No.487
aw, hug
No.492
I often feel the same. When I feel less hopeless, I can tell myself that there is no shame in spinning your wheels. So long as you yourself feel like an attempt is being made it actually matters very little where progress is or isn't being made. Maybe a few more weeks of effort will reap a reward… but when it gets bad, it is hard to believe in anything at all. The only way to keep the hope alive is to keep on trying, and to keep making a push.
IMO, the best thing you can do is to think about how you can achieve sociability in stages. You need only push out of your comfort zone a little at a time to give yourself a chance, to make progress - and that too might feel like being stuck in place at first. Don't know what social skills you feel you lack, but your post is coherent and emotional, so maybe look into talking in VC online, undergoing remote therapy, or having yourself go outside with those people who are around you and get them to give you that push to interacting with people outside. I am in that latter phase right now, and am desperately hoping to be able to talk to strangers without someone else present soon.
Just a few suggestions. Disregard if I am assuming too much. Best of luck, anon. You're on the way there.
No.497
When people tell me I've come so far I assume they are just being polite. They don't want to point to obvious glaring problems so they try to talk positive but can't find anything specific to mention. It's why I hate those words becuase people are just trying to make you feel better when really they see you as a piece of shit.
I've literally failed in life. I never made friends in high school or college, I can't hold down a job and I hate leaving my home. I was fired for being too quiet. I even suck at being a weeb.