My conciousness often hates me. It plays tricks on me. At some level, I fight myself. I remember being acutely aware of becoming lucid in a dream, and when I did all the protagonists in it looked at me with sinister intent. I had control of myself and the environment…
~but so did something else in the dream.
Mind you, I've experienced dreamscaping (otherwise known as dream walking), not by my own will unfortunately. I was pulled into a dream by a very, influential person I had met only once. Once I entered her dream, we recornized each other, she called me at 4am. We had traded numbers after the party we met, but had never talked to each other. I had just woken and was ready to just, put it aside as another dream… but that call confirmed it wasn't.
So I'm very acutely aware that dreams are more than what we think they are. and that we're far more capable than just interacting with our own consciousness. The question is then, to me, how do you know when your dreams are your own? How can you verify it? I just don't know… a token is not enough. Recordings, paper notes, all of that. Not enough. Being able to recall the dream doesn't help affirm whether it's yours or not. Without consistent ability to reach lucid control, it'd be impossible to truly identify it to my knowledge.
I can verify a dream state, and a dream state can be analyzed through sleep study… but there's no way to analyze whether or not the dream is yours. It makes dreamscaping impossible to believe and prove, but I know it is true. I know a lot of you who lucid dream know exactly what I'm talking about at one point of your life or another. A dream that's not yours, one you can't manipulate despite being able to manipulate your own space.
It's still your dream, a facsimile, but… you're not the source of it. You're just playing the data… It's my theory that non-lucid dreamers go through dreamwalking all the time, but without being aware of the dream state, it can occur millions, billions of times around the world without suspicion every night. In my experience, dream recall seems to be extremely strong when it happens. Perhaps because more of our conscious mind is in use during the experience. I'm not sure…
I don't expect this to be read or replied to. These questions have been floating in my mind for some time. The person I dreamwalked with, well, she's not been the most helpful. Despite how friendly she is, she has a strange feeling about me and won't trust easily. I saw something in her memory I should have never seen. I wish I hadn't. I felt bad for her. I'm associated with part of her that gives her pain… and I never asked to be.
If dreams can have this power over our hearts, are they really the random images we deem them to be? Sometimes, I think I know why we forget our dreams traditionally, despite them being good ones, or not… I think we're more powerful than what we think we are. Sometimes, I don't think we're human at all. Sometimes, I fear we dream because we are creators in our prison, and at night we play with something long lost to us, and it hurts to be reminded of it. We bury it. We let go… and for some reason, or hearts won't let us forget it when we succumb to rest.
What the hell are we…? Do I even want to know…