Greetings. Major venting post here. For all my life, I can not say I had a friendship that sustained for more then three to four years. This is obviously not the crux on what I want to convey. Digging deeper, the reason these friendships even lasted was because I was the only one trying my best to maintain them. From bringing up various topics to build a discussion, getting into their interests, remembering and bringing them gifts for their birthdays, always being positive and friendly… etc. All of these efforts lead to a delightful and well spent time with the person I am interacting with, but eventually they just stop contributing and ignore me, in favor of being with someone else. Of course, it is not uncanny for people to want to interact with others, especially with firends, or people, thay have been with for far longer, but leaving me out of the picture entirely, despite my attempts to be an open and likeable individual, simply makes me feel cheated and my efforts; fruitless. Soon, they forget about me and mingle in with the next of kin, in that large insufferable pack I despise the sight of (talking about people in groups of seven, or more). In the end, I just let them be and move on to someone new, only for the cycle to repeat again.
To further explain my efforts to keep these friendships afloat, here is the basic interaction of talking. Be it in person, or on social media. The case that is always apparent, is where I have to be the one who starts and leads the conversation. None of these people have ever even brought something to talk about, let alone greet me. I always have to be the one who drives it. They begin just fine, but as always, they screech to a halt unless I bring up the second topic. Most of their contributions are either answering yes, no, or okay, sometimes replying in full detail to answer my questions. It does not feel as if they do want to talk with me and I end up wasting hours of my time I could have spent better elsewhere. What is worse however, is the fact that I could stop talking to them for months on end and the flow will still be the same, no matter what. I simply want a conversation that can last for hours and feel fulfilling at best, but it is sad that this never happens.
Another similar case is in hangouts. Anytime I suggest that the two of us visit a fun, or new location to tour around in, the answers I receive are either a flat out no, or a yes that leads to a sudden remembrance, or incident that cancels my plan.
I could go on to other things, from how they do not root for me, payback my expenses on them, remembering my birthday… etc, but I had developed a mighy wall of text, which might bore anyone from wanting to read my thoughts. So, I will end it here, for now.
All I want to know, is if am I the one who is in the wrong? Are my expectations with friends too high, or do I distribute and try to hard to maintain it, which leads to them not wanting to be buddies with me. I just want a friend who will be with me for years and is actually responsive, diligent and delighted by everything we do, every step of the way, but I guess that will be too much to ask for. Thank You for reading, I suppose. Maybe leave a leave a thought, a question, or two, or whatever you wish to do. Vent over.
Hi Anon, take my comments lightly, I don't know what I am talking about.
I do not think these relationships ending are your fault, although I do believe you may be overlooking a more crucial step in friendship severance. I do not know your age, but life events (a partner, graduation, moving, etc) usually impact relationships like yours describe.
My only suggestion, which may fall flat from your omission of detail, is that you should make these efforts with the very most similar people you can find. Discord chats and subreddits, despite the air around the platforms, work well to find people with similar traits.
Hope this finds you as best it can, stay positive.