1. Look for communities that match your interests
2. Talk to people there, and eventually you'll end up with friends
As a rule of thumb, avoid big groups since chances are you won't be able to talk to the same person more than a couple of times.
Try the Uboa Server for starters (listed under 'Community Services' in the bar to your left)
I hope you make friends, anon. Feel free to drop something I can contact you with in case you still have trouble finding friends and need help.
I have no idea. I only ever got one friend online but that only lasted I think three months. No idea why he had to leave, maybe he really had BPD and I shouldn't have dismissed and ignored that. Maybe he just got sick of me because of my weird autistic ramblings. I can see how someone a lot more normal than me would think that I'm too much to deal with. First time this ever happened and I got "ghosted", as the kids say.
Over time, reality looks simpler to me than the internet. But either way you have to expose yourself to other people somehow, but even that involves a lot of chance. I want to risk everything and go to places in real life that could increase my chances of finding some degree of happiness, but as soon as I decided that I had enough of being a hikki after so many years, the world decided that no one is allowed to go anywhere anymore. It's like it conspired to ruin me. I'm sure that a lot of people feel the same way.>>6536
Even in communities that match my interests (and I have more than most people, which is kind of a problem in a way) I'm still weird and not compatible with most people. People like my posts in various places and say nice things, but it doesn't help, it never leads to anything and I don't know how to be that active. People even said things like "I need a friend like you" before, but how am I supposed to respond to that? I don't even know anything about them because there was no discussion leading up to that, it was just me rambling as I always do. Anyway, I strongly regret not getting contact information from the few random people that I really enjoyed talking to a lot, over the years. That was a huge mistake. I can't recreate those situations either, because all of those encounters happened by accident, mostly in places that don't exist anymore.
Groups are also troublesome. Big groups are more active, so it's easier to find a discussion to join, but it's also easier to be ignored and it's more difficult to have anything meaningful. Small groups are dead, so if I say anything the focus will be entirely on me and I feel like I'm being watched by a silent crowd and that makes me too anxious, more than just being part of a crowd. And there is nothing to talk about anyway. Discord doesn't work because I have lurked and people don't talk about anything. Maybe I should look for groups, but I don't even want to use that thing because it's spyware. Additionally, I don't know how anything in groups and also in real time could possibly work. In a situation like that, there is no way to have a good discussion that would make me want to talk to someone. Ideally it would be not in real time, like here, and a small group, but also somewhat active. The best interactions that I ever had were in situations like that.
Everything is way too complicated And this is just friendship, it's easy mode compared to trying to find actual love in this nightmare world. I lived most of my life either unaware or in denial of my needs, so I have no experience with any of this. Maybe I should just leave contact information everywhere I go, and make a website that contains some information about me. I have been thinking about that. I have the skills to easily do it, so I should.
> People even said things like "I need a friend like you" before, but how am I supposed to respond to that?
Send them a friend request, and start by greeting them. 8 times out of 10, they will respond favorably. The rest is just basic conversational skills you can gain by having more and more conversations.
> Maybe I should look for groups
I would in fact recommend that
The main purpose of groups is to find people you like talking to, and befriending them, and not being an active member of said group per se.
> Everything is way too complicated And this is just friendship, it's easy mode compared to trying to find actual love in this nightmare world.
Love isn't hard to come by, but rarely worth being called 'love'. I'd highly, highly recommend NOT getting into e-dating. Online relationships are a painful, short-lived abomination. I can confidently say this after a good number of bad experiences.
> Maybe I should just leave contact information everywhere I go, and make a website that contains some information about me.
Not a good idea. It'll make you look like a weirdo, so instead stick to normally conversing with people who are willing to talk.
Learn to be assertive, anon.
This is the internet, not real life.
Be free, be assertive, and be the one who initiates conversations, instead of waiting to be called. You'll get told that you're weird or awkward when you talk to people, but don't let that get to you. The more you talk, the better you'll get at it. Eventually, you'll attain mastery and become capable of befriending anyone you want to.
Don't give up, be strong. You've got this, anon!
>>6543>Send them a friend request
Well, those are people that I haven't even talked to, so that feels very random, and kinda wrong. Especially when if we didn't get along, I would feel bad adding someone and then not talking to them.
>NOT getting into e-dating
I understand that. The internet is only good as a starting point for anything real, and even that is only arguably the case. I feel like it's not good for anything these days. It's too artificial and there are no places left for people like me anymore.
>It'll make you look like a weirdo
I am a weirdo, so it makes sense to look like one. It's honest, and a lot of people seem to like it, so it's fine (and incompatible people are even free to hate me if they want to, I don't care). Anyone that doesn't like weird autistic people should avoid me like the plague. Even for the ones that do I may be a little too much after a while. I still think the website would be good so people can have a basic idea of who I am without a lot of time investment. Just as a way of centralizing information. Including contact information (that I don't even really have right now), so I don't have to give it to people.
idk but i met my online friend thought minecraft , we where playing on some server , some guy tasked us with making a big fucking floor for him (like 255x255 dont remember) in exchange for some money because he was hella rich
, we got on discord then we talked about stuff , eventually went and did something else, he eventually invited me and added me to his protections (protection is anti-grief , if you are not in the protection you cant break blocks).
Some more shit happened and boom , best friends.
I dont have any advice sadly , just this personal anectdote which i hope will be useful
I guess just start talking to people (online and perhaps otherwise) and approach and start the conversation the people you like talking to the most idk.
In the past I used some big forums and found myself a nice little group of people to converse with. It was pretty fun and we did a lot of things together, but it ultimately broke up because it just wasn't sustainable anymore. Discord is where a lot of people hang out and is what I used, but its disgusting spyware and I dropped it immediately after my group broke up.
At this point I'm just alone here on the internet and wander across imageboards. At the end of the day I'm not one for personal interaction and the anonymity offered by imageboards is very attractive to me. I would like it if these boards would be slightly faster, but its not a deal-breaker for me.
Go outside but unironically.
as for question itself, at all costs avoid making friends through "weirdo communities", as that attracts a lot of, well, weirdos. especially if you're bad at picking up social cues. you're just gonna end up talking to narcissistic/rude/etc faggots and get emotionally drained more likely than not. unlikeable people together tend to not be a good fit.
there's good "weirdos" out there, if you mean by interests and not being a "normalfag" who has a happy life, but they're harder to find. you just have to judge by character.
I forgot to mention, if you think you're awkward don't force yourself, just say "I gotta go", or "gtg, cya" and just hop worlds, and try again. There will probably be other people in the same spot. I recommend trying it on Draynor Village, as there is a popular fishing and tree chop area inside each other at the back of the bank. a lot of players there. good luck op, and take it easy
Word. This reply's really good. The best people I know online are from small-ish tightknit communities.
& don't be shy as well
Discord being spyware is one major issue. There are alternatives, but people just don't use them for some reason. I also don't like the idea of talking to groups in general. Who do I talk to? If it's dead and no one is there, what do I say? And if there are too many people around, it's not really possible to have a great discussion. I tend to prefer responding to people, but even if there are only a couple of people talking, I don't want to join a conversation that other people are having and potentially get in their way. In general, imageboards are what I like the most, but we never exchange contact information even when a good discussion does happen. The internet really feels kinda hopeless. It never leads anywhere.
Someone did get me to use Discord (after a conversation, so I had to be convinced, and to me trying to make someone use something else feels rude) and then "ghosted" me, as the kids say (and I used it in a browser with a good VPN and generally tried to keep it from being too invasive), and I was desperate enough to try a couple of groups, but it just didn't work and I couldn't talk. Gave up after joining a small group and a message loudly announced that I joined. Made me panic and quit everything and never try again. Real time online communication makes me too nervous. This is one aspect of myself that I definitely hate. For talking to complete strangers that I know nothing about, it's too much. In a way, it's scarier than real life and I can't contain my spaghetti, it immediately explodes out of my pockets.>>6652
Maybe I should play RuneScape. I actually never played it, which is strange because I played MMOs way too much in the past (and I certainly regret that now). Somehow never played one of the more popular ones, very strange. Kinda scared, though, because I may end up spending too much time on it. When I did play MMOs, I was really bad at interacting with people. Couldn't do anything that required collaboration. Still, I did talk to some people, though I never initiated the first interaction.
Almost the same for me, only difference is that it was on Skype and not Discord.
I honestly think that I am still chasing that feeling of belonging, comfort and intimacy. I miss those people, they were the best friends I ever had. We talked about everything with each other, did a lot of stuff together and helped each other out a lot. We even met once irl.
Whatever they do now and wherever they are now, I wish them only the best.
I miss them and the places I visited in the past, often I think about them.
I have to be honest and admit I am longing for things that are gone and won't come back. The reason why I am still on the Internet… I know nothing else and have the silly hope I will one day meet people I like again and a place I call home.>>6655
I actually met those people that I mentioned above on an imageboard and we got together because I dropped my contact information. Maybe just risk doing it, I doubt that on places like Uboa something bad follows.
My post made me think more about this matter and I think what I truly search is the cirklewanking I had with the few people I mentioned.
The playful teasing and shitposting, paired with the occasional serious talk about something. Exchanging opinions about stuff we watched and played, being just able to life my interests. Just having friends that are likeminded and there for you.
I am honestly afraid finding out if I would be satisfied again if I met new people that I get along with. I have changed, feeling more tired, more jaded, more burned out. I am afraid to get what I am chasing and finding out it isn't fulfilling anymore. That the magic is gone or separation regarding online and irl is getting to me now.
I wonder if I ever stumble upon a website again that makes me feeling fond of it or if the Internet just got stale for me. But what else is there for me except the Internet? There is nothing and no one else around, I cling desperately to it and I am afraid it won't be what I need nor want.
How do you look for communities? How do you find small groups? Uboachan discord is fucking humongous
I have much better luck on tiny discords (like under 100 members), but it's near impossible to find them. I feel like I could have some success if I just had opportunities to interact with people but it seems nonexistent unless you already have friends to invite you to servers and shit.
You really sound just like me
I wish that I could have some friends
if you or anyone needs someone to talk to
I also find it difficult to find friends online. Especially finding a woman that has the same interests as me. No, I'm not a man commenting on this. Anyway, every time I tried to start a discussion online, the responses were all really generic. So I decided to be unexpected, essentially an entertainer, saying strange things and sending gifs related to our interests. That's just my new way to make online friends.
Discord and Reddit are generally where I go to make friends. Despite the fact that they're both terrible platforms, there's still a small amount of people there that can make you feel happy. People that share my hobbies do not use Discord or any other surface social applications. That is why finding them takes so long.
To find servers on discord I go oon a site "Disboard" enter the keyword based on your interests.
For subreddits, just type the keyword "friends" or "find friends" yadda yadda, and then proceed to introduce yourself.
Warning, both apps are filled with weirdos which is why I don't like these platform but it's the only top platforms that a lot of people use.
I tend to mention my telegram username each time I introduce myself because people that has the same interests most often use IRC, Element & Telegram.
hey babe wanna come on irc and discuss common hobbies;)
Would you mind elaborating on what introducing yourself looks like and what you've found works well? I'm pretty comfortable socializing with new groups once I've overcome that initial hurdle but before that I almost always get stuck at what to say when I first join a server.
The first thing I do when I join a server, I head right onto the intro channel and just dump my basic intro. For instance,
It should look like this
If you ever want to do a little bit more, you can always go on depth on what games you play.
"Games I play:"
This will attract more people that is most likely relatable to get into your direct message. Especially if you list one of your favorite artists.
Don't know anything about yourself? No pressure, just be honest to yourself let the melody happen. I always went with "I don't have anything much to say but I'm *insert personality trait here*" and let your interests wrap up your introduction :>
reddit and big discords are not really where the hikki weeb autistic girls hang out generally.
i did meet someone like that on reddit once. they do exist in some of the fringer communities
i wish i could be not lonely alone……..
somehow there's something even more lonely than just being alone about posting amongst a bunch of anonymous who are also lonely
So now, I never know the things to say to you
That help me prove that I'm still on your side
I never show just what you do to me
Guess I was always wrong
Please control yourselves, the last dozen posts in here don't make any sense, it's like you are actual bots.
i am so lonely i want online friends just to play minecraft with or som shit
I found mine by looking through LFGs on Xbox Live. Did some customs in Halo, was very quiet/nervous at first, but I slowly came out of my shell in groups that were nice to me. Did that every weekend from Dec. 2020 to last July and then I found them - the guys that would become my longtime friends. They like me and I like them. They don't make fun of my tics, they don't ban me the 1 time I go negative K/D, we just chill and play games together.
If you have a mic and a gaming platform of some kind to play on, look around. The Xbox LFGs are great, PUGs/custom lobbies on PC games etc. I advise you to avoid shitcord. There's too many people discussing too transient a topic most of the time. Making friends there is not easy. This of course assumes your nerves can handle voice chat. Don't push yourself too hard, but don't give up either. Once you form your core friends group, you'll meet their friends, and end up with a core/primary, secondary, maybe even tertiary friends circle.
I've found a lot of nice people while playing Phantasy Star Online. Maybe not exactly "friends" because I don't talk to them outside of the game but its nice to enjoy a game with people who are just as passionate about it. But similar to >>6652
it can be very addicting so be careful if you try it.
Wanna play minecraft? I only have bedrock though
How exactly did he worm his way into your groups and into the minds of your friends? Is he charismatic? Deceptive? How was your relationship with those groups and individuals before he came into the picture?
>>6655>Discord being spyware is one major issue. There are alternatives, but people just don't use them for some reason.
>I also don't like the idea of talking to groups in general. Who do I talk to? If it's dead and no one is there, what do I say? And if there are too many people around, it's not really possible to have a great discussion. I tend to prefer responding to people, but even if there are only a couple of people talking, I don't want to join a conversation that other people are having and potentially get in their way.
I would say the ideal size for a discord server is around 1000-5000 users , maybe 10000 and 15000 if you are pushing it. Its not dead but also doesnt have 3984 conversations across 32 channels.
>In general, imageboards are what I like the most, but we never exchange contact information even when a good discussion does happen. The internet really feels kinda hopeless. It never leads anywhere.
Image boards are pretty fun but come to think of it they do kinda tend to lead nowhere other than maybe some breif informational exchange , which can be valuable depending on the info but often times not.
>Real time online communication makes me too nervous. This is one aspect of myself that I definitely hate. For talking to complete strangers that I know nothing about, it's too much. In a way, it's scarier than real life and I can't contain my spaghetti, it immediately explodes out of my pockets.
I guess its not for everyone, thought I am the only one who actually becomes more edgy/less censored OUTSIDE of the internet. Like you never know what lunatic will see your post. This has become the case less and less as I have went from reddit (a site where all your post history is out in the open) to discord (you need to be in the same server for someone to see your history , in that server alone) and realised SJW-types (for lack of a better term, doesnt need to be left wing to be a SJW tho) arent litterally everywhere and mostly confined to some corner of twitter politics and if they where to join the servers I am in , they would likely have bigger targets.
>When I did play MMOs, I was really bad at interacting with people. Couldn't do anything that required collaboration.
Darn same , I basically just played alone. Might have had like 2-3 convesations in god knows how many hours I played MMOs combined. Likely around 300 total idk.
Similar story but I got banned from a discord instead, (I think) most people in the server liked me and I liked said most people as well , deff some that liked me, except for some mods.
The fact I had a quite trollish sense of humour alongside poor social skills ,a pretty thick skin along side some misreading of the situation didnt help at all. Wont go into much detail so it cant be traced back to any actual server , I am not putting the best foot foward for either parties but oh well.
Calling them "friends" is a bit over board but deffinetly good aquaintances and I guess the closest thing to a friend group I have ever had. Cant say I havent grown from the unfortunate event as a person , I guess the main thing I learned is that loss is inevitable and all good things will come to an end. Good moments are only memmories and can only be relived in the past using vague recollections of what happened , good moments that happen in the present will become just mere memories in the future.
I now basically just wander across random internet gathering spaces looking for a new friend group. Hopefully I will eventually recover one way or the other.
Atleast I still have my minecraft friend I talked about in >>6558
. The friendship might not be what it used to be back in the day , likely because the last couple months where pretty buzy for the both of us ,but hopefuly the candle can be reignited. also 04/2021 since I wrote that, darn some time has passed.
If anyone wanna play GW2, MTGArena or CSGO reply to this post I'll send you my Discord…
I wish I knew a neet/hiki friend who lived near me
close enough to take a bus, with my city/zipcode close
seems that neets don't really want to meet up though
if i started a small minecraft server, would any of you guys join me? i had one last fall for online friends, but only one was active, another came on but just did nothing, and a third only occasionally played. i can afford a small server to bring on some 10-15 guys or so. i'll reply in this thread with a throwaway email once i set up. and you can message me with your minecraft info to get whitelisted and i'll give you the info.
I only wish this because I'd love to go actually do things outside for fun like visit the beach or go to arcades or maybe even watch movies at the theater with someone who actually understands what it's like to be inside for a long time. Like maybe I'd be less afraid of doing things outside if I just had a companion to talk to and share the experiences with, maybe it'd lessen the feeling of being afraid of being so alone. I feel like they'd end up falling in love with me or something even if they weren't a creep and that's a whole other thing I don't want to deal with though.
okay, but why invite people from here?
why not? it seems appropriate to this thread.
we're all hikkis or semi-hikkis, including my friend. so we should be able to relate on that level. plus this is a pretty inactive imageboard, so i'll only get 2-3 people if any. i'm not trying to build a big community or anything. it can be a positive experience. i've been wanting to start my server again and having 2-3 extra heads would make it that much better if we can get along together. if not, well it's a whitelisted server, i can just delist that person, not a big deal. i'll probably start the server next week, i might post again here to invite people who are interested.
Minecraft is the kind of game that you play for 2 hours out of nostalgia then close it out of boredom, emptiness, or melancholy, only to try it again a few months or years later with the same result. The updates have kinda ruined the games' appeal, at least to a lot of people who used to like it, that or just growing up.
I'd like to expand on >>6536's answer.
1. Look for communities that match your interests
2. Talk to people there
3. Look for people you think you'd enjoy talking to and try adding them to contacts and chatting privately
This may or may not result in a friendship. This is a huge gamble and you may not connect with the other person at all, so be ready for that. But don't give up. Also, you'll probably have to be the first to initiate conversations 9 times out of 10. You'll also need to put yourself out there. Like, you'll have to reveal something private about yourself at some point and check if the other person reciprocates. People seem to prefer being given declarative statements like "I (don't) like x and here's why" that they can respond to over being asked questions about themselves. This is an oversimplification and there's a lot of nuance to it. Talking to people is a skill that can be learned through experience.
>>7385>People seem to prefer being given declarative statements like "I (don't) like x and here's why" that they can respond to over being asked questions about themselves.
I've seen the opposite. Statements don't need or get replies 99% of the time. People reply to questions, not statements. The only way I can keep a text conversation going is with questions. With voice conversations, stories seem to work best. I could say "Ian's about to hit Tampa" and nothing else and be met with crickets. Or I could say "Imagine if a hockey game really did break out at a boxing match. These two are ready to fight when all of a sudden 2 rifts open up on opposite corners of the ring and out one end comes the whole Seattle Kraken team…" and that begets a great deal of conversation.
Years ago, when facebook meme pages were a big scene, I ended up joining one on a pure whim because the admin posted that there were essentially open tryouts. I was one of the admins on this page for a while, and eventually people liked my posts so I got invited into a group chat. Since then, I've been in several others and know some of these people very well.
In another instance, a person I knew irl who I hadn't seen in years wanted to reach out to me, and he knew I was hikki, so he invited me to a discord with him and his friends, who would eventually become my friends.
As for how you can do it, well, these are mediocre examples, really. I got lucky. When it comes to meeting people, luck is one of the most important things: the people you meet could be shitty, or just not really your tempo. People who have great relationships are always lucky in at least that regard. But I'm not just gonna tell you to be lucky. I couldn't have gotten lucky in finding a friend group if I hadn't reached out to that stupid meme page (that page was just a waste of my time outside of meeting new people, which was totally worth it). I couldn't have gotten lucky to join that discord if I hadn't known that guy years ago, and I couldn't have made new friends on it if I hadn't had the guts to join it and talk to people there.
There are lots of random opportunities to meet people on the internet, some very active and some very passive. Joining discords, social media groups, and shit like that which can be based around a mutual interest is a good way to generate some compatibility. I'm in a sekiro modding discord right now, and it's a pretty active little community, where I know that the people there are interested in something I'm interested in, and inclined to be consuming the same stupid meme culture. I only joined it to get updates on a mod, but there's opportunities there. A lot of mods and modding communities have discords or forums. These are just examples.
Once you're actually in these situations where you can talk to people, there can be loads of other obstacles, such as: general awkwardness, bad empathy skills, short tempers, general lack of confidence, and apathy (the last one is the most difficult). Those can be problems on your part, but also all the other people, and quite possibly both. It generally helps with some situations to try and have more 1-on-1 interaction, though that can sometimes make interacting with weirdos worse, because they might hit you with creepy (read: sex) stuff.
The biggest advice I could give is stuff that generally is the most annoying advice of all: don't give up, be brave, try to seek out fun, don't settle into despair, and all that other annoying bullshit that is generally good advice and generally not employed well by people like us. Putting forward a real effort and being open/honest about the fact that you're trying to make friends will generally put forward a good impression, although it might make you look like you're from mars. But if you're in this thread, it's probably not a bad idea to look a little weird, since you're almost certainly at least a little weird.
The two places I can suggest for low effort chat are discord (which has millions of users, but you have to hunt around to find one which suits you) and streaming sites like cy.tube, where you can just chat about whatever tv/anime they're watching.
that's a nice dog, sorry for your loss but hopefully they're just busier now or grew out of whatever era that was for them. maybe it's best to focus on yourself for now so you have things to talk about when they come back.
not sure where you where but I'd considered posting in fastchan's /acg/ when the game had been more popular but didn't out of fear of several things possibly happening down the line, and I always regretted not taking a chance to make friends. animal crossing is one of those games that probably wouldn't attract too many obsessive weirdos or anything, maybe. I imagine it might've been pretty chill but I'll never know now
>>7692>hopefully they're just busier now or grew out of whatever era that was for them
That's the hope. Either way I miss the regular pictures of his dog.
Incidentally, I met most of the people from /acg/. It was quite nice for the first few months, but rapidly devolved into something completely unusable full of obsessive weirdos once cliques started forming. Such is the fate of every community once it gets large enough, it seems.
What people have been saying here works, though it varies. Are there any series you enjoy? Games? There are communities based around those on social media. Forums were where I met friends, some of whom are still around a decade later.
It depends on what places you frequent. Even if your first attempts at socializing are awkward, that's alright. Keep trying, and it'll pay off eventually. Good luck, anon.>>7690
That's a scary situation to be in. Hope you find your friend- many people I've known online have vanished, or are really inactive nowdays. Sometimes I wonder what happened to them… but I'm also hoping things have gotten easier for them as well, if they're still alive. ACNL always helped me to deal with that fear.
There's an Animal Crossing blog which deals with loss and how to confront the difficult emotions accompanying it, in comic form.https://animauxing.tumblr.com/tagged/comic
They were referring to a program "Element" it's exactly like Discord but encrypted.
I've made lots of friends on the fediverse
>>7695>There are communities based around those on social media
Where is fandom centered in 2023? Places like telegram and whatsapp?
Doesn't work. the retards just ban everyone just to virtue signal.
Can you elaborate on this? I have a fedi account but I'm in the LGBT section of fedi atm but I'm not LGBT. As far as I can tell the only other corners that exist are the chud corner (not interested) and the middle aged boomers on their worksonas (not interested).
I guess I'm not sure what I'm looking for really, but I like the technology and idea behind it. I guess my ideal would be something with hikkiNEET posting, tech/linux/computers, and a bit of anime and games, but explicitly no right-wing politics.
Not the uboanon you're talking to by I like this instance, it was started by the old Tek Syndicate guy if you happen to remember that community from like 2014. https://easymode.im/
This is the instances description.
"A home for those into gaming (especially retro and indie), game dev, game music, tabletop gaming, anime, culture, books, TV, movies, weirdness, photography, esoterica, creative stuff, etc. Feel free to chat about anything you like, but the server was made for those of us into all that cozy stuff."
I don't really have any friends irl because my family's really controlling, to the point of raising me to be a helpless pathetic weirdo who can't even do basic tasks by himself. I also get quickly overwhelmed by interacting with other people, which makes it really hard for me to want to play or watch something with someone else, let alone have a chat with them. The only thing I do nowadays is being locked in my room, hyperfixating on weeaboo stuff and singleplayer games while I anxiously wait for my life to fall apart at any given moment without me being able to do anything about it.