I've done all that. I have the things I like, the books and the music I listen to, my writing and my music. But it's not enough anymore. I think I need someone to share them with. At least a girlfriend, someone intimate, you know.
And yeah, I think I do need to find someone. Maybe this sort of life really works for you, but it doesn't for me. I'm really getting pissed off. Part of it is biological - I need a sexual and emotional partner, and I feel increasingly frustrated and pathetic every day without one.
When I was a kid, I was that one who always got shoved to the side and ignored. I got used to this sort of treatment and eventually stopped caring. But if you've been through this sort of thing, you know how humiliating it is, and you might understand my desire to just be normal and forget about the past. And if I don't settle for someone, even a little bit, well… it won't go well for me, that's all I can say. I'm a pervert and a deviant, so I can't really expect the world to accommodate my needs. On the other hand, I understand what you're saying. I've tried settling once before, and it was a disaster.
I don't want to sound like I'm being contrary here, but this is a tough problem. It's like being chased by a bear to the edge of the cliff: either choice you make, you're fucked. I hope that doesn't sound too dramatic of an analogy.>>59
No, man. Do not envy me. This is really not a good way to live.