/rec/ - Ex-NEET / Recovery

I had some problems socializing since I was in pre-school when I was only 5, but I had to change school when I was 11 and this new school I went to was full of wannabe thugs, one guy who studied in the class right next to mine was killed in a bottle fight in the same year.

I was beaten by said thugs mercilessly lots of times but the worst of it was when I was 13, starting back then I isolated myself, when I was 17 I found out 2 of my classmates were arrested for beating a tire repairman to death just for the hell of it.

I began working I was 23 but I improved very slowly, only when I was 29 I could say I became semi-functioning. Brb being surrounded by wannabe thugs and real deal killers was no good for my mind.

Not sure, feels like I was always like this. But looking at it realistically there would have been things in my childhood that precipitated it. Even from an age as early as five years I had a reputation among my parents and teachers as a gifted child and I had a dim awareness that the other kids around me were all somehow dumb. The awareness was dim because I did not really connect with my peers. Things stayed like that until the years leading up to me entering high school, where I started to notice that everyone around me seemed to be growing up and maturing faster than I was, and I began to fear that they would overtake me socially. That was probably what did it. I remember crying when year seven was over, knowing that things would never be comfortable in that way again.

>>65
That's wild anon! Good job hanging in there, I hope your improvement continues. we're all gonna make it bro

>>64
I was always shy and introverted. But what broke me was my freshman year of highschool. I had cystic acne so I put ointment on my face and I got an allergic reaction. My skin began peeling and I had burn marks. I was bullied and called reptile for this.

I went to the back of the school during lunch to apply my mother's make up to hide my burns. Never have I experienced such humiliation and hell as that. I would wait at the school till 10PM because I was afraid of taking the bus and being bullied. It was hell.

I thought that once I turn 18 it would be my chance to become a normie and I tried but it didn't work, so I realized it would never happen. Plus I don't like being around people who don't like me (normies).

First I wasn't able to adapt to the new social environment in high school and I was humiliated and isolated. The first two years were really painful but gave me a lot of knowledge about myself, and my curiosity and lack of stimulation made me start to read books and learn music. But I had already acquired many bad habits (terrible sleep, excessive masturbation with disgusting porn, junk food, withdraw, etc.) and started taking antidepressants, which I'm pretty sure did me more harm than good, and all the physical and mental damage left me unable to apply what I learned to overcome my social anxiety and start getting things done (plus I still had many shitty ideas). Now I'm 20 and still in a bad situation, but things are slowly getting better.

>>109
Yeah, same here. It seems us gifted kids usually end up very successful or complete failures with nothing in between. This is why there's no mediocrity for us and self improvement is a pain in the ass.

I feel like I was naturally born to withdraw but struggled with the notion having been brought up having been told that good social skills are required for life. After a long time of forcing myself to be something I'm not and hating it, I had a breakdown over it as well as all the misfortunes in my life and just kind of shut down everything

>>64
I'm not sure. The most obvious change in me happened when I went to a new school at age 13. I was a lively kid, but couldn't make friends and got into arguments easily. I just wanted to play video games, but didn't know how to find anyone else who was interested. I felt like I was in a hositle environment. I became self-conscious of my quirks. I didn't get really bullied for them, just lightly picked on from time to time. I could't deal with my emotions and was impulsive, petty, and kinda antisocial. I didn't really have anyone I could talk to about that, not even in my family. I realised the best way to avoid humiliation was to become plain and quiet, which made me withdraw hard into online communities and defined who I am today.

On the first day of university, spending the night alone in my dormitory room, I had a breakdown, realising I was way in over my head. The lack of real life skills learned over the previous six years combined with inability to socialise ensured my three years in uni were just a protracted period of failure which ended with my dropping out.

In some ways I still feel mentally stuck around the age of 15 even though I'm a grown-ass man now. I'm learning to capture and recognise my emotions, as well as learning social skills that most people my age acquired many years ago. I'm coming back to that inner child I sealed away. I'm going beyond the embarrassment and reconnecting with who I really am, so that I can stop with my self-hate.

I got a job and moved out at 26. That forced me to talk to people and learn some social skills through trial and error. I could say that around 30 I became somewhat sociable.