>>9308It's comforting to know I'm not alone on that, I hate how overly aware of my surroundings I am, I wanna have some level of normalcy when I do manage to claw my way out of my house.
>>9309I'll look into therapy, cause I am certainly far from being convinced most days. Admittedly, I have tried it before to no avail, I've also tried opening up to the friends I do have but it usually blows up in my face. Maybe I'm going about all that wrong?
I will say though, It sometimes feels like I'm teetering on the edge of something awful. As if I'm one terrible day from not being able to tell real from fake, There has been moments. I don't like the ways I act and the things I say when those moments come about. It's like someone else is in the driver seat, Or maybe better described like I'm grabbing the wheel from the passenger seat? It's difficult to put to words.
For many years I've felt like I one day just woke up in my current life, like everything that came before was someone else's doing, all the memories and thoughts and feelings - Like they belong to someone else. It may sound anecdotal but it feels relevant to all this. Maybe its an attempt at gaining control again? Maybe my paranoia is a manifestation of guilt. I'm not sure, I appreciate the replys anons