but really all it ever was going to be, was an autobiography. If I write something now, it would probably be a graphic novel series consisting of only portraits and other paintings/pictures with some text.
idk, it was never about the book. it was only ever about getting it out of my head and it existing and being seen. (I am certain that is apparent)
That comment about the negative parts about my journey being a driving force behind my work… (which I read as "the driving force behind my work" because it was) I thought a lot about that "lost but looking" dialogue, and a lot about it recently. For a while I worried that I would stop drawing because, once it wasn't so unbearable that I Just Had To Put It Out On Paper, I wouldn't have that uncontrollable urge to create forcing me to draw so often. And I was right, for a long time I stopped. But my recent experiences reminded me that I'm a person constantly challenging myself and never accepting what is, and therefore am a challenging person and may not be accepting of what is around me, and I am ok with that. I can use that new form of "lost but looking" to drive my creative process now. I can be lost in myself but looking for ways to let what is, be. And not worry about being a perfectionist so much to change it and make it as perfect and efficient and shiny as possible.
I never really considered myself a writer, and I never really liked my art when I forced it, anyway. A lot of my writing felt forced. I want my art to be more lenient and expressive. This will definitely mean less writing, but maybe not so much less story/journey-telling. But more important than that, I want it to be sincere. so I am going to practice letting it exist as whatever comes to me, in whichever medium, in however long it takes to complete. That is how I let that poem happen yesterday.
I think this is the best approach.