No.15181
I have too much money and I don't know what to do with it, I'm not joking, I'm tired of saving and I don't really want to buy anything.
No.15183
>>15181Give money to some charities, start something, invest, give to people who need money. I'm broke and jobless because I don't have a car. I'd be more than happy to take some.
No.15184
I make strict plans for myself but at the end of each day, I didn't get to do all the things I set out to do. Such to include, job hunting and exam prep. I fail at life.
>>15181same as anon
>>15183i'm behind rent and enforcement proceedings are going to cuck me any day now.
No.15193
>>15174latitude@cock.li
>>15189Go on and elaborate if you wish, I'm sure you want to.
No.15194
>>15174Contact me, my email is seisatsu@uboachan.net or seisatsu@seisat.su. I love meeting or talking with people from the boards.
To answer the thread, I just found out an old friend of mine might have stolen something (illegal) from me and gotten caught by his mother with it, putting my house in a perilous position. Gotta figure out if that really happened or if she's just being neurotic (I don't trust her one bit), but holy shit it sucks to have this thrown on you.
No.15196
I have homework due tomorrow (actually today lol) and the instructor assigned basically impossible homework problems that I can't imagine someone not being graded down on. im tired and might not wake up in time for class tomorrow :)))
No.15210
>>15193Nah. My post was long enough already, don't you think?
Or is that your point?
No.15214
Some of my friends are in sticky situations and continue to burrow deeper. One of them
(the one who, for years, I considered my best friend) has strayed into such depths of drug usage that I scarcely recognize him. The other is hiding out on Azeroth to escape the looming threat of foreclosure.
I've tried to help them, to no avail – the former and latter alike brush off my concerns
(ironically, each criticizes the other behind their back for doing that). Yet, part of me feels that I need to work still harder to assist them, that I'd be responsible for their failure should I let them be. This bothers me: I alone pulled myself through the sour parts of my life; I alone changed myself and made the difficult decisions when it was necessary. Even now, there are many major changes occurring in my life, and I'm handling them on my own.
Are my friends incapable of doing the same? It's not as though they don't know that they're alienating all of their old friends, or that they're struggling to make ends meet. Why don't they do anything about it?
>>15181http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ No.15215
>Finally get out of neetdom
>Exams start this week
>Almost none of the teachers have given proper explanations of the subject
I don't know how people manage to pass like this. Teachers start talking about things unrelated all day.
Also, MGSV released and I've got no money to buy it, crack isn't out and my old console just died.
No.15220
I hate how one of my roommates is in rehab and the doctors want to keep him sick on opiates for a while to run tests, so he completely lacks and social or self awareness. He asks stupid questions that are either complete word soup or based on a situation he imagined and he asks them without caring if any of us were talking, concentrating, or doing something else, and he doesn't shut up until he has his bizarre line of questioning completely satisfied.
I want to punch him every time he talks when he's high but if I'm mean to him I feel like I am bullying a sick person and I know one day he will recover and become a better person.
>>15215I hate this, this winds up forcing me back into NEETdom quite often and it depresses me that others don't suffer with it as much as me. Maybe they do, they seem to not understand the question. But sometimes they pass because they turn in complete but wrong work, and I get so stressed about doing it right I sometimes forget to do parts and get incomplete grades.
Thankfully I have tried college enough to occasionally get a professor who gives a single fuck anymore. Some teachers are shitty but also the only ones qualified to teach obscure subjects, or are the only ones they can afford.
No.15226
>>15224You might not see me in 5 years.
No.15232
I keep falling into a vortex of distraction. On the internet, there's always something more attractive just around the corner. I'm way too entertained and not productive enough.
No.15235
I'm frustrating myself
No.15237
I hate how I can't do anything. I bought persona 3&4 and quit right away because I was scared of having to make personas. Anytime I open a VN to practice japanese I immediately want to quit and do nothing. I can't even browse chans anymore because I skip reading most of the posts cause I can't be bothered anymore. I'm scared of everything and I can feel my mental health deteriorating every day. Since I can't do anything I have all day to mull over how much I hate myself. It's a big joke.
No.15238
>>15213you need to drop contact. I know people who've been through this. Just say your goodbyes and move on. Your love will fade and you'll be better off. It's hard but you have to do it for yourself.
No.15239
>>15238i've tried we've gone a whole years without talking and we still keep coming back to eachother.
No.15240
>>15239then don't go back. Love isn't worth anything if the person treats you terribly.
No.15241
>>15232I know how that goes. Perhaps you should time yourself and restrict yourself to a certain number of hours of computer usage per day? I've found as well that keeping records of how long I spend on the computer each day can act as a motivator to spend my time more productively, so that's another option to consider. Alternatively, you could try to boost the productivity of the time that you spend on the computer by lessening the influence of the distractions; maybe one of the tools here could be of use?:
http://99u.com/articles/6969/10-online-tools-for-better-attention-focusThen again, be careful about the "must be productive" mindset. At one point, I had so thoroughly convinced myself of the need to be productive that I became restless and anxious whenever I wasn't working on something. Productivity is nice and all, but so is taking time to relax – in fact, the latter is arguably more important.
>>15235In what way(s) are you frustrating yourself?
>>15237The first thing to do is to identify something that you want to do. Once you've identified a task, set a timer for fifteen minutes – I'd suggest placing the timer such that you can't see how much time is remaining, since that could distract you – then work at the task until the timer goes off. At that point, you're entirely free to stop, but you can also keep at it if you so desire. The task in question could be anything from reading all of the posts in a thread on Uboachan to writing a book, though it'll be easier on you if you divide more complex goals into small subtasks.
At present, you seem to be stuck in a self-defeating loop: You feel that you can't do anything, so you don't have the motivation or confidence to work on anything; since nothing ends up getting done, your impression of being unable to do anything is reinforced.
What I hope you'll realize, however, is that, both neurologically and psychologically speaking, it's all a matter of habit. That is, once you begin accomplishing things, you'll feel better about yourself for said accomplishments, thus empowering you to achieve yet more. Concurrently, your brain will adjust itself to become more adept at working on things, thereby enabling you to reach even higher levels of productivity. Of course, it won't be all that easy, as your established habits will fight tooth and nail against the changes. Nonetheless, I'm confident that you'll be able to push past that resistance.
For more information about the neurology of it, take a look at the "Your Brain on Porn" video series (
http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series) and at the "Brain Rules" website (
http://www.brainrules.net/).
No.15242
>>15241>Then again, be careful about the "must be productive" mindset.Precisely. I'm unrepentant about the time wasted on the internet. The source of my frustration is that sitting on my ass just doesn't pay me. And it likely won't. So, to sum it up: I need a job. We all know what has to be done to fix that.
Nice to have you back with advice posts.
No.15268
>>15174What troubles you? The nervousness? The fact that you're not so good at conversation and you think they'll judge you for it?
People are just people and their judgements are meaningless. Moreover, people aren't going to judge you too harshly for this, they know that everybody has their weaknesses and you're probably not the only person they talk to who isn't so good at conversation. Sure there are a few complete assholes out there who will but those people are assholes and you can be glad that they'll probably try to avoid you. Most people just aren't like that however.
Uboachan has an irc channel you could try. I've not been myself but I'm sure the people are just lovely and would be happy for you to come and chat.
>>15179>Its dumb and selfishYeah, but we all do dumb selfish things. All that matters is that you attend to fixing them.
>I cant help but get upset.No, you can and you're going to have to if you're going to fix this. There are reasons behind what you do. I do not know what they are, as such, I cannot help you much but these reasons hold the key to understanding this and, therefore, the key to knowing what to do about it.
It may be that you already know the reasons, it may not. If you don't, just stop and think about it. It's your mind, on some level you know how it works and the answers are in there waiting for you.
If you find yourself stumped then you should try repressing the behaviour as much as possible. Be very strict with yourself, if in doubt err on the side of repression. This means that the root causes of your problem no longer have a means of expressing themselves. The pressure will build up until it finds another method of release. This may sound a little extreme, but the idea isn't to try and permanently repress this, just temporarily in order to learn more about the situation.
This method is useful for two other reasons, often you notice that actually no pressure is building up. This implies that this behaviour isn't a release for something, it's not a symptom of a deeper cause, it's just a habit and it can be kicked by continuing to repress it, no problems. Other times the behaviour is an immediate problem and you don't really have time to worry about what's causing it. In this case it helps to try and give yourself other avenues of expression. Once the behaviour is dealt with you can worry about the root cause or just live with the new behaviour as you please.
>>15189>The fact that I had to leave the one place where I felt like I belonged.No matter where we are. Sooner or later, we must leave.
>The fact that it seems like every time I care for someone, they leave.Nothing can last forever.
>The fact that all I can do to sit here and do nothing.You can do as you please.
>I'd fight like hell for my happiness if I could. I'd get a job, learn how to fall asleep on planes… I'd do anything. But the one thing I can't do is force someone to see me again.You cannot force someone to see you again. You can fight like hell for your happiness. The two need not be intertwined.
>And that's what's frustrates me the most. I don't want this to slip away. I really, really don't. But I can't do shit about it if the people I care about don't feel the same.Anon? By the sounds of it it's already slipped away. You left and so did they. That is the past and nobody, nowhere can do shit about it.
>God, I hate just sitting around and doing nothing while I lose everything important to me. I hate this so much.Then stop doing it. Here and now you have a life to do with as you please.
>Let me go after what I want already, goddammit.I cannot. You want the past and that is beyond the reach of either of us. The problem here is not your ability to obtain what you want. It's what you want in the first place.
>>15214>that I'd be responsible for their failure should I let them be.I know that feel. I've spent a decent portion of my life offering advice to those that need it. If there's one thing I've learned, you cannot help those who will not help themselves. For all the advice we can offer them, for all the sense we can try to talk into them, the decision of how they will lead their lives and the responsibility for that rests with them and them alone.
No.15284
>>15179It also helps to realize when repressing it like the above post suggested is that jealousy is an instinct and if it isn't doing you well than you have the brain and will power to realize it's useless to you and try to make an effort to stop. Try and be patient and work on skills you can use to get the affection you want, and stuff the feelings of jealousy when they arise until you can figure out what to do about them. Just remind yourself these feelings aren't doing you any good right now.
No.15298
I wasted my time repeating the same school year four times. I knew I had to study and attend class but I never bothered doing so. Then right after failing my last exams I would always feel like shit and promise myself I'd be more sensible the next year.
Never did that until this year, thanks to my father who enrolled me in an academia. I'm in my early twenties and my father had to fucking take my computer and phone away from me because otherwise I would waste my time instead of study. For a few months I attended every class and studied every day for 4 hours.
After I passed my exams and got good grades I thought I had changed, I thought something snapped in my mind and I would never waste my time like that ever again. My father gave me the computer back.
I've wasted two months worth of vacations doing literally nothing while I could have been studying/socializing/anything else that isn't spending hours in front of a computer. I doubt I've changed at all.
School starts soon and I don't know what to do, I feel like I won't ever be responsible or mature and it's really worrying me.
After losing the computer I felt like I got my life taken away from me, I never bothered socializing but somehow managed to have some friends who would every weekend try to make me get out of home. Most of the time I wouldn't answer the phone or ask my mother to tell them I'm not home.
Now everyone asks me when I'm going to get a girlfriend, when I'm gonna buy a car, when I'm gonna get a job, but I don't know how to do any of those things. I've always lived in the bubble of internet without worries and now I have to face the "adult" life.
I regret so much being a massive idiot but I genuinely don't know what I want out of life. I'm doing the same mistakes all over again even though I know I shouldn't do them. I waste my time listening to music when I could be doing any slightly productive activities such as improving my English, playing videogames or even reading a book. I feel immensely lethargic and unable to face reality.
I'm not sure if this is the correct place to type all this incoherent, unorganized shit but in case you got through it, thank you.
No.15301
>>15298I know how you feel, my advice is if you like nature you should take your study material with you and leave the house and go to the woods or somewhere else where you're alone and without an internet connection. You will be suprised at how productive you can get once you have no direct distraction that never ends.
No.15305
>>15298What do you do besides listening to music? I bet you have read lots of interesting things on the internet and that you didn't waste your time. Reading this thread, for example. I wouldn't call this a worthless activity. Sharing ideas, exchanging jokes and images with cultural/topic relevance is a rich experience, one can write whole books about this.
If anything, you would be at least improving your English by writing huge posts like that.
> I don't know how to do any of those thingsI would say you probably know how to do all these things, everything you listed is simple. Buying the best sword in a shop in a RPG is the same shit as buying a car (working for the money, researching which are best). Maybe you just think these are all boring? They make you anxious? Both?
> I regret so much being a massive idiotWhy are you calling yourself an idiot? For not being "productive", if this term even means anything? You anxiety is killing you.
Just chill, and start to realize that memorizing a bunch of math formulas isn't that much greater of an achievement compared to memorizing stages on a game. The same with going to work and doing repetitive activities to ensure your living. You didn't lose time at all, just start doing it to guarantee your living.
You don't need to comply to social pressure, focus on yourself. You don't need a girlfriend if you don't want.
Stay on the computer, just be sure to not injure yourself with bad habits (eat well, do some exercise), and having enough income to support your computer time. The life is yours, enjoy the journey, but try not to bother others too much in the process.
No.15306
>>15298Would you please describe your music listening habits and preferences ?
No.15317
>>15301I'm not sure about the place yet but I think I can work something out. That's a great idea, thank you.
>>15305I'm gonna keep it short because I've been here for 2 hours trying to type a response and I can't manage to type anything meaningful.
I want to thank you for your helpful post, it sparked a little bit of tranquility on my mind.
>>15306My musical preferences are not very diverse, I like post-rock, hip hop, some EDM stuff, some folk, but mostly I listen to post-rock.
Usually I just open youtube and listen to my previously watched videos, picking songs here and there without putting a lot of effort in paying attention to the music. Most of the time I just want some background noise because I hate silence when I'm on my computer.
No.15319
>>15268Small talk seems like a skill. I just don't have it, i can't talk about nothing. I have to start talking about a certain topic and it's usually a very technical and to the point conversation which overwhelms people. Not all of them hate it but conversation with me isn't pleasant for most.
On top of that I'm super nervous and self conscious. I could tell myself that other people's judgement is meaningless all day and it wont calm me down one bit.
No.15323
>>15319>Small talk seems like a skill. I just don't have itNot yet you don't.
>I have to start talking about a certain topic and it's usually a very technical and to the point conversation which overwhelms people. Not all of them hate it but conversation with me isn't pleasant for most.That's because you're talking about your own interests and most people are kinda maybe just a tinsy little bit self-centred and not really interested. Most people get round this by having interests like pop music and TV shows and other stuff that the other person is interested in and this is what most small talk is. Friends have the advantage that they're both interested in each others lives to a degree, so catching up always provides a decent subject.
Ultimately though most small talk involves one side being not that interested in the conversation, that's why a lot of people hate it, however, there are subtle cues as to just how bored a person is willing to tolerate being and they can take time to learn. Personally, I take the easy way out and let them set the subject for discussion (when I'm not avoiding small talk altogether), asking someone what they do in their spare time and then just asking them questions about whatever they say is good. This can leave you a little bored when it turns out they like watching paint dry but most of the time I find that if you listen to what they're saying and do your best to see it from their point of view it's pretty interesting.
>On top of that I'm super nervous and self conscious. I could tell myself that other people's judgement is meaningless all day and it wont calm me down one bit.That's understandable. As much as their judgements really are meaningless, as much as this is plain truth that isn't so hard to see, it's not easy to actually live it. Humans are social animals and not wanting the people in your tribe judging you is a natural instinct, but like so many of our natural instincts in the modern age it's one that's better bitten back.
Also, you have to realise that people aren't judging you nearly as harshly as you think they are. Curiously, an example of this just happened to me. Someone joined an IRC I frequent and asked if anyone wanted to skype and watch anime. They said they were lonely. The IRC said they didn't like skype due to privacy issues, cracked a few jokes on the subject and the guy left abruptly. I'd guess the guy thinks they've judged him and don't want much to do with him. In reality they're currently discussing how they can track the guy down to apologise for the misunderstanding (seriously).
People are generally understanding. We aren't kids any more and we aren't animals. When most people find someone who isn't so adept socially their response is to try and help, not to think less of them for it. As much as your fears are a real obstacle to overcome, they are also irrational and in order for them to go away you have to bite them back long enough that you can truly see this for yourself and it might take some time. Please, give people a chance, don't worry if they crack jokes at your expense (this is also a natural thing, it's to toughen you up and everyone gets it) and try to take your mind off the fear. When it rises up, just ignore it and refocus on something else.
No.15325
Mad at myself for being a dumb asshole and tossing away the two friends that really mattered to me back in 2011. I don't know what I was thinking then.
Maybe I can contact them again.
And also for being a useless NEET, but there's more apathy towards that part than anger, since I can't help it.
No.15332
>>15325Damn, I did the same thing man. One of em even tried to contant me a year later and I did it again. Don't know what the hell was wrong with me.
No.15336
>>15332I hurt them badly enough that they didn't try to contact me again, but I was able to get to one of them earlier this year, back in March or so. He quickly blocked me after I said who I was, but through another friend, I got a message on pastebin to him and he seemed like he forgave me a little. I think I'll try contacting them again next year.
No.15360
What has been annoying me is why anything exists. How does something like the big bang magically create creation? I suppose more generally what bugs me is that there will NEVER be an explanation for this phenomenon. You can say a `God' created the universe. Alright. But that would always lead to another question as to what creates the creator. The idea of the infinity is just so mindbogglingly void of anything. Jesus fucking Christ I'm losing my mind here.
No.15366
>>15362Why would you want to be male?
Wejust jerk off and toss our lives away because we can't be easygoing girls.
No.15380
>>15366I just don't feel right in a girl body, I guess. I'd definitely want to live as a girl if I could feel like one, but I just can't.
No.15383
>>15380Tried being a boy at all?
Had very similar feelings, as a boy wanting to be a girl. I'll never be as "girly" as I want to be but just looking like a girl helped me in a lot of ways.Had genetics on my side, had it a little easier than others.
No.15384
>>15383I felt the same way a few years ago. From what I thought, the logical course of action would be to simply grow a penis. After trying it turned out horribly wrong, don't do it.
No.15385
>>15384Sounds like something a moron would do. You can actually try to make change in your life, or go boo who until you kill yourself.
No.15387
>>15383Been doing my best! I was luckily born with an androgynous voice, and by deliberately making it deeper makes it sort of masculine, so it makes it easy to pass at times. Never got that big of a chest either, so binding is no problem… I've even had some store clerks call me sir, and it makes me feel warm inside.
Here's to hoping we can all pass as the gender we want to be!
No.15395
>>15394we're all going to.
No.15397
Wizardchan is getting trolled and divided, chans are infested with kids and people who only found out about them recently. I feel like an internet refugee but there's no place that grants me asylum.
No.15398
>>15397Getting old sucks.
No.15400
>>15397>Wizardchan is getting trolled and dividedIt's been always trolled and divided. I'm actually surprised it managed to get so far with the constant storming from normies and r9k fags, although the fall with all the staff going autistic was pretty much the "no return" point.
Still, I get you. 4chan acts like reddit, and the smaller imageboards I visit are getting more and more inactive. I have some hope in infinite chan but even there I find these kind of people.
I'm considering futaba. It seems like the last sane place so far. Alternatively, krautchan still doesn't look that bad either.
No.15403
>>15397>WizardchanIt's been self-destructing for a looong while now. It's what it does, get used to it. Personally, I left it long ago. I'm good on human misery for the rest of my life, thanks. I'm not doing so hot in life, but they still called me a normie and told me to leave, so whatever. It'd be stupid and pointless to try and prove them wrong by pretending I'm something I'm not.
>>15400>I'm considering futabaWait, are we talking THE Futaba? Futaba Channel, 2chan, the progenitor of 4chan? Isn't it Japanese? Does that mean… you can speak Japanese? If so, hats off to you, Anon! That looks like a tough language to learn. I don't even know how to type in the moon runes using a keyboard.
@kids and newfags: I'm with 15398 on that one, we're just getting old. There is no point in complaining, because that's precisely what grumpy old people do.
No.15405
I'm easily influenced. Be it internet or real life, I can't help it but bend myself to blend in and please the crowd. I try to tell and affirm myself that I'm independent but when I interact with other people I can only mirror their behavior. I can't disagree. When I'm on the internet my inner feelings change depending on the site I'm browsing and what opinions I'm reading. One minute I strongly feel like a right-wing activist and the next one I'm a liberal. I have no personality. And that doesn't only relate to politics (which I don't really care for). Even when I'm completely alone I don't feel like I have any strong characteristics. I feel like a colorless, shapeless blob. It makes me extremely frustrated because all other people I know and meet seem to have strong views, tastes and personalities.
No.15406
>>15405Be more contrarian, then.
Honestly, I'm not kidding. It helps build character.
No.15407
>>15406I know what you mean, and I've tried it but I can't convince my inner self to be like that. I have an outer persona I use to interact with people, and I've gone through some shit in life that's supposed to build character (poverty, loss of parents) and I'm still the same way. I think it's the way I was raised by my overprotective mother, but that's just dumping responsibility on other people.
No.15411
>>15405Oh, I can relate to that! I also feel like I have no personality or strong opinions, and certainly have no views on politics. Except I'm not annoyed about that. Maybe it has to be that way. Maybe some people are just gentle like that. My disposition seems to be soothing to others, and I think they appreciate that quality of mine.
I heard that personality is not character, though I'm not yet sure what that means.
No.15414
>>15411I think it's my unconscious trying to fit in that makes me feel frustrated about it, despite my conscious efforts to not give a fuck.
I'm also a very calm person IRL, and most people like me. It's nice to find a similar person online. Cheers.
No.15416
>>15397But, wasn't that the situation from the very beginning?
No.15417
>>15403>Personally, I left it long ago. I'm good on human misery for the rest of my life, thanks. I'm not doing so hot in life, but they still called me a normie and told me to leave, so whatever. It'd be stupid and pointless to try and prove them wrong by pretending I'm something I'm not.I actually didn't got here often either, I just passed by a few times and it was nice when it started, but went shit after a while.
The ironic thing is that, considering the site standards, I was more than "qualified" to be part of it (18+, virgin). However, because I wasn't a NEET (even when I have no friends at all, I consider 3DPD horrible and I just leave my house for college), I was called a normie and alpha.
I really don't justify the storming it suffered, but a lot of people from its lasts years were/are seriously fucked up in the head and full autistic, so I it didn't really surprise me when it picked the normalfag interest as a mocking place.
>Wait, are we talking THE Futaba? Futaba Channel, 2chan, the progenitor of 4chan? Isn't it Japanese? Yeah, ふたばちゃんよ. I can't speak japanese well but I understand a good bunch of it, and I managed participate in a few threads without anyone realizing I'm BAKA GAIKOKUJIN.
I'm actually more scared of KC since my german is extremely poor.
>@kids and newfags: I'm with 15398 on that one, we're just getting old. There is no point in complaining, because that's precisely what grumpy old people do.I already gave up on complaining, but it still gets me to see "xD", ":3", "triggered :^)" and other stupid bullshit that doesn't really have place in imageboards so often. And they ain't even joking, they use that shit on a daily basis in non-ironical conversation.
Most of the time I decide to ignore, but I can't shake off the feeling that that's precisely the reason of why the internet is becoming tasteless as of late.
No.15418
>>15417>but it still gets me to see "xD", ":3", "triggered :^)" and other stupid bullshit that doesn't really have place in imageboards so often.I'm pretty sure they are being ironic most of the time. Not like it makes it any better but still.
No.15420
I don't think it's frustrating moreso than frightening but being surrounded by people that are taking consistent strides in their life (getting married, getting into stable relationships, having kids, graduating, finding new jobs or landing a career, getting their shit together in general) and meanwhile here I am just barely trying to get my shit together, unsure of what I want to do with my life (if anything at all) and knowing that all of these hobbies that I enjoy doing really would never amount to the accomplishments that everyone around me is achieving. What makes things worse is that every passing year, when I meet them, it always feels like I'm the only one that's never changed and that every time we meet I feel like I've wasted a whole year whereas they've spent it basically elevating themselves to a point where it feels like we can't even relate anymore
Furthermore, I know it's not their fault but it's 100% mine and again I'm trying to get my shit together but I wish I could just do it without feeling the pressure from everyone around me; I wish I could just take my time with life but it's just so hard to do it when it feels like everyone else around you is moving on so quickly
I don't know, I know I'm slow in many ways but it just gets me how much more slower I'm moving compared to everyone else, and I have had moments where I just want to stop and go somewhere else and live a quiet life on my own, but even the prospect of that scares me
No.15421
>>15420Getting reminded of what a loser i am like this just makes me want to crawl into a corner and die.
Fortunately i have no such people in my life, but i still cant help to think like this sometimes.
No.15426
Im sick and tired of being a friendless loser.
Id be happy if i had even one fucking friend.
I would be satisified with one real friend i could hang out with and talk.
No.15428
>>15427IRL, i got some of the best possible online friends anyone could ask for, but its just no substitute.
No.15429
>>15428Why don't you meet up with your online friends? Too far?
No.15431
>>15426Why do you consider having friends is some kind of achievement? More precisely, why having IRL is some kind of achievement?
Alternatively, if it isn't, why do you feel having friends has enough value as to consider yourself a loser for lacking personal in the "buddy department"?
No.15436
>>15429Yeah, no chance with that.
>>15431Been friendless for 10 years since i became a neet.
Im sick of it, neet life had its fun but i cant do this anymore.
It didnt occur to me until some time ago just how much i could use a friend.
Its not as much making me a loser not having friends, but just i always was in some way.
No.15438
I don't know if I should drop out (of university) or not. I'm pursuing a major in computer science and I'm not -really- interested. I'm not really interested in anything, other than playing video games competitively (league of legends). I'm not good enough yet to play in the premiere league, however I am good enough to make a significant amount of money by playing. I don't know the exact wage, but it would be more than a wage slave and I would be able to stay home all day.
I'm not desperate for money or anything because my family is very well off. I'm not particularly scared of being cut off either, although it is a possibility. I am living on my own (with a roommate), and it's not as if I'm depressed or anything, in fact I am the happiest I have been in years. I am happy being alone in my apartment all day with a little interaction with my roommate every now and then. The only thing I would be worried about is when the game I play dies, I will have no extra income besides what I would get from my parents, if they decide to continue supporting my NEET-dom. Maybe I could take a gap-year, but my parents have already paid for this year's tuition.
I would appreciate any opinions on the matter. Should I just pull the trigger and be a NEET for the rest of my life?
No.15445
I'm currently going to school and I'm a few years older than most of the people in my class since I'm doing my high school upgrading. There's a girl in my class who I really want to get to know but I'm too much of a coward piece of shit to even talk to her. Today we had a group discussion in a small group of 10 people and I absolutely hated it because I fucking hate talking in groups especially since most of the people there are very good at being social and just cut you off when you finally muster up the courage to say something. It was literally half the table talking to each other without giving us a chance to say anything at all. Finally after 30 minutes they decide after they've went over everything if us more quite people had something that we wanted to add. Naturally we looked at each other with blank looks because there wasn't even anything else to cover
Pissed me right the fuck off. Especially since it was an oral participation mark so we most likely got 0 because these pricks didn't even give us a chance and took advantage that we were too shy to add anything while they're yelling at each other.
After all that is done with I got to the cafeteria to get a coffee and the qt girl that I'm interested in is sitting there and I'm too much of a fucking piece of shit to even talk to her. So here I am on the computer on the library and the fire drill goes off. As soon as I get outside I notice that she's standing literally 10 feet away from me and I STILL can't say anything to her even given two situations where she was alone and I could have even just said "Hi."
I also have a math test this afternoon and I suck at math so there's even more stress to my day. I hate working as well but I can't leech off my parents like some people do so here I am going to school, stressing over not having any friends and working just so I can pay a little bit of rent and don't get kicked out.
Fuck, I'm stressed. Thank you.
No.15453
I just want to hold someone and get tender with them, but I've put up this guise of being the cold, unfeeling asshole for so long that it's uncomfortable to just drop it, even for a few minutes. It'd be nice to be held by someone and bask in their warmth for a little bit.
No.15455
>>15453…Guess this doesn't really help much, does it? Well, I love the warmth of a good hug too. And I know how it feels to really need one… So just know that if we ever met irl and you said "hey I'm that tsundere anon that wanted a hug" I'd give you one so warm and intimate you'd regret asking for one. *evil laugh*
But, since I am just some random stranger on the internet that you most likely will never meet and wouldn't want to anyways…
Maybe set up a free hug stand and say you're doing it cause of a dare? Or cuddle with a warmed up body pillow? Or, if you're getting desperate, cosplay as a beloved character at some convention? (People love hugging cosplayers. Bonus chance of getting hugged if the demographic of the show you're cosplaying is known for being really friendly.)
Whatever you do, good luck anon. I'm sure you'll find your hug soon.
No.15458
>>15455I'm not a tsundere, but thanks, I guess.
No.15460
>>15459What? I'm seriously not a tsundere, get over yourself.
No.15461
>>15460You're not gonna win no matter how you reply
No.15462
>>15461Look if anything I'm a kuudere, not a tsundere. Fuck your shit, man.
No.15469
>>15468Look, that's if I'm any type of dere. Obviously if I had the choice, I would be none.
No.15471
>>15469Still made you admit it.
(No shame in being a dere, man.)
No.15472
god I missed the friendly gay autism of past-ubuu
mr. dust, are you wilfredpal?
No.15473
>>15472Wilfredpal?
Nope. Can't say I am. Why?
No.15474
Why did you assholes have to derail the thread?
No.15476
the fact that anons are very frustrated over this thread about being frustrated is pretty funny
No.15480
>>15474>>15475>>15477You anons really are funny sometimes, y'know that? I mean here you are, complaining about not being able to complain. Complaining about being frustrated. On "a thread for the frustrated."
Well, at least the name is more fitting now.
Don't worry, I've already had my fun. You guys can get back to your complaining now. Or, wait… You already have, I guess, haven't you?
…Well this is confusing.
No.15481
>>15477I know I'm showing my weakness to you right now, and what I'm about to write is probably exactly what you're going for, but wow, seeing you force this stuff over and over is actually pretty annoying and I'd really prefer if you would stop. It's really bothering me. "Do something Sei" is not funny, was not funny and is never going to be funny. All I see is this dumb line repeated ad nauseam as if that would somehow make it a great, funny uboachan maymay. Worthless, pointless.
I guess I'm frustrated about that. I understand if you don't want to give it up. I can always just leave. If you keep trying hard enough, maybe you will eventually make it catch on. If that's what you want then I can only wish you luck.
No.15483
>>15481Two anons ITT said it was funny, I think it's funny too, so you're the alien here, even if you don't find it funny you should be able to live with it.
If you can't breath the same air than a joker imageboards are not the place for you and you should join a normal forum or tumblr.
No.15484
>>15473because he was a nice faggot
No.15489
>>15484Oh. Well, thank you for mistaking me for him then. Do you know why he left? Or did he sorta just stop posting one day?
>>15485Who really gives a shit, though? I mean seriously, What's the point of yet another thread where we all complain about how crap our lives are if we don't at least have a little fun? Why not cheer up some random
kuudere anon a little with some good ol' teasing? Or at give another anon a good laugh? I mean seriously, what's the point of all this talking if no actual conversation happens?
Ah, right. Sticking to the rules. Allowing anons to be miserable in peace.
Okay, man.
No.15491
>>15489>i dont giv a shit bout this thred>therfor nobody givs a shit bout this thredNice logic m8, a derail is a derail. It's still against the rules.
Suck it up dude.
No.15492
>>15489Agreed, honestly.
Fuck, the closest thing a lot of this community comes to interaction a little more is stagnated skype groups full of autism and, well, being annoyed at each other. I know it's a community for social fuckups, but it's kinda sad, because it's like you get all the bullshit of shitposting and none of the fun.
Besides, for those complaining, it IS technically on-topic. :DDDDDDD
And yeah it's a derail but jesus christ it's a derail on a board that's committed to talking about how fucked up you are. I know it's not /ot/ so that might matter a slight amount but is it REALLY that much more worthy of being taken ultra-seriously than /ot/?
Aw fuck it I'll bitch here about what's annoying me and make this fit a little.
The more anyone means to me, the more they hurt me. Or at the very least, the more I'm sure they will, and they generally do. I think part of that is my fault, but it's maddening and makes me not want to be alive sometimes. Not that it makes me want to kill myself, it just makes me not want to be alive.
No.15495
[-]
No.15499
Yo I have mad homework to do
But I'm not doing it
No.15503
I fucking hate all these things that are expected of me, by my family. Not just my parents, but also other close family who constantly ask how it's going with my studies, whether I've gotten my driver's license yet, etc etc. I wish I could tell them to all fuck off and let me live my life the way I want to, but I don't have the balls for it plus I don't want to dissapoint them any further.
I want to move out and get a home job as IT support or something, but that shit is much harder than it seems for me…
No.15507
My mom divorced my dad out of the blue, when I was 4 or 5, forever ending my potential to live a healthy life. See, it's like this…before I could spell properly, or do multiplication or whatever, I knew the meaning of division. Before I had gone to kindergarten and sung the alphabet, I knew that if a woman likes you, and marries you, and you have a kid, and then another kid, and you move to a new country, and have another kid, then she can still just go: "Oh, wait, nevermind."
I started to self-harm when I was 4 or 5, too, because when I lashed out at other kids, I got into trouble. When I self-harmed, not a single person on Earth gave me any grief.
I fought everyone as a kid, and alienated almost the entire generation I schooled with. I instantly had a marked personality disorder, which the more venomous teachers would note and latch onto, humiliating me as a matter of routine, because they knew they could get me to cry in front of everyone, and feel like big, powerful men who can make little boys cry by yelling at them.
Every time my mom got "tired of me", she would evict me from her house and force me to go live with my dad; by then I'd bounced between houses for years. As an adult, when I finally confessed that I self-harmed, my mom said, "Oh, everyone knew", and then gave me until she got home from work to permanently leave her home. I have not been back since.
Her unwarranted divorce taught me that at the end of the day, no matter who you know or who loves you, or what you have together, you can just throw it all away the second you feel you want something else. Thanks, mom. The family disintegrated on that day, and everyone has moved farther apart every year, since. I hate my siblings so much. My memories of my sister are just her screaming for me to get the hell out or shut the hell up, or of her slamming doors. My memories of my brother are of him holding me down and spitting in my face, eyes and mouth. When he died in a video game, he would scream directly into my face that I was bad luck, and because I was a diminutive child, he would often physically throw me across/from his room.
The worst bullies at school *never* gave me trouble nearly as vicious as my "family" (I call them relatives now, actually. A family is a functioning unit; these people are merely related to me.)
So…I grow up *not* being taught how to love, *not* being taught how to make friends, *not* coming home to a safe place, but one of verbal and physical violence. I never learned self-esteem, because it was drilled into me that I was bad luck and a downer and it was all my fault.
I got suspended from school over and over, and almost got expelled.
My dad's solitary advice during my teenage years: "Stay away from women, they'll steal your love and your money."
Funny enough, this sort of "advice" is actually damaging to be given, and so I was never able to justify inflicting myself on another person by means of dating. When I was 13 I did not date any 13 year olds. When I was 20 I did not date any 20 year olds. Now, I am 28 and cannot date any 28 year olds.
I went to college for a year and a couple months, before the lifetime of stress and social mistrust and sheer inability to enjoy being around other humans led to a mental breakdown, and I dropped out.
I returned home and became a recluse in 2007 or so. 8 years later, it is 2015; I am 28, have never known filial harmony, have never dated or been in a relationship, and have lived for 5 long years in this one-room apartment, not working, and only going out to get groceries.
I am on welfare.
1/2
No.15508
>>155072/2
All this…all this…all *this*, and EVEN THOUGH ALL I HAVE IS WELFARE…
My dad made it so that I could only get on welfare if I gave him 66% of my cheque every month.
Think about it…the only thing I have to hold myself up with is a welfare cheque, and I am only allowed to get *less than half a welfare cheque*.
Every single month it is a full-time occupation to keep myself fed and clean and whatnot, because the only way I can make it through a month and have anything left over is to buy (literally) everything cheap/on sale. I can never buy fresh chicken or beef, for example. It's just too expensive and would take up a big chunk of my meager income.
Still here? This is not even the bad shit, yet. This shit just makes everything harder, and fills me with a deep, black grief.
So…a few years ago, still in this one-room apartment, I was living alone with no income. I was fired from welfare for a whole year because I forgot to send in a form. I had to live one entire year using a VISA card only for every purchase and for cash advances for stores which didn't accept credit…never making any payments on it. Goodbye credit score. My debt was eventually bought and sould at least 4 or 5 times, but my response was to stop answering my phone in 2012. It worked, and they never found me, but seriously, how fucked-up is that?
Anyways…It all blew my self-harm out of proportion, and I found myself hitting the front and back of my head into my concrete walls, or smashing my face into my counter, or into my mirror, and so on. I have visited a few doctors in the years since, and am 99% certain that I have permanent damage to my frontal and rear lobes. Frontal lobe damage degrades executive functioning, meaning that I have become *WORSE* at managing money, *WORSE* at planning ahead, and *WORSE* at keeping impulsive behavior at bay.
I've always felt like I had a weird character, internally, but now…after so much cranial trauma…I feel almost wholly devoid of character. I hit my head into the wall maybe 50 times or more, and punched myself in the face, temple, and head HUNDREDS of times over the years, breaking my nose, breaking teeth, etc. I once split my scalp by clubbing myself with a wooden chair leg. This is all just a reflexive reaction to simply being alive, now. This constant self-destruction tinges my every day.
The thing I find funny is that nobody cares. I think about suicide constantly. When I see a bus drive past, every time my mind flashes to visions of me throwing my head under and bursting like a grape, and nobody cares.
Not one member of my family has actually reached out to take my hand or anything, and THAT is how I know that they truly don't love me.
Despite all the violence and friction growing up in a shattered household, you'd think that if at least one single person in the world cared for you, they would, you know…appear. They'd appear and try to help.
But no, nobody cares.
I've never made lasting friends, never been in a relationship for even a quarter of a second, never grown up feeling loved, never trusted a single person in this whole world, and you know what?
It doesn't matter, because outside my family and a few local people who remember me from school, nobody knows I exist.
I've been thinking about suicide for years, sure, but in the past year or two it has become deathly real. I plan it out, and experiment with methods which would suit my limited situation. I test-tie various things around my neck and pull them tight, but I don't actually have many things to hang myself with, it turns out.
It doesn't matter. I've written down my entire life on the Internet, across various webpages, and it's my obituary.
I've already mourned myself and written my life down for the future to read. If the physical me goes into the ground and melts into the soil, very few people are going to take notice.
No.15509
>>15507Also, should anyone finds it interesting, in a rare encounter with my mother recently, she told me that she divorced my dad and broke up our family because she was unhappy, and thought it was my dad making her unhappy. It turned out that it wasn't actually him; she was just unhappy with herself, but she's doing a lot better now!
She's an independant woman now, with a new husband who works hard to support her financially and keep her able to do her hobbies. She is a bitch to him, despite his mountainous efforts to keep her in money.
No.15510
>>15508>>15507>I've been thinking about suicide for years, sure, but in the past year or two it has become deathly real. I plan it out, and experiment with methods which would suit my limited situation. I test-tie various things around my neck and pull them tight, but I don't actually have many things to hang myself with, it turns out.I'll tell you why this is bullshit. You claim that nobody cares for you, and that, leaving your relatives and friends aside, nobody knows you or has any method for reaching and helping you. Not only that, you've been living like this since you were 4, and copped with this "suicide" ideas for about 2 years, yet you never tried it. If you really wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't use excuses as cheap as "I don't actually have the means to kill me"; more so if the situation is as hopeless as yours seems to be.
Suicide is easy, ridiculously so. You only have to put your head inside the oven and turn on the gas, and if that seems too difficult, just slitting your writs is more than enough, for you can use simple stuff like a knife/razor or even broken glass to cut yourself. There are thousand and cheap (and even free) ways to die, and they don't even require you to get out of your own house. Man, even if you don't want to accept it (or perhaps you haven't realized it), you want to be saved somehow; you didn't give up yet. Unless there is some other factor here which explains why you haven't tried to take your own life, or you are a masochist.
Your family is shit, anon. And your mother sounds like a selfish bitch. I ain't gonna tell you nice stuff like "ganbatte, anon-kun!" because that would be pretty hypocrite since I can't give you even just 1 solution to any of your problems. But this much I can say: suicide has always been in the reach of your own hands, but you've never taken it. Help isn't going to come, so if you still have any hope inside of you to become happy, you will have to pursue it yourself. Seek help. The people surrounding you during your early years is just toxic; so you will have to look for other alternatives. I know of cases where good friendships were born here in uboachan, where people supported and helped each other during really harsh times. But for that to happen (or something similar), you will first have to ask yourself if you really want to be saved. The choice is yours.
Good luck.
No.15511
>>15510Sold me; I have been so weak not to take the plunge
No.15512
>>15510Also, I guess it bears relevance a bit, but I did try to slash my wrist once, but ended up in hospital cause I did it when I was still at home. I think if I fucked it up again, then I would probably be committed at this point. I'd surely have my apartment taken away.
I've settled upon stabbing myself in the neck, though. I broke a mirror recently by punching it and there's been this huge shard hanging around.
No.15515
I have been worrying about whether or not I am going to wind up living a good life. I am not really into success or anything like that, but I do want to live my life making a living off what I love to do and constantly meet knew people. But it has been a little over a year since I graduated high school (I get that I am young) and I have not attended college yet (which I wanna do, and the dead line is soon and I don't know how to apply for scholarships), I am not in an intimate relationship, and all of my friends are either working full time, going to school in some distant part of the state, or are out of state, and I have only just found a job. My worst fear is aging and not making the most of my energy which eventually will run out causing me to live my life working a dead end job I hate and my life will only be mediocre.
No.15516
>>15508I'm really sorry that all this happened to you anon. wish I could say something meaningfull (but I guess that's not what the thread is for?).
My current frustration is that I can't seem to draw from observation no matter what. I can draw, but I can't measure anything to save my life. IT IS FRUSTRATING and I feel like a dumbass for not understanding how to compare measurements against each other.
No.15576
I can't leave my apartment complex because I don't know the password to the front gate. Send help.
No.15582
It seems like pretty much every internet community is either too big to really feel any personal connection to, full of idiots/meanspirited bullshit/autism, or set up to cater to a particular interest I don't have. Maybe it's time to try and meet actual people finally. Granted, most of those are boring and/or stupid. Sheesh.
No.15584
>>15582You're not going to make any friends with that attitude.
No.15585
>>15417I post on /int/ all the time. You should lurk a while.
No.15586
>>15582that's bullshit anon, I found 3 people on the interwebz that I talk to ALMOST every night on a irc channel that I made. We've been doing this for 6 months.
No.15587
>>15585Yeah, two days after posting that I started to go to /int/ quite regularly. While it doesn't give me a feeling of "belonging" like uboachan does, the activity level is pretty good, and since there are people from all the world it's interesting to discuss worldwide topics.
Maybe it's just a matter of time
(I'll probably get used to the place after lurking enough). The userbase always seemed nice and sane too, and I wish I could speak german to participate in other boards. I'll check later if I find an interesting guide to learn nazitongue.
No.15588
>>15508Jesus christ, grow some thick skin and a pair of balls. Stop being such an edgy teen just because your parents are split.
Get a life.
No.15589
>>15586Little difficult to find random irc channels that seem interesting.
No.15592
Logically I'm aware enough that they're absolutely horrible for me I'm not going to pursue them.
But I still can't get my mind off them. Even a little. I stay up until 7 AM thinking about them and regretting and feeling like hurting myself or at least destroying something, then sleep in until 4 in the afternoon even though I know it's just wasting time, because when I'm lying there, half-dreaming, I'm fully aware of one thing at least: I will at no point during the day be nearly as comfortable as I am then.
I didn't have anyone or thing I care about nearly as much in my life before or after. I really don't know what to do.
I actually have some sort of reason to get out now, so maybe I can find someone else, but I don't know if I even want to.
No.15595
>>15589>random irc channelsmake an irc channel and post it in some thread on some chan that you like. If people join the channel don't be an autist and start some random topic. Sure some people will leave but #real niggas will stay w/ you and you can circlejerk about anything and it may be awkward at first but like I said the #real niggas who are with you will stay and it's going to get comfy within 2 weeks and they'll start coming out of habit.
No.15596
>>15595That's actually good advice. Thanks. What chan outside this one though? This place already has its share of irc channels. I'd say lainchain but I'm really not enough into /g/ shit. Maybe 420chan.
No.15597
>>15596>sushi>kraut>tohnoThose are the only ones I'm familiar with and that I consider okay chans.
You may want to check this thread >>>/ot/12465
No.15598
>>15597I remember enjoying krautchan but I'm burger as fuck. Might just post on 420's /lit/ just an experiment, to see if even a few people come. Last U remember it wasn't quite dead at least.
No.15599
>>15596I found my friendooos~ on /int/ (yes, 4sux I know), funny thing is none of us posts there anymore
No.16098
>>15383that gay af smh tbh fam
No.16101
>>15189It's worse when they feel the same but for whatever reason want nothing to do with you.
I wish this would stop happening.
No.16118
The usual assortment of bullshit life problems and drama with an icing of misanthropia, all of which could relatively easily be resolved with a nice influx of significant amounts of money, but that shit ain't ever happening.
No.16125
>>16111I would kill to live alone.
My mom's boyfriend's nasally voice is the most unpleasant thing in the world. He starts laughing like a mentally challenged person every night at inane things. Then my grandmother comes to visit every day to help with looking after my step-brother. She doesn't understand the concept of an indoor voice and still treats me like a 7 year old. My mom is the only one I can sort of stand when she isn't playing mind games with me. But those other two make me want to jump out the window every day, even though a fall from the third floor may not even kill me. The TV is blaring at all times of the day too. I've already hurt myself a few times because I don't know how else to process the anger of being stuck in this horrible place. When I hear their voices, I cover my ears and start cursing under my breath repeatedly or chanting "stop talking, stop talking, stop talking." I can't focus on anything or have a peaceful respite. My imagination is muted as long as I am here.
I desperately need my own place. I want silence and peace of mind. This is my biggest wish, but because of social phobias and OCD this is looking impossible. I am afraid that it will soon acclimate in something as severe as suicide if it's not resolved.
What I've described may not seem like a big deal to an outside observer. I am not homeless or directly abused, for instance. But from where I'm standing, it's nothing short of a nightmare. Extra details about me would help the reader understand why I react this way, but this is merely a post on a message board, not a book. Thanks for reading.
No.16126
>>16125>Extra details about me would help the reader understand why I react this wayI would like to read those details, if you don't mind.
No.16127
>>16125I can feel you a lot.
My house is noisy and I can't stand my mom's boyfriend. He always makes every sort of noise and can't chill down or shut up for a minute, it's like he always HAS to do something. I already told him that it annoys me but not much has changed.
They also usually talk out loud to the TV for stupid chit-chats or useless rants like about the weather or the breaking new of the moment and of course I can hear everything from my room.
I developed misophonia.
>I cover my ears and start cursing under my breath repeatedly or chanting "stop talking, stop talking, stop talking." I can't focus on anything or have a peaceful respite. My imagination is muted as long as I am here.Sadly I can totally relate. I've done this a lot of times before I started listening to high volume music in headphones almost all day long.
When I don't want to listen to music, I usually listen to those long youtube videos of binaural sounds. Just to have a background noise and mix up the voices.
No.16129
>>16126Bulk of upbringing by a psychopath, inability to get the feelings and connections I want out of life… in truth I don't even think a book would paint an accurate picture so I'd rather just keep it to myself unless there are specific things I want to cover.
>>16127>misophoniaYeah, I get you. Mine mainly originated from developing a mild case of hyperacusis which meant that I could never enjoy the intricacies of music since frequency perception is all screwed up. Over a period of time I sort of just lost interest in many things so I wasn't able to immerse myself in activities on the computer as effectively. Then the child was born (nothing against the child) and from there everything got significantly louder. Now I do the same thing as you regarding noise generators and the like.
I have to say that the unrest itself, while being very annoying, is not the entire problem. Their voices are also a slap in the face, reminding me that I'm *still* stuck here with them instead of living my dream life. I can't seem to bridge my imagination to reality. My (day)dreams remain just that.
Deep in the night when everyone else is asleep and I feel at ease, I start to feel like this is ultimately a good thing, because it is actively pushing me to try and get out of here, even though I see it as near impossible. Because I've truly never wanted this kind of life. I've only ended up here because of disappointments and compromises.
No.16133
>>16128Come on now
You should have known this before you entered the industry. You should have chose an actual paying profession.
No.16137
>>16133lel. Epic trolling buddy.
There are no 'actual paying professions' you can enter into now. Either you're already climbing the ladder, or you'r stuck with shit that's worse than artistic prostitution.
No.16230
>>16137What about engineering?
No.16235
The great divide that's happening between races and cultures around the world because of incomptent leaders.
Why am I not allowed to enjoy my culture, while acknowledging that the culture (white christian) I grew up in gave me what I have today, too many black people blame whites today. sad.
No.16236
>>16235Many times I feel like tumblr is just advocating for racial segregation. I've read shit, man.
No.16237
>>16235World war 3 soon and damn it I'm still alive.
No.16238
>>16236In the US you have an "activist group" which is known for using any opportunity to loudly bitch and moan and disrupt everything. Someone gets shot trying to beat EMTs responding to the gf he just beat and they shut down half the city. Someone comes to their protest wearing masks and refusing to take them off and they harass them, they walk away and surround them and begin to beat them and when they open fire because they're surrounded by a fucking angry mob they imagine it as the KKK coming down with military gear to put them down. And in every case the media gives them exactly what they want, attention and legitimacy.
It's funded by a billionaire, I honestly wonder if nobody else sees the obvious ploy to divide and conquer. But then there's enough idiots that go along with it you wonder if they deserve to be that cut off and made fools of.
No.16239
>>16238Funny thing is that even the niggies admitted in the news that they started the shit and not the /k/ommandos, but then the media wanted to make them look like nazis just because of memes.
It's sickening.
No.16256
>>15405I'm more defiant and independent irl, because I don't have any friends or attachments. On the internet, it's a different story. I also adjust my actions and behavior depending on whatever site I'm frequenting, because I have this thought in my head, that my acceptance and sense of community is solely based on being apart of an image board. This restricts me from doing the things I want to do in life, because it might be regarded as "normie behavior" or "shit taste". My self esteem is so bad already, I question why I go to places like 4chan, wizardchan, lainchan, ect.., when those communities have such elitist guidelines. And no, I'm not speaking from experience, I often get the approved "good taste anon" comment on my posts, but that's because I've meticulously shaped my taste to please these people, so I won't feel so alone.
No.16257
>>16256I feel like this is the average imageboard user. Especially for super toxic imageboards like wizardchan. Uboachan is tolerable but still houses unfriendly visitors.
No.16259
>>16256I think it's fairly expected for a young person without self-esteem or identity to latch onto a group's behavior to be accepted. A lot of people can attest to copying the mannerisms on 4chan to a cinch when they initially discovered it.
But it doesn't have to be the only way. For instance, Ubuu has very little elitism and so it doesn't suppress individuality as much. There is less traffic in places that don't encourage animosity but I believe they are better for one's well-being.
No.16260
>>16257I should have made a disclaimer, that lainchan does house some cool people, I just confuse their politics for hostility at times. I also started using lainchan when it was first starting, so it was much slower and relaxed(similar to how sushigirl is atm).
I try to approach my interactions here and elsewhere, as if I was talking to that person face to face. This is hard to convey through anonymous text, but I believe it's possible for experienced users. My theory as to why it's not common practice, has to do with the obligation on civility an anon may have to abide by in other parts of life, including non-anonymous websites. I still like to shit post in good fun and all that jazz, but I'm past the "I can be mean to this guy because we're anonymous!" phase. I think you kind of people are too unique and cool to waste on that crap.
No.16261
>>16260I also realized that I'm displaying this same attitude somehow by saying 'oh 4chan, wizchan, ect.., those places are bad taste because of MY personal experiences". Although when I was writing that post, I was only trying to share my genuine thoughts. I'm sure I'll be on 4chan til' the end of time lol.
No.16264
As I watch the <div>SNOW</div> fall upon the taskbar in my screen, I can't help but ponder about the fact that I've been sitting for about 4 years on this site, and about how stuff hasn't changed much for me. Somehow, I'm truly happy I remain the same and leading a peaceful life, but at the same time I can't help but feel just a bit melancholic over the idea that I am condemned to live such stagnated existence, even when it's what I've chosen as my lifestyle and I like it. Mostly, what I feel bothering me right now is how time passes while I just remain the same. Or, to be more precise, the fact that time is still running while I'm pretending to be in a closed room outside of reality, unaltered by the tickling of the clock or the situations that may arise in the future. I'm young, yet I feel old already, and somehow burned out. I can't help but feel anxious about what I'm supposed to do with my life.
I've plugged myself into the escapism of eroge, anime and novels just to cope with the boredom of college and life in general, and I've always been able to find the charming glint of happiness in it. Although lately a really poisoning idea has been slowly, but steadily sinking into me. And that idea is the fact that it all is but a mere illusion, a fake world. That mere thought is just too sad. All those people I met, all those friends I made, all the lives I lived, witnessed and enjoyed. The sad moments, the really happy moments; when I turn the screen off and look down into the darkness of my room, I can't help but feel incredibly hollow inside. It's almost as if my real life wasn't real. I feel as if this isn't my place. I feel like drifting into a hole in the deeps. And the fact that I can't describe how I feel without being this fucking edgy just makes me feel worse.
The snow's been accumulating for a while now, and it's making it hard to read what I write.
It's so nostalgic. It's really beautiful.
No.16265
>>16264Life is there just to do the things we like my niga, who cares how? Just enjoy the snow falling down, endlessly, until you forget your problems and your browser crashes…
Damn Sei.
No.16266
>>16264This path.
Does not allow.
Regrets.
No.16273
>>16265I know, this is just me getting old. I've been listening to 90's anime openings for a while and I'm already recovering. Kinda. In two weeks I'll probably have forgotten all about this.
>>16266I'm not regretting anything, it's just that the sudden passage of time scares me. That's why I'm anxious about the future.
This happens mostly during this time of the year, since in the same month I have to "celebrate" my birthday (which makes me feel old), plus the symbolism of change that the new year event conveys. That, and the idea that I most of my happy moments revolve around imaginary settings which I cannot change. Hell, they don't even have any relevance in "reality". It's just that this reality is hitting me, again, due to the time of the year.
I wish I was 2D.
No.16274
>>16273Yes its depressing, but dont worry about it, its probably just because of this shitty season.
I would avoid thoughts like these like the best at this time of the year.
No.16275
>>16264You have not stagnated. Not yet. Some part of you sees what is happening and so it planted the seeds to prevent it. There are reasons you find that idea so compelling even besides the kernel of truth within it. You said yourself it was poison. What do you suppose it will kill?
>the fact that I can't describe how I feel without being this fucking edgyIf we took all the people in the world and had them write a paragraph on how they really feel before burning it, most of them would be far edgier than this. In one way or another, everyone has some level of this stuff going on inside of them.
>>16273>In two weeks I'll probably have forgotten all about this.If that's what you want then by all means. You have choices and no one is fit to judge them but you.
>That, and the idea that I most of my happy moments revolve around imaginary settings which I cannot change.But anon, as you and I and Madotsuki know, this is true for everyone. Life is just a dream and your happiness is worth no less than any others.
Chin up. By the sounds of it you really are doing alright, better even. Just remember, the normies socialise for the same reason that you watch anime and the feelings you express on anonymous imageboards are the same ones they whisper to the bottom of an empty bottle of whiskey.
No.16276
>>16273Maybe we are not so different.
I will be 27 in two weeks.
Heed me well.
This path is of self-destruction.
Regrets are an obstacle.
Faulter and your choices would have been for naught.
I foresaw the ending a long time ago.
So i chose to go through with it.
I do not regret my choices.
The main heroine is smiling.
The end.
No.16279
>>16274>I would avoid thoughts like these like the best at this time of the year.Yeah, it's probably for the best. I recently downloaded a horror visual novel that seemed good and forgot about it. I'll retake it from where I left to have my mind on something else.
>>16275>You have not stagnated.I've been friendless for a couple of years now, at least IRL-wise.
I used to play with some neighbour kids when I was 13-14 but I cut all my relationships outside of the family circle (which are just 3 persons anyway). Although some weeks ago a guy from HS came to my house to ask me if I could teach him some math because he's not doing well in what he's studying. Since he'd be paying for his classes I decided to go with it, plus he isn't savvy about games so I taught him about some which we played together. To be honest at first I thought I'd rather not to do it, but the truth is that I didn't want to throw away a chance to earn some extra shekels. Also, I don't really have problems with doing socials if it's needed so I figured it was a good idea.I also used to participate in medieval cons to sell products like chainmaille bracelets, necklaces and other stuff for extra income too, but that's it. Leaving these rare exception aside, I've had 0 social activities for years just for the sake of socials, without money as an objective, simply because I don't enjoy socials as much as I enjoy being alone, or playing games/watching anime. But I'm actually content with the path I chose, since I feel much more comfortable that way.
This is what I meant by stagnation. And I said it is a bit melancholic because most of the people I honestly enjoyed being with is nothing but raw binary data trapped inside codecs, or indexed bitmaps. Sometimes I wish I was autistic enough to create worlds where I am able to interact with them more freely, but I'm way too feet-on-earth for my own good.
>You said yourself it was poison. What do you suppose it will kill?To answer that question, I'd have to explain how it happened first.
I am the happiest during the night, because that's the period of the day I spend my time playing wapanese games or watching anime without people bothering me. Time feels nonexistent. It resembles an alternate reality. To be honest, I don't think I can really put it into words, but the closest analogy I can think of is the rabbit hole that led Alice to the Wonderland. A new world within my own room where life actually is interesting for me, something I enjoy the fullest to my heart's content. I actually feel alive during the night just because of that.
Minutes before writing that post, I took a break for a second, and leaned onto my chair with my head looking at the ceiling as I let my playlist run. My screen turns automatically off if it doesn't detect activity withing the last minute. So, as darkness flooded my room, I found myself feeling out of place, like I didn't belong there anymore. My room felt empty. I felt empty. As if the spell was broken. Not even the sound of my computer's fan sounded warming anymore. Then I moved the mouse and found myself on ubuu, watching the snow as I had some reminiscences about my time spent on this site. The rest is on my other post.
I can't point exactly what I felt that poison was killing inside me. But I know I felt as if everything I enjoyed wasn't fun anymore. It made me feel distant from what I enjoyed. To be honest, I think it was just me being hit again by reality. Nothing else. The passage of time, the fear that stuff may change, getting older, or the probability I won't be able to enjoy this hobby anymore; I don't know exactly which one of those was, if not all of those ideas at the same time.
No.16280
>>16279>If that's what you want then by all means. You have choices and no one is fit to judge them but you.I know it's gonna happen because I have these relapses of negative thoughts every four or six months, and there's one that happens specifically in December. This one was pretty intense though. At least enough to make me feel like writing a rant post here. Or maybe the snow acted as a catalyst, I don't know. But this isn't the first time, so I'm confident that time will do its job.
>By the sounds of it you really are doing alright, better even.I am well aware (and thankful) that my situation is actually way more favorable than the most of anons that post in /n/, so it's not that I'm just ranting over the spilled milk on my table and thinking myself a victim. Although I indeed wrote my post with a soft self-mocking tone, it was mostly to vent over the frustration I felt on the moment, so I'm sorry if it seemed any other way. I actually didn't think I'd receive this much input, so it's making me feel a bit bad.
>Just remember, the normies socialise for the same reason that you watch anime and the feelings you express on anonymous imageboards are the same ones they whisper to the bottom of an empty bottle of whiskey.You know, this sentence contains an incredible amount of truth and I can't help but feel stupid over the fact I didn't see it this way before. It's the best I've read in a good while, my kudos for you, anon.
>>16276Yes. Don't worry. One day, when we both have turned wizards, we may meet again on the other side.
その時が来るまで、がんばりましょう、先輩.
Sorry for the wall of text.
No.16285
>>16273>I wish I was 2D.All this talk about feeling stalled and disconnected from things reminded me how I feel disconnected with a friend lately. This line in particular hit me hard. This close friend I have isn't a normalfag or anything but he isn't the same kinda person as me in the sense of how he views 2D and fiction. for a few years I realized that I lost what I had as a kid. I used to be able to be so immersed into fiction. Anime, books, anything. I could lose myself completely. I'd spend almost all my free time with it in my head having adventures and such. But after some stuff in high school I lost that ability. Someone who I love brought it back to me in a way or at least started the push to go back to my old childhood mindset. An anime I just started watching has pushed me even further and makes me really feel like a kid again. I haven't been as excited about a show in so long. I love it.
But because of this that friend and I just feel like we're not even in the same world. We had a conversation last night and it just felt almost surreal.
To be honest, it feels kinda like I'm stuck in this limbo of being half in both sides of things and because of this distant from both 2D and my IRL friend. Can't I just fully become 2D?
No.16292
>>16280フフフ・・・
心配するなっ。
俺たち様が正義の味方だ！
No.16306
>>16304Until you get a gf, it will never stop.
>>15174feet are great
No.16344
I have seasonal depression which mostly just presents as insomnia and it gets terribly boring when I'm the only person I know who's awake.
I need more Eurofriends.
