/n/ - NEET

It seems like pretty much every internet community is either too big to really feel any personal connection to, full of idiots/meanspirited bullshit/autism, or set up to cater to a particular interest I don't have. Maybe it's time to try and meet actual people finally. Granted, most of those are boring and/or stupid. Sheesh.

>>15582
You're not going to make any friends with that attitude.

>>15417
I post on /int/ all the time. You should lurk a while.

>>15582
that's bullshit anon, I found 3 people on the interwebz that I talk to ALMOST every night on a irc channel that I made. We've been doing this for 6 months.

>>15585
Yeah, two days after posting that I started to go to /int/ quite regularly. While it doesn't give me a feeling of "belonging" like uboachan does, the activity level is pretty good, and since there are people from all the world it's interesting to discuss worldwide topics.
Maybe it's just a matter of time (I'll probably get used to the place after lurking enough). The userbase always seemed nice and sane too, and I wish I could speak german to participate in other boards. I'll check later if I find an interesting guide to learn nazitongue.

>>15508
Jesus christ, grow some thick skin and a pair of balls. Stop being such an edgy teen just because your parents are split.
Get a life.

>>15586
Little difficult to find random irc channels that seem interesting.

Logically I'm aware enough that they're absolutely horrible for me I'm not going to pursue them.

But I still can't get my mind off them. Even a little. I stay up until 7 AM thinking about them and regretting and feeling like hurting myself or at least destroying something, then sleep in until 4 in the afternoon even though I know it's just wasting time, because when I'm lying there, half-dreaming, I'm fully aware of one thing at least: I will at no point during the day be nearly as comfortable as I am then.

I didn't have anyone or thing I care about nearly as much in my life before or after. I really don't know what to do.

I actually have some sort of reason to get out now, so maybe I can find someone else, but I don't know if I even want to.

>>15589
>random irc channels
make an irc channel and post it in some thread on some chan that you like. If people join the channel don't be an autist and start some random topic. Sure some people will leave but #real niggas will stay w/ you and you can circlejerk about anything and it may be awkward at first but like I said the #real niggas who are with you will stay and it's going to get comfy within 2 weeks and they'll start coming out of habit.

>>15595
That's actually good advice. Thanks. What chan outside this one though? This place already has its share of irc channels. I'd say lainchain but I'm really not enough into /g/ shit. Maybe 420chan.

>>15596
>sushi
>kraut
>tohno
Those are the only ones I'm familiar with and that I consider okay chans.
You may want to check this thread >>>/ot/12465

>>15597
I remember enjoying krautchan but I'm burger as fuck. Might just post on 420's /lit/ just an experiment, to see if even a few people come. Last U remember it wasn't quite dead at least.

>>15596
I found my friendooos~ on /int/ (yes, 4sux I know), funny thing is none of us posts there anymore

>>15383

that gay af smh tbh fam

>>15189
It's worse when they feel the same but for whatever reason want nothing to do with you.
I wish this would stop happening.

Someone make these damn crackheads stop fighting I need to get some sleep for my PTSD appointment…

I hate living alone.

The usual assortment of bullshit life problems and drama with an icing of misanthropia, all of which could relatively easily be resolved with a nice influx of significant amounts of money, but that shit ain't ever happening.

>>16111
I would kill to live alone.

My mom's boyfriend's nasally voice is the most unpleasant thing in the world. He starts laughing like a mentally challenged person every night at inane things. Then my grandmother comes to visit every day to help with looking after my step-brother. She doesn't understand the concept of an indoor voice and still treats me like a 7 year old. My mom is the only one I can sort of stand when she isn't playing mind games with me. But those other two make me want to jump out the window every day, even though a fall from the third floor may not even kill me. The TV is blaring at all times of the day too. I've already hurt myself a few times because I don't know how else to process the anger of being stuck in this horrible place. When I hear their voices, I cover my ears and start cursing under my breath repeatedly or chanting "stop talking, stop talking, stop talking." I can't focus on anything or have a peaceful respite. My imagination is muted as long as I am here.

I desperately need my own place. I want silence and peace of mind. This is my biggest wish, but because of social phobias and OCD this is looking impossible. I am afraid that it will soon acclimate in something as severe as suicide if it's not resolved.

What I've described may not seem like a big deal to an outside observer. I am not homeless or directly abused, for instance. But from where I'm standing, it's nothing short of a nightmare. Extra details about me would help the reader understand why I react this way, but this is merely a post on a message board, not a book. Thanks for reading.

>>16125
>Extra details about me would help the reader understand why I react this way
I would like to read those details, if you don't mind.

>>16125
I can feel you a lot.
My house is noisy and I can't stand my mom's boyfriend. He always makes every sort of noise and can't chill down or shut up for a minute, it's like he always HAS to do something. I already told him that it annoys me but not much has changed.
They also usually talk out loud to the TV for stupid chit-chats or useless rants like about the weather or the breaking new of the moment and of course I can hear everything from my room.

I developed misophonia.

>I cover my ears and start cursing under my breath repeatedly or chanting "stop talking, stop talking, stop talking." I can't focus on anything or have a peaceful respite. My imagination is muted as long as I am here.
Sadly I can totally relate. I've done this a lot of times before I started listening to high volume music in headphones almost all day long.
When I don't want to listen to music, I usually listen to those long youtube videos of binaural sounds. Just to have a background noise and mix up the voices.

What is so annoying to me the most right now is how art internships are literally bottom of the barrel-type work now and companies still have the guts to manipulate starving artists. I've had to explain way too many times to people that there is a difference between an actual job and a learning internship. I had someone a few weeks ago interview me about doing an entire children's book from their manuscript for FREE! NO PAY! Of course i dropped that one right away. It's either that or when i do find a place i want to intern at, they say they don't have a program for artists because of legal issues. What fun it is to get slammed with copyright contracting issues right as i'm just finishing my senior year. Jesus it's like i'm back at high school where everyone was begging me to draw them something and when i slowly brought up commissions as demand rose, they ditched me for my other art friends for free requests. I know not to have hard feelings about it but even my art teachers are fed up with this shit at this point.

>>16126
Bulk of upbringing by a psychopath, inability to get the feelings and connections I want out of life… in truth I don't even think a book would paint an accurate picture so I'd rather just keep it to myself unless there are specific things I want to cover.

>>16127
>misophonia
Yeah, I get you. Mine mainly originated from developing a mild case of hyperacusis which meant that I could never enjoy the intricacies of music since frequency perception is all screwed up. Over a period of time I sort of just lost interest in many things so I wasn't able to immerse myself in activities on the computer as effectively. Then the child was born (nothing against the child) and from there everything got significantly louder. Now I do the same thing as you regarding noise generators and the like.

I have to say that the unrest itself, while being very annoying, is not the entire problem. Their voices are also a slap in the face, reminding me that I'm *still* stuck here with them instead of living my dream life. I can't seem to bridge my imagination to reality. My (day)dreams remain just that.

Deep in the night when everyone else is asleep and I feel at ease, I start to feel like this is ultimately a good thing, because it is actively pushing me to try and get out of here, even though I see it as near impossible. Because I've truly never wanted this kind of life. I've only ended up here because of disappointments and compromises.

>>16128
Come on now
You should have known this before you entered the industry. You should have chose an actual paying profession.

>>16133

lel. Epic trolling buddy.

There are no 'actual paying professions' you can enter into now. Either you're already climbing the ladder, or you'r stuck with shit that's worse than artistic prostitution.

>>16137
What about engineering?

The great divide that's happening between races and cultures around the world because of incomptent leaders.
Why am I not allowed to enjoy my culture, while acknowledging that the culture (white christian) I grew up in gave me what I have today, too many black people blame whites today. sad.

>>16235
Many times I feel like tumblr is just advocating for racial segregation. I've read shit, man.

>>16235
World war 3 soon and damn it I'm still alive.

>>16236
In the US you have an "activist group" which is known for using any opportunity to loudly bitch and moan and disrupt everything. Someone gets shot trying to beat EMTs responding to the gf he just beat and they shut down half the city. Someone comes to their protest wearing masks and refusing to take them off and they harass them, they walk away and surround them and begin to beat them and when they open fire because they're surrounded by a fucking angry mob they imagine it as the KKK coming down with military gear to put them down. And in every case the media gives them exactly what they want, attention and legitimacy.

It's funded by a billionaire, I honestly wonder if nobody else sees the obvious ploy to divide and conquer. But then there's enough idiots that go along with it you wonder if they deserve to be that cut off and made fools of.

>>16238
Funny thing is that even the niggies admitted in the news that they started the shit and not the /k/ommandos, but then the media wanted to make them look like nazis just because of memes.
It's sickening.

>>15405
I'm more defiant and independent irl, because I don't have any friends or attachments. On the internet, it's a different story. I also adjust my actions and behavior depending on whatever site I'm frequenting, because I have this thought in my head, that my acceptance and sense of community is solely based on being apart of an image board. This restricts me from doing the things I want to do in life, because it might be regarded as "normie behavior" or "shit taste". My self esteem is so bad already, I question why I go to places like 4chan, wizardchan, lainchan, ect.., when those communities have such elitist guidelines. And no, I'm not speaking from experience, I often get the approved "good taste anon" comment on my posts, but that's because I've meticulously shaped my taste to please these people, so I won't feel so alone.

>>16256
I feel like this is the average imageboard user. Especially for super toxic imageboards like wizardchan. Uboachan is tolerable but still houses unfriendly visitors.

>>16257
>still houses unfriendly visitors.
Examples? I'm sure most of the toxic userbase left us for wizardchan back in 2012/2013, and the rest is only joking.

>>16256
I think it's fairly expected for a young person without self-esteem or identity to latch onto a group's behavior to be accepted. A lot of people can attest to copying the mannerisms on 4chan to a cinch when they initially discovered it.

But it doesn't have to be the only way. For instance, Ubuu has very little elitism and so it doesn't suppress individuality as much. There is less traffic in places that don't encourage animosity but I believe they are better for one's well-being.

>>16257
I should have made a disclaimer, that lainchan does house some cool people, I just confuse their politics for hostility at times. I also started using lainchan when it was first starting, so it was much slower and relaxed(similar to how sushigirl is atm).

I try to approach my interactions here and elsewhere, as if I was talking to that person face to face. This is hard to convey through anonymous text, but I believe it's possible for experienced users. My theory as to why it's not common practice, has to do with the obligation on civility an anon may have to abide by in other parts of life, including non-anonymous websites. I still like to shit post in good fun and all that jazz, but I'm past the "I can be mean to this guy because we're anonymous!" phase. I think you kind of people are too unique and cool to waste on that crap.

>>16260
I also realized that I'm displaying this same attitude somehow by saying 'oh 4chan, wizchan, ect.., those places are bad taste because of MY personal experiences". Although when I was writing that post, I was only trying to share my genuine thoughts. I'm sure I'll be on 4chan til' the end of time lol.

As I watch the <div>SNOW</div> fall upon the taskbar in my screen, I can't help but ponder about the fact that I've been sitting for about 4 years on this site, and about how stuff hasn't changed much for me. Somehow, I'm truly happy I remain the same and leading a peaceful life, but at the same time I can't help but feel just a bit melancholic over the idea that I am condemned to live such stagnated existence, even when it's what I've chosen as my lifestyle and I like it. Mostly, what I feel bothering me right now is how time passes while I just remain the same. Or, to be more precise, the fact that time is still running while I'm pretending to be in a closed room outside of reality, unaltered by the tickling of the clock or the situations that may arise in the future. I'm young, yet I feel old already, and somehow burned out. I can't help but feel anxious about what I'm supposed to do with my life.

I've plugged myself into the escapism of eroge, anime and novels just to cope with the boredom of college and life in general, and I've always been able to find the charming glint of happiness in it. Although lately a really poisoning idea has been slowly, but steadily sinking into me. And that idea is the fact that it all is but a mere illusion, a fake world. That mere thought is just too sad. All those people I met, all those friends I made, all the lives I lived, witnessed and enjoyed. The sad moments, the really happy moments; when I turn the screen off and look down into the darkness of my room, I can't help but feel incredibly hollow inside. It's almost as if my real life wasn't real. I feel as if this isn't my place. I feel like drifting into a hole in the deeps. And the fact that I can't describe how I feel without being this fucking edgy just makes me feel worse.

The snow's been accumulating for a while now, and it's making it hard to read what I write.
It's so nostalgic. It's really beautiful.

>>16264
Life is there just to do the things we like my niga, who cares how? Just enjoy the snow falling down, endlessly, until you forget your problems and your browser crashes…
Damn Sei.

>>16264
This path.
Does not allow.
Regrets.

>>16265
I know, this is just me getting old. I've been listening to 90's anime openings for a while and I'm already recovering. Kinda. In two weeks I'll probably have forgotten all about this.

>>16266
I'm not regretting anything, it's just that the sudden passage of time scares me. That's why I'm anxious about the future.
This happens mostly during this time of the year, since in the same month I have to "celebrate" my birthday (which makes me feel old), plus the symbolism of change that the new year event conveys. That, and the idea that I most of my happy moments revolve around imaginary settings which I cannot change. Hell, they don't even have any relevance in "reality". It's just that this reality is hitting me, again, due to the time of the year.

I wish I was 2D.

>>16273
Yes its depressing, but dont worry about it, its probably just because of this shitty season.
I would avoid thoughts like these like the best at this time of the year.

>>16264
You have not stagnated. Not yet. Some part of you sees what is happening and so it planted the seeds to prevent it. There are reasons you find that idea so compelling even besides the kernel of truth within it. You said yourself it was poison. What do you suppose it will kill?

>the fact that I can't describe how I feel without being this fucking edgy
If we took all the people in the world and had them write a paragraph on how they really feel before burning it, most of them would be far edgier than this. In one way or another, everyone has some level of this stuff going on inside of them.

>>16273
>In two weeks I'll probably have forgotten all about this.
If that's what you want then by all means. You have choices and no one is fit to judge them but you.

>That, and the idea that I most of my happy moments revolve around imaginary settings which I cannot change.
But anon, as you and I and Madotsuki know, this is true for everyone. Life is just a dream and your happiness is worth no less than any others.

Chin up. By the sounds of it you really are doing alright, better even. Just remember, the normies socialise for the same reason that you watch anime and the feelings you express on anonymous imageboards are the same ones they whisper to the bottom of an empty bottle of whiskey.

>>16273
Maybe we are not so different.
I will be 27 in two weeks.
Heed me well.
This path is of self-destruction.
Regrets are an obstacle.
Faulter and your choices would have been for naught.
I foresaw the ending a long time ago.
So i chose to go through with it.
I do not regret my choices.
The main heroine is smiling.
The end.

>>16274
>I would avoid thoughts like these like the best at this time of the year.
Yeah, it's probably for the best. I recently downloaded a horror visual novel that seemed good and forgot about it. I'll retake it from where I left to have my mind on something else.

>>16275
>You have not stagnated.
I've been friendless for a couple of years now, at least IRL-wise.
I used to play with some neighbour kids when I was 13-14 but I cut all my relationships outside of the family circle (which are just 3 persons anyway). Although some weeks ago a guy from HS came to my house to ask me if I could teach him some math because he's not doing well in what he's studying. Since he'd be paying for his classes I decided to go with it, plus he isn't savvy about games so I taught him about some which we played together. To be honest at first I thought I'd rather not to do it, but the truth is that I didn't want to throw away a chance to earn some extra shekels. Also, I don't really have problems with doing socials if it's needed so I figured it was a good idea.I also used to participate in medieval cons to sell products like chainmaille bracelets, necklaces and other stuff for extra income too, but that's it. Leaving these rare exception aside, I've had 0 social activities for years just for the sake of socials, without money as an objective, simply because I don't enjoy socials as much as I enjoy being alone, or playing games/watching anime. But I'm actually content with the path I chose, since I feel much more comfortable that way.
This is what I meant by stagnation. And I said it is a bit melancholic because most of the people I honestly enjoyed being with is nothing but raw binary data trapped inside codecs, or indexed bitmaps. Sometimes I wish I was autistic enough to create worlds where I am able to interact with them more freely, but I'm way too feet-on-earth for my own good.

>You said yourself it was poison. What do you suppose it will kill?
To answer that question, I'd have to explain how it happened first.
I am the happiest during the night, because that's the period of the day I spend my time playing wapanese games or watching anime without people bothering me. Time feels nonexistent. It resembles an alternate reality. To be honest, I don't think I can really put it into words, but the closest analogy I can think of is the rabbit hole that led Alice to the Wonderland. A new world within my own room where life actually is interesting for me, something I enjoy the fullest to my heart's content. I actually feel alive during the night just because of that.
Minutes before writing that post, I took a break for a second, and leaned onto my chair with my head looking at the ceiling as I let my playlist run. My screen turns automatically off if it doesn't detect activity withing the last minute. So, as darkness flooded my room, I found myself feeling out of place, like I didn't belong there anymore. My room felt empty. I felt empty. As if the spell was broken. Not even the sound of my computer's fan sounded warming anymore. Then I moved the mouse and found myself on ubuu, watching the snow as I had some reminiscences about my time spent on this site. The rest is on my other post.

I can't point exactly what I felt that poison was killing inside me. But I know I felt as if everything I enjoyed wasn't fun anymore. It made me feel distant from what I enjoyed. To be honest, I think it was just me being hit again by reality. Nothing else. The passage of time, the fear that stuff may change, getting older, or the probability I won't be able to enjoy this hobby anymore; I don't know exactly which one of those was, if not all of those ideas at the same time.

>>16279
>If that's what you want then by all means. You have choices and no one is fit to judge them but you.
I know it's gonna happen because I have these relapses of negative thoughts every four or six months, and there's one that happens specifically in December. This one was pretty intense though. At least enough to make me feel like writing a rant post here. Or maybe the snow acted as a catalyst, I don't know. But this isn't the first time, so I'm confident that time will do its job.

>By the sounds of it you really are doing alright, better even.
I am well aware (and thankful) that my situation is actually way more favorable than the most of anons that post in /n/, so it's not that I'm just ranting over the spilled milk on my table and thinking myself a victim. Although I indeed wrote my post with a soft self-mocking tone, it was mostly to vent over the frustration I felt on the moment, so I'm sorry if it seemed any other way. I actually didn't think I'd receive this much input, so it's making me feel a bit bad.

>Just remember, the normies socialise for the same reason that you watch anime and the feelings you express on anonymous imageboards are the same ones they whisper to the bottom of an empty bottle of whiskey.
You know, this sentence contains an incredible amount of truth and I can't help but feel stupid over the fact I didn't see it this way before. It's the best I've read in a good while, my kudos for you, anon.

>>16276
Yes. Don't worry. One day, when we both have turned wizards, we may meet again on the other side.
その時が来るまで、がんばりましょう、先輩.

Sorry for the wall of text.

>>16273
>I wish I was 2D.
All this talk about feeling stalled and disconnected from things reminded me how I feel disconnected with a friend lately. This line in particular hit me hard. This close friend I have isn't a normalfag or anything but he isn't the same kinda person as me in the sense of how he views 2D and fiction. for a few years I realized that I lost what I had as a kid. I used to be able to be so immersed into fiction. Anime, books, anything. I could lose myself completely. I'd spend almost all my free time with it in my head having adventures and such. But after some stuff in high school I lost that ability. Someone who I love brought it back to me in a way or at least started the push to go back to my old childhood mindset. An anime I just started watching has pushed me even further and makes me really feel like a kid again. I haven't been as excited about a show in so long. I love it.

But because of this that friend and I just feel like we're not even in the same world. We had a conversation last night and it just felt almost surreal.

To be honest, it feels kinda like I'm stuck in this limbo of being half in both sides of things and because of this distant from both 2D and my IRL friend. Can't I just fully become 2D?

>>16280
フフフ・・・
心配するなっ。
俺たち様が正義の味方だ！

Several people at college have very bluntly asked me if I'm either a homosexual or if I would like to have sex with men. That really ticks me off. I make a point of not talking about homosexuality or even vaguely allude to it at school.

If I'm giving off some kind of "homosexual aura" then I can't tell AT ALL. That and I've had other things happen to me in the past, like:

someone asking me if I shave my legs
my dad asking me if "i'm straight, right?"
my mom saying "if Anon was gay I would be okay with it"

>>16304
Until you get a gf, it will never stop.

>>15174
feet are great

I have seasonal depression which mostly just presents as insomnia and it gets terribly boring when I'm the only person I know who's awake.

I need more Eurofriends.