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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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 No.5955

I wanna know if anyone here has completely given up on finding a partner. I feel like maybe accepting the forever alone lifestyle could bring some comfort and maybe happiness into my life. Maybe im too weird and fucked up, and giving up hope is the right thing to do. Thoughts?

 No.5956

Well, I tried to think in that way, but this mindset was easily destroyed by delusions when anyone show me a little interest. But, I realised that if I'm happy with myself already, why I need a partner ? I mean if it is about sex, hookers are always available.

 No.5957

So you're an incel?

 No.5958

You make it sound as if you're missing something, what's even wrong about being single? I'd say chill and forget about dating.
Things have the bad habit to appear when you're not looking for them, someone may like you one day, or not, who cares.

 No.5960

Anon, it's pointless to depend on someone else when it comes to your happiness. In such state of mind most of relationships are just a fuel for all the insecurities you have. Been there, done that.
The only constant in your life is yourself. Either you accept that and learn to love yourself or keep depending on others and get hurt again and again.

 No.5962

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>>5960
Agreed, am there, can confirm. But I wouldn't say you can't depend on others. For me happiness is 50% being someone I enjoy/am happy/proud of being, and the other half is being with someone you love.

I was >>5958 until around half a year ago, and then things happened when I least expected, without even looking for it, a huge stroke of luck for sure, and I recommend NOT doing the same if you are feeling lonely. Go out, or just talk to people online (my case), look for and meet people. If you feel like you are not someone that another person would date, change that. Not everyone is looking for someone flawless from the start, so just try and work hard, become someone you are happy with, and other people will likely be happy with you too. "Do nothing win nothing achieve nothing. Inaction will lead to sure defeat. With risk come possibilities, with possibilities comes chance for victory". Good luck anon.

 No.5964

I spent several years content with being alone, but that came to a halt when I got to know a nice woman. Now I'm in a bit of a quandary where I would greatly prefer being with her rather than being alone, but I don't think it has a chance of panning out for me.
I'd broadly say that >>5958 has the right idea, assuming you don't have a problem with being alone for a while. If you're lonely or fixated on one particular person, it would probably be better to take a more active approach.

 No.5987

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I'm pretty sure I'm unlovable. The problems start and end with me, and they're never going to get solved. I've had self-esteem issues for at least six years and I don't think they're ever going to go away, no matter how much I've achieved since they started (graduating summa cum laude hasn't helped at all). From what I've been told, that alone means I can't love others.
Do I even want to love someone? I'm not sure, but I can't help but feel left out when people mention relationships or dating.

I don't expect to have people throw themselves at me, that would be ridiculous. I wouldn't date myself, so why would anyone else? But I can't help but feel the 'advice' people try to give is largely useless. Being yourself doesn't work when yourself is a sad hikkineet with self-esteem issues and being someone your not just feels dishonest. Finding love when you're not looking for it hasn't worked in the 22 years I've been on this planet. The thing absolutely no one seems to understand is that not everyone has access to these fabled social activities they talk so much about. I have lived in a city of 250 000 for my entire life and not once have I come across anything that vaguely resembles what they're describing.

I guess giving up entirely and not letting it take up any headspace is my best option.

 No.5990

I never even tred to find love, so it isn't like I ever had to give up

 No.6025

I guess maybe?
The last person I "dated" lives overseas in Tokyo, but we talk sometimes. Her family liked me, I think, when I visited, but I've been really depressed for a hot minute, so I don't try to initiate relationships with other people. So it's not really that I believe myself an "incel" or whatever, it's more so I'm terrified of trying to get into something again.

 No.6026

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>>5987
living in a place with no community is a hell in and of itself. People who just click in with society easily get access to a bombardment of new people and potential connections. I'm convinced that most people who have relationship problems, even those with mental health issues like myself just don't have access to enough new people to potentially connect with. After high school ends it's a wasteland, and depending on the geography of the high school it might have been a wasteland there too.

Here's some hope for you anon, if you want it. I was in the same boat for my whole life until this past year (am 22) when I met a girl through a mutual friend and we hit it off. Keep in mind I've only been friends with 3 girls my whole life and 2 of them before puberty (sadly don't talk anymore.) Lo and behold the 4th one I met wanted to be more than friends and things worked themselves out. We both have mental health issues but work with each other to get better. She cuts, I'm paranoid and have bad panic attacks. My paranoia has gotten better since being with her and she hasn't cut in months.

Whatever social outlets exist for you, if any, try to branch out beyond them. Being around the same people is great and all, and you should pursue life long friendships if people are chill and you want that, but the average social group only lasts 3-5 years and if it's not doing anything for you branch out. This can be online too if you don't go outside. I've had 3 online friend groups in the past 10 years and excluding a few keepers from them all they've all fizzled out.



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