/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

I never know what to do or say when talking to people, and it makes me stressed out, and so when I was very young I got a computer and became a neckbeard autist, not really talking to people. I have all kinds of shallow ideas but what I only really want something meaningful like a nice friend group or something. In both middle school and high school I missed out on that seishun life like in the anime, and for a moment, for a brief time I thought that maybe I could live like that for college. This should be my peak right? Everything should go down after this. My social discomfort, posture, health is worse and worse. Every relation with people makes me feel worse. I feel like whatever I choose to do will not make me happy.