I feel you.
Whenever i'm in class or any sort of social situation, it feels like i'm missing something, a fundamental quality of a person that allows them to socialize, connect to others and make friends, that even the dumbest guy has.
I feel deeply inept, inadequate for not having it, as if i was born with a disability that put me a level below everyone else.
It feels unfair, why did -i- have to be the weirdo, why couldn't i be like everyone else, connecting, having fun and loving, all thanks to being born with the basic ability of talking to other people properly.
This year i've tried, i read a book about it, i went to parties, i tried starting conversations with my classmates, i joined a discord server. All met with failure.
The worst part is that i had a friend once, we played together since kindergarden, we had common interest, we went to each other's house every week to talk and play videogames but he naturally grew uninterest in continuing the friendship. He just started interacting less and less with me over time, until all my messages where either not answered at all or met with dry responses.
What an asshole, if you don't want to be friends with someone just fucking say it, you coward.
It felt pathetic, so i stopped interacting with him too.
Jesus, we were typical childhood friends, am i such boring and shitty person that even he forgot that i exist, someone who's been in his life since we were 4? Am i that bad at making connections that i failed in making a long lasting one after so many years?
I really wish i had never met him, it's very cruel to let someome taste something good for once and then taking it away forever, just so they know what it feels like, just so they yearn for it that much harder.
Maybe that's just me, maybe i was truly born like this, maybe i really was born without legs, but i'm probably just trying to justify my own worthlessness.