Currently undergoing possibly the biggest change of my life. I’m moving out of my current house soon without my family, and I’m moving in with a different relative. I know it’s going to be much better for me, quieter, more peaceful, in a better area and I’ll have more to myself. Plus, I’ll be getting away from who is essentially an abuser. However, my autism makes it so I’m stuck in this obligation to stay in this home, that everything will go Haywire if I leave and things need to be as they are or I don’t know, I fucking die of autism or something. That, with my added on tensions and habits of being half a hikki where I don’t leave my room much, don’t talk to my family and stay in my room online so I can ignore the fact that I’m living with someone I despise, means it’s INCREDIBLY hard to break out of the ‘if I leave this structure I fucking die’ mentality.
But, I also can’t stay here, because each day I remember more and more how this household has ruined me mentally. I need to be out and I need to be somewhere safe. My abuser has done horrible horrible things to us and around us and I can’t stand it anymore. There’s only so much ‘look at the computer and hope the paranoia doesn’t take you’ I can do before I lose it.
I don’t know, I think I just needed a rant. Anyone else struggling with this kind of change? Needing to get out but your disabilities and Hikki mentality forcing you to try to stick to routine to be safe? I’ve not been a full hikki in a few years but old habits die so so so hard. I think I need to know if and how I can cope with moving out of something that defined my life so strongly. It’s been a rough few months haha
i hope things go well for you in this new stage in life :) something i heard from a friend is that one new years, they try to do all the kinds of things they want to do for the year (ie: read more, go to library; be healthier, go to gym etc) i think this is a great time to try that! make ur first day special :)
that's really cool. I hope today went alright for you, you're doing something to actually change your life which is more than what most of /hikki/ can say at any point.
this wasn't the image I was looking for but it's fitting, hopefully