I understand. I miss when time was one river instead of a thousand puddles.
I get it OP, I’ve been an on and off NEET for a couple years. Before my current job I’ve only worked about 5 months in two years. I now have two months at this temp job and I’ve found what you’ve said to be true every single time I’ve worked. I think it’s that, when you’re NEET, you KNOW you have time. I don’t know about you but every time I’ve had a job the workday usually drags on (my current job feels like it goes by a lot faster than my other ones) and time spent at home goes by way faster than it should to the point it actually stresses me. I know that’s just how it is but it’s worse than I feel it is for most.
Maybe being NEET at all just screws you over with things like this. When you try and relax like you did as a NEET it can’t ever be the same because now you know whether in the back of your mind or if it’s all you can think about that work is right around the corner. I don’t think work is a necessarily bad thing either, it’s just way more difficult with mental illness. Depression, anxiety, paranoia, you name it that shit makes life in general significantly harder. Atleast as a NEET you have the time and you can take how ever much you need which can make the healing process of mental illness easier but while working the tiredness and dread only takes a lot of you out of you.
I’m not the best to put it into words either especially cause I’ve only been working a fraction of what you have OP. I don’t know if it gets better even with all the meds and self help a person can get.