how can I not feel paranoid around others? I know very well how humans behave in a group. I know they hate virgins, failures, social inept people like me. I know they despise them, they are disgusted by them, they see them as useless and misfits, like dogs to kick or clowns to laugh at
I am not interested in learning trades or doing manual things. they are 100 times more digestible than doing office work but I am not passionate about em. I just want to learn them because they're not entirely boring and they make me feel useful.
I like art. acting, fooling around. music, maybe. not so much. singing serms better than learning an instrument, and dancing is rad
I'm no longer interested in fitness. martial arts are entertaining but I am too old to compete. they are a means to channel my frustration and my anger. fitness and combat sports give me a feeling of confidence and security. it doesn't matter that I lack character, that I feel vulnerable or useless, I rely on the excuse that I least I can fight. they don't make me strong, actually strong. I don't care about gaining strength or being a better fighter anymore. they don't work the way I want them to and change nothing. total waste of time
I resent everything and everyone. I hate that they know how to socialize better than me. I hate their confidence. I hate that they can belong so easily. I hate that they have more guts than me. I hate being a coward, a weakling, a fag. I hate being hated. I hate feeling threatened
hate and fear make me feel lonely, very lonely. I don't have to talk to others: they are wolves in sheepskin that at the first opportunity they have they are going to use my weaknesses against me and belittle me
It's not that I don't think they understand me, I'm not that hard to understand. I just don't think they're going to empathize at all
I wonder how I look from others' perspective
I don't know if this is what you meant, but if you expect to be passionate about your job or make money doing something fun, you're sorely mistaken. If you really do want to have a job, the best you can hope for is something that isn't TOO horrific to spend 40 or more hours a week on. Should people have to spend their lives doing shit they hate just to eat and sleep? Well, I don't think so but if you're serious about working, that's the way it is. As for other people, I never really trusted anyone in the first place so I can't say I know what it means to not be paranoid. I know how people think about me, my own grandma makes snide remarks when she sees me. Interestingly, she's paying thousands to bail out and defend my sister who committed grand felony, who does not have a job at all. But, she went to college and I never took school seriously, so I guess she expects more from her in the long run. I just wish she would shut the fuck up when I've actually worked in the last year, albeit a part time job. Look, if you really want my opinion, you'll never catch me endorsing work or education. It sucks ass, that's all I can really say.
you have to focus on what you have in common with other people, rather than what sets you apart. you have a lot more in common than you think. once you really get along with someone, they're not gonna care that you're a virgin or a 'failure.' other people are the only way you can crawl out of the hole you feel like you're in. i've been there, too.>>5731
the disconnect over the value of schooling between generations is amazing. general wisdom is great from old people, but any advise regarding your present, let alone your future, should be taken with a grain of salt.
OP, I feel the same way as you do, the constant feeling people want to do something bad to me is the chief reason that drove into neethood, sometimes I feel like they want to kill me and it makes me feel depression, fright and rage, it sucks to have nothing in common with people from your area, it makes them want to fuck up your life just for the hell of it.
just wanted to let you know that this post seriously helped me and to give you my appreciation. thank you so much.
>how can I not feel paranoid around others?
I don't think that's possible. The only advice I have is to engage with people as long as it benefits you, but nothing more. If they bother or belittle you? Avoid them and be paranoid all you want because it's never without a reason.
I experience something similar. My mother says she loves me but judging by her behaviour, I think she actually wants me to fail and is working actively towards it.
I feel the same way. I get social anxiety and paranoid thoughts all the time. Go to a therapist and get some anti-depressants.