Hey everybody, I hope you all had happy holidays. Remembered this board while playing through .flow again. I've never been a NEET but I sorta became one during my first semester of college and I think prolonged NEETdom may be in my future if nothing change

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2025 college anxieties and general gay complaining hub.0 01/04/25 (Sat) 21:22:53 No.650

Hey everybody, I hope you all had happy holidays. Remembered this board while playing through .flow again. I've never been a NEET but I sorta became one during my first semester of college and I think prolonged NEETdom may be in my future if nothing changes.

I'm a 20 year old compsci major at a good university. I did my first year at community college and transferred to the university this year. I'm on winter break right now, and I go back to school tomorrow.

I know that there's a lot for me to be grateful for but I'm still unhappy and have been ever since leaving high school, and honestly before then too. It feels like despite having loving parents and despite never having any real traumas I'm still such a weak and ungrateful person. Reading the struggles on this board and /neet/ kind of make me realize how lucky I am in terms of finances and health. But realizing that doesn't really provoke any sort of true gratefulness or relief in me.

In fact, I've been thinking that if God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers then I must have such a weak and ugly soul to have the abundances I do and still hate my life this much, and that because of the weakness and ugliness of my soul I'm eventually destined for hell. I don't know if any christanons can relate. I think about God a lot, read the Bible, and consider myself Christian but not saved yet.

(1/3)

sage hub.0 01/04/25 (Sat) 21:24:41 No.651

My parents have been giving me self-improvement type exhortations over the last few days because I revealed my 2.76 GPA to them and told them I wasn't enjoying my time at the expensive out-of-state college they're sending me to. My dad got kind of mad at me because I spend a lot of my free time practicing guitar instead coding or doing whatever you're supposed to do to get better at compsci.

It sucks that the one thing I'm currently able to dedicate myself to getting better at with vigor (guitar/songwriting) is a useless hobby that doesn't help my career out at all. Same with reading, which is my other main pastime besides like occasional vidya, retarded reddit websurfing and talking to my friends on discord. I get bored with coding even though I find it kind of interesting, and thinking about career-maxxing literally makes me nauseous.

I didn't tell my parents the details, but at university I only have one daily friend and a few friend-acquaintances. The first month of university was fine, but I basically turned into a NEET after that. Most of the time, I would just talk with my high-school friends on discord until 2 or 3 AM. I would skip meals and stay in my dorm. I stopped studying for my classes. I even picked my porn habit back up after not using for about 3 years. It's funny because stopping porn was the first thing I did to try and improve myself back in sophomore year of high school and I took great pride in stopping. It's like I'm simultaneously regressing and too tired/bored of "self-improvement" to engage and do anything to improve my mental state now.

I fly back for university tomorrow. I'm scared because I really don't want to disappoint my parents academically again, but I also don't feel socially or mentally ready. I went autismo mode and gave myself a buzzcut like a week ago so I'm going back looking like an actual monkey lol. Hopefully there are cool people in my Intro to Game Studies class but I'm pessimistic. It's like LinkedIn and trying to get a good internship is the main hobby for most people in my major.

The one positive I can remember from last semester was the fact that I worked out semi-regularly. So in this vein I'm going to try to join a self-defense club this semester. Hopefully I'll also pick back up the gratitude journaling/meditation stuff I used to do. But I want most of all to do better academically and am willing to compromise on this other stuff if it means I can get a 3.5+ GPA.

(2/3)

sage hub.0 01/04/25 (Sat) 21:25:45 No.652

I know I seem really neurotic when it comes to the GPA and pleasing my parents but they've given me everything. If it wouldn't disappoint them I wish I could just abandon everything and run away to some town near an unpolluted sea where I can eat fresh raw fish every day and swim and do a menial physical-type job for the rest of my life. But it would disappoint them, and I don't think there are many places like that left on Earth. And my dream is just a dumb escapism fantasy. Looking back on everything I just typed, I see how ungrateful and unrealistic these dreams are, and how self-centered my thoughts are. It feels like life is gradually but surely revealing that I'll never change and that I'm just not good enough, that I have a really impure damned soul that will only hurt the ones around me. It's like this weird need to seem pitiable and sensitive and not responsible is imbued in my thoughts. It's like I want you guys to blame my parents or something. But I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life that a good person just wouldn't do, and the way I live my life is selfish and focused on my own personal comfort. And I want to change, I want to change the direction my life is going and the type of person I am, but everything I try just makes it worse.

If anyone's actually read through this entire thing thank you and I hope it didn't drag down your mood or anything. I know that self-pity slop probably doesn't go for much on here, but I wasn't really intending to vent, even though I ended up typing way more than I thought I would.

Do you guys have any methods for developing discipline and having more willpower/energy, or success stories or something? Maybe a hobby that would be good for my career and also give me more self-confidence and adequacy feelings? I'm sure there are some people who have similar college anxieties to me here, or maybe had them in the past.

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Anonymous 01/07/25 (Tue) 09:11:10 No.655

Are you Asian? Because you sound Asian.

I hate to break it to you, but you don't owe your parents anything. What you do you have to do for you. If you don't break free, you'll never be happy.

There's lots of people who have it worse: r/AsianParentStories.

Anonymous 01/07/25 (Tue) 18:22:02 No.656

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Just a heads up for next time: sage goes in the email field, not the name field.
As for the whole developing discipline and having more willpower/energy thing, what's your diet like? Do you exercise in any capacity? I know it might seem irrelevant but those were some of the factors that personally allowed me to escape NEETdom.
Also, there's nothing wrong with having "useless" hobbies (as long as you genuinely enjoy them). Life is already shitty enough on its own. Not everything you do has to be in the pursue of money.

Anonymous 01/11/25 (Sat) 04:49:38 No.658

>Not everything you do has to be in the pursue of money.

100%

Anonymous 01/12/25 (Sun) 12:10:45 No.659

>>656
What's this angel cat art from anon? Unique style I haven't seen before, would make a good game.

Anonymous 01/12/25 (Sun) 22:19:04 No.660

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>>659
the low-res textures being contrasted with the high-fidelity uv maps is really cool. i've been wanting to get into modelling for a while. what do you guys think of my birba?

Anonymous 01/14/25 (Tue) 10:41:40 No.661

>>660
I'd say you're already pretty into modelling! You're birba looks great.

hub.0 01/29/25 (Wed) 03:49:31 No.666

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A bit of an update:

Thanks all for the kind words and advice. I cringed pretty hard rereading my epic self pity rant here lol. Thanks uboa for the advice and taking the time to read my slop lol.

I've realized recently how much of a fair weather fan I am when it comes to my own life. When I'm in the dumps I can't seem to get out (see the parent post), but when I'm happy I might as well be floating. I can't imagine thinking any of the stuff I did 4 weeks ago right now.

The spring semester has been going really well. I'm making new friends, exercising a lot, doing my HW and reading a ton, and praying/reading the bible every day. I also joined that self-defense club and it's been unexpectedly fun so far. Please send me ur positive energy /rec/anons, I really want to keep up what I've got going.

There's this cute girl who's friends with a new friend of mine. She's in the same class as us, but I haven't talked to her much even though we sit in the same area and have a mutual friend. I get pretty obsessive about the people I like and they start to take up like 10% of my waking thoughts, and the same thing is happening with this girl, but unlike the other times I think I might have Jesus encouraging me for this one, because something kind of crazy happened tonight.

I was at the dining hall sitting outside and for some reason I thought to myself "If that girl is in the dining hall when I go inside to put my dishes away I'm going to go talk to her one-on-one."

Sure enough when I went back inside she was there. No joke. I did like 5 circles around the hall before I steeled myself to talk to her. I literally mentally said to myself: "Come on dude, Trust Jesus, this is a gift, just do it, just go talk to her." and was finally able to drag myself over to her. We had a normal conversation about a shared class and she gave me her number and I almost had a nervous breakdown leaving the dining hall afterwards lol. It's been really long since I've had a real crush and I'm still kind of freaking out over it.

>>655
Yes I am Asian lmao. How could you tell?!? Thank you for your words. I definitely have it a lot better than a lot of Asian kids. My parents love me and give me freedom over my life. They're not helicopterish at all. I don't really have to "break free" of anything, I just feel guilty when I'm being unproductive because I know how much they care about me / want me to be happy. But they would be much happier knowing how happy I've been this semester.

>>656
Thanks for the advice. I can definitely say that getting a bike, doing self defense, exercising, going outside and being able to eat/sleep at normal times have been great for my productivity/discipline. It makes me wonder how I even survived last semester lmao

Thank you anons again, y'all are awesome. Let's keep at it one day at a time.