Ubuu, I need your advice, preferably female. I know there's probably some other place better for this kind of thing, but I basically haven't used the internet other than to lurk on chans, science and programming, some indie game development blogs and the dark side of the japanese web for about 9 years. In other words, this is basically the only place where I even post, and I wouldn't even know about other place where I could write it. Really, you guys are the only people I feel comfortable with to talk about this. It's going to be slightly long so, please, forgive me in advance.
Long story short, I've started college some time ago. I was your typical anon, that is to say, my idea of social skills was very poor, I am a knee-deep weeaboo and I was a loner kid through my adolescence. Luckily, I haven't got any problem with just talking with people, but I do have a real problem on long-term relationships of any sort. How people could maintain contact, go out and share meals and whatever, hell, talk daily was a slightly odd idea for me, mainly because I've never made acquittance with people who would be interested in talking with me that much; the concept has been always slightly alien to me. It just seemed weird, if I had to go out I felt I wouldn't know how to react, engulfed by a feeling of being lost – out of place, as my surroundings would become blurry and I would just sit there with the head low and muted. That's the kind of impression I always got of "going out" with people – and on the very title occasions this happened, it was like that (mostly before college).
Some time forward, about a year after starting college, I managed to start talking with people and forming some basic "contact" – that is to say, we knew each other names and we got together to study – sort of relationship with a bunch of guys I met there, which later grew into what you could call friendship (or at least I believe so, as I said, I suck at judging these things, but I'm fairly sure you can call it that). We shared similar interests so that made it easier for me to relax and actually be a bit of myself with nerd jokes among other things, which increased my self-esteem to talk with other people in other classes too, even of normal things I wouldn't normally care to discuss that much. Mostly out of courtesy, but overall they weren't boring people, and I was also interested in how far I could go handling it (which thankfully, went all right in the end).
Now, last year I was sitting next to a girl on a specific course both our careers shared. We have been in a sort of "contact" relationship since a few courses we shared some time back, but it wasn't mostly until this one that we actually started to talk more among ourselves rather than "in the group". Let me expand on this a bit: very early on, when the course was barely starting, I used to sit on the opposite side of the room, but eventually when we were starting the second half of our course I started moving towards her side, mostly because I was tired of carrying a chair all the way there to that other side, so I started just leaving it relatively close to the door, which was the area where she usually sat. At first she was kinda appart but eventually she started sitting next to me – I remember I said with an impish tone "Hey, I don't want you sitting here" (obviously, as a joke), to which she replied "whether you like it or not we're going to start sitting here" – and that's when our communication started to become more common. At first we talked about normal stuff, nothing too outworldly, we'd just talk about different things just to kill time. Eventually I started to recommend her some music and she liked it, and apparently had grown an interest in my tastes. Sadly, this was around the time the year was ending, and we sort of lost contact, until the final test of the course came. We were both ended it pretty quickly – I'll admit I actually finished a bit back but I was using the extra time to double-check and to leave more or less at the same time she was done, so yeah, waiting. Once I saw her giving the paper to the teacher I waited about 5 seconds so it didn't look too suspicious, handed over my test, threw all my crap inside my backpack and catched her on the corridor. We both talked about the test a bit, checked our answers and trash-talked the teacher a bit, who is a massive fucker. After that I told her I would give her a short list of my favorite albums, songs and artists – the ones in youtube anyway, as I didn't expect her to read moons or dive too deep in my trash – something that I promised I'd do but couldn't. Now, you can see why I say I'm a retard on these things. We were both talking, and I was writing AS we walked and talked. Yes, I'm that stupid, I didn't realize how bad it was until I started and couldn't stop. So yeah, we kept going until she eventually said "Uh, I'm gonna enjoy an ice cream, so I turn around next corner", and was starting to say goodbye, to which I replied, after playing the line in my head for a second and checking if I wasn't sounding too stupid, "mind if I join? I need to relax a bit, and also I could do with a table to write, this is unintelligible".
sei, fuck your automated post bot
Now, maybe you need to understand why this is important. I'm on my early twenties, and as you have correctly guessed, I'm a densha otoko tier anon. I've never dated, kissed, or even had a girlfriend. So naturally, this became sort of my "first date" ever. We got inside, and I remember just THEN that I'm broken. I don't recall bringing any money with me. But apparently some god heard my internal cry, because when I opened my wallet I saw enough money to buy something, HELL ANYTHING WOULD DO AT THAT POINT. I had a bit of problems making my order, as I was slightly nervous both for the event at which I found myself and needing to handle this "customer" paper (I really have a problem with buying things), so I probably looked really stupid, because really, I'm really not used to this stuff. Anyway, we talked a bit more, I managed to write the stuff AND also noted down my number "in case she wanted more". Yeah, I was pretty proud of that. I could almost hear the voice inside my head going "yeah mate, no worries, you aren't half-bad for this male business". After that we left the place. and I escorted her until the bus stop, where we talked a bit more about general stuff. When we reached the place, we said goodbye and, before parting ways, she asked me if I had any sort of contact media. Naturally, me being your average neckbeard, had to reply I hadn't anything, but that she could send me a message or something. It wasn't until later that I realized I just could have asked her number. Yeah. Fuck. I left standing tall and without looking back, because yeah, no worries, I wasn't half-bad for this male business. FUCKING. JESUS. CHRIST.
Some days later by mere chance I found her on the streets, she was sitting on a bench with an older woman in front of an ice cream shop, and I was running an errand, so I couldn't do more than just wave my hand as we passed each other. I've started walking the same places where I saw her, the bus stop and others with the hope of running onto her again, but chance are really slim. She never sent me a message though, but I think it's because nobody bothers with that anymore.
Ubuu, tell me, I'm a complete retard and fucked up this? I still have her mail contact since the times the teachers sent us bullshit for college, but people barely check those nowadays anyway and I feel like sending one after all this time would make me look really stupid because we only use those for teacher-alumni contact only. I mean, jesus, it's even worse than sending a letter, because a letter actually has its charm. Would it be pushing it too much writing a mail there?
I also don't even know if she likes me but apparently from her reactions she doesn't dislike me, so it means there's at least some chance, right? I mean, she did start sitting next to me, she asked about the music I listen, hell, she asked about some contact medium, right? It isn't that farfetched, is it?
I don't know anymore. hell, why fuck fuck fuck shit shit.
I'm going to assume you're male; if not, feel free to edit in your mind as you read. I skimmed so I may also embarrass myself if I skimmed too fast.
Failure and mistakes are how you learn, grow, and become a better and more capable person. Every time you "fall" gives you very valuable information on how to do better moving forward. You think all of this stuff is a huge deal and it may be a huge deal in the short term, but it REALLY IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
I'm high-functioning autistic (usually just called Asperger's) and I had a very hard time figuring out how to date. The thing is that my gross lack of "normal" social refinements meant I had to approach things very differently than someone who chooses to be alone but has a more typical mental state of being. Learning to socialize (dating is simply a niche of socialization) as someone who is not a "native speaker" of the social "language" is really no different than learning a second language. You learn much more academically which leads to better understanding than a native but some odd quirks that come with being non-native. I don't know how well this relates to you but I imagine it rings a bell.
The point is that your entire problem is a lack of education and practice. You need to study the meaning of body language and practice effective communication. The answer to your problem is to not fixate on this one person that kinda-sorta "got away" and instead move along and open the doors of opportunity to ALL THE OTHER "ONES" that exist out there. Seven billion people on this ball of dirt, it's basically guaranteed that your 100% ideal mate exists, that you'll never ever meet them, and that there can easily be hundreds of thousands that would be 90th-percentile matches for you. All you have to do is get off of your mental couch and start walking.
As for continuing anything with this girl, you certainly should try. You should try and you should be willing and ready to potentially fail. JUST SEND A DAMN EMAIL. Don't over-think this stuff. Talk to her like she is a friend you've known for years, not like someone you are horribly desperate to have a sexual relationship with. "Fake it till you make it." Treat her with respect. If a romance is possible then it'll become quite obvious after you've established an actual personal connection beyond sitting in a classroom and standing at a bus stop.
Oh, and please never use the phrase "contact relationship" again. That's not a relationship. By the same standard you have a "contact relationship" with a lot of men too. Are you a contact-gay person? See how silly that sounded?
You are your own worst enemy, my friend. That's great! You are in more control of yourself than any other aspect of your life, so get yourself right! She won't like you if you don't like yourself.
I definitely agree that I need "education" and that's the main reason I'm trying to talk with many people and learn how to behave naturally on normal situations. My problem is that I'm too shy and when I get out of that "comfort" zone and get really anxious. Of course, I know this is how "learning" goes, so that's why I'm practicing as much as I can – never turning down invitations, getting to go birthday parties, etc. I know that it's the only way to get used to them, and to not complain. I was mostly illustrating the background of the to-come two posts later on the "date".
>The answer to your problem is to not fixate on this one person that kinda-sorta "got away" and instead move along and open the doors of opportunity to ALL THE OTHER "ONES" that exist out there. Seven billion people on this ball of dirt, it's basically guaranteed that your 100% ideal mate exists, that you'll never ever meet them, and that there can easily be hundreds of thousands that would be 90th-percentile matches for you. All you have to do is get off of your mental couch and start walking.
Oh no, I don't think like that. I know that eventually something like that may happen, I actually didn't plan to go into any relationship if nothing raised, and I'm still okay with that if things ends like that. Still, It'd be nice. So I want to try, therefore why I am in so much doubt. For long enough I postponed these kind of things, and I think I'd rather try now than to regret it later.
>As for continuing anything with this girl, you certainly should try. You should try and you should be willing and ready to potentially fail. JUST SEND A DAMN EMAIL. Don't over-think this stuff. Talk to her like she is a friend you've known for years, not like someone you are horribly desperate to have a sexual relationship with. "Fake it till you make it." Treat her with respect. If a romance is possible then it'll become quite obvious after you've established an actual personal connection beyond sitting in a classroom and standing at a bus stop.
Wouldn't that be too pushy or something? I was hoping to bump into her and asking, since that seems more natural to me…
I'm mostly afraid I may come as a desperate fuck or something and I fuck it up completely. I mean I'm not even interested in sex that much, just experimenting a relationship is fine by itself. If it comes to that, fantastic, but I don't see that happening because neither has a place to. And I'm still trying to think on what the fuck I should even talk about. That's why I wanted some advice from a girl or something, that'd certainly drive away this stupid thoughts out my head. Damn. Shit shit.
>Oh, and please never use the phrase "contact relationship" again. That's not a relationship. By the same standard you have a "contact relationship" with a lot of men too. Are you a contact-gay person? See how silly that sounded?
Uh, English isn't my first language. How do you call the people you know by name, only see in classes, and only ask if they understand the subject and how to solve the problems/help them? "Acquittance" seems a little off.
>She won't like you if you don't like yourself.
You just nailed hard into another problem of mine…
Ehhh, all of this seems really remote to me. Listen anon, word of advice, that girl has a very superficial understanding of you. It's very clear that you put on a facade when around other people, which is fine, it's normal, but you can't say that that girl is even your best friend, let alone girlfriend until they have a deeper understanding of who you are. If you were to ask that girl what you would do in a hypothetical situation, she would probably have no idea. Just keep this in mind, any relationship you might have with her would partially be built on a lie. Here's the thing about relationships and people in general, they don't really care about anybody else. A friendship is just two people sucking out entertainment from each other. There is no genuine appreciation for the other person's existence, there is only a hunger for, "fun", and, "experiences" and, "validation". If you fail to feed people their petty novelty, they WILL lose interest in you and very fast. I came to realize that the cycle of relationships is ultimately meaningless and that I shouldn't take things to heart. Listen anon, if you ever do find a, "soul-mate", don't be surprised if it's the twentieth girlfriend you'll end up having. Maybe i'm delusional, but for me personally, any relationship in which I constantly have to satiate the other person's gluttony so they wont just forget about me like I never even existed, isn't worth it.
It's not pushy to contact a friend because you want to talk to them. A big part of the problem is that you see yourself as some sort of walking obligation that you don't want to force upon others, but that's not quite how it really works. If she doesn't want to deal with you anymore, she will make it clear. You are not going to screw up your chances with someone by contacting them to say hello and strike up a nice friendly chat about what's on your mind. You will screw it up if you actually ARE pushy but by not even opting to have a conversation you're two steps removed from even having the chance to push at all. You not only have to make contact but then make some kind of demand that is rejected before you have a chance to "be pushy" about it. If she told you not to contact her or constantly blows you off then perhaps your contact would be pushy, but there are no signs that anything is wrong.
It's all in your head, my friend. Give in to the madness and say hello. You'd be surprised how much a few characters of text can brighten a day; I once texted a random photo of me wearing cat ears and making a funny face to someone I rarely speak to anymore and haven't physically seen in years and it turned out that she really needed the laughter (ex-boyfriend was a con man and she had just figured it out before he could get one over on her.)
People crave genuine positive interaction with others. Hell, some 50-hour work week professional types go so far as to pay prostitutes just to talk and cuddle a bit. Consider that your actions could make someone happy rather than annoyed or obligated or frustrated. Isn't that reason enough to give it a shot? The worst case is that she ignores your message, so you really have nothing to lose.
Acquaintance (not acquittance, that's not a word but looks like "acquittal" as in criminal justice) is the correct term for a person that you have met but have not established any significant relationship with. I would consider a customer that I chat with for a few minutes at my job or a person I see every day on the subway and have chatted with a few times or even a girl that I met once and slept with on a one-night stand but never talked to again to be an acquaintance. Once you get to know more about a person than can be learned in an hour or two and you intentionally spend time with each other, you're friends instead of acquaintances. The problem with "contact" is that in the context of "relationships" it generally implies a sexual element; with an acquaintance, that sort of implication is generally considered "creepy." If I knew English wasn't your first language I would not have thought it to be so awkward though. English is a pain in the ass and I'm a native speaker part-time Grammar Nazi(tm) of it. :-)
>>18338>I also don't even know if she likes me but apparently from her reactions she doesn't dislike me, so it means there's at least some chance
There's a bigger chance of her only seeing you as a classmate/acquaintance/friend at best though.>Would it be pushing it too much writing a mail there?
I appreciate the kind advice, anon, but somehow I'd rather at least try than to not. I mean, I see what it does to be a read-only bot who never interacts with real life at all, and how deranging that can be for people like us, specially on these kind of boards. Hell, I've kind of been such a robot for most of my life, half by choosing it, half because my lifestyle made me one, therefore why I'm here in the first place. But experimenting is what life is all about, right? I think I'd just prefer to see how deep the muck is than to hear it's just dirty and that I'll need to clean my pants later.
And I've come to realize that people isn't that bad, mostly. I mean yes, there's a lot of nasty things out there, and ultimately nothing will ever bring us closer a single inch from each other no matter how hard we try, but I've come to grips with that fact a long, long time ago. I've lived long enough without much emotion for a long while to realize how it goes, so maybe I can try a change and see the other side of the coin. I mean, I've been a dirty otaku for as long as I remember, so I've always accepted that some things were near impossible. But apparently it's within the realm of possibility now, so it's worth the shot. I know I'm pretty exited by the possibility but it's not as if I'm idolizing relationships/romance; I may be stupid in the communication department, but I'm not a child, thankfully. I've seen a couple or two and how it usually goes, mostly from my brother, among others, so I realize it isn't kare kano. Life isn't easy, and definitely not perfect. But I don't even seek that. Life is one, and even shorter than we think, maybe I'll build a tower when I become 30, maybe not. But I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that I built it simply because I didn't want to try when I could. And anyway, the prospect of shooting fireballs isn't that bad, so at the very least I know things won't suck much if I get kicked in the ass.
>Listen anon, word of advice, that girl has a very superficial understanding of you. It's very clear that you put on a facade when around other people, which is fine, it's normal
Dunno about that, honestly. I didn't put any façade at all. I simply didn't talk that much about my tastes other than music (which is purely japanese shit anyway). She does knows I'm a sucker for anime though, since she heard me talking with the other guys about doujin, games, VNs, etc before (I kind of slipped my powerlevel a bit there); at the very least she knows what kind of interests I have, and she it didn't seem to mind them. Basically, most people at college know broadly my interests, but I don't push the matter onto them so they don't mind. It's like knowing someone is a sports-maniac (or something) and not minding it – as long as the fucker isn't pressing the matter onto your freaking face every single moment, you let that be.
>But you can't say that that girl is even your best friend, let alone girlfriend until they have a deeper understanding of who you are. If you were to ask that girl what you would do in a hypothetical situation, she would probably have no idea. Just keep this in mind, any relationship you might have with her would partially be built on a lie
Well anon, she can't because we haven't talk that much outside classroom, but she could! That's my point. I'm not imagining a road coated in sweet honey and rose petals fluttering in the wind here, but not getting my kidney stolen by her either, or she getting mad at my collection of lo… no wait that's fair.>>18344
Right, that does make sense. I suppose I'm just too anxious about these things, I even have problems writing to teachers or other students sometimes. I really would like to know where this "obligation complex" comes from though, it's been affecting my progress for a while. I suppose that could work that out as homework or something.
About "Acquaintance", spellchecking fucked me there. It's late and I kind missed it. I still don't know. There was a word that just fits perfectly but I can't remember it now.
Thankfully english wasn't so difficult to learn (well, compared to japanese or chinese), but when you know 3 latin-derived languages, spelling of english words gets kinda messy, plus the weird pronunciation. Also I have this fucking tendency of not reading what I write until I post.
I need to start writing a blog or something so I start getting used better to it.>>18345>There's a bigger chance of her only seeing you as a classmate/acquaintance/friend at best though.
Well, she did start sitting next to me instead of other people she knew in class, that's got to be a strong point, right?
I don't think people are bad, but I don't think it's in their nature to actually and whole-heatedly care about any other person. Every little thing about you. Every fetish, every quirk, every opinion, every pet-peeve, every interest, everything that is disgusting and repulsive which lurks in every person. There is no one alive on this planet who can completely understand and accept every inch of you. There is nobody who would actually give their life for you without a second thought. To go even further, there is nobody who would regularly put your interests above theirs. If you're fine with that, go ahead. Bend over backwards if that's what you really think will make you happy. Maybe i'm just alienated from other people, but they have never satisfied me on an emotional level. The pervasive distance between even the people who I could actually call friends at one point is ever present and inevitably expands until our relationship is null and void. Growing up, the cycle of my sister calling somebody her bff, spending way more time with them than her family, and eventually growing distant with that person and completely ceasing communication with them at some point was constant. Over and over again. When I asked about her about this, she just said that the whole point was just to have fun with somebody else. That's it. I have never gotten tired of another human being, but apparently other people just see each other as a means to an end. Personal gratification.
A person's parents are usually the people to care about them in this way. No one else. To expect that strangers would care about someone in the same way their parents would is naive. Of course, lots of people don't have even that.
Again, I never idealized love or anything like that (in fact, I never understood why people do), so it's not like I'll be disappointed or anything if a stair made of thousand words doesn't bring me any closer to the warmth of the sun. And lower pressure makes water boil at lower temperatures anyway so I don't mind staying down here.
I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of experiences without getting anything good from them. Honestly, your sister sounds like she has a few screws loose or something, and she sounds like the kind of woman all men should avoid at all costs. I think they're called vampires or something, it's been a while since I investigated the dangers of the opposite sex.
I can see how the distance between the people you just know tends to grow. Incidentally, in my experience it was always a rather deep and wide chasm by the time I got there, but mostly because my tastes are rather weird and uncommon. I just got didn't interact with people because people weren't that interested in interacting with me. I just got off of animation, learning and games, and that was it. However, now that I've grown up and I need money to survive, I realize how important putting some experience points into charisma, communication and social skills is. I may as well enjoy the extra goodies that come with that.
So… anyway, I'm going to (try to)
send it tonight and fuck it. Whatever happens, it better be now than later. Thanks for the input, sorry for the show.
Send the email! Hell, maybe start asking people you know if they know her too. I have been in a similar situation before, and tbh the farther you let someone get from you, the less and less internally justifiable it gets to re-connect. How long has it actually been since you last talked? If it's only been a year or less, you certainly have time! Plus you go to the same university still right? For me, said person is no longer anywhere near me and I don't have the chance to re-establish a relationship. If you don't even try, you'll just walk the same streets for months reminiscing on what could have been. Don't make it romantic from the get-go, just get to know her better.
Go for it, I believe in you anon!
>>18355>Send the email! Hell, maybe start asking people you know if they know her too
Unfortunately, I didn't get the number of any of the people of the batch I knew from that course that could have her number, so no chance there. I've got, however, the mail of one of the guys but I'm reluctant to ask him… this is too personal and I feel it'd be immediately obvious and I don't trust him enough to feel comfortable with that (not to mention it's just sending a mail but to a different contact, so kind of pointless). I'd also prefer to ask her myself any of that than from a third party since that seems more sincere and/or makes me less of a creep by going around asking info about somebody… at least I for one know I wouldn't feel good if somebody goes pocking for my info here and there instead of asking me personally.
>How long has it actually been since you last talked?
About a month ago. I last saw her in that ice scream shop a week later.
>Plus you go to the same university still right?
Yes, but we're in different careers and that course was the last one they share since here's where they branch into more career-specific subjects. With some luck I may may bump into her in any of the buildings but nothing more than that. So yeah, I fucked up by realizing this late I was interested in trying. Hahaha yeah…
I'm still working out what to write exactly, the tension is worse than the ones I felt at my worst during any final test. I feel it could almost pierce through steel. Now I see why densha had so much problems with just a phone call.
At the very least the motivation that came from all of this is doing some good, I started to take daily strolls, if only not to spend so much time sitting at home.
Thanks for the encouragement, I feel like I really need some strength now.
Meeting? As in, going somewhere together? Uhh that's a bit far from the idea I had in mind, but I think I can make that work but… I mean, fuck it. I'll try it. Meeting to talk about music, that's it. hah fuck… she did comment to me that the people in her career were pretty boring so yeah, maybe it doesn't sound that weird.
Now I just hope she checks that mail. Since school's closed and we only use these for teacher/student internal communication. It may be a desperate shot but I'm sure she'll eventually see it. I just hope it isn't in two months when classes start again.
So yeah, writing right now…….
And ended. No, couldn't ask for a meeting in the end. I want to prove the waters first; she could have gone somewhere with her family or something, I don't want to push a "can we meet one of these days?" without know what's happening on the other side and end sounding stupid. I don't even know yet if she's going to check it soon.
It basically went like this "hi, how did that test go? Did you like the list of music I gave you? Couldn't hear what you think of it, and also have some more recommendations if you're interested. Happy holidays". Haven't sent anything yet, in case I regret it in two hours, but I'll definitely send it today… tonight… before going to bed, at least. But definitely sending something.
Very good advice, do exactly this. Also, one month? That's nothing. >>18360
Why not meet up? Meeting somewhere doesn't have any real connotation to it. Invite her out to a coffee shop or something and just talk, I do it with normal friends of both sexes. Plus, that gives you a small crutch to fall on because you get to do something together instead of straight conversation. This is the day after so I hope it went well if you already sent it. If so you could totally do it if you get a response.
Come back and let us know how it went.
>>18360>I don't want to push a "can we meet one of these days?" without know what's happening on the other side and end sounding stupid
Seriously, she won't expect you to have information that you have no way of knowing. You are NOT going to look stupid from asking her to meet on a day when she happens to be busy. If that happens she will probably say 'Sorry I have stuff going on that day, but maybe I could meet you the weekend after?'.
> Haven't sent anything yet, in case I regret it in two hours
I'll be real with you: Whatever you send, you are definatley going to regret it immediatley after. THIS IS NOT A REASON NOT TO DO IT. This is clearly putting you through a lot of anxiety, so you will feel irrational stress, but this passing regret is nothing compared to the regret you would feel from not doing it.
>definitely sending something
Great! You are awesome.
I really do think its a good idea to ask her to meet in real life. Everybody at her workplace is boring right? She probably misses you as much as you miss her! I bet she's dying to give you a big kiss ;)
>>18361>Also, one month? That's nothing.
That's a relief.
>Why not meet up?
Nothing wrong with asking, it's just the way I'd be asking that bothers me. I mean, I don't want to go and write "hey we should meet up one of these days so you can tell me what you think of these artists" or something and send it into an account she barely checks for college to receive a response in two months. It just seems too weird. It's just that bloody "obligation complex" I have, I suppose.
If I manage to achieve a more real-time communication, or at least the security she's actually receiving (and waiting for) my messages, I was planning on meeting in some café, since I really don't know other place something like that could work (not the best weather for ice cream or something like that).
It's still early here (about 7 hours until bed), so haven't sent it yet, in case something better than what I wrote rings a bell (hasn't happened so far).>>18362
Same as above, I want first to confirm I'm not throwing myself into the wolf den only to find the dusty bones of the pack. If I get bitten I definitely plan on going through with it. With extra sauce and seasoning. That could also make it clear whether she's still around or busy.
>I'll be real with you: Whatever you send, you are definitely going to regret it immediately after. THIS IS NOT A REASON NOT TO DO IT. This is clearly putting you through a lot of anxiety, so you will feel irrational stress, but this passing regret is nothing compared to the regret you would feel from not doing it.
I know, that's why I'm doing it regardless of my opinion on the matter before going to bed.
>I really do think its a good idea to ask her to meet in real life. Everybody at her workplace is boring right? She probably misses you as much as you miss her! >I bet she's dying to give you a big kiss ;)ah fuck pls don't do this to me, I'm too weak to new experiences and prone to fanfiction tier imagination.
In all honesty, that sounds like a good message to send to someone you aren't particularly close with.
I would personally recommend holding off on the offer to meet up until you guys get another conversation going at least, but you do you. Good luck.
Oh man, I'm so happy for you. Congrats and good luck with the things that may happen in future.
I already congratulated you, but I'm going to do it again because I'm bored and you're cool. I hope things turn out well for you, be sure to tell us how it goes!
From now on we hold a festival every year on january the 5th to celebrate the day OP did not fuck up his email.
Congrats OP I am happy for you, a lot of people aren't even willing to go that far, but OP, you're too needy and inexperienced, you have oneitis, I hate being the one to say it but your relationship will probably fail at some point for some reason the girl won't tell, either that or you will get friendzoned. Love can take you to lofty heights but it hurts like hell when you go down again so I really want you to get prepared for it right now.
The reason I say this, (and remember this so that you won't spend months asking yourself why it happened) is simply because you are too needy and inexperienced at this point. You need to level up more, get lots of friends and date a lot of girls so that you wouldn't get excited by every little sign of attention that a girl gives you.
Don't let this depress you, but when the girl either friendzones you or gives you "the talk" please treat it as absolutely no big deal, even a uber normie doesn't always succeed with his first girl so look at it as training or as a stepping stone towards the best thing. Until you marry them, women should be seen as totally replaceable.
A bit more advice:
If it happens, don't remain in the friendzone, it will kill your self-esteem and waste time that you can use to talk to other women and improve yourself, start right now.
Don't look for reactions from a girl, it doesn't matter how many times she laughs at your jokes. It only shows that she doesn't dislike you.
Look for results instead: she likes you if you flirt and she flirts back, if she lets you hold hands and touch her (appropriately), if she lets you kiss her and doesn't get disgusted, she at least specifies a different time if she is busy and doesn't give lame excuses to not go on a date.
Don't say something stupid like "can you be my girlfriend?" with needy puppy-dog eyes after a few dates, this is a very common mistake. Don't say it at all. Girlfriend status is confirmed by results: kissing, cuddling and flirting.
If you don't flirt, you'll end up in the friendzone. Learn to flirt, it's easy and fun and prevents you from getting nervous.
Thanks a lot, everyone. More than likely I wouldn't have done anything if I hadn't posted here.>>18382
There's no need to do that, Sei barely remembers to turn the snow on, hardly remembers halloween and plus more <DIV> will kill our browsers. I can hear my GPU crying. Feel free to drink at my name or shitpost away or something, though.>>18386>I hate being the one to say it
Before addressing the rest of the post, please let me comment on this first. I never understood why people disregard opinions or advice just because it isn't sugar-coated, so don't hesitate to be "that guy", ever. I've been calling and being called faggot, retard, autistic and many other names for a long while on the internet, so as long as you have a point or aren't doing it out of malice and or trolling, no matter how unpleasant it may be, anything goes. Being the gadfly is a really relevant position when giving advice, although not mentioning the problems is a good way of teaching too, since we tend to remember our fuck ups better than our achievements (but it takes more time to learn). Nonetheless, it's a very solid role that should be taken more regularly.
>OP, you're too needy and inexperienced, you have oneitis
Yep, very inexperienced, green as the grass, old as the mountain; you can call me "hill", or Wakazou Oka, since that actually sounds like a name.
I always hated the kind of gay analogies between caterpillars and butterflies, so I'll just say that in my case I'm some sort of cicada, only maturing after a prime number of years so I don't grow up when there are lots of other cicadas out there, but without all the noise and fuck the little bastards do. This is probably what I should have done 10 years ago, but here I am, trying it now. Can it be called "oneitis" if she's literally the only woman around me? jk
Honestly, I'm only doing it because I think there's a chance of it happening, and I wouldn't go down just because it doesn't work. I mean, I wasn't joking when I said I was training to clean my wizard tower, and I've grown some resistance to solitude and… for a lack of better word, "loneliness". Sorry it sounds so edgy but I can't word it any better. I never understood why people lose themselves so much over the fact they are "incels", don't find "the special one" and all that capricious-kid bullshit. In my opinion, people should mature and realize they haven't got it that bad if their happiness is at hands reach. Not wanting to stand up and grab it is an entirely different matter. Sure, everybody gets disappointed because something we want to do doesn't end happening, but throwing your life away just because of it and smoking the same shit every single day? Circlejerking with the same old joke yet again and again? Le vent se lève!… Il faut tenter de vivre!
Thanks for the rest of the advice though, I'll definitely hold it in mind. I mean, I don't see the world through rose bonbon glasses and I've lived my life with a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" philosophy, but the "don't look for reactions, look for results" is something I didn't know and definitely something I'll note down deep in my brain. However… flirting? Hinting something while pointing at the opposite side direction? That kind of thing passes through me completely. A complete different language I can barely understand. It seems it's time for education; I can't believe I'll be finally reaching the final chapters of The Well Cultured Anonymous, but it seems to be the time. Oh god I hope I don't sound too awkward.
So how are things going, op?
Not much going on. Nothing happened. Lost contact, went back to low profile and I'm focusing on my studies.
Well, at least I tried. Sort of, I guess. I suppose that depends on the point of view.
I don't want to admit it's a bit satisfying that things went exactly as I thought they would, but it's true. Hope you got something out of this experience, op.
Let's be honest here, nobody had many hopes, but I still wanted to give it a try simply because I doubted it'd happen ever again.
>Hope you got something out of this experience
That I need a dakimakura.
I take it the x-axis is in standard >>18334> mainly because I've never made acquittance with people who would be interested in talking with me that much; the concept has been always slightly alien to me. It just seemed weird, if I had to go out I felt I wouldn't know how to react, engulfed by a feeling of being lost – out of place
everyone goes through that same social discomfort but you somehow seem to feel entitled to avoid it. what makes you better than the rest of us princess?
its somewhat telling, the fact the it takes the protection of an anonymous imageboard for you to admit that you've isolated yourself out of fear that you might run into people who don't love absolutely everything about you the way that mommy does. gosh theres different people out there and they all don't keep pleasing and comforting you as their first priority at all times, how horrifying.
on the graph question i just partially posted, is the x-xais is standard deviations, if so how big was the population and how well does that curve fit the observed data?
>>19439>everyone goes through that same social discomfort but you somehow seem to feel entitled to avoid it. what makes you better than the rest of us princess?
Care to explain exactly from where you've drawn this conclusion? I haven't mentioned not even once that I'm better than anyone else for being bad at being social nor that I feel discomfort for people who "don't love absolutely everything about you the way that mommy does", and if that's not enough, let me say it: I don't. People are fine the way the are, I am just broken on that aspect, but, well, I've sort of come to terms with it.
If I take the quote you made in your post as a reference, I hardly see the correlation between it and your analysis. Is it the "mainly because I've never made acquaintance with people who would be interested in talking with me that much"? Because what I meant is that I've never been able to form a relationship with people because there never was a person who spoke with me outside of casual chat, or seemed interested in developing a relationship with me, and how that always seemed alien to me because I've never had the chance to actually participate in any of that, and how even now I feel out of place regarding these social events, because I've come to see them as something that happens to other people and can't shake the feeling I'm not doing something natural. Are you telling me that you connect instantly with every person you see on the street and you have the potential to develop a full relationship with a complete stranger regardless of anything, and I'm just stupid for not being able to do so? For the record, I mean people who don't share any interest at all with you. I hardly see why
this makes me entitled for avoiding something that never had the chance of blooming.
>the fact the it takes the protection of an anonymous imageboard for you to admit that you've isolated yourself out of fear
I am not scared of relationships, I'm just not used to them, I'm just socially inept. As I've said in the second post, I'm slowly developing a small social circle, and I'm fine with it, except for the low self-steem problems about feeling out of place. I fail to see how you see an obvious case of inferiority complex as me being entitled.
>on the graph question i just partially posted, is the x-xais is standard deviations, if so how big was the population and how well does that curve fit the observed data?
It's a population of 500 or so transistors and the probability of them being broken, plus scalars. The originals adjust pretty well to the observed data. The title is just a joke, I thought it would be pretty obvious that the population is actually (near) 0.