - I also started having side-effects from the drag I'm taking to ease up the pain, so I think I should make a break from them, maybe even visit a doctor, I'm not sure.

How was your day?


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This sounds great, keep it up!
Slow and steady improvement, take your time, quality over quantity.
Please take your health seriously, visit a doctor. The headaches surely hamper you.

My day was alright, thanks for asking. Got a few negative e-mails but had some other pleasant things.
Especially the fact that my cat recovered, I was so afraid she would die.


> Got a few negative e-mails
It seems hard to have many social contacts, unless I misunderstand something. Why not simply block those people?

> my cat

How old is she, if I'm not intruding too much!

Today I had to leave my library too early for silly reasons when I convinced myself that I left the water running, which I didn't, and at home I wasn't able to continue focusing on studying, even though I really tried to not get distracted, which is just impossible. I wonder how other people can do it.


> It seems hard to have many social contacts, unless I misunderstand something.
They are no social contacts, unfortunately I have zero of those.
I tried to apply for a different job because I dislike my current one but all of the mentioned negative e-mails were rejections.

> How old is she, if I'm not intruding too much!

It's fine :3
She is 16, quite old for a cat.
The vet told me she would most likely die but thanks to some pills she is doing fine now.
I have to feed her those every morning from now on, else she is getting sick again.

> I wonder how other people can do it.

Do you need any devices to study?
Else I would try to turn them off and put them away.
Furthermore when I had to study I usually rewarded myself with something afterwards and didn't do anything fun before.


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> negative e-mails were rejections
That's exactly what happened to me during those months. I think I aimed too high from the get-go and got punished for it. Now I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to be doing.

> The vet told me

I wonder how it is all ended, hope you are still here, anon!

> Do you need any devices to study?

Sadly I do: you can't program without internet these days, and it is amazingly hard to stay focused when there are so many different things to read and be distracted by.

> I usually rewarded myself with something afterwards and didn't do anything fun before

The scariest thing which will happen is that you will reward yourself anyway, and then the whole plan is no longer working.

I changed my environment so internet is not immediately available, started working out and fixed daily regime, those things helped at first, but continuous frustrations with my university, covid and things in general led me to dropping out for the second time, almost being detained and tortured during protests—quite a turn in narrative!—in the end I've lost all goals I had, and now spend my time simply browsing web, reading books and doing nothing in general. It is just so tiring. To live.


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My condolences, I know how this feels, I am still there but now I quit my old job so it hurts even more. I think you should keep applying, sooner or later somebody will hire you, this is my experience at least. If you aimed to high then maybe try to apply to something simimar to it with lower requirements.

I am still here :3 I check Uboa every day, I like it here. Anyway my cat lived 4 more weeks and then died. Honestly I felt like shit and I occasionally still do. I miss her dearly.

Sounds harsh, I hope you can still study somehow, I never had those issues so I can't think of more advice that could work.

Your changes are a good attempt at making things better, I hope you still work out. Personally it helps me a lot, even though I make slow progress with it. A pity that it turned out bad, maybe you need some time to recover now? Hopefully you don't give up though. Most important is that you are safe and didn't get hurt during the protest, I am glad you are unharmed, anon!
On another note what are you reading? I would really like to read more, I enjoy it but I like gaming, anime and music more so I very rarely do it.
I would like to mention that I rewatched Haibane Renmei this week, something I wanted to do since around 3 years. I remembered that I loved it but I completely forgot how good it is. It hit hard and deep and I actually cried at the last episode. Especially Rakka and Reki are so lovely, I was always fond of them but the refresher why put a hard grip on my heart.
Well I feel your remark regarding life. It is always so complicated, confusing, bothersome, tiresome. I just want to get by somehow, with a job that doesn't make me ill.


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I can't imagine how this must feel. I have a rabbit and parents once asked to take him with them for a couple of weeks—long story short, my apartment felt completely empty, I had nightmares and slept with lights on, even though I never had that much attachment to him in the first place. He is only 4, so we have at least as much time to play together (well, me playing and him being annoyed and trying to run away :3). But completely loosing him? It is hard to just think about it. Sometimes you just want to make time stop.

Yep, I still work out and have been able to sustain my regime for quite a long time! Doing this drastically improved my cognitive abilities and removed chronic headaches. And it is not something I'm ready to give up that easily.

To be honest I read pretty much everything, but rarely completely finish books, especially after I broke my e-book, and it is tiring and distracting to read on laptops. Anyway, now I read "House Of Leaves", which at the same time tells 3 different but tightly connected stories cross-referencing and intricately affecting each other. The book is quite dense with many stream of consciousness passages, which make it amazingly hard to read, especially because English is not my mother's tongue. Still I really enjoy it! I also read some political books to make head or tail of current situation my country is in—"Hitler's Beneficiaries" it is.

I also like gaming and anime, but those are the easiest ways to escape from life and the hardest to get back to it. That's why I'm really careful with those and only play and watch anime when I can do it with somebody, so it would be easier to stop—regretfully it also means that I simply do not play nor watch anime at all.

With a small exception of watching anime on New Year's Eve :3
I usually rewatch my favorite titles, of which there are quite a few, and the last time it was Haibane too! These bittersweet atmosphere, beautiful drawing style and sad story make you want to wrap yourself in a cozy blanket, which I gladly do!
I thought about watching Moomins this year as this title gives similar vibes. We will see.

Was your previous job hurting you too much? I hope (as much as you can "hope" about something like this) it wasn't physical pain. Have you found a new one? Or at least have a plan as to what to do next?

If I won't answer tomorrow it most likely means I got detained during the protests—which are still ongoing—and they would release me after two weeks or so.

Have a nice day!


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Cute rabbit, anon. Is it yours? Anyway this made me feel like sharing one of my cat.
Sounds like he is not playful, just like my cat was. Are rabbits playful to begin with? I honestly don't know how and what to play with a rabbit.

This sounds great! Glad that working out helps you too. It really is somewhat of a cliche but it seems that it is rightfully so. Sport just helps. What are you training? Back? Legs?

House of Leaves seems to have a unique storytelling, interesting, noted on my side. I tend to read political books though, books are something I like to use to understand the world, how it came to be, what is currently going on, what could be in the future. Currently reading one about Prussia but I guess I won't finish it that year because I read so less. Out of curiosity, where do you life? That books seems extreme to use it to understand what is going on.

I kinda get what you mean but it sounds a little bit sad to avoid something you like.
Although I was addicted to gaming once and as soon as I got out of it I ran into an addiction with anime. Nowadays I have no problem enjoying it responsible even though I do spend a lot of time with it. I just don't want so deny myself the joy of it but I always do the necessary stuff irl first.
Anyway glad that you still allow yourself to pick it up now and then. I also use a blanket while watching anime, sometimes with a hot water bottle when it is cold outside, sometimes with the company of a whisky :3 The drawing style of Haibane Renmei is one of the many things that impressed me once again. The occasional rays of sunlight are also such a beautiful touch to it. Old home has so much charm too. I really wished I could have hugged Rakka and Reki near the end, it was bloody painful. Wish they hugged in the last episode. I am by the way still thinking about why Rakka heard the voice of Kuu in the Wall. Is the Wall empowered by the day of flight of a Haibane? What are your other favorites?

It was not physical, the old job made me depressed and I still have to take pills today. Unfortunately I do not have a job right now but I am applying currently. Two days ago I had a job interview as a mailman, I hope they invite me again to work a few days with them so I can see if it is something I would like to do.

Be safe, anon! Hope those protest don't hurt you. And thank you :3 Have a nice day too.


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Yep, he is mine, and the gaping hole in the carpet is also his, I'm still grumpy about that!
He doesn't like to play that's true: not with a ball, not with me, not, even, with a neighbor's cat. And in general rabbits are mostly introverts—or maybe simply they are not smart enough—and prefer to sit in a corner and do nothing. Well, it doesn't stop me (or neighbor's cat for that matter) from playing with him anyway.
What rabbits do need, however, is a company, but I got mine when he was too old for neutering, and whenever I tried to bring him a friend he was becoming either too exited or too angry for any kind of normal relationship.
As a sad story, rabbits, among other animals, are most likely to be thrown out of house or be given to animal shelters when excitement after buying one wears off, so I guess it shows that they are actually not as playful as people hope them to be.

The cat is so beautiful! I hope you still have lots of good memories of being with her. Those are bittersweet but… but… it is still something important to cherish.

I live in Belarus. The center of Europe, or so it may seem. I wanted to understand what drives the police to torture their own peaceful citizens or some citizens to not care a sliver about those horrors which are happening in their own towns. The book didn't really give an answer to that, though it still gave a unique perspective on the Nazis regime of which I never thought before. It is one of those books where an idea is explained in first 20 pages and after that an author simply elaborates on the topic, I find that quite a few political books are like that.
Is there any specific reason why are you reading about Prussia? I never really read history about other territories expect ones I live on. I might need to change that, though it also might be hard to find motivation, of time I have plenty.

I actually do not remember what Kuu said, so I'm fearful of saying something too off the line. Did it happen on her own or Reki's Day of Flight?
However, the way the story built up to catharsis with a sudden release at the end was so emotionally bright and painful, I will never forget how I felt the first time I watched it, ergo why I initially started to use Rakka's images here. I would also like to gladly mention the title's soundtrack, from time to time when I walk in the park I actually listen to songs from there: this beautiful and memorable piano and violin with occasional lyrics are exactly what one needs when walking in the autumn.

I think my favorite one would be "The Humanity Has Declined". It is so completely different from anything else I watched: sarcastic, sometimes dark and always bemusing, tons of references to both Eastern and Western cultures with each episode telling a completely different story. My favorite moment would be with plucked chickens flying from the cliff as Ave Maria plays. But I won't spoiler anything else! I'm still sad that light novels, the anime is based on, will never be translated to English.
There are other atmospheric and unique titles but they all fell short of this little gem.
And what are your favorites? Maybe they are on my list too. :3

Is it important for you to have a job? For me it is mostly to fill in free time, because it is extremely hard to stay focused and sane while sitting 24/7 alone (with a rabbit) in an empty house. It might sound self-deprecating and lazy, possibly and most likely so it is, but.. but! But I wish you luck and being invited regardless!

I don't think I would get hurt tomorrow, we are simply marching on the streets, often not even on the roads, but the number of people protesting has dwindled substantially so being detained is something that is very likely to happen compared to how it was before. I really don't understand why our government uses stun grenades, rubber bullets and water cannons against peaceful citizens, well, I kind of do, but still I don't!

In any case, the day has almost ended, so I would go to sleep soon, good night!


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Rabbits make holes in carpets and cats puke on them, pets surely keep you busy!
Well I guess you are the company for your rabbit. :3 My cat also hated other cats, actually she hated every other animal and attacked them on sight. It makes me always sad when people treat animals like that, simply because they have not a personality trait you want is no justification to abandon them.

You say it. The memories became bittersweet but I am glad that I have them. Maybe because of that Haibane Renmei hit so hard, it also goes in depth about loss.

I have to admit that I don't know a thing about the protests in Belarus but I hope those atrocities from the police stop one day. There is no reason at all to be violent when the others are peaceful. So what are the protests about? I hope they make things better for your country.
The approach from that author sounds interesting, again, noted on my side.
There is actually no real reason why I read that book. I was out of reading material so I decided to look around at online shops for new stuff. This book was on the front page and I just thought that Prussia could be an interesting topic because they had such a huge impact regarding the Thirty Years War and the Napoleonic Wars. Besides this History is simply my favorite subject to read about.

Kuu said nothing, Rakka only heard her laughing. I happened within episode 9 when Rakka touched the Wall. The other time it was during episode 11, once again Rakka only heard Kuu laughing but this time inside the wall when she was working there. There was also movement on the water, implying somebody or something walks over it. Both happened after Kuu's day of flight but before Reki's.
The build up is excellent indeed, especially seeing Rakka getting more and more sad and desperate hurt a lot. Reki yelling at her and being mean to hear was also very devastating. I am very glad that it worked out in the end. Using images of Rakka on an image board like Uboa is very fitting! I love the soundtrack, can't say which track is the best. I can recommend the OST of Kino No Tabi The Beautiful World (2003 version) and Gunslinger Girl too.

I have watched that one, the MC was not to my liking though and that kinda ruined it for me. It was very creative though.
Favorites of mine are Kino No Tabi The Beautiful World(2003 version), Mushishi(Season 1), Aria the Animation/Natural/Origination, Haibane Renmei and Shinigami no Ballad. Atmosphere is something I appreciate a lot, together with the story or better said the messages you can read from an anime. The characters are also very important, IMHO. Well I do love comedy and slice of life too though.

It is very important for me, I have to pay invoices and I don't take it well to sit around the entire day. I can do that for a few months but then it starts to mess with my head. So I understand what you mean and thank you! :3

This sounds dangerous! Hopefully you and the others can avoid getting hurt or worse.

Well I am 2 hours behind you but now it is also time for the bed here, stay safe, anon!


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I'm alive and well! I had to run away once, when 3 buses with the police came and they detained two or three people (who were running slowly than me). I was actually ready to confront them, but when people around me started to run, I had to run as well. Oh, well. At least we (~300-400 people) marched for 4 hours through all our neighborhood, even though we never managed to connect with a bigger column of people.

There is a cat named Felix, who lives near my parents' dacha. He isn't exactly wild even though he hunts for himself in the nearby forest and fields, so I once thought it would be a good idea to acquaint him with my rabbit! And it actually was a good idea! He played with him a little bit and then left to sleep on a porch. It is funny how clueless my rabbit was in that he didn't even realize he was in a mortal peril, I didn't realize it as well, because after a week when I already left, this cat brought half of a wild rabbit to my parents as a thanks for all the milk and food he rips off of us.
Well, cats are smart, so I think he realized that this rabbit was off the limits. Just a silly (and slightly dark) little story I remembered. :3

The protests are against our current (and only) president, the regime he's built around himself, and violence he uses to terrorize people and force them into submission. I can explain it more deeply if you want. Especially if you love history!

I didn't watch Kino No Tabi, but I read most of the novels the anime is based on. Stories in there were very symbolic and I liked quite a few of them, but they never really clicked as, say, Haibane's did, so I never managed to completely finish the series. I also watched Mushishi, but it was almost 10 years ago, and sadly I can't really remember anything from there. Other titles are on my long-standing and never-draining list of what I want to watch in the future, but I don't think I would watch them any time soon, as I explained before.
Which one would you recommend to watch the most? As a might at least change my Moomins plans for this eve.

I can also recommend Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou for its atmosphere, Denpa teki na Kanojo for those little urban stories with a yandere touch to them and Azumanga Daioh, which I am sure you've watched but I couldn't refuse to mention anyway!

With my training I'm not that consistent and usually choose exercises on a whim, but most often I do wide and narrow grip push-ups, reverse push-ups on my bed, pull-ups, lots of squats and crunches on the horizontal bar. Which ones do you do?
I also want to return to swimming, which I really enjoyed in the past, especially early in the morning when a swimming pool is completely empty and it is eerily dark and silent. Now, after I got kicked out of my university, I've got even more time on my hands, so I wonder whether covid would be a problem for me to continue swimming.
And I also hate those swimming hats! I tried so many and they always tear my hairs out, it is so painful.

By the way, which music do you like to listen to? There are so many atmospheric and beautiful albums to be completely engrossed by, I totally don't mind having even more of them.

Have a nice evening!


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Glad to hear that! Respect that you do this, despite the danger you face. I guess not confronting them was better, don't they get violent?

Interesting to hear that, a smart cat indeed. I have to confess that my cat actually killed the rabbit from the kids across the street several years ago. Of course I was sad for those kids but I couldn't be mad at my cat either. She only saw weak prey and didn't understand the circumstances.

I would love to hear more about the protests. I hope that would not be too much trouble for you to explain? One thing I really appreciate about image boards is that you can talk to people around the world and therefore they can tell you how life is where they life. It's fascinating hearing about their upbringing, the society they life in, the history of their country, their different view on things, getting cooking recipe and so on. Anyway isn't Lukaschenko(Lukaschenka?) backed my Russia? I hope they don't interfere in that matter.

Well Moomins are a strong pick, therefore it is hard to recommend something. You already read the novels of Kino No Tabi so I won't recommend the anime. You watched season 1 of Mushishi too, well there is way more now, a second season, a movie and two specials, this would be an option. Shinigami no Ballad could also be great but I guess Aria is what I would recommend the most. Although to have to full impact of it you really need to watch everything of it, only one season would not give you the experience I talk about. Well and you know Haibane Renmei already :3
Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou is something I have been thinking about, good to hear another positive opinion about it. Denpa teki na Kanojo looks interesting, even though I tend to dislike the genres it has. As you have guessed I watched Azumanga Daioh already, great stuff.

I actually go twice a week to a gym, where I train chest, back, shoulder, biceps and triceps one day and the other I train belly, adductor, abductor, quadriceps and hamstring muscles. Swimming is very healthy, that would be a good thing to do. Do you need swimming hats though? I have never used one in my entire life.

I have to admit that I am quite a pleb when it comes to music. Until now I enjoy Jazz but I barely know anything about it and can't even recommend a band or something. Right now I listen to Touhou arrangements, here two examples of albums I like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff17Mh3BYao https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=087-Aa4xKYo&t=912s
Unfortunately my interests are gaming > anime > music > reading, which explains why I read so rarely and also don't listen to music that often. So far Fusion Jazz seems very nice but I also love slower tracks, the albums Melancholic Road and Groovy Moon are examples of that.
So what are you listening to?

I had, thank you! Going to bed soon. Hope you have a nice day tomorrow!


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They get violent only when they can get away with this. When people do not run away from them, they usually simply leave, especially when they are completely outnumbered, but I also understand why people would want to run from them. As it happens we don't have a definite leader, and when people are left for themselves with a bunch of rubes running on them—well, you can see why we are almost always running. Of 400 people detained yesterday, at least 15 got into hospitals after intense beatings.

There are two reasons to use a hat: to protect your hair from chlorine, which is used to kill the gems in a water and to not clog with your hair the filters. So where I live it is mandatory to wear those hats if you have long hair, and advisory if short.

I tried to visit a local gym too, however people there are so muscular, while you are so scrawny, and even though no one really minded me, I couldn't get this thought of off my head. Plus it takes time to get to the gym anyway (I really needed at least some excuse!). So now I'm pretty happy with me training in my own apartment: I can do things how I want, wherever I want and whenever I want, the only requirement is to be consistent and exercise every single day.

Ha-ha, for at least a year I listened to a Russian touhou radio station. Though it was never consistent, and after some time I just stopped.
What I really love is post-rock and neo-folk. Both genres pride themselves for long ambient passages, occasional spoken word, arcane lyrics and beautiful instrumentals.

Beside that I also have hundreds of hours of radio-plays and -recordings from Russian imageboards during 2009-2012. Sometimes it is fun to listen to them.
So those arrows mean I should have asked about your favorite games then? :3

Well, I love imageboards for slightly different reasons: slower pace, longer posts, no karma, no accounts and (usually) no accountability for your posts—if you messed up or simply do not like something, you can hide a thread and forget about it.
Granted, you don't necessarily get all of the above, but that's what you simply can't have on more popular forums. And simple chats are usually to superfluous to even consider.

I won't try to be historically accurate, but I'll try to give the general feeling of what is going on.
After many economical and political crises in 1991 USSR had dissolved, and our country finally has become independent after many centuries.
But crises never went away and only amplified: on political spectrum there were both communists who wanted to restore the previous regime and national-democrats, who were trying to transit to a market economy, but for the general populace the quality of life has decreased substantially—crimes where abundant, many people lost all they had—it was actually pretty dangerous to be on the streets at night.
And here comes Lukashenko, a populist, who promises at the same time equality and private property, communism and democracy, he promises to get rid of all the bandits on the streets, dissolve many (as he said) superfluous governmental organizations and to fight corruption.
The tactics he used a pretty similar to what Trump does now: he always searched for an enemy, always started conflict if he could get away with it, he was really hated in the government, but populace loved him, and in the end (or in the beginning) on our first presidential elections he managed to win.
After that he proceeded to destroy all shaky democratic institutes we'd built during this time, started to use violence against other politicians, and actually praised Hitler in the country where 25% of population was killed during WW2. There was an attempt to impeach and arrest him, there were actually enough supporters for this to happen, but in the end something went wrong and it never happened, but Lukashenko felt threatened, so he dismissed the Supreme Council of Belarus, put under his control all branches of government and in 2000 actually killed all his most dangerous opponents one of which was the minister of internal affairs Yury Zacharanka. It is as if Trumped killed Pompeo, I don't know.
And the general populace let this all slide because he used those dictatorial principles to also get rid of banditism on the streets and restore economy, even though in the long term it was extremely detrimental.


And so he continued to rule, using his powers to enrich people around him and to get rid of anyone who even so tried to get those powers away from him, of all candidates in the incoming elections, approximately 50% were either arrested or driven out of country, with other 50% most likely being spoilers, who never had a chance to win in the first place.
No one thought that current elections in 2020 would be any different, our opposition was completely and thoroughly destroyed in 2011, and on elections in 2015 there were simply no candidates, so nobody even went to vote.
However in the last moment 3 other candidates registered in a presidential race: two of which were top-notch economists Viktar Babaryka and Valery Tsepkalo, and the last one being a populist similar to Lukashenko in his early days, Sergei Thihanouskij. They quickly stirred the public, each one in their own way, so Lukashenko swiftly got rid of them using his favorite techniques: he just threw every single one of them into a jail (one managed to escape from the country right before his arrest). However being a chauvinist and sexist he is, he let Sviatlana Thihanouskaya, the wife of one of the candidates register instead. Then she formed a coalition with Veronika Tsepkalo, the wife of another candidate and Maria Kalesnikava, the manager of Babaryka's campaign.
Their agitations were very successful and by the start of the voting pretty much everyone in the country knew about them.
To reduce the chances of rigging the election people decided to fold ballots in a special way and wear a white armband, so it would be possible to count the number of people voting for Thihanouskaya. The end of the election comes and the extend of cheating becomes obvious: only on my polling station more than thousand people entered with a white armband and urns were overflowing with specially folded ballots, but Thihanouskaya got less than 200 votes, while Lukashenko got more than a thousand. And this happened everywhere: tons of photos, video- and audio- proofs, suggesting that the elections were completely stolen.
Seeing what's going on Lukashenko gave an order to switch off the internet in the whole country (sadly, he can do this) and gave an order to make people regret that they went on the streets against him. So here it happened: at the very least 4 people were dead, 6 went missing, 2 cases of rape, 4000 cases of torture and more than 10 thousands detained. Jails were overflowing: in 6 people cells there were usually more than 50, people who live near the jails heard screams the whole night for the next couple of days from the beatings. People were forced to scream the current hymn and phrases like "I love the police" or they would be beaten mercilessly.
Then the internet was back, everyone saw all of this, and people went on the streets again: more than 250 thousand of people (more than 10% of the town population) marched through the main streets, but people were completely peacful: they even took garbage after themselves, so Lukashenko decided that he still had a chance and started to use his repression machine as he always did.
And this has been happening for the last 4 months: at least 30k people were detained, thousands of criminal cases, occasional torture, etc. Now the number of people on the street has dwindled (most of them got scared) and marches collect only 20-30k each Sunday.
Now no one knows what would happen next.

I got a little tired, so I would write about Russia in another post, because it is a completely different story in all this mess. So maybe tomorrow if you are still interested! And the post is too long already so I have to split it anyway!


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I can't imagine how is has to be to fight for things like fair elections and generally a state where you can trust your government. I live in Switzerland where it is so peaceful that it is almost boring. Reading experiences like yours are always a good reminder to be grateful for how things are. I just hope it will change for the better for your country and that all the pain and effort will go down in history as the necessary price for change.

Interesting, I wonder how they manage that around here, because I never saw somebody with a swimming hat. I honestly don't know, the last time I went swimming was with 8 or something, where we had to learn how to swim in school.

I know what you mean. When I started with the gym I had to start at the very bottom. There were machines that used 10 times to 20 times the weight I had, I honestly felt like shit seeing that. I kept going though because my back really needed to improve and with time I just started to train other things too. The most important thing is the routine indeed, so with consistently doing it you are doing great :3 Furthermore I think the most important thing is that you don't have those headaches anymore, they sounded very nasty.

I listened to the first 3 tracks of every album you posted while writing this post. Departure Songs is what I liked to most and their first track A Gallant Gentleman is my most liked track. The mentioned ambient passages are great and instrumentally it was very enjoyable too. Although I have to say that I don't like vocals, which is kinda weird because I love chanting. Therefore I usually only listen to instrumental stuff.

Oh, boy. Vidya. There are two things I can talk about for hours, those are vidya and ice hockey. I love how Belarus plays ice hockey by the way, very physically but I always feel like they lack speed and technique. Anyway my favorite genre for games are RPGs but I like visual novels too and now and then I try something out simply because it looks nice. Most of the games I try out don't end up satisfying me though. Favorites are Pillars of Eternity 1, Dark Souls Prepare to Die Edition, Gothic 1 and 2, VA-11 Hall-A and Demon's Souls(The Original). How about yours? What do you like to play?

Those reasons appeal to me a lot too, especially slower pace, I think this is the most important thing for me when I hang around somewhere.

This is horrible, my condolences. Now I understand why you read Hitler's Beneficiaries to understand more. In a way Lukaschenko let his closest people benefit from his doing. I guess he simply promised to the people what they wanted and needed and then proceeded to get corrupted by the power he acquired as president. It is very tragic indeed, the fall of the Soviet Union could have been the start of something better for Belarus. It is also very scary to think that Lukaschenko has so much power, cutting the Internet is more or less cutting Belarus from the outside world, isn't it? I would be interested to hear the mess regarding Russia, or better said Russia's involvement regarding this matter, so if you still want to talk and explain I would like to read.


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What the last post really missed was photos, lots and lots of them, so let me slightly rectify the problem.

At least our country has a big potential for improvement, and things most likely will turn for the better in the next year, so I don't resent at all the place where I live. It might have been better, but it also might have been way-way worse.

A Gallant Gentleman is also my favorite, but what adds to this track even more is that it's based on the real story.

If you don't like lyrics you simply must listen to these artist/albums. :3
The first album was so influential, that I actually think my life is divided on before and after I listened to it.

And I would allow myself to share one more song with lyrics, because the whole recording seems so magical.

I'm not that interested in any kind of sport, so I'm not sure how good we are at playing in ice hockey, but I know that the chairman of our hockey federation is involved in the murder of a citizen, Roman Bondarenko, who was.. well to explain it we need a little bit more context:
After first protests people started gathering in their own neighborhoods: they discussed current political and economical situations, helped families in which people where detained, were having small tea parties from time to time, were drawing murals on walls, discussed where to meet on the next protests and so on. To counter it Lukashenko tried to create squads of "citizens" who would patrol neighborhoods, remove all murals and call the police to scatter everyone (or do it by themselves), however as he didn't have any support among citizens he had to use for this people close to him in the government, who did all of the above while being protected by the police with actual weapons.
So it was only a matter of time until something bad would happen, and sadly it did: Roman, when he heard screaming (or just a loud conflict), went to check what was going on near his house, was detained, severely bitten and died on the next day in a hospital. After this someone from high ranks in the police leaked a telephone recording of the chairman of hockey federation with some other person close to Lukashenko discussing how they were planning to destroy murals and maybe detain someone while being backed up by the police. And then photos confirmed it (everyone was wearing either a mask or balaclava, so you couldn't tell who these people were, unless you actually knew who you were locking for).
There was an upsurge in the protest, of course, but the police simply ramped up violence again and now it is just another sad story of which we have quite a few.
Lots of very beautiful art was created because of the event, here is some of it.

I also know that we had to hold IIHF championship in 2021, but it was moved to Russia because of the political instability.

So games.. I don't really have a preferred genre: visual novels, RPGs, strategy games, 3D action games, to name a few. Though before I (almost) stopped playing, most of the time I was playing in Dead By Daylight, not because it is a good game, quite the contrary, but it was easy to immerse myself in and start to waste time.
My favorites are Super Cloudbuilt, Knock-Knock, Dirty Bomb, Pathologic Classic, HoMM3, Silent Hill 2 and S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
I played in Gothic 2—still have nightmares about how bad the combat system there were! Well, I'm exaggerating a bit, actually I enjoyed the game quite a lot. Also I read VA-11 Hall-A: I didn't get all the endings, but I completed the game twice, got Dorothy's and a standard one.
At first I thought that Pillars of Eternity was another Diablo clone, but after a cursory glance it seems that the game is completely different. I would like to promise that I might try it, but it is unlikely, even though I love the setting. Also for some reason I never played Dark Souls—I guess I'm just too old to try new stuff!

Did they call you after an interview?

Let's discuss Russia tomorrow, for some reason the post is already quite long.


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Once again I listened to the music you posted while writing this post. Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven truly has something very unique to it and I fail to find the right words to describe it. I have to say that I miss instruments like saxophones, trumpets and a violins though.

Well Belarus is the highest division from the IIHF, so they have something to offer. It is sad to hear that Belarus lost the right to host the tournament and even worse that a person like the chairman of the hockey federation participates in this madness. It sounds like the people from you country stick together and look out for each other, or was this only something at the beginning of the protests? What I really wonder is if the rest of the world is even doing something? It sounds like the violence after Roman's death only got worse. Is there any support or only the usual thoughts and prayer trash? I assume no one wants to interfere because of Russia?

Unfortunately I haven't played a single one of your favorites. I know S.T.A.L.K.E.R, Silent Hill 2 and Heroes of Might and Magic but I have only played another entry of HoMM. The combat system from Gothic 2 surely is a pain in the ass but as you noticed yourself the game itself is great though. It is especially popular in Eastern Europe, first and foremost in Poland. Did you play 1 too? 2 is even better when you know 1 too. VA-11 Hall-A is probably my favorite game, several topics there hit close to home and therefore made me quite thoughtful. It has a lot of hidden dialoge, so I am not surprised that you read it twice. Call be silly but I have to ask: Best Girl? Pillars of Eternity is comparable with Baldurs Gate, the setting is one of the many things that I love about that game. It offers a lot regarding the story and combat and also the countless options a player has. Well I was very late to the party called Dark Souls, I started playing it in 2016, the first title was released 2011, the second 2014 and the third 2016. I started with the first one so I guess better late than never. Those games are hard at first but as soon as you have the move pattern of a certain enemy you have no problems at all. Well at least until new foes appear.

Until now I did not receive an answer but this is alright because I was told I get one around the 10th of December. I wrote them an e-mail yesterday, saying thank you for the interview, telling them that it was very interesting and informative. Furthermore that the company sounds great to work for and that I would love to work a few days with them to get a better impression about the job. Sounds quite bootlicking but that is how it works around here. I also have to say that I didn't even lie, it does sound good and I would like to go again. How about you? Do you intend to try University again?

I look forward to it and indeed our posts grew rather large. I don't mind though, I appreciate it, it is rare that I exchange such posts with somebody.


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On contrary, if we still could host the game, that would mean more money for the government. And those money would be used for repressions: new equipment for the police, grenades, salaries, etc.
For this reason people in general are happy that it will not be held. As an additional bonus Lukashenko is a big fan of hockey and did quite a few things for this tournament to happen, so it would hurt him personally.

People started to look after each other after covid, because instead of facing the problem our government decided to ignore the disease completely and rig the data instead. It became even more apparent after they'd published to NATO the total number of deaths, which was 4k higher than in any previous quarter of a year ever, while official numbers were in a range of 500-600 people.
And any doctor who dared to say how things truly were would get fired and, quite possibly, detained.So people started to help those doctors and after the elections this help quite naturally spread to anyone who suffered because of our government. As a side note, now government is blocking bank accounts of anyone who received this help.

Violence never stopped since the election day, and, sadly, it is natural that they get too far from time to time, which results in someone being dead. There were already quite a few "suicides" after people visited protests or disobeyed the government. But the case with Roman was the most brazen one so far.
After severe beatings the police sometimes records and broadcasts on TV people, saying how they are sorry for what they did, while they can't even open their eyes from a pepper spray.
It is done to scare people, signaling that they are not even afraid to show what they do to everyone.

HoMM3 is for some reason also very popular in Poland. Actually, every single game I mentioned (except for Super Cloudbuilt and Dirty Bomb) is popular in Eastern Europe.
Either Jill or Gil I'm on the fence on this one. :3
Yesterday I tried to play in The Battle For Wesnoth, which has been developing for 15 years, is open-source, and very-very fun. Sadly it is also very-very hard to stop, even though the developers are nice and do not try to use cheap psychological tricks to force you into playing more, I really despise games like this, even if all other aspects of the game are good.
Meaning you are still playing? Is there so much content?

Isn't it the same everywhere? Though after interviews I had (a single one) I never bothered to call and say thank you, and when they called back and woke me up I almost said "No". Well, I did say it after a week anyway. Hope you will like your job way more than I did!

I wanted to ask, are you cooking yourself? And if yes, then what exactly? It is just so boring to eat the same food for so long, even though I make quite a few dishes—mostly Eastern Europe cuisine—draniki, pilaf, syrniki, oladyi, rassolnik, different porridges, omelettes, simple salads and soups. For those you don't need any skill in cooking, they don't take much time and, in general, delicious and filling. So what would you recommend? :3


And now Russia. As a little disclaimer I had quite a few (not many for an ordinary person) amiable relationships with people from there, so my opinions apply only to their government.
Ever since the dissolvement of USSR Russia wanted "their" lands back, and tried integrating with our country quite a few times. Lukashenko was always violently opposed to it, but only because he would lose his powers, not because he cared about our culture or people, on the contrary, if you speak in Belarusian you almost certainly won't find a job in any governmental organization: even in my university there was a teacher who was fired for using our national language and then had to leave the country because no one would hire him. Anyway, as our economical situation has been worsening Russia tried harder and harder to force Lukashenko to accept the deal: the country for more loans. And I can't even blame them, Russia has been giving us so much money, that without it our economy simply couldn't sustain itself, it is totally normal for them to ask something in return. But on the other hand Lukashenko was able to rule exactly because Russia was giving him those money: the economy he built in those 26 years simply does not work. That means by giving money to us Russia actually makes things worse in the long term, and they know it.
However Lukashenko had one more card up his sleeve: USA and EU. He could always complain to them that Russia tries to take away our independence and ask for money to pay the loans to Russia, and it worked: nobody from the West wants the current government in Russia to have more power and move its borders closer to them: especially after they started a war in Ukraine and took 10% of its territory.
But after the elections Lukashenko lost this card: after all the violence no one, expect for Russia, would give him money anymore, and the Russian government understand this, they know that it is just a matter of time until our economy collapses and he would take the deal. That's why they support him.

Sadly it is all happening because of a single person.


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Looks like I did not think that one through. In that case it is indeed better that the Championship is in another country. Hopefully Belarus can host is after the regime of Lukashenko crumbled.

So it was out of necessity. Hard to say if this is a sad thing or a good thing. The people started to support each other but it was because they were abandoned.

Do such recordings even have the effect they desire? I imagine seeing such things on television only leads the people to get even angrier and are more determined to do something against it. On the other hand you said the number of protesters is dwindling.

Jill, huh? Same here, same here. The entire cast is incredibly well done though. I have rarely seen such good characters.
The Battle For Wesnoth immediately reminded me of the old Heroes of Mind and Magic games, no wonder it appeals to you :3
I am currently playing nothing, but is has a lot of replayability because of the many options a player has.

Well I honestly don't know. I can only say that the whole process is very uptight and the entire morale about working and such is too.
I have never heard of a country that takes it so serious and conservative. Exempt Japan though, they are even worse.
Anyway I write e-mails saying thank you and such, I try to make as few phone calls as possible :3 What was your old job? Sounds like a real pain in the ass. Unfortunately I do not know if I would like being a mailman, because of that I hope they invite me again next week, then I could tag along with a mailman, observing the potential work. From the sound if it I imagine it being something I would like to do but I had that too when I started to work in accounting.

I love to cook! Although I have to admit that I am very lazy so I don't do it often. Dishes that can easily made in large quantities are my favorite, so I can cook once and have food for 2 days or even more. Stuff like stew, chili, pasta, lasagna, curry and such are things like that. Most of the time I do fast and simple things, omelet with vegetables/cheese/jam/berries, salads are also nice with all the different vegetables but also pasta, lens, potato.
Syrniki looks great, noted on my side, sooner or later I will try them, I like cooking new stuff. So what do you like to eat and what not? Kinda hard to say something out of the blue. Generally I can say that it is very convenient to take one day more time cooking in order to create bigger loads and then not having to cook for 1 or 2 days.

To hear that the cultural heritage is treated like that is shocking and saddening at the same time. Russia left its marks and instead of freeing themselves of those shackles they embrace them. The strategy Russia uses is the same China uses in Asia and Africa, isn't it? Handing out loans and making investments even though the country can't pay it back. In order to sustain their country they take more loans and slowly become depended to them, the debt trap soon has them and they are hostages to the giving nation.
I fear Lukashenko will rather kneel to Putin than giving up on his position, he just does not sound like a person to go voluntarily.
Truly terrifying to think what only one person can do.


Sorry, I should have written sooner, but the whole day went in a haze and I had no motivation to do anything, even stand up from a bed, let alone do exercises or cook.
At least I've forced myself to write this post in the end, which is good.

What I want to do next, huh? I don't know, I've lost motivation and any will to continue studying and trying to apply for a job.
I guess the fact that I didn't have a real conversation with a person for so long took its toll and depression hit in the end. Hit really hard.

Maybe I would try to do something after some time, most likely I will, but also there is a non-zero chance that I won't. So tiring.

> Do such recordings even have the effect they desire?

It is hard to say why they do it. I think this is happening simply because they are allowed to do it and no one can do anything to them. There is a nice word to describe this behavior, but every time I try to remember it, the word escapes.
And I don't think it has any effect whatsoever: there was enough information for people to decide which side they are on. Sadly, quite a few decided to ignore the whole thing completely, and one mere video won't change anything for them, while those, who chose to act, have seen things way worse than that to affect them in any way.
It is just one big sad story.

Yes, that's true! I really loved the cast as well.
In general, I care way more about the characters than a story—well it sounds a bit cliche, because without good characters you won't make an interesting story and good characters make a story by just being there, but you get the point!

What your job will be like? At least what you think it will be?
As for me, mine was really good: nice people, good workspace, free cookies.. But depression than hit again, so I bailed out after a couple of weeks, I think I shouldn't have because there were people who tried to apply with way more experience than me—well, if you have any experience you would have way more than me—and they still chose me.
Well, I've been throwing away my potential for so long, that it saddens me only a bit now.

Quiet often if I don't cook, I don't eat, so I can't be lazy with this, unless I buy lots of veggies and fruit, which doesn't happen that often. Omelet with berries? Is it any good? For me it sounds strange: I usually add mushrooms or meat and don't see how it might work with anything else.
Unless I try things I can't say whether I like it or not, even if it doesn't looks appealing or tasty! Still lasagna looks delicious, and I always wanted to cook curry, if I find a _reason_ to do it tomorrow, I will. Though there are quite a few recipes, which one would you recommend.

Well, the strategy is the same USA and USSR used back in the days, the only difference is in scale.
The main problem for Putin is that when Lukashenko leaves all his deals will be null and void, there is a big chance we won't even return the latest loan he gave—at least that's how it happened in Ukraine—so he tries some underhanded things instead. There are way more things to discuss on the topic, but I'm not sure whether I should because it goes to much into speculation and politics that I (and moderators) would have liked.

I think to start writing letters to political prisoners tomorrow, maybe a letter a day? Or at least a week? I thought about what I want to write a lot, but I never managed to find the right words to express my gratitude. I want to start doing it anyway, it would give me at least some reason to do something in this world.
Yesterday a man died of natural causes who was an active volunteer and activist, who was detained a couple of times but nevertheless continued to help others. I read a couple of interviews he was asked to give and they were so soulcrushing I can't get this out of my head. Maybe writing letters would help.


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No need to apologize, write when you feel like it, I will be there. Maybe it was good for your muscles to make a break for a day but usually you feel it anyway when they need one.

Depression… Shit I know how this feels. I wish it to no one. Twice I suffered from it and I am currently within the second case but I am already way better than a year ago. Any idea how you descended into that pit?
Personally it started in school for me, where I got bullied to an extreme and as a response I started with escapism, which resulted into an addiction regarding online games and with it shitty grades. It destroyed my self-esteem, gave my trust issues and a hatred towards humans in general. After my shitty school degree I enrolled into a business college, there I had great teachers. With the help of them I studied hard and achieved good grades. At the same time my addiction wore off because the game turned shitty. During the years it took to graduate there I got into a quite alright state. Unfortunately after graduation I had to work and there it went slowly downhill again. I specialized into accounting and while working I realized that I am not fit for an office job. Several office jobs and many struggles later my Depression arose a second time. Because of it I want to work something else than accounting, something that is not within an office, so I quit and started applying to different jobs within different industries.

Just take care of yourself, many little steps accumulate to big steps. I hope you are not too hard on yourself. I would like to say something motivational but the only thing I can say is that you eventually will indeed to something.

The job I am waiting a reply for is one as a mailman. There you have to start working at 6 in the morning, bringing order to all the mail that has to be delivered that day. You do that with putting them into boxes at the post office, after that you have to take the content of these boxes and order them into even larger boxes, which you have to take with you on your route. There you drive around an feed the mailboxes with their mail, afterwards you return to the post office and take care of those you could not deliver. Quite simple, if you stick to the given order they have. I would like to have this job because I could spend a lot of time outdoors, fresh air, being alone, being able to do your stuff without interference. Besides this you are finished working in the middle of the afternoon, because you start so early and the Swiss mail company is a great employer.
Sounds harsh, depression can fuck up anything. I like to describe it as a tick, only that is feeds on your joy, self-esteem, motivation and so on but instead of possible illnesses you get the seed of doubt, which finds perfect soil. And let's not get started of the shitty decisions this leads to, which results into self-hatred… The descened into that pit is just a spiral pointing downward, one things causes the next.

Cooking is good, for a lot of reasons. Pre-made meals have often a lot of sugar and other trash, with cooking yourself you have the control of what goes into the dish. I really recommend fruits and vegetables though! Vitamins, minerals, all there! Omelets are great with vegetables for example, leek, bell pepper, spring onion. Regarding berries you don't cook the berries. Do the omelet first, then put the berries on top of them. Blueberries work great but also raspberries. Same goes when you add jam or honey.
Lasagna is a lot of work but you get enough for 2 or even 3 days. Within the tomato sauce you have the meat and the vegetables the pasta is the carbon, a full meal in one. Careful with the bechamel sauce though, adding to much makes you only tasting it and nothing else, too less and you won't notice that it is even there.
I love curries, there are so many different flavours. A lot of them are spicy but quite a few are sweet. So ask yourself what you like and then look around for it. The red curry is something I like a lot, a little bit spicy but not much, exactly right for a little kick. Massaman curry is also something I gladly eat. No spiciness at all but the taste is unique due to the ingredients. Sorry that I can't describe the flavour. Curry paste is available in every asian store, they safe you a lot of time and work.

Sounds interesting but it's alright if you don't want to go any further into that topic. Politic is indeed something that is not liked around here but I guess we kinda move on a small ledge here because honestly you simply explain to me how things are in Belarus while I ask questions.

I think they would be happy to receive such letters. In my humble opinion one a week is enough. I mean you have to do a little bit research about them first, so you can give the letter a personal touch and then phrasing it? Sounds like a lot of work.


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At least where I live there were as much protesters as there were in the last week, maybe even slightly more, especially when we met people from another dispersed group.
We marched for three hours, had to run away twice, two or three people were detained, but I was never in real danger and now returned home, though I still need to take my fishing rod back from a person, because it was too conspicuous for me to return with it, while he was on car.

Now internet is not working again, usually they disable only mobile internet, but now nothing works. Considering that 15% of our economy is IT industry, where even an hour without internet is disruptive, there is no wonder that quite a few companies have relocated to other countries already, and others will do so shortly.

We also expect to finally get some help from EU in the form of economical sanctions, because for the last four months EU never really did anything: only personal sanctions against a small group of people, who either way do not leave Belarus. And now there is a high chance that SWIFT would be disabled for our country, which only happened to North Korea and Iran before. Because of this all Visa and Master Card cards should stop working and our economy as a whole would grind to a halt.
On a smaller scale the main buyer of potash fertilizers threatened our biggest factory that they would stop buying from them, if repressions against workers won't stop. That's also a very big chunk of our economy.
And on even a smaller scale, sadly, all small shops where I used to buy coffee are now out of business because of the repressions from our government.

> write when you feel like it

On the contrary, when you feel down in the dumps you need to start doing something, or it might spiral out of control even more. So me forcing myself to write that last post was more than beneficial.

Well, how I got to this point? It was also gradual, at first I was bullied at school too, then I went to another school but I never managed to find someone with similar interests and was always alone, the same happened in the first university and the pattern repeated in the second one.
I slowly developed an addiction to games: my grades were almost perfect and I never had to spend much time studying, so I had to fill all the free time with something: books, games, anime, films, etc. And now it is really hard to not waste your time with those things anymore.

During these times (and onward) my mental and physical states were slowly deteriorating, which concluded with me slitting my wrists a little and getting into a psychiatric ward. My parents gave up one my after after that. And now I just continue to exists with no real goals or aspirations. Well, I tried to find them in another university again, but the quality of studying is abysmal here, so I stopped caring again.
I actually thought I would be expelled in the summer, but because of covid we were allowed to send all assignments by mail, so I send somebody's else and they accepted it. I could have done the same thing again this semester, but I didn't care enough to do even this.

The problem with a job like this is that I would start hating myself for not aspiring for something better, which would result in me quitting or getting fired for constant truancies. If I had to do it for a living things might have been different, but I just don't know.

I don't have sugar at all in my house! Though I do buy cookies and white bread from time to time, but this is an exception to the rule!
Also pre-made food is not really a thing here, I mean you can order a pizza, buy chips or something similar, but it is completely different from a home-made food. On the other hand restaurants were always quite expensive and now prices are even higher considering epidemiological and political situations. Though there are governmental canteens where food is very good and also dirt-cheap. I used to dine after studying in places like this, but now when possible I try to not support any governmental organizations.
I'm going to try lasagna tomorrow! Though I still have no idea what bechamel sauce is. So it is most likely I will skip on it entirely!

As far as I know there is only one Asian store in the whole city, I was recommended once to visit it, but I never did because laziness.

Oh, for some reason I remembered now that somebody today threw an egg at me (didn't hit), exactly in the same house where someone threw a glass bottle at me when I was young (also didn't hit), but in general everyone is happy: people are smiling from the windows, some with flags, others might start national music playing. Quite energizing and I really like it.

Here is me at the beginning of the column with a flagpole (fishing rod)!
Though you can see only my flagpole (fishing rod)..


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Admirable how you fight for a better life, I honestly don't know if I would risk my skin like that. I am glad to hear that you are alright and that not many people suffered today.

Disgusting to see how they damage their own kind so much. I heard Belarus is getting a larger IT industry and that some companies in the west even outsourced their IT to there. To see this promising field destroyed will surely hurt the people, especially because 15% is quite a lot. I don't understand how a single person or a little group can be so egoistic, cold and corrupt to put their needs and greed before the needs of many. I guess for some it is even basic needs that get annihilated?

This is good news! Glad to hear that the EU is finally doing something. That a big customer of an important industry is acting is also very valuable. I think it is one thing for political organizations to do something but also a very important thing that private companies do something. Some are so powerful that it can make an impact.
I can't even imagine to witness something like this, knowing the own government making life worse for everybody. Hopefully you like tee or juice and you can still get it.

You are right with that, I simply didn't want to put any pressure on you. From my experience pressure is like poison in times like these.

Ah, loneliness. Another thing I wish to no one. I also had that problem or better said I still have. I also never managed to gain deep friendships. During my earlier school days I had a few shallow ones, then I had none in my later school days, afterwards in business college a few shallow ones again and since I work I have none again. Between that phases I had two girlfriends but that only made it worse. The first one had severe issues with her mental health, which affected me very negative too. The other one had a crisis with her boyfriend, broke up with him, came to me for 3 months and then left again and got back to him.
I wouldn't generally call those medias a waste of time, I think it depends on the topics it covers. For example I would not call reading a book about the founding of the EU a waste of time, nor would I call watching Haibane Renmei a waste of time because of its philosophical nature and massages you can read within its story. Something I want to say too is that you should not forget to have fun, no matter if the fun thing you do is something that makes you smarter, stronger, more skilled or whatever. Just treat yourself with kindness and allow yourself to slack of now and then, relaxation and fun is so much worth and important.

Your parents don't support you? Or how can I understand that? Anyway it pains me to read that. Mental illnesses are very serious, in these times a helping hand is much needed. It upsets me so much to see that some people have so much compassion for someone with a broken leg or a blind person while they simply do not believe in mental problems.
I guess its better not to bullshit your way through it so as harsh as it sounds I think it is better that you didn't do it. What did you study though? I thought about history, psychology and philosophy but a degree in those fields is mostly worthless.

I came to the conclusion that I should seek fulfillment in my free time, that this is something I can not achieve with work. While working you always have to do something for someone else. You have people to satisfy, you can't simply do what you want, even when you are the boss or owner. Therefore I aspire to have a job that I am okay with and not more. I just want to be out of an office, which means I want to spend as much time as possible outdoors while working. Furthermore I would like to work as much time as possible alone and simply gaining enough money to pay all invoices.
What I want to do to give myself some purpose and fulfillment, well I don't know that. First I tackle the problem regarding work.

Now this is healthy living! :3
Don't worry, bechamel sauce is easy to make, just look at a recipe, it is only butter, flavor, milk, salt, pepper and nutmeg. Keep an eye open when the lasagna is in the oven though, the pasta may not get hard. You can see that well on the edges of it.
Well now you have got a second recommendation to visit it! It opens a lot of new possibilities regarding cooking, so I think you won't regret it.

It sounds and looks like you and everyone else there is part of something big. People gathering for a common cause and sticking together. It must be an unique feeling, hopefully you can make a difference and keep this solidarity.
The mentioning of an egg remembered me of something, a recipie I like a lot but forgot to mention. Mustard eggs.


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I love sleeping so much. I slept for 11 hours today and I would have gladly continued, if I hadn't been violently woken up with a call. I actually tried to persevere anyway, but then I got a second call, and when someone cares to call the second time it might be important, so I got up from the bed.
But dreams are that much more colorful and engaging compared to lackluster real life. Recently I thought much about adopting a cat either from a shelter (I need parents' consent) or from streets (we have quite a few in our cities). And that's exactly what I was doing in my dream!

> if I would risk my skin like that

Well, it is not that scary or dangerous, especially now, considering how things were at the beginning[1] it is almost peaceful. I also don't thing I would find it in myself if things were like they were at the beginning, I actually run away then after first flash-bangs being fired.
[1]: https://www.etc.se/ledare/they-raped-me-truncheons-truth-about-lukashenkos-brutal-war-opposition-activists

Yesterday 300 people were arrested and at least 3 people got in hospitals: one broken leg, one deep wound from a rubber bullet and a single severe beating.

If you have a gangrene on your leg, you cut it. For Lukashenko to rule he needs to control two things: army and money. And you can't control money if there are successful private firms, who can easily relocate when things go south. That's the only reason for planned economy to exist in our country, or in the world for that matter.
Since our territories became a part of The Russian Empire every single ruler or regime was like that. This one is actually quite balm, and can't hide atrocities as much as others could [2].
[2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurapaty

> basic needs that get annihilated

This has been happening for all the last 26 years. Pensioners now receive measly 200 dollars, and things are going to get way worse.

> tee or juice

A have a coffee machine, juice has too much sugar and I really love herbal teas, I'm actually drinking one now. But those shops had lots of national symbols and pamphlets inside, the cashier was talking in Belarusian, so I thought it was only natural for me to support them. No wonder it got closed.

I actually wouldn't mind having at least one shallow relationship to walk on the streets with somebody or maybe even go on protests. To be honest I actually still have one person like that, but they spend most of their time either working or caring for their family, so we rarely meet more than a couple of times a year. And there is also this guy from Moscow, but he can't visit our country because of the pandemic and regime for at least a year too. To that matter I don't really believe in a deep friendship over the internet. You can't hag people when they are so far away, that's for sure. Since 2014 all my new acquaintances have been from imageboards, but they never really lasted for one reason or another. So sadly I can't recommend much in this regard!

> I wouldn't generally call those medias a waste of time

I see your argument, but when you only do those things than it is a waste of time anyway. Especially when you do it not to have fun, but to cheaply escape from reality.

> Your parents don't support you?

Oh, oh, I didn't mean this. They support me, and actually they do it quite fervently. But they gave up hopes on me becoming something to be proud of. I did say that my grades were quite good for a person not caring about studying much.

> I guess its better not to bullshit your way through

Actually I wouldn't mind, ask me anything you want: how did I feel when I did it, what was I expecting, how it was in a hospital, etc.

> What did you study though?

In school those were math and physics. In the first university it was civil engineering, in the second one it was programming engineering.

> a degree in those fields is mostly worthless

Any degree in our universities is only needed when you want to leave this country. Otherwise they won't give you a working visa. Except maybe now? I think I would re-enter the second university again and finish it, if I were to see any perspectives in doing so, and were to have any goals in this live. I am actually interested in how your college was like. And by that I mean all: curriculum, lectures, rooms, people, all-the-things! If you don't mind of course.

> While working you always have to do something for someone else

Unless you like what you are doing, I know that even then you can't really do what you want, but it helps tremendously.

> I aspire to have a job that I am okay with and not more

> First I tackle the problem regarding work.
That's actually an amazing way of looking at (and doing) things. Wish you luck one more time!


I love to sleep as well but I avoid doing it for so long. There is no difference for me if I slept 7-9 hours or 10-12 so I guess this is my way to save some time. Although I am guilty of napping after lunch, I do it way too often. Usually I can't remember my dreams and if I do then they are always bullshit. Last dream I had was that I shrunk to the size of a flee and lived in my dead cat's fur. Anyway I can recommend a cat! :3 Hope it will go along with your rabbit.

Organized intimidation by the police… It only gets worse. As the article said the aim is surely to spread fear so that no one feels safe. I hope the fact that the world sees and finally does something means that this can't stand anymore. I never heard about those executions, it always saddens me when such cruel deeds are not better known. History has much to teach.

Out of curiosity, what happens to people that lose their job or whose business has closed? How do they survive? I assume 200 bucks is to less to life, else you wouldn't call is measly?

What tea do you like? I also like herbal teas, especially black tea and green tea. Fruit teas are alright too but some have spices inside them that I dislike, cinnamon for example. Anyway you get in trouble because of national symbols? This sounds more and more like an attempt to destroy you heritage and pressing you into a vassal for Russia.

Every social interaction helps irl, I think that is simply human nature. Unfortunately any kind of relationship over the Internet is indeed not as meaningful as they could be irl. Once I had 3 other guys I met on another imageboard, we had a group on Skype for 3 years, it was great. We talked often about anime, games, the related imageboard and even played games and watched anime together. Besides this we pretty much told each other everything and helped out as good as possible.
Else I met now and then somebody but it always only lasted for a few weeks.

Indeed, not only should this be fun for you but also should you always take care of your responsibilities first.

Sounds harsh but I don't think that if matters if ones parents are proud of you or whatever in that regard. You have to be alright with you and your life, this is all I care for.

I don't mind that you did it, I just wouldn't do it myself because I wouldn't learn anything if I simply copied the work of someone else. You were in a hospital though?


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In my humble opinion it is already a goal to be able to get by, to simply be able to sustain yourself, enjoy yourself and do some good. Why ponder and drive yourself mad? In my experience it only frightens and paralyzes your, leaving you unable to act.
Well I will write down what I remember, hopefully something interests you. It was a business college so my subjects were revolving about that. I had German and English for languages, then accounting, economics, marketing, business administration, law and IT. School hours were usually 8-12 and 1-3, every subject was taught as blocks of 2 hours. I liked everything except IT, which was boring because I knew that stuff and marketing because I dislike advertising, selling stuff, convincing people and things like that.
Every teacher did their subject differently, but I was pleased with everyone except two, one could not explain well and one had zero patience. They both had to go after a year though, their replacements were good. Some wrote on a chalkboard to explain, others had a beamer and wrote down stuff on a word file, some simply gave handouts and then answered questions. A lot of time was spend doing some tasks alone or in a group to study and train the subject and later there were exams on them. Furthermore there was a lot of homework. Not to forget that at the end of every semester there huge exam with everything we learned in that semester, if you didn't pass you were expelled, 3 didn't make it, 2 tried to cheat and were caught.
The rooms were nothing special I think? They were big, bright and clean but still full of tables and chairs, so there was not much space. You could sit where you wanted and leave and come when you wanted. If you missed 10% of all lectures of a semester you were expelled though, 1 achieved that.
Like I mentioned I had a few shallow friendships there, after I graduated we separated so I guess we simply stuck together to help each other out and not to be alone? Everyone was kind, some were funny, some lazy, some super smart, they were all unique and a lovely bunch. I spend a lot of time with a polish guy in the first year but he left the college voluntarily after that year. In the second year they put people into new groups, the people were still alright but not as nice as in the first year. In that year I spend a lot of time with a stoner, he was quite dumb but funny, he barely managed to graduate. Once I had a presentation with him and that guy came stoned because he was nervous, oh boy, good memory.
The college took 3 years, the first 2 were only school, in the 3 they sent us to companies to work a year to gain experience. All in all I had a great time there. Afterwards I specialized into accounting at the same college again, I took a course that took 1 year and had a lot of different subjects regarding accounting. Like law, taxes, insurances, analyzing, calculating, closing books and so on, it was nice too. Then I worked for 3 years, 1 year at a company, 1 year and a half at another one and half a year at yet another one. Twice I left because I wanted to, once they threw me out.

It surely helps working something you like but as you said you still have to please people and follow rules, customs, put up with their inquiries and much more. Considering this circumstances and my work experience is why I believe I can't have something like fulfillment through work and only aspire a job that is alright for me and pays enough to have the basics.

Thank you! :3 I really need it, I should hear something from the mail company at the end of the week or at the beginning of the new week. I hope I can go again and take a closer look, hopefully I like it here and then get the job.

Well I start to run out of pictures, I actually have only a few and most are about a certain person, so have another Jill. Did you watch Higurashi btw? Or why Rena?


Oh, but it works slightly differently! The early sunlight wakes you up, but you ignore it and continue trying to fall asleep in this dreamy state. The sleep then is not deep at all: you can fall out of it and fall asleep again at any moment, during those times you can actually change how things are going in your dream. And you can prolong this state of mind indefinitely, though I don't think I slept for more than 20 hours ever. All dreams are very (very!) bright and usually interesting. I never had nightmares like this, which is a boon.

By recommending you mean a special breed? I actually want a simplest breed you can find anywhere on the streets[1]: short-haired, aloof, fearless, and with high self-esteem. Though if I were to get one, it should be young and should not develop any traits, which might endanger my rabbit or, for that matter, my apartment.
[1]: https://cs8.pikabu.ru/post_img/big/2017/09/25/6/1506330195163036481.jpg

There is a simple word to describe what they do — terrorism. Sviatlana Thihanouskaya is now trying to label some police organizations in our country as such, though in the end it all depends on what EU would say on the topic. As far as I understand, if the proposal passes it would mean that anyone in those organizations would lose the right to visit any EU country ever and might even get detained if they were to try crossing the border, considering that it would affect thousands of people, it would be a very good move against Lukashenko.

Sadly, those are just a drop in the sea of atrocities that Soviets (Stalin in particular) have done to our and neighboring countries[2]. And in a way it is also true for all EU countries as well: because of Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact the Nazi Regime dared to start the Second World War, and USSR helped them in it, Poland suffering the most[3]. Oh, and there is more! Right before the Great Patriotic War (term used in Russia to distinguish a period of WW2 when Germany invaded USSR) Stalin initiated purges in the high-ranks of USSR army, killing many generals right before Nazis invaded[4]. He also disregarded every single report about impeding invasion, which in the end caught the whole Red Army out of guard, and allowed Hitler to plow through the territories of contemporary Belarus in a single week[5]. I also read somewhere that for some reason the front-line before the invasion was moved, leaving the army without any fortifications, but I couldn't find proofs of this. Anyway, Stalin won the war by being able to throw more "meat" at Germans and because of the lucky weather. Just compare the losses on each side[6]. It is a fucking tragedy, but for some reason (mostly propaganda) we are celebrating the victory in this war even now by rattling outdated weapons and gathering many old people (with measly pensions) in one place during the pandemic[7]. I mean German veterans are now getting an order of magnitude more payments than ours.
This all is just so sad, and we haven't even discussed Lenin with his Red Terror and dekulakization, which resulted in millions dying, even more people being repressed and an awful famine, because of which even more people starved.

[2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holodomor
[3]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_of_Poland#Soviets_invasion
[4]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1941_Red_Army_Purge
[5]: https://www.history.com/news/how-stalin-was-caught-napping
[6]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eastern_Front_(World_War_II)
[7]: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-52574749

I really don't know what happens to those people: I think many simply immigrate, some sell their houses and try to get by, while others in total despair commit suicides—there is a reason that our country got the third place in Europe in the proportion of suicides per person[8].
[8]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_in_Belarus

> What tea do you like?

As I said - herbal tea! Mint, chamomile and other herbs I always forget names of. You can go on the market and for 20-30 dollars buy enough herbs to drink herbal tea every day in large quantities for a year. That's actually how many pensioners survive: they gather herbs, mushrooms, berries, etc. and grow vegetables and fruits in their villages. Our country has a very small population density and quite a few people have a land somewhere[9]. There are other countries with even smaller densities, yes, but you shouldn't forget that our country doesn't have any rough terrain at all: you can live pretty much everywhere, and our planes are actually very beautiful, though I never traveled much in my country. I will change it when I'm independent enough. I always wanted to.
Returning to the topic, I don't really drink black and green tea. They usually leave this unpleasant aftertaste and are always somewhat bitter. Comparing to how good herbal tea is, I just can't drink them that much.
[9]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_and_dependencies_by_population_density


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> national symbols
Oh, I only midway through the first post and it is another very big topic. If you are interested in how (and why) our government does this, I would gladly explain! Sometimes I just feel that my posts might become too tedious. But yes, we get in trouble, and people were even arrested for hanging our national flag in they apartments.

> we had a group

Had, meaning you don't talk anymore? That would be very sad, was it because your interests diverged and you started playing/watching/talking together less and less, when finally someone left the group completely and everyone followed the suit? I always wanted to be a part of a similar group, but for one reason or another this never happened.

> you always take care of your responsibilities first

I would try to follow your advise (and wisdom, hi-hi) in the future, but I can't promise anything!

> You have to be alright with you and your life, this is all I care for.

Thank you!

> because I wouldn't learn anything

Oh, but I thought you asked about me trying to kill myself. Anyway, I actually don't like to study this way too, but when your university is this bad, where no one cares about anything and subjects you study are completely pointless you start to lose all motivation and that's exactly why I left both universities. That's another big topic to discuss.., and don't think I forgot about Russia, I actually wrote a bit on the topic, but there always wasn't enough space to post it!

I read it and everything is so completely different from how things are done where I studied. That's exactly why I asked in the first place, and now I'm a bit jealous too. :3

Cicadas were actually quite good. I read almost all visual novels and watched the title. The main verdict: if Satoko didn't exist I would have enjoyed Higurashi way more—I still can't quite get over the moment when she spoiled the food everyone was cooking, also her constant nagging was infuriating throughout the series.
The second season was way worse than the first one, because the main focus of the title somehow shifted from mystery to friendship power! which, at least for me, was quite boring to watch. And OVA was just a joke.
As for the now airing adaptation, I didn't like these sleazy animations, and decided to wait out to see how it fares before even considering that I might want to watch it.

I also run out of almost all related pictures, so I decided to post Rena, as she, by far, was the best character in the title. :3 I don't think I would ever forget Keiichi's reaction, when he found a needle in a rice roll (or however it is called) or Rena looking through a slit in a door and screaming "IT HURTS" when Keiichi was trying to close the same door with her fingers stuck in it.

The food topic is coming up again and again for some reason! Anyway, I didn't cook anything today, because the call I got in the morning was related to parents coming home, who with themselves brought so much food, that it would be enough for at least a day or two. I will cook lasagna right after it all ends!

Also the endeavor with me writing to political prisoners hasn't gone that far, but I at least decided whom I'm going to write the letter to: today a judge gave two and a half years of imprisonment to a woman from Switzerland for taking off a mask from a policeman, so I would try to get her address and write her a letter.
Just so we are clear, I'm not going to do it to curry you favor, it is as much news for me as it is for you, and I would have done it anyway. Sorry, but I had to say this.
I really hope your government would try to protect her, and force Lukashenko to free her and return home (as USA did for their citizen), but for now, however slightly, we share this problem together.

Also, if you don't mind me asking, whose pictures do you have the most?


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You can even control what happens in your dreams? Fascinating. All I ever achieve is being aware that I am dreaming right now.

Sorry, I didn't mean a certain breed but generally getting a cat is something I can recommend.

I guess you can't avoid it and only can call it terrorism indeed. While it would be a good move it's shocking to think that the own police is classified as a terrorist organization. There is no single good thing that happened during Lukashenko's rule? Expect freeing the streets from the bandits, which you mentioned in another post.

It's nothing new that Stalin ordered a lot of awful deeds but the linked article to Holodomor even suggests an organized famine. I didn't thought he can sink lower in my regard, I have no idea how some people can defend him or the Soviet Union in general. What is even worse is the thought that a lof of casualties could have been avoided if Stalin picked up all these clues and reports. It honestly surprises me, he was a very paranoid man. I was aware of those purges but I didn't knew that Beria was involved, this guy is also as despicable as is gets.
So Lenin is responsible for a lot a suffering too? I admit that I know nothing about him and his doing because I didn't touch communism until now. It starts to make sense that a lot of people say communism doesn't work though, I mean every attempt at it lead to great damage, didn't it?

So the government does not help people who lost their job? Meaning if you are unemployed someone helps you, you have savings or you starve? Sad to read that most people killing themselves didn't try to get help, would there be enough institutions around to help them? Here they are always overworked and you have to wait long before someone bother with you.
Glad to hear that you have the option to help yourself getting by with growing own crops and gathering from the surroundings. When they sell it at the market others get something from it too, always intriguing to see how resourceful people are.

I would gladly hear the story behind the problem with national symbols. Until now I didn't consider one of your posts tedious but I hope I don't urge you to write too much for your liking with such questions.

This is unfortunately the case, we had nothing to do with each other for almost 4 years now. One of them was thrown out by his mother, his brother took him in but only because he promised to get a job. He did that and got a girlfriend there, the first was lost. The other one had an alcohol poisoning and was sent to a clinic, he rarely reached out from there and suddenly he didn't show up anymore. The father from the last one stopped paying rent for his apartment because he didn't put any effort into his biology degree, so he had to move back home. The first thing his father did was waking him up every morning at 7 in the morning and disabling his Internet at 10 in the evening. Furthermore he didn't get any money to spend anymore. He also stopped showing up at some time. I was the only one left in that group and after some months of being alone there I simply left it. Within a year I lost the 3 people who were the closest friends I ever had and it was surely the best time I spent on the Internet.

Just keep trying, it is always hard at the beginning, especially when you have the whole day available.

You tried to kill yourself? Damn, what brought you to this point? I mean it is one thing I know very well, wishing to die but trying to is another thing entirely.

Then how was school for you? Your university sounds horrible, pointless subjects? The obligatory school is worse than college around here but still alright. The reason colleges are way better is because they are mostly private companies, so they have to be good else they go bankrupt very fast.

How are the visual novels? I have only seen the anime, the first season was very intriguing. The currently airing Higurashi looks very strange, the skin of the characters seems so bright, almost glittering, it really doesn't fit at all. In general I have to say that I somehow dislike violence in anime, a change that happened around 5 years ago. I grew tired of it and also can't stomach it anymore, which is strange because I was alright with it 6 years ago.

Well cooking is something very enjoyable. :3 It is really relaxing in my humble opinion and you can be so creative with it. I hope you will like it but I honestly don't know a single person that does not like lasagna.

No offense taken, I understand why you mentioned that, it would look strange if you didn't. Impressive that she left a safe country to go an support that case, very admirable. From experience our government doesn't do much in such cases to not hurt relationships although I don't know if Switzerland has anything to do with Belarus.

Jill of course! :3 I like her way to much.


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No, I can't control what is going on in my dreams, but between the moments when I wake up and again fall asleep, I can gently push how things should resolve in a current dream. I also never experienced lucid dreams and never researched anything on the topic: I'm content with how things are now anyway!

Well, as any leader he did some micro decisions which affected people in good ways, he also thinks that he built our IT industry, but actually it was a bunch of entrepreneurs constantly nagging the main administration for tax alleviation and more freedom to which Lukashenko agreed after some time. Though I don't think he would allow it to continue: he has already labeled our political crisis as a bourgeois revolution.
What is really important is the inhumane system he built around himself, in which no one ever feels safe and incompetence rules more than anything else. This way people are less likely to betray him, because in any other system they would be thrown out for their gross incompetence.

It is anyone's guess why Stalin disregarded all those reports, but I think it is exactly because he was paranoid and thought that British government was trying to provoke conflict between Soviets and Nazis. Especially considering that if we strip all the pompous propaganda from each regime, they would start looking extremely similar. Tyrannic solidarity.
People defend him because of constant propaganda, which has not stopped still, and because of their own high-modernistic views of the world. It is so scary and sad that on his funeral the crowd was so big that hundreds (or possibly even thousands) of people were trampled to death trying to see his body. Though I can only find sources on it in Russian.
Beria was executed by the next government for terrorism. Yes, he was as despicable as it can get: he raped women, organized massacres[1], all with a silent consent from Stalin.
[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katyn_massacre

Lenin never had a huge support in Russia, even during the revolution he was in minority, but when he finally got into power (I don't even remember how this happened) he tried to consolidate his positions: now it is called Red Terror. Of course we should not forget about White Terror executed by the other camp vying for power. People were just killing each other during those times.
Also many aristocrats and bourgeois were killed or repressed to help the masses, this resulted in a famine. Many people died again.

> I mean every attempt at it lead to great damage, didn't it?

When people say that they want to build communism they actually mean that they want a strong government with ultimate power to bind others to their will. It can't result in anything but tragedy.

> So the government does not help people who lost their job?

Our government actually tried to pass the law by which people without a job must pay high taxes. After protests they decided not to, but now Lukashenko brought up the topic again. And because of it I might soon get in trouble too.

> people killing themselves didn't try to get help

No, people do not trust their government and would rather solve problems in their own ways, whatever those might be.
In Belarus (or Russia for that matter) the government is your enemy, and if you can solve a problem while not involving yourself with any governmental organization, than that's what everyone would do. There were so many stories when people out of good will got involved with the government and got severely punished for this.
Now it is just a common knowledge here to the point where I thought I didn't even need to explain this to you.

> the option to help yourself getting by with growing own crops and gathering from the surroundings

That's called surviving, not living. There is really nothing good in it.


> national symbols
After the first couple of weeks of protests people spontaneously started hanging our national flags in their windows, drawing them on the streets, decorating masks with them, even hanging them between the houses. Flags were everywhere: even in my house at least four apartments (not including mine) had flags in their windows.
At first the government forced firefighters to take them off, then they forced people who clean up the streets to destroy murals and paint over everything in red and white colors. It never really helped and only united people who sometimes even had to stand up against the police with weapons to protect their symbols. Then Lukashenko tried copycating what people have done by giving an order to put as much his symbols on the streets. This resulted in his ugly flag being waved over prisons, polling places where our votes were rigged, even over trucks police use for transporting detained people into jails. Of course it gave an opposite effect, but the government was brutal in protecting their symbols: if somebody took this flag off, they would most likely get detained and put in jail for a couple of years. This happened too many times already. Then they used propaganda to try forcing everyone into believing that our national flag was used by fascists and we all should be dealt with as such. Of course it never worked and made people even more annoyed and angry, so to finally get rid of the problem they started giving fines and putting people for a couple of weeks in jails for having flags in their own apartments if they can be seen from the streets. Of course it is completely unconstitutional and unlawful, but Lukashenko can do whatever he wants, and so he did: the police might even confiscate all your laptops and PCs now if they see the flag in your window, of course you will never see your computers again after that. And now "deputies" are trying to pass the law which should prohibit our symbols completely.
After intimidating people like that the number of flags has dwindled, but… I don't have any words for this. We shall see what will happen.
Oh, there is also a cool website which collected all flags citizens made for their districts.


I got a little tired, so I decided to write the second part later. :3

Yep, I tried to kill myself, that's what I meant by saying "slitting my wrists a little". It was gradual and started.. well, it was when my parents shoved me into a military school in which I was then bullied quite a lot, and that's being only a part of it.. Well, it is a hard topic! Anyway, I pleaded my parents to get out of there, and after 2 years this finally happened, then it was slowly getting worse (and still is actually getting worse, so long after this happened, though reason are now different, I think) with me never making any deep relationships with anybody, I guess the fact that I looked very young for my age made a part in it as well.. It continued for quite some time, but then there was a trigger, which is also not something I'm that keen discussing publicly.. So anyway it was nearing a New Year's eve, and there were a lot of people everywhere, so I had to wander for a couple of hours to find some quite place where I could.. slit them?.. But determination mostly had already worn off and after I cut my first hand I lost the blade in a deep snow, than there was a person, I asked them to call an ambulance. They took me after 10 minutes or so, and that's how I got into a psychiatric ward!

Our government has destroyed all private schools and universities, I don't know why they did it, but anyway, my school.. well one of them, was amazing, all teaches I cared about had a strong character and it was very interesting to study there. Because of them I participated in an Olympiad in math twice, though I never won anything in the end, it was still an amazing experience. Then the first university came, on a whim I decided to study civil engineering because I thought I would be able to apply my knowledge in physics and math, but in the end I never was. As I said all universities are ruled by our government with very low budged and it showed: classrooms were awful, you usually couldn't hear anything at all in them, professors were paid almost nothing, so they usually didn't even care to teach us anything. Well, I still hadn't found a friend there with whom I could have studied together.. then the math teacher stopped coming to read our lectures at all (I guess she was ill for 6 months), I started to come late to other lectures I cared about, as first rows were already taken you had to sit in the end, and couldn't hear anything, so I started skipping more and more, also for some reason it was really hard for me to draw by hand, and when we finally were allowed to do it on computers, the attitude of the teacher there was disgusting and so I just gave up and stopped visiting university all together. So after two years it was over there. Then I simply wasted a year at home reading, playing, browsing imageboards–doing nothing in particular. Than parents pleaded me to try the second time and so I did, I knew that IT industry was well developed in our country and I tried that, though on entrance exams I didn't get enough points to study freely (there were more than 20 people vying for each place), but I got more than enough points to pay for my study. At first it started okay, there were still useless subjects, but I ignored them completely, but as years went on it was becoming more and more similar to the first university: some subjects were actually repeating, on others lectors were simply reading from slides with a really small font, that I couldn't even see what was going on, the schedule was awful, in some days we had to start studying at 8am, while in others at 6pm and in other others till 10pm, and I couldn't really build a schedule around this, also I started skipping again because it was inconvenient to me to return so late (it takes slightly more than an hour to get home from university). Then we were given classrooms in which ventilation didn't work, it was really hard to focus, when you couldn't even breathe! I started skipping those too. I actually said that to administration, but in response I got "sorry, we can't fix this, and we don't care that it is a middle of pandemic and there is nothing to breathe, fuck you". The teacher I loved and whose lectures I actually recorded (I guess it is illegal) and was re-listening when walking in a park got kicked for political reasons. Depression was creeping in again, pandemic and political situation added to the mix. I got disgusted with our administration not caring for their students and letting the police arrest people inside our university. Then I got disgusted with the people I studied, because even though none of them were supporting our current government, they decided to wait things out and don't endanger themselves. Even if it would just take you 10 minutes to stand in the hall and sing a little. So I stopped visiting again and got expelled. 4 more years wasted.


I wonder from where this high-modernistic views come from? Surely no one who was part of the USSR misses this mess? I also fail to see what the appeal of a strong government that makes other bow to them should be. Usually they just care about themselves and the commoner suffers. They also don't give them the chances to achieve something because they want to keep the power and wealth among their own. Like you said, it only results in tragedies. Why else do want so many people democracy?

This is ridiculous! How do they expect the unemployed people to pay those taxes? What happens if they can't pay? Jail? I hope for you and others that this fails yet again.

I am sorry for my naivety, I have a hard time wrapping my head around the matter that the own government is your enemy. I never made that experience so I naturally think of governmental institutions as an option.

So Lukashenko disgraces national symbols because people started to use them in the protests. This shows very well how little he respects the country and its people but I guess this was already obvious before. The different flags are surely creative. I even spotted a Mr. Bean and a Mumins :3

A military school sounds horrible. All this obedience, hierarchy, schedules, weapons and such, my condolences. I think my depression would have clutched its fangs around me too in that situation.
I hope the psychiatric ward was at least better than the military school. Anyway don't force yourself with this hard topic, I see that this still haunts you, so I won't ask.

My guess is they want to control the educational system so they know what is going on there and can place their propaganda everywhere? That one school sounds great and it looks like you were a smart kind. Kinda envy, I always had to study hard. The universities are awful though…

The more I hear from you the more I am ask myself how you can still believe that the country has potential and can be better, so how comes?


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That's exactly what happened, everything was classified. Only after many liberal reforms right before the collapse of the USSR people got to know about those atrocities. And then people reacted to the truth quickly[1].
[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baltic_Way

> Surely no one who was part of the USSR misses this mess?

Well, there are lots of stupid people[2] out there! And I don't really care how they got to this point.
[2]: https://postimg.cc/gallery/Pqf8ck4

> I also fail to see what the appeal of a strong government that makes other bow to them should be.

The power. There is nothing more to it, really.

> they want to keep the power and wealth among their own

The second Lukashenko loses his powers, he is going to be apprehended and, most likely, executed. That's also the reason why he won't ever resign.

> Why else do want so many people democracy?

Sorry? I didn't parse this sentence.

> How do they expect the unemployed people to pay those taxes?

They don't, they use it to punish people who don't work. There are multiple reasons why this won't ever work, but Lukashenko thinks similarly to how Stalin and other dictators thought, and not how economists or modern politicians do.

> the own government is your enemy

There was a story once, when a couple of workers left a bunch of metal sheets in the countryside, and after a couple of years a villager took them, because he thought someone just threw them out. After even more years the administration in the village found out that these sheets were missing and asked people around whether someone saw them or not (remember, at least 5 years had already passed), and this man told the administration that he took them to build a roof in his garage or something. He got 3 years of prison for this. If he hadn't said anything, nothing would have happened.
And this is a single story I read recently, there are tons of them.

> because people started to use them in the protests

No, he has been doing it from the day one of his rule. He dreams of restoring the USSR and, of course, being the main leader there. Because in the USSR our symbols were fought with he continued to do the same.

> disgraces

Today at least 4 shops were closed because they didn't have this soviet flag hanged on them, other shops received warnings that some food was in red and white colors. The stupidity got to the point that one woman got arrested for "protesting with a red-and-white marshmallow", this was actually written in a protocol judge signed.

> All this obedience, hierarchy, schedules, weapons

Even though I'm not a fun of such things, there are different reasons to .. hate places like this.

> I hope the psychiatric ward was at least better than the military school

Hey, I was there for only slightly more than a month. Well, I was there twice, but it doesn't change things anyway!

> I see that this still haunts you

Not really! There are a couple of things I don't want to talk about, but, in general, AMA.

> the country has potential and can be better

If there is a time to believe than this time is now: 15% of population were on the streets, everyone is talking about this and Lukashenko manages to rule only through power and intimidation. It can't continue indefinitely and will eventually stop. If no one cared and was content with living like this, then there would be no hope, sure, but now it is the exact opposite. Just look at those videos (the second one in Russian, but you don't need to understand words to get the chronology of what is going on).

There are bad news in that Russia said they would recompense all loses our government will incur because of the economical sanctions, but we shall see what will happen.

There are still so many things to talk about about the topic, though it is kind of hard, so.. later, if you are still interested!

> How are the visual novels?

They are very long to the point of being boring, it takes 30 hours to read through a single chapter and there are at least 6 of them, maybe more.

> he skin of the characters seems so bright

Very greasy indeed. And by reading reviews it seems the story is depicted very badly too. Easy skip!

> I somehow dislike violence in anime

Higurashi doesn't have that much violence though. The story is extremely intense and foreboding, but that's it.

For a week I've been using aromatic candles and even though fumes make your head a little cloudy, it is still kind of atmospheric, so I will continue. All is left is to buy paper books, because reading on a laptop degrades the experience a little.


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Well, I try to stay positive, but the reality is always creeping in and sometimes resurfaces its ugly head.

The problem is our leaders are completely incompetent. They really didn't have to do much to turn the tide of the revolution and end it all in the summer. But instead we are now languoring into uncertainty, while Lukashenko acts by repressing people and consolidating his positions – today it was announced that in a month all borders will be shut and people would not be able to leave the country. Hello, North Korea.

After the elections Thihanovskaya only had to declare herself president, do not let herself be apprehended and give an order for people to act, especially when there were 15% of the population on the streets. She did neither of those: she alone went into one administrative facility, got apprehended and thrown out of the country; she never said to anyone that she is a president and beside phrases like "I'm proud of you!", she never gave any orders–well, she gave them once after two months of protests, people listened to her .. and then what? She didn't continue to push, said "I'm proud of you!" again and started doing her own things while all people who listened to her lost their jobs and got into prisons. Even if there were people in police and army who were able and ready to protest with the general populace there is no way they would follow a leader like that. The saddest thing is the army was willing to do so, even now 70-80% of solders, officers and generals do not support Lukashenko. But you can't do anything when there is no unifying figure with concrete orders. Oh, and the last one, the last one! People were on the streets, it is extremely hard to persuade them to leave their houses, and even if only 1 in 100 was ready to act and stay on the main square for indefinite periods of time or assault the governmental buildings it would be more than enough, because, as I said, almost no one in army supports Lukashenko and no one would act on his orders to shoot their own people. But now we got what we got.

This is just so hard. And I'm sick of propaganda from both sides, from people saying …. You know what? It is way harder to discuss this topic rather than, say, about how and why I tried to kill myself. Also my head started to hurt again, so I'd better go on a walk and buy more candles along the way, have a nice evening!


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Understandable that you don't care why those people think like that, it would surely be the same for me. Those leaders are dictators that cause suffering and nothing else. I guess the supporters of them gain somehow something from that system or simply take every propaganda as truth. I assume some of the supporters on the Internet never lived in a country like that and have a romanticized impression of systems like that.

This sentence was poorly phrased indeed, sorry for that. I wanted to point out that so many people around the world want democracy and even fight for it. So why do others crave a totalitarian state? Do they really think they would get into a position of power?

So they bascally want to spread fear to the people to keep the unemployment rate as low as possible? I hope this won't pass and you will be safe, anon.

It's saddening to hear that honesty gets punished and that the administration is so cruel, even on the countryside. This material can't be that important and valuable when it was left lying around for years.

So you can say Lukashenko just picked up where the Soviets left of? I wonder how he can be so delusional to think he can restore the USSSR and even lead it. Power must truly mess up your mind. Therefore I can assume that the green and red flag is Lukashenko's symbol and has nothing to do with Belarus and its people?

With soviet flag you mean Lukashenko's green and red flag? Anyway this is straightforward stupid indeed.

Alright, noted. Glad that hear that, same goes for you though! If you want to know or talk about something, just ask.

And with the terrorism from Lukashenko the world starts so look at what is going on, right? Hopefully this will work out. I think an ally less for Russia should be promise enough for the EU or even the NATO. But this raises the question what kind of interest Russia has in Belarus, especially because they made such a statement.
I am interested, yes although I fear I make you write a lot and the only thing I can do is giving an opinion and a few questions to it.

Sounds comfy and atmospheric indeed! Grab a blanket and a tee too! :3

This is probably the hardest challrnge of life, staying positive. I also got a gut punch today in form of the mail company calling and saying no to me. Maybe I will start to apply for accounting again and try to change my life in my free time and not regarding work, I have to think about that. The first step would surely be to leave the current apartment because it is in the same house as my parents. Else I won't life truly independent.

Then why didn't she declare herself president? It sounds like there was a real chance to change things. It surprises me to hear that over 2/3 of the military does not support Lukashenko, it really sounds like there is only a need of somebody rallying the people. Maybe if Lukashenko goes too far and gives orders like shooting they will revolt?

Take care, anon! I hope you head doesn't hurt when you read this. Perhaps the sport you mentioned will help? Hopefully the fresh air already did though. Beautiful image of Rakka by the way, I saved it! :3


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> I guess the supporters of them gain somehow something
Some of them on high ranks? Yes. Others are simply brainwashed into believing.
He has support only among people without higher education and who are old enough to live half of their lives in the USSR. It is natural that his support has been dwindling these 26 years and, if he somehow manages to continue to rule after recent events, the trend will only accelerate, so unless something really bad happens he won't last for long.
By bad I mean something involving lots of death and blood.

> so many people around the world want democracy

This is simply not true. Most of the people believe in God, fervently follow traditions and want power over others not a democracy. You can't expect in the foreseeable future any African or Eastern country to develop a strong democratic government. This is, as I see, the main problem with immigrants, but this is another story completely. Anyway, things are different in Belarus, Russia and Ukraine, but Lenin's and Stalin's legacies still haunt our countries in one way or another. Also I wonder how things would change in China in the future. I talked to some people from there and they were all very intelligent and interesting. Though they were afraid talking about their government.. scary.

> want to spread fear

Again, no. They simply believe in the mantra "who doesn't work, doesn't eat", without any considerations to how economy works.

> the green and red flag is Lukashenko's symbol and has nothing to do with Belarus and its people

We had this flag since 1950s, got rid of it, as any other post-USSR country, and then Lukashenko returned it. Yes, it is his, and his only, symbol.

> With soviet flag you mean Lukashenko's green and red flag?

Yes. There were extremely small rallies in his support and they had either the green-red or soviet flags[1]. Also you can see what kind of people visit those.
[1]: https://postimg.cc/gallery/Q750kB4

> And with the terrorism from Lukashenko the world starts so look at what is going on, right?

Not really. Even in 2011 when there were only 30-60k people[2] on the main square, who were dispersed without that much violence and without anyone dying, the sanctions from US and EU were way more bigger and swifter.
Everyone knows who he is, what he does and what he did, but it doesn't mean much.
On the other hand yesterday his bank accounts were blocked by your government[3], which seems like a big thing, because Swiss banks are notorious for being used without repercussions by corrupt politicians from both Russia and Belarus. Well, I understand why this is the case with the need to uphold reputation and such, but still it is not that pleasant to be on the receiving end of this.
[2]: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b2/Октябрьская_Площадь_19_декабря_2010_года.jpg
[3]: https://www.reuters.com/article/uk-swiss-belarus-sanctions-idUKKBN28M09I

> But this raises the question what kind of interest Russia has in Belarus

I did answer this question, didn't I? They want either our territories or control over our country.

> ally less for Russia should be promise enough for the EU

You could see that in 2011[2] there were people with EU flags, now you would only see people with white-red-white flags. While it is most likely and natural for our country to develop friendlier relationships with Latvia, Lithuania, Poland and EU in general after Lukashenko goes away, this is not the question on our agenda. We simply want this tyrant to leave. We will decide what to do with Russia after.

> I fear I make you write a lot

Oh, but I like it. And recently I rarely had a chance to write much, so it is more of a boon for me than anything. :3


> Sounds comfy and atmospheric indeed!
I'm burning through my candles so fast, and they cost so much.. I would either have to find a place where I can buy them dirt-cheap, or start using them only on occasion.

> Then why didn't she declare herself president?

First, she was a completely random person without any skills in anything political. That's why Lukashenko even allowed her to participate in the elections. Second, her husband is being held in captivity by Lukashenko's police and it seems she was told after she was apprehended that she would never see her husband again if she doesn't leave the country and if she ever says she won the elections. She completely changed after those 4 months and already did more than anyone could have hoped for our country.

> It surprises me to hear that over 2/3 of the military does not support Lukashenko,

Many are afraid to do anything, many do not care and simply follow orders. Yesterday another important politician, Pavel Latushko, announced that more than 3000 people in the government contacted him and said that they do not support Lukashenko but are afraid to take action. So yes, there needs to be an event which would rally people on the streets and the regime would just fall apart. Sanctions might help with this.
> Maybe if Lukashenko goes too far and gives orders like shooting they will revolt?
This is what most likely will happen in the end. Though it is just a guess.

> Beautiful image of Rakka by the way, I saved it! :3

I now have more of them. Here is another one :3

> Perhaps the sport you mentioned will help?

Maybe? Those 4 days were extremely bad and I never really forced myself to do anything. Kind of sad and it is most likely to continue too.

> I also got a gut punch today in form of the mail company calling and saying no to me.

I was sure you would get it, huh.. Did they say why? Maybe they thought that you didn't consider this job as a real one and would leave after a couple of weeks? There must be a reason why they said no. What did your parents say? And what is their opinion on your job opinions in general, to be honest mine would have been extremely unhappy, had I decided to switch from accounting to being a postman. Well, that was exactly their reaction when I dropped universities or got fired from a nice job.


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Time seems so be your ally. As it passes older people die and younger follow. I wonder why the older people miss the USSR though. Even if they lived within it for 40 years, it was surely not a pleasant time for them.

Would you like to elaborate regarding immigrants? It's an interesting thought I would like to hear more about, I honestly never thought about their relation to the state. I doubt that China will ever be democratic, taking their history into account they ever had a strong government that ruled over the people. There seems to be no desire at all for a change, they take everything from the state without complaining. Although you made me think with your statement, are they afraid of their government? I still thought that it was quite popular because they kicked the Japanese out that occupied them and the living standards went up, at least in the cities.
The mentioning of China made me think what is going on with Hong Kong too, I didn't hear about it for quite some time.

The flag of the USSR within a rally in favor of your government, this is just ridiculous, same goes for the Russian flag. They want their country to be absorbed again and ruled by a foreign power? Why do they bring religion into that too? I guess it fits though, religion is one giant mess that stands in the way of progress.

Then why do they wait so long now? Are they afraid to anger Russia? Or is there simply nothing to gain? Well the article mentioned that Lukashenko has a son called Viktor. Is he as rotten as his father?

So in the moment there is no person around who could bring the people together? A pity that she was forced to back down but on the other hand it is hard to say how she would have performed without experience. Now it would be even more important that the EU and others act.

Where do you get images? I mostly get mine from gelbooru, it is a pain in the ass to filter out all the porn first so an alternative would be much appreciated.

Did something happen? It sounds troublesome, I was honestly worried if you got detained on your way to buy candles.

Yeah they had a lot of applicants because our economy is in a bad shape due to corona. Many people lost their job and are now applying to everything possible. I may have done a mistake with quitting my job now but my mental health was only getting worse and worse.
The problem is that they had a lot of people that already hat experience regarding logistics, something I have not. They told me that everything was fine, it's simply that there are more qualified choices around.
Well I don't know if I want to be a postman and I really don't know if I should continue to apply as one. I thought maybe I can find something that gives me more than accounting, in order to improve my mental health. Although after this and several other experiences in other jobs I am considering to apply for accounting again and trying to change my free time and not my work. My mother took it quite well because I talk to her about almost everything, she knew about my problems, my thoughts and so on. Furthermore I have a sister and a brother with the same problem, so it was nothing new to her. For my father working is everything so he is angry that I quit before having a new job.


File: 1608063555341.jpeg (150.94 KB, 600x800, 3b778dfc06dd64917116eeb7.….jpeg)

> Where do you get images? I mostly get mine from gelbooru
Mostly these[1][2], though I might download imagepacks of specific characters from other imageboards. I do not like manually downloading and searching through images though, for this I use a program[3], which allows me to download all images from a specific tag or query. You can find there a list of supported websites to find other places, but most of them are NSFW.
[1]: http://reactor.cc/
[2]: https://konachan.net/
[3]: https://github.com/mikf/gallery-dl

> Did something happen? It sounds troublesome

Well, as always, I wake up at different times, see that I don't have any plans nor goals, go through usual after-wake-up routine, go for a stroll in a park[4], and after that mostly listen to music and do nothing, and go to sleep again. Rinse, repeat. It is extremely hard to force myself to do even the simplest stuff. Because why would I? My head is going to hurt slightly more after, why even bother. And daysmonthsyears pass by in the same way. Sometimes somewhat more worse than usual, sometimes somewhat more better. But never stopping.
[4]: https://postimg.cc/gallery/8cPt4pQ/a846ee05 [^41][^42]
[^41]: My phone is broken, so I took my parents' just to make a couple of photos to share.
[^42]: Yes, it was after I woke up.

Now it's somewhat more worse.
I'm not sure, my mental state is in a very bad shape, and I haven't idea what to do with this. Or whether I even should do something about this at all.

> I was honestly worried if you got detained on your way to buy candles.

Thank you :3 But do not worry about me, especially that I might get randomly detained, I'm not a public person with youtube/twitter/telegram/w/e-is-popular-platform account. I might only get detained while protesting, but I'm not sure whether I would protest anymore, not because I'm afraid, but because I don't see a point in it.

> Yeah they had a lot of applicants because our economy is in a bad shape due to corona.

Oh, I forgot about covid completely. This would explain why they said no. Though the vaccine is already here, and maybe you should wait for a couple of months until things are as they were before?
Have you looked into other alternatives with a pace similar to being a postman?

> Well I don't know if I want to be a postman and I really don't know if I should continue to apply as one.

I would have looked at this as if it were a vacation from accounting until your mental health is in a better shape. Though maybe, indeed, it would be better to change your past time. Any idea how or to what?

> My mother took it quite well because I talk to her about almost everything, she knew about my problems, my thoughts and so on.

Oh, I very rarely talk to my parents, and when I do it is usually just yes-or-no kind of answers. On more deep questions I usually throw my hands up, say something incoherent and walk away.

> Furthermore I have a sister and a brother with the same problem

Are they also accountants? I've been wondering for quite some time what your job was like.

> other!

I would answer them shortly, and try not to postpone them too much.


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I actually do like to manually search through images, therefore sites like konachan are always welcome. :3

Setting an alarm doesn't help? Maybe multiple alarms within a short time period? You could start to make plans, they don't have to be huge ones, right? Cooking something, reading 100 pages of a book, cleaning the bathroom, shaving, buying groceries and so on. I think it's important to keep it manageable and realistic. What is your routine after waking up? Usually a little change already helps. The park looks beautiful, very inviting. Is there a story to that ruin in one picture? It looks like there is a plaque in front if it.
In another post you said your head is better after sport, is this not the case anymore? Your headaches sound worrisome. I hope I don't sound preachy or pretentious, I just write down my thoughts, hopefully coming up with something helpful. I think we both know from experience that not fighting against depression and surrendering to it makes it only worse so you should definitely do something.

Why don't you see a point in protesting anymore? A few post back you said that now was the time for it and it looked as good as never before. Has the situation for the protesters become worse?

I plan not to apply for anything for a few weeks, before I start at the end of January to apply to accounting again. Now it is very quiet because of Christmas and New Year. Shortly after New Year I have to pull my wisdom teeth on the right side out. From experience on the left side this will take 2 weeks to recover. Unfortunately I know no alternatives to a mailman and after investing almost entire 2020 to that matter I am starting to think what I fear is true, I should work on my life during my free time and not work. Work is work after all but I wanted to try even though I had that possibility in my mind since the very beginning.
The first step is surely to move out from the apartment right under my parents nose, so I am more independent and also start to do more stuff on my own. Until now I often ditched things out of laziness and could get away with it because I still had the support from home. Furthermore I can get away from my fathers negativity too, so I assume I will be in a better shape when I can move out. I know what you mean with incoherent answers, I do that 99 out of 100 times with my father, because he is so traditional, religious, impatient and overall a negative thinking person.
No my brother works within IT and my sister was a business economist. My sister escaped that issue with not liking her work with having two children and now being a housewife, my brother did it with changing his life regarding his free time. He got a wife from Thailand and also made a kid with her. If I am honest then I have to admit that I like my job the most from us three and if I pick up something else now then I could not afford to move out soon.
Anyway accounting is actually a very deep field with a lot of topics, depending on your company and job it can be completely different. Until now I was mostly working within accounts receivable and accounts payable, which you can simplify as money in and money out. Tasks I did were booking the payments of customers, opening, ordering and distribute the mail, allocating the invoices, managing the workflow of them, paying the invoices, sending reminders, answering e-mails and phone calls, well the list goes on and on.


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I'm going to take a break from the internet and everything for a week or two. Don't worry, I'm not expecting to get detained. Will see you right before the Eve!


Alright, merry Christmas, anon! :3


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Merry Christmas!


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Things are as bad as they could be.
An integration with Russia is slowly but surely underway.
Every potential our country had with the current government has been burnt out.
Repressions are getting worse and worse, now things are bad to the point of creating concentration camps for protesters.
And it isn't going to stop because Lukashenko said "I'll make sure that 2020 never repeats itself".
Big companies expect that by the end of 2021 the devaluation will be approximately 250% compared to the current (bad) state of affairs.

And with all of this my life has .. stopped. I don't workout anymore, don't leave my apartment, don't plan for anything in the future. My life now consist of waking up, cooking, reading books or news and going to sleep again.

I consider starting to cut myself again butbutbutbut it is almost as lowest as I can get.. well, I don't have anything else to say, only that when (if) the protests are going to flare up again I will most likely be there.


Glad to hear from you, anon but it sounds like a lot of stuff happened, do you care to elaborate? Could they really get away with something like concentration camps?
Your current state does not sound healthy indeed. I wish I could say something encouraging but I really don't know what. The drop in your motivation is only understandable. I hope you won't harm yourself and can manage to take care of yourself once more.


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I'm not sure, it is just so awful.. everything.
Do you remember that article about the raped woman? There was another case in October, long after massive protests, though now they did it to a man.
There were also some proofs that the Russian police is working in our country as well. And the Russian government always tries to discredit our leaders and tries to help Lukashenko. And there are also some Russian military equipment and forces used in our country on borders with Ukraine.
Also do you remember when I told you about political murders in our country in the 90es? Well, they didn't stop. Lukashenko gave KGB 1.5 million dollars to kill his another opponent in 2013. And they did kill him in 2016, exactly in the same way they were discussing it in the leaked conversation, even though his opponent, Pavel Sheremet, was in Ukraine at that time. KGB also wanted to kill another Lukashenko's opponent in Germany, but they weren't able to.
It is also extremely likely that Lukashenko planned to make a provocation by forcing his own militia to kill some of our police to make it look like protesters did it and use army to forcefully stop protests altogether, though the whole thing is not clear for now.
Oh, it was also announced that soon will be disclosed information which proves that the official version about the terrorist attack in our metro in 2011 was false, which is extremely concerning.
And concentration camps, yes, they are making them right now.

At this point I just gave up on everything.


Anon I don't knwo if you've considered this but you probably qualify for political asylum in another country. If you could get into the EU (not Poland, their own gov is very authoritarian rn: and explain to the immigration office that you were afraid of being put in a concentration camp they'd probably believe you. The EU has been heavily criticizing Belarus. Only consider my idea seriously if it's possible and you both want to are able to emotionally.


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Yes, I thought about it, but it is not going to happen, at least not now. I'm eligible for an asylum as much as everyone else in this country: I wasn't persecuted, nor was I even arrested and the couple of times I had to run away during protests don't count. Well, I have relatives in Latvia and if things go south I'll ask them to shelter me for some time, I don't think they would say no.
However, it is easier for me to get a job here and, if not, to continue NEET lifestyle. So I'm not going to do it now.
Also tomorrow I get the last task from an employer and if all goes well I will get a job soon, finally.


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I didn't get a job back then, which was actually for the best as I didn't like it at all.


I've been working for a month already on another job which I do like, I've decided to finish my degree and did get back into my university, and, with stumbles here and there, I do intense exercises again (it is actually very rewarding to see your body in some kind of a shape)!

The political situation is still very harsh, actually things got way-way worse compared to the previous year, but we will see how thing turn out in the end. I can't really affect much of anything there, so I just try to not be bothered by it and try to read news very rarely, as it always darkens the mood.

There are still lots of steps I have to make with my feeble legs for anything good to come out of it, but I'm not as depressed as before and I do look into the future slightly more positively. We will see whether I relapse again or not.

Have a nice day, everynyan!


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This sounds great, I hope you can keep it up.
What are you working as? It is indeed important that you like what you do, but that is honestly a luxury. If you are alright with it, then it should be good enough.
Are you doing the same exercises as before? Or did you pick up new ones?

Sad to hear that it got even worse, I hope you and all the others that protested are safe. Perhaps it is the right choice not to read news, I don't do it since 2 years and I feel way better without it. Even though it is kinda strange to walk around with no idea what is going on.

Anyway I am happy to hear from you and glad that you are doing better! I hope you can manage, friend. Don't forget to take care of yourself and don't let setbacks discourage you.
Also sorry for replying that late, I am struggling lately.


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> What are you working as?

Software engineer in a local IT company. The coolest thing is that I'm writing code in the language I like, and that's why I even applied.

> Are you doing the same exercises as before?

Nope! I actually read up on it a bit and now are doing an amalgamation of exercises from this video. There are some other exercises as well (mostly for my buttocks) and I had to skip on some exercises after which my legs and my damaged arm hurt too much. But in general the idea is this. If you have some other exercises I might want to try, I would be very glad to hear them too, and I might try to incorporate them into my daily regimen!
I'm not doing those too intensively though, as I don't really like exercises and do not plan or want to build any muscle, just want to keep my body in shape.

> Even though it is kinda strange to walk around with no idea what is going on.

I had no idea what was going on in my country for the most of my life. But now it is actually quite hard to miss on those, and I fail myself and do read them quite frequently anyway. Even though I do try to limit it.

> I am struggling lately.

What happened?


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Sounds great, I am glad to hear that you like it. So you are working and going to university at the same time? Certainly a lot to do. I assume the degree you picked up again is programming engineering?

Interesting video, I never looked into all the things you can do without any tools at all. Just 3 weeks ago I decided not to go to the gym anymore, because I just couldn't stand the noise there any longer, radio running the entire time, a lot of people around, even a tv with sports turned on. I changed to working out at home again, but searched for new exercises as well. Right now I am trying out exercising with dumbbells, there is a lot of variety too.
Any reason why you are training buttocks especially hard? I do that too for my back, because I now it is not in a good shape.

This was exactly the other way around for me, I followed very closely what is going on but stopped somewhere in 2018 because it was always only negative, sad, frustrating and so on. I just didn't want to read all of that negativity anymore. I have to say that I do feel better since I don't know anything about all the happenings anymore.

Last time we talked I quit my job and was trying out new things like mailman. After all the different ideas didn't appeal to me at the end, I applied for accounting again. Unfortunately I landed the worst job I had so far. The organization and communication is equals zero, the traffic agonizing, the work boring and tedious, the industrial sector a lot of stress, the company owned by a larger one that dictated everything and doesn't listen to anything, the list goes on and on. My mental health once again went downhill very fast and so hard that I take antidepressants again. Luckily the job is dated to end on the 31.12.2021, they wanted to keep me but I said no.
I truly fear that I only can get better if I don't work in an office anymore, next year I will try out something else once again, I have a good feeling about it this time.

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