/lit/ - Literature / Fanfic / Poetry

>>767
That idea both has promise, and a lot of ways it could go wrong, pretty much like any idea really. The main one I see is the chance of it becoming a self-insert story. Anybody who has cruised around ubuu for a while can plainly see that that premise has a lot of parallels with how a good number of posters feel about life. I think it can only work if the guy already had a life to speak of. If he's was already a hikki or neet, that would lesen the impact of the story a lot and eliminate most possibility for conflict. A guy struggling to cut off his relationship with anime and video games is a lot less interesting than a guy trying to cut off his relationship with actual people.

The diary idea coupled with the ending sounds nice on paper, but wouldn't be engaging in actual practice. You could have the story be in third or first person and just happen to have the guy write a diary that you include entries from, but that shouldn't be the entire thing. Seeing how other's would react to this guy's bizzare decline directly seems pretty important to me. The physiological stuff should be mixed in with actual life decisions. It would also be preferable if the actual reason for why the guy want's this, or the catalyst for it, was at least hinted at. I don't think a short story is a the right format for such a character driven story.

>>767
The most important thing is that you have a story where something happens and the main character goes through some sort of struggle and change. Right now you have a good premise to get it started, but in order to move the story forward, you should have an idea of what kind of conflict your character faces due to this decision and how he overcomes it.
What kind of problems does this character have in his normal life that make him want to do this? What does he get out of it? What kind of new problems arise because of this decision? How does this decision affect his life and how does his change in lifestyle affect him? What can we, the audience, learn from this?
As for how long it should be, just go with whatever feels right for the story and don't worry too much about how long it is. The idea of incorporating diary entries into the story seems interesting, but I agree that telling the entire story through diary entries seems pretty limiting.

As for me, I haven't had much success with creative writing. I've tried winging it and just writing down what comes to mind naturally and I've come up with some weird disjointed short stories, but whenever I try to get more serious about writing something I always get stuck in the planning phase. I guess I'm either too lazy or too afraid to actually start writing them, and maybe I worry too much about getting it perfect, but I'd like to get one of them finished eventually. Here's a summary of one of them, so let me know what you think:

"The Shell"/"The Bug Story"
A group of kids - all exactly the same age, having all been born on the exact same day - have been raised inside a giant dome, or "shell", entirely by machines. Everything has been provided for them. They have never left the shell, and most of them have never even thought of leaving. Despite their unusual circumstances, it seems that whoever put them here wanted to maintain some level of normalcy: they all attend school and are nearing graduation. However, the question arises: what happens after graduation? What is there for them to do?
The main character and his friends are unhappy with their aimless existence and are worried about what comes next, so they attempt to escape the shell, and in doing so, they discover their captors: a mob of hideous giant bugs which seem to have no individual agency, instead devoting themselves to maintaining the shell, like it's some sort of hive.
The kids are now hell-bent on escaping, and they fight on for quite a while, but they eventually find that it's impossible: not because it's impossible to leave the confines of the shell, but because their fate was sealed as soon as they were born into the shell. As graduation approaches, their skin becomes more chitinous and their bodies begin to change shape. Before long, they will be completely occupied with preparing the next generation of human insects.

>>769
The scope of the dome seems like a really big issue. The concept is interesting and appeals to common fears quite well, but the whole thing is a bit logically bankrupt. Why do they go to a normal school? How do they even know that there even is a world outside of the dome? Why would they be given the ability to figure that out even? How would literature work, or would they just not know how to read? Why bother raising the kids in any kind of human, societal structure? What you have is a cheesy, 1950s horror serial. The whole, everything you have ever know is a lie thing is a bit cliche too. Stories where you're not meant to understand what is going on or why it is happening are a bit obsolete in my opinion. Imagine this: A bunch of children are born in this modern slave house. Every one of them was artificially bred. None of them are allowed to drink milk from their mother because the milk is harvested for the slave masters. The male children grow up and are eventually put in a large room together. All the male children then get their heads cut off and their meat is then sent to a person who specializes in cutting their meat into pieces to be sold. The children were cows the entire time. Surprise.

I'll write down notes about what will happen in the story tonight (quitting education, finding job, moving out into tiny apartment, slowly cutting off contact etc.) Is it a bad idea if I plan chapter for chapter? Would that lead to a more scheduled book? Should I keep it dynamic with different things coming up at the same time (without it being too much because that would irritating to read) A scheduled approach would lead to a very episodic story. I'll have to think.

>>768
>I think it can only work if the guy already had a life to speak of.
It will start with him right after reaching the conclusion to pursue this passive life. Before that he was what one would consider "normal" or healthy (education, friends, family, etc.) but maybe he should be a bit on the shy/anxious side of things? Maybe only make up that image of confidence and health out of fear? I'll have to work this out further.

>It would also be preferable if the actual reason for why the guy want's this, or the catalyst for it, was at least hinted at.
That's kinda hard, I have to admit. I initially planned that there shouldn't be a specific reason or event. Just his anxiety reaching a point where he can't deal with living anymore.
I'll have to rethink this too.

Thank you for your advice!


>>769
>What can we, the audience, learn from this?
That's quite a good question. I have no idea. I should think of that as well.
Spontaneously I'd say it tries to highlight how terrifying life can be to people to the point where they would rather not experience it.
Thank you for your advice too!

As for your story:
I like it. It sounds very eerie but as >>772 said, there's some stuff that isn't explained.I would work well as something absurd but I'm not sure if that is what you intented.

You don't need to explain every single thing, just the biggest offenders.
How did they survive in the dome when they were kids? How do the bugs look over the kids in the dome? Like a god looking down or with security cameras like in Truman Show?
How are they humans if the others are bugs? Did the bugs have children while they were still human?
You could involve parents that disappear when the kids are growing up (in order to hide their transformation)
Again, I'm trying to put logic into a story that might not need it. You could turn it into a surreal story that neither asks nor answers questions where it is not required for th reader to get it in order to appreciate it (which would be very difficult and might require you to change your setting a bit.)
Think of Kafka. He paints a picture that seems to look different everytime you think you figured something out, without actually changing. Again, that's damn hard to accomplish.

Also it would probably do more good if it's on the shorter side. With a long adventure the points above could hinder you/make the reader aware of them.

I hope what I said makes sense.

>>772
>>773
Thanks for your feedback. This made more sense to me when I was writing it, but now that you point it out, I think that I need to do a better job of explaining what's happening and what it's all supposed to mean.

The story isn't really supposed to be about how "the kids were really bugs the whole time". Well, it sort of is, but I didn't really do a good job of explaining it. It's based on the fears that come with growing up. The idea is that the monsters that they saw in the outside world were really just adult humans, and that the they were destined to eventually end up like them. The literal explanation is that this story takes place in a world where, due to a virus or a mutation or something (it doesn't really matter, since it's not the focus of the story), humans turn into grotesque insectlike creatures when they mature and enter some sort of hive-mind, half-consciously continuing the basic duties of an adult animal: preserving the gene pool and raising a new generation to take over once they're gone. The story is supposed to be about how these kids, as they approach adulthood, are freaked out but what they see an adult as being, but in the end they still end up becoming just like them and continuing the cycle.

What I'm going for with this story is something that conveys the fear that comes with transitioning from childhood, where everything is provided for you and you don't have to worry too much, to adulthood, where you suddenly have to accept all the fucked up stuff in life and conform to whatever being an "adult" means. The whole bug thing comes from frustrations I was having about how it seemed like people were giving up their own personal ideals to join groups that have sort of similar ideals because they're the ones who have the power to get stuff done, as well as fears that I had around the time when I was graduating from high school, and still have now as I'm approaching the end of college, about what's going to happen to me once I go out into the "real world", because I still don't feel like a proper "adult". Basically, the idea of the bugs is based on the fear of living a mediocre life, losing your individuality and becoming a cog in a machine, working a boring job, never amounting to anything greater than that.

Hopefully that makes more sense. I can see how the story might be confusing or nonsensical right now, and I think that I need to rework the setting and do a better job of explaining what exactly is happening and what it's all supposed to mean. It does sort of seem like an old B-movie, and that wasn't really what I was going for. Involving parents might be a good idea, since your parents sort of determine what your idea of an adult is, and that changes as you get older.

>>774
The allegorical aspects are pretty obvious, not that that is a bad thing. It reminds me a little of Gakkou Gurashi. I'm a little suprised that the kids wouldn't at least attempt suicide once they figure out that they're turning into bugs. Maybe you should put something in about that?
>>773
I think it's more important to figure out a base storyline before focuing on what belongs in what chapter. That seems like something to worry about closer to the end. Multiple things coming up is a good idea, but I think there might need to be some large thread to tie everything together. That could be the relationships people have with the main character or it could be something else. It seems to me like you've thought a lot about the main character, but haven't really figured out the side characters yet. You're character isn't stramded on an island and your kind of story seems like side characters would play a very important role in making the whole thing feel cohesive.

I've got my own story idea that's sort of like a twilight, "parody". In a small town during sometime in the past which I haven't figured out yet, a handsome, wealthy man moves into a relatively large house that has remained unocupied for a long time. The mother(a cook) of the main character, who is sixteen, sends her daughter to the house to bring food to and greet their new neighbor while secretly hoping a bond forms between them and that they get married. So the girl greets the man, who is a little stoic, but mildly handsome and looks no older than his mid-thirties. Through various events, she becomes smitten with him. At some point, she figures out that he is a vampire, but at this point she doesn't care becuase she is so in love. At the very end of the book, he proposes to her in his home and right after she accepts, he bites into her neck and kills her. The next chapter would take place from the point of view an old man who likes to go on walks in the morning. He ends up finding the mangled, dead, naked corpse of the girl being eaten by crows(who will appear a lot in the story before this). The house of the gentleman will at this point be abandoned. The vampire is an obvious allegory for sexual predators. I'm thinking of the title, Groom, becuase of the double meaning of a literal groom and the grooming process predators employ. The only thing stopping me from writing is that I have no clue how to write dialogue. If I do write it, i'll do it in third person to make things a bit easier for me. What do you think?

>>776
Man, what the fuck? Nobody has given me any feedback on my idea. Is it really that bad?

>>780
This board is slow (i.e. with all the activity we're having right now a single post here can be easily be missed) and you posted before the OS breakup issue, so it's more than likely people forgot to reply to it.

>>780
Major red flags:
1. Waiting for feedback on an idea for 25 days. Is this really your only idea?

2.
>The only thing stopping me from writing is that I have no clue how to write dialogue
Never admit to a lack of confidence in your work; people will tear you apart.

3.
>The mother(a cook) of the main character, who is sixteen, sends her daughter to the house to bring food to and greet their new neighbor while secretly hoping a bond forms between them and that they get married.
This has overtones of sex involving underage characters. I'm not saying to not do this. I am saying that you should have a good idea of how your audience will react to this.

4.
>I'm thinking of the title, Groom
Don't post the title of work you're going to write on potentially embarrassing places on the public internet.

>>783
Well, thank you first of all. I have had other ideas, but I wanted to wait until I've heard what people think of this one. Just spewing out all of my ideas seems pointless to me. I admitted to a major weakness for the sake of getting better advice.
>This has overtones of sex involving underage characters. I'm not saying to not do this. I am saying that you should have a good idea of how your audience will react to this.
lol that's the whole point so I don't care. I definitely wont put in an actual sex scene if I do get around to it, because it's not meant to be smut. I also don't plan on publishing it or making any money off of it. I'll just post it somewhere online under an alias and ask people for critique.

I've recently had a kind of weird, but interesting idea. Basically its a, "subversion", of harem comedies. So the premise is that five monstrous, horrifying aliens or demons or something like that arrive on earth for some reason I haven't thought of yet. Really not important. They have the ability to look like totally normal girls to everybody else and nonverbally communicate with one another. They are all drawn to one boy becuase something about him just seems unusual, but they don't know what. He's just different. They decide to play a game. Over three months they each will attempt to make this boy fall in love with them. The victor gets to kill and eat him. If nobody wins, they'll kill him and nobody gets to feast. The thing that's so different about the boy is that he can see right through their disguise and understand everything they communicate to each other for some inexplicable reason. So now this boy has three months to try to find some way out of this situation without blowing his cover. It's kind of like a reverse Saya no Uta. So ya, does it sound cliche or could it work?

>>785
Addition: It would probably also make more sense if the girls were introduced as totally normal and the mc gets his ability after some thing, whatever, happens to him.

>>785
What POV is the story seen from?
If it's the guy, how'd the reader know they're aliens disgusted as cute girls if he can see right through them?

>>787
Probably the third person. It's kind of stupid, but maybe the main character meets the girls and they look totally normal to him, but then one day he accidentally drinks from one of their water bottles instead of his own, which makes him really sick, but after that he can see their true selves. Maybe as they're visiting him while he is sick, he's like in some kind of a transitional phase where they sometimes look human to him, and sometimes don't, which allows him to connect the dots. Or maybe he finds out through a fever dream somehow. I don't know. How dumb does that sound? The visitations would require the main character to already have some kind of connection with the five(or three, doesn't matter) monsters. Maybe that could be done through a mutual friend.