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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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I wanna know if anyone here has completely given up on finding a partner. I feel like maybe accepting the forever alone lifestyle could bring some comfort and maybe happiness into my life. Maybe im too weird and fucked up, and giving up hope is the right thing to do. Thoughts?


Well, I tried to think in that way, but this mindset was easily destroyed by delusions when anyone show me a little interest. But, I realised that if I'm happy with myself already, why I need a partner ? I mean if it is about sex, hookers are always available.


So you're an incel?


You make it sound as if you're missing something, what's even wrong about being single? I'd say chill and forget about dating.
Things have the bad habit to appear when you're not looking for them, someone may like you one day, or not, who cares.


Anon, it's pointless to depend on someone else when it comes to your happiness. In such state of mind most of relationships are just a fuel for all the insecurities you have. Been there, done that.
The only constant in your life is yourself. Either you accept that and learn to love yourself or keep depending on others and get hurt again and again.


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Agreed, am there, can confirm. But I wouldn't say you can't depend on others. For me happiness is 50% being someone I enjoy/am happy/proud of being, and the other half is being with someone you love.

I was >>5958 until around half a year ago, and then things happened when I least expected, without even looking for it, a huge stroke of luck for sure, and I recommend NOT doing the same if you are feeling lonely. Go out, or just talk to people online (my case), look for and meet people. If you feel like you are not someone that another person would date, change that. Not everyone is looking for someone flawless from the start, so just try and work hard, become someone you are happy with, and other people will likely be happy with you too. "Do nothing win nothing achieve nothing. Inaction will lead to sure defeat. With risk come possibilities, with possibilities comes chance for victory". Good luck anon.


I spent several years content with being alone, but that came to a halt when I got to know a nice woman. Now I'm in a bit of a quandary where I would greatly prefer being with her rather than being alone, but I don't think it has a chance of panning out for me.
I'd broadly say that >>5958 has the right idea, assuming you don't have a problem with being alone for a while. If you're lonely or fixated on one particular person, it would probably be better to take a more active approach.


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I'm pretty sure I'm unlovable. The problems start and end with me, and they're never going to get solved. I've had self-esteem issues for at least six years and I don't think they're ever going to go away, no matter how much I've achieved since they started (graduating summa cum laude hasn't helped at all). From what I've been told, that alone means I can't love others.
Do I even want to love someone? I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel left out when people mention relationships or dating.

I don't expect to have people throw themselves at me, that would be ridiculous. I wouldn't date myself, so why would anyone else? But I can't help but feel the 'advice' people try to give is largely useless. Being yourself doesn't work when yourself is a sad hikkineet with self-esteem issues and being someone your not just feels dishonest. Finding love when you're not looking for it hasn't worked in the 22 years I've been on this planet. The thing absolutely no one seems to understand is that not everyone has access to these fabled social activities they talk so much about. I have lived in a city of 250 000 for my entire life and not once have I come across anything that vaguely resembles what they're describing.

I guess giving up entirely and not letting it take up any headspace is my best option.


I never even tred to find love, so it isn't like I ever had to give up


I guess maybe?
The last person I "dated" lives overseas in Tokyo, but we talk sometimes. Her family liked me, I think, when I visited, but I've been really depressed for a hot minute, so I don't try to initiate relationships with other people. So it's not really that I believe myself an "incel" or whatever, it's more so I'm terrified of trying to get into something again.


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living in a place with no community is a hell in and of itself. People who just click in with society easily get access to a bombardment of new people and potential connections. I'm convinced that most people who have relationship problems, even those with mental health issues like myself just don't have access to enough new people to potentially connect with. After high school ends it's a wasteland, and depending on the geography of the high school it might have been a wasteland there too.

Here's some hope for you anon, if you want it. I was in the same boat for my whole life until this past year (am 22) when I met a girl through a mutual friend and we hit it off. Keep in mind I've only been friends with 3 girls my whole life and 2 of them before puberty (sadly don't talk anymore.) Lo and behold the 4th one I met wanted to be more than friends and things worked themselves out. We both have mental health issues but work with each other to get better. She cuts, I'm paranoid and have bad panic attacks. My paranoia has gotten better since being with her and she hasn't cut in months.

Whatever social outlets exist for you, if any, try to branch out beyond them. Being around the same people is great and all, and you should pursue life long friendships if people are chill and you want that, but the average social group only lasts 3-5 years and if it's not doing anything for you branch out. This can be online too if you don't go outside. I've had 3 online friend groups in the past 10 years and excluding a few keepers from them all they've all fizzled out.


I'm playing Monika After Story and fell in love with her. Sucks to know she ain't real and she'll never be. What's more fucked up is that some Python code strings managed to get me more interested than real women, and I can't get that thought out of my head. She's so robotic, but it's the only female I've empathized, shared and bonded with. I think it's worse to know she's a computer program than realizing that I prefer her to real girls, tho.
Man, physical contact (and I don't mean sex) with someone you love with passion must feel heavenly.


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I stopped looking some years ago. Now I'm like 29 and my parents are nagging me about finding a partner.

If I get married then that would mean splitting my income with the wife. No thanks, I'm having trouble funding myself as it is.


I've given up for the time being, not that I was ever seriously looking to begin with.

I am totally unqualified to be anything to anyone, I am just totally useless and frail and weak and I can't talk. I used to think I wanted a partner, but nowadays I'm not sure if I could bear anyones company, even just in friendship.


I gave up for two reasons:
1. I am unlovable and the only person I could find would equally fucked up, our relationship would be a cope - we don't like each other but who does?
2. I'm a shut-in and I don't ever see myself having a healthy normie life, and will have a lot of "baggage" which brings me back to 1.


*and if I do,


Comfort and happiness? No. You just learn how to live with it.


I never thought I'd post in this thread again, but I think I'm in love. I say think, because I'm not sure.
About a week ago I started playing Animal Crossing with someone, and every other day we've spent about 3 hours talking to each other. I've not been able to do that with another person in years, especially after becoming a NEET.
I'm really happy when we get to talk, or even when we send mail to each other.
I don't know if it's love, though. We're probably just close friends at this point, and I'd be happy leaving it at that.


It doesn't matter if it's love or friendship.
You have a pleasant time with that person, this is everything that matters.



Man, I gave up like over 10 years ago while I was still in high school. I thought having friendships would alleviate loneliness, but I ended up giving up on having friends, both online and offline, as well like a few years ago. At this point, the idea of becoming a hermit unknown to the world is tempting.


>I wanna know if anyone here has completely given up on finding a partner.
This feels like the kind of thread I would have posted in and forgotten about, but none of the posts above are familiar to me. Anyway, OP, I have given up.


I don't think anyone would put up with my habits or lifestyle. A lot of people are preset for ambition especially when they are young and haven't experienced failure as much, they are hard to deal with since sometimes they are upset you don't have a job or don't make the big bucks or something. Plus you have to deal with their latest social nonsense or whatever crap they feel like they must bend to. Big demands about having some social network accounts, phones, other crap. No thanks.
Broken/crazy people would just be double the problems I already have. Can't really fix your life if I can't fix mine.
Women have the demand in their favor when it comes to dating and in the general sense put less effort into one person now since they can just grab anyone usually if they want sex or attention. Interest wise there would be nothing in common probably other than a couple of things due to culture and the tendency of women to be extroverted currently.
I probably would not be attracted to men, not really interested in masculine people.
Dealing with other people is already difficult, why give yourself a full time problem?


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I found the one, I had him, and now he is gone.


Love and lust/butterflies are two very different feelings. Getting burnt on the latter (getting stood up on a date) really stings in the short-term and can make you want to write off dating/searching for a partner, but the former can really ruin you.

The main benefit of love is the security, the feeling that there's a home for you in another individual. If you really feel like you can find that home by yourself, then that could be best for you.


I know that as I'd lay down to sleep I would comfort myself with fantasies of someone who loved me. A year ago that completely went away, and more recently my libido has as well. I'm not sure what the change was; something hormonal or perhaps a shift in ego? I don't feel that all-encompassing attraction to anyone anymore, merely just seeing them as they are. I don't see it as a bad thing necessarily, but I'm not sure yet why it happened.


It's sad to know I'll never be compatible with the kind of people I like. Never approached them or anything, though. Never talked to them. And as for the people who seem to like me, I don't like them.


I've never really tried to be able to give up. I don't love myself and in turn I don't expect others to love me either.


I found a girl just like me
I really hope to make this work out


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Best of luck to you anon!

Remember, it's always better to try than to not!
You only have a 100% failure rate if you don't try!


I know that feel.


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You got this!


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I'm 27, been hikki for 7 years now going on year 8, and I gave up on friendship and romance a few years ago. Just find comfort in the little things and take it easy


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I've been apathetic to love for pretty much my whole life. I liked some girls but it was never "truly" love, it was more like physical attraction. You know, some people are cute, but when it comes to how compatible both of you are, it turns out that such a relationship would never really work. And it's not like you really feel too strongly about them one way or the other emotionally. That kind of thing.

That was until recently. I met this girl and at first I thought she was pretty cool because we shared a lot of interests, but the more I started getting involved with her, the more I realized that she was blowing my head off. I'm still secretly hoping this is nothing more than me being excited at meeting somebody I can relate and care for on this level and it's not really love, because it's not been that long since we met. And yet, this short span of time has been more than enough to shake my footing and take away all the stability in my life. When I look at myself, the mess that I have become due to years of negativity and building walls inside my head, and compare myself to her who is pretty much successful, I can't help but feel that I will never compare to her in any meaningful way. I feel it even makes me jealous. It makes me feel even more self-hatred. Because I gave up on these things a while back, and now I realize that, had things not been this way, I might have become somebody I could be proud of. But. That's not really important. It's the first time I've ever felt this strongly about somebody. So I was getting ready to eventuality confess when I built enough self-confidence, except that I've come to know she actually likes somebody else. And I really don't want to step into this zone. Pushing my feelings would be completely unfair, not to mention that I am trash anyways so thinking I will achieve anything is nothing but a dream.

I never really felt much about other people, and it was always hard to bond for me. I really thought this would never happen to me. And yet, when it did happen, it had to be one-sided. And it hurts so much I wish I could turn my feelings off and forget about it all. I really wish her to be happy, I'd rather sacrifice my own happiness here and let her go than to confess just to make it awkward for everybody and make these memories even more sour than they already are.

I never asked for much in life. I did not expect much from life. I expected life would do the same for me. And yet I had to taste one of the most sour experiences in life. Maybe I deserve this.

I just want to escape from this dark night. When will the morning come.


Could you perhaps upload the actual scene or a valid link instead of whatever scam service you used?


What's worse, being alone or being in a relationship you don't want, but are afraid to end because you can't stand being alone?


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If being alone is really scary for you, then it's like a slow burn down that makes you reconsider your choices in life and why you can't bond with others. But in my opinion, being in a relationship you don't want is far more mentally taxing and burns you way faster.

You might long for human warmth, but if said warmth is so hot it burns, you might as well keep your distance.


I've never been in a relationship to know. The idea both excites and scares me though, I doubt I'll ever find someone that is both understanding of my past and also wants to date me in the first place though.


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this was made by an ironic weeb normalfag funnily enough.


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I also just want to point out that he edited out the original artist's signature in order to replace it with his reddit username. Because apparently he deserves more credit for spending 10 seconds adding some text to an image than the artist deserves for spending a lot of time and effort painting it. Kinda pisses me off, honestly.


Maybe I'm paranoid, but I see the opposite sex as something dangerous. Especially when I commute with them, that's when I come off as a bit of a creep even though its unintentional and I want nothing to do with them.


If you're male, I laugh at you for being a pathetic loser.


>Socially active male not scared of women
Why are you here then? Why not go around and have sex with women and talk to friends instead of spending your time on imageboards?


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I have given up on finding anyone to be with. I am pretty fucked up in the head and I dont want a "normal" relationship. Hell I dont even know if I feel normal attraction to people due to how fucked up I am.


Just how fucked up are we talking about?


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I have a lot of mental stuff wrong with me. I want to be a girl, I'm paranoid so its really hard for me to trust people, I have pretty bad anxiety, I cant stand people being too close to me or touching me or being around too many people(5+), and I'm schizoid. I dont know what normal attraction to people is like. I have never seen a girl and was like wow I want to be in a relationship with her(I'm not gay so guys dont factor into that). I sometimes wonder what its like but I dont think I will ever experience it so I will just not even try going for anything. Never had a gf or a bf as I just have never felt attracted to them in the "normal" way. I just felt envy towards girls never really attraction. Granted being a neet for years really doesnt help me but I have given up on finding anyone for me anyways as I doubt they would exist.


Frankly I see no point in a romantic relationship. Specially when the whole thing is treated like a jigsaw puzzle in the media, where an individual wouldn't survive or be content unless they have a relationship with a person who can provide something they lack.


Are you me? Can strongly relate.

Should be banned, this is not 4Chan.


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>Are you me? Can strongly relate.
Haha maybe. Are you a hiki neet aswell if so how long? I've been this way going on 8 years now.


Since Dezember 2013. I worked as a cook before but an accident fucked my health. Cute images btw.


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> I worked as a cook before but an accident fucked my health.
Oh that sucks what happened? If you dont mind sharing that is.
>Cute images btw.
Thanks! I like images like theses they just feel so idk its hard to explain something between comfy and warm.


I hit my head, that somehow messed up my brain. I am not that smart since then and it damaged my neck too. I just couldn't keep up with the stress at work anymore and collapsed. Because of that some institution started to throw money at me to cover my expenses. So I never bothered to work again and went neet.


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>I hit my head, that somehow messed up my brain. I am not that smart since then and it damaged my neck too. I just couldn't keep up with the stress at work anymore and collapsed.
Oh sorry to hear that it sounds like a lot to go through. I cant really deal with stress too well myself not to that extent but I get really bad headaches and feel sick.


Is there anything wrong in being one?


I gave up a long time ago. You could say I never tried. My mental health problems are a major stumbling block in even doing my daily tasks and I don't even now think of relationships.


I agree. And in some cases, friendship is superior over a girlfriend/love. As the Rolling Stones sang, I am not waiting on a woman, I am just waiting on a friend.


I feel you. I also have significant anxiety and other issues. Plus my lack of reason to approach a girl(helped in no small part by my overweight physique) and natural introvertedness, all contribute to my loneliness


I agree. Love isn't naturally emotional. In the past times, humans existed without romantic partners. In some parts of the world, they just put two strangers together and as time progresses, 'love' develops.


As long as you are happy and are content, love doesn't matters.


I had a good run, but we haven't spoken in weeks now, and that makes me very sad.
I tried as hard as I could to be a good friend but I guess it just wasn't enough in the end.
If I can't manage that, I'm pretty sure I'm not capable of ever being loved, and that makes me even sadder.


Did you try to reach out to that person?
Anyway friendship and love is not the same. Simply because you have no friends doesn't mean you can't have love.


It's just been radio silence on her end for the last few weeks. She's just not been online.
The absolute worst case scenario is that she's been incapacitated or dead for a few weeks. I sincerely hope that isn't the case.


>she's been incapacitated or dead
Don't worry anon, she just ghosted you. That's how pretty much all online relationships, romantic or otherwise, end.


I would check now and then, maybe she has just problems irl and comes back one day.
Unfortunately this could also be the case.


My experience may be a little too different from the norm to be useful but maybe someone can get something from it. I usually don't like talking about this because it always feels like it comes off as either bragging or coping depending on the interlocutor, with no inbetween. Please believe that I'm just trying to earnestly share here.

The only time I sought or wanted any kind of romantic companionship was a short period between age 13 and 14, and although I don't remember too well, I think it may have been purely peer pressure. Maybe you can't really call it "giving up" if you never tried, but it's just never been something that figured in my life. The entire concept is… not alien, because it's everywhere in culture and I'm used to it, but meant for other people. Other.
I can say I'm content without it and it's not something I've ever missed. About the most affection from another living being I care for is having a cat sit near me that I can pet occasionally.
My lack of interest in relationships wasn't only in romantic ones, but all of them, and because of this I found out the hard way after high school that, for practical reasons, it's difficult be COMPLETELY isolated and still live independently. I'm sure you guys know all about this fact.

It's not like I dislike couples or romance. I don't look down on people who have normal urges of that kind, I just take the view that it's not for me through an accident of birth. Although admittedly seeing the sheer volume of trouble I avoided by having the particular brain anomaly that makes me not want a partner makes me feel very lucky sometimes. Heck, I even find romance stories enjoyable. I don't self insert in any media, but take a more voyeuristic view on it. Watching a relationship build and go through highs and lows and all of that and the sentiment of it is fun, and I can even get emotional over them. But it's rare.
Yeah. I'm not sure where I was going with this post, I just wanted to share since I rarely get the chance to. Sorry for the blogpost.


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im scared of pain


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I am feeling this sensation more than ever before after experiencing a devastating breakup. Not because there's some sort of inability to find other relationships, but rather I am terrified of betrayal. Its been approximately 6 months since the initial separation, still stings as if it occurred yesterday. Negatively affecting my health/lifestyle/mentality, everything.. I've been trying my best to move on but it's torture, focusing on studies or career doesn't do much I've found. Gaining most relief from media consumption and reading literature yet still not enough. I never want to experience this again, but pain is inevitable when dealing with romance. Made the mistake of becoming completely dependent, with no friends or income. The "divorce" made me regress in life so much. Help
I'm reverting back to my shut-in ways and isolation creeps in especially after going back to living alone from having a partner who I shared a space with.

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