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/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

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Uboachan's scanlation group Patchy Illusion Team has just released two new Yume Nikki Doujins: In the Shallows and Refrain. You can see all of our previous releases here.

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 No.5756

i hope this is ok, to rant here. i rarely make threads but i don't know. it's hard right now, so i am sorry. but damn.

i want a friend.

i want to know what it's like to be with someone that doesn't pity you; hasn't been stuck with you by order of a higher power; that's not in your family, and obligated by blood to make a weekly phone call; someone that genuinely wants to be around you. going out to eat, going to the movies, playing video games together, talking about your feelings, rabb.iting (?), sharing your writing, roleplaying, playing d&d. tagging each other in memes over twitter. i want someone to be with.

but i know i don't deserve it. i'm lazy. i'm rude to people on the internet just to make myself feel better. my breath stinks all the time, even though i brush and floss. i'm weak and ugly and stupid. i have disgusting fetishes. i'm boring, i know, i've never been able to hold a conversation. didn't even get bullied in high-school by the bullies because they know i wasn't meant for much but the part of shadow.

i'm sick of myself; i've been sick of myself since middle school. but i'm too cowardly to suicide, and i keep thinking things will get better.

and perhaps they will.

but i can't see myself making a friend the way i am. and no, this isn't me scouting for friends. this is just me unloading all my bullshit on a bunch of anonymous people that're probably going through the same thing, or worse.

i don't know. i want a friend to hold me and tell it's ok. but i'd be disgusted by anyone that wanted to get close to me.

i'm sorry.

 No.5763

I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, I don't quite understand this recent trend/wave/obsession of "making friends".

Besides, it's better to be a lone wolf than to be stabbed in the back by your so-called "friends" or "loved ones".

Trust me, I've beend there.

And the wounds still hurt…

 No.5764

>>5763
t. 14 year old

 No.5765

>>5764

I wish I was. But doesn't really matter, does it?

OP is desperate to make friends. In this state, OP will most likely attract only the shittiest kind of people, and end up even more hurt.

But, of course, one is not obliged to listen to such a negative person as myself…

 No.5770

I have started to feel the same for a while now. Having a couple or so family members to hang out with alleviates the feeling somewhat, but when I see people talking about hanging out with IRL friends, hearing about someone playing video games with online friends, whenever I have an ache to talk to another person about a particular interest or, as you said, seeing people tagging one another in memes over Twitter, it can be fairly crushing. I haven't got a clue as to how anyone even forms a connection in an online community. I've tried a few times, but nothing comes from it. Nothing like those stories you hear about how someone played World of Warcraft one day and started teaming up with some random who eventually goes on to become a long-time friend or even a spouse.

But I, too, know that I don't deserve it. I make no efforts to make a friend, online or offline. I am lazy and socially anxious, meaning I can never keep up the act of being a friend. I have no job and therefore no income to help fund a hobby that'll let me get anywhere close to an existing social circle. As for conversations, I have little to say because I have few experiences or I have nothing of interest or worth to contribute. The best friendships I've had were in dreams, and even those are rare.

I'm close to giving up, resigned to a life alone by my own doing and I know it'll be all my fault.

 No.5772

i've stopped talking to all my friends (it's been more than 3-4 years) all thanks to my mental illness and no one, not even a single one of them, reached out to me and asked me if i'm ok.

maybe i was with the wrong people at the wrong time, but it still hurts so much and i believe that being alone will always be way better than befriending scummy people who will only exploit you for their personal needs and wants.

but all of that still makes me wish the same thing as you do OP. i just want a friend who'll understand me.

 No.5878

>>5756
I feel you.
Whenever i'm in class or any sort of social situation, it feels like i'm missing something, a fundamental quality of a person that allows them to socialize, connect to others and make friends, that even the dumbest guy has.
I feel deeply inept, inadequate for not having it, as if i was born with a disability that put me a level below everyone else.
It feels unfair, why did -i- have to be the weirdo, why couldn't i be like everyone else, connecting, having fun and loving, all thanks to being born with the basic ability of talking to other people properly.
This year i've tried, i read a book about it, i went to parties, i tried starting conversations with my classmates, i joined a discord server. All met with failure.
The worst part is that i had a friend once, we played together since kindergarden, we had common interest, we went to each other's house every week to talk and play videogames but he naturally grew uninterest in continuing the friendship. He just started interacting less and less with me over time, until all my messages where either not answered at all or met with dry responses.
What an asshole, if you don't want to be friends with someone just fucking say it, you coward.
It felt pathetic, so i stopped interacting with him too.
Jesus, we were typical childhood friends, am i such boring and shitty person that even he forgot that i exist, someone who's been in his life since we were 4? Am i that bad at making connections that i failed in making a long lasting one after so many years?
I really wish i had never met him, it's very cruel to let someome taste something good for once and then taking it away forever, just so they know what it feels like, just so they yearn for it that much harder.
Maybe that's just me, maybe i was truly born like this, maybe i really was born without legs, but i'm probably just trying to justify my own worthlessness.

 No.5892

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>>5878
>Whenever i'm in class or any sort of social situation, it feels like i'm missing something, a fundamental quality of a person that allows them to socialize, connect to others and make friends, that even the dumbest guy has
god i relate to this so hard
i mean, i'm the outcast among outcasts. i've literally never fit in unless someone was pitying me, and this did not happen often.
personally think it might be because i'm critically under-socialized on top of being boring but…what say you, anon? do you think, for you, it's just a lack of experience?

 No.5897

Keeping friendships is hard even for normalfags. Transient NEET here trying to stop NEETing but failing for 3 years.

> What an asshole, if you don't want to be friends with someone just fucking say it, you coward.


I did this to someone and it went badly. He cried in front of me and I felt like complete shit. I understand why people don't. Relationships both platonic and romantic need to be mutual, if one party isn't getting anything after a fair amount of time (year(s)) that's time to cut to the cord.
The ritual for normalfags is to gradually fade away. I've learned this from multiple groups now. It sucks being on the other end of it and I agree it's not intuitive. The other problem is that literally everyone I've ever met is insecure, even the good people out there as rare as they are. So saying "I don't want to be friends" = directly attacking their egos and making them feel vulnerable to them even if that's not what it means. People can't take the idea that it's natural to grow apart sometimes and they go apeshit over it. When people grow apart well adjusted people find new people that fit them better. (Like climbing a mountain for people like us.)

 No.5915

>>5892
Looking back at my post, i got super depressed and overly dramatic by the end, i sounded like a teenager haha.
While a lack of experience is part of the problem, i think it goes deeper than that. I've tried to be social throughout my life, i've been in many social situations, I got "experience" socializing, but mostly experiences of failure, of feeling isolated and laughed at. They say that we learn from our failures and get better thanks to them, but when it comes to interacting with others it only drives you deeper into solitude.
And all the good experiences i gained being friends with that guy for so many years have not helped my social skills at all.
I think it's mostly a personality thing.
I've always suspected that it might be pathological, perhaps im somewhere in the autism spectrum, but i doubt knowing that for sure would help me at all in overcoming this fundamental flaw.
>>5897
I understand. I got resentful when i wrote that.
I wouldn't be able to just tell someone to stop being friends with me either.
Maybe this is the best way to part ways. The silence and ambiguity is anxious and annoying at first, but when it goes on long enough the message that the friendship is over is clear, without awkward loud fight, just calmly fading away.
Friends come and go like that, its just so much worse for someone with only one.

 No.5942

don't want to make a new thread and i'm a lazy fuck that is too lazy to search the catalog for a general vent/life complaint thread but fuck i hate being stupid

like that's another that gets me, i can pinpoint why i love something but i have no way to verbalize it that makes sense, i know i'll just come across as a dumbass to people. e.g. these two games explore the relationship between a consumer and the creator of the media they enjoy; there has to be a degree of trust between the two to ensure the story gets told but man that sounds so retarded

and it's not just that, i'm bad at almost everything. i rarely if ever notice plot holes. i find it hard to verbalize why i love a certain character past their design/some vague personality traits and i have this awful habit of agreeing with anyone's opinion if it's written well

i hate myself. i wish there were a pill to make me smarter



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