Happy Valentine's Day, Uboa-chan!
I'm a long-time lurker, first time poster,. I've told my sob-story a couple times on other -chans, only to get the usual “kys” response, so I decided to post here and see if any intellectuals feel like replying (or if anyone replies at all…)
At the age of 6, I was molested by my brother, and was quickly (forcefully) introduced to the world of sex from a very young age, only to be rejected by every girl I've ever been stupid enough to have feelings for. From my first grade crush, to all my cute coworkers, I'm almost 25, in the prime of my life, and am forced to watch happy, fruitful, loving relationships blossoming all around me, while all I get is my right hand and an internet connection.
To say that I used to get bullied in school would be an understatement. Elementary and Middle school were pretty miserable, but during my first year of high school, I made a friend (or so I thought). After about 3 or 4 months, a rumor spread around the school that I was gay, and this friend of mine tried to hook me up with a guy. I felt really bad turning the guy down, but this friend of mine, (and all his friends) got so pissed at me, that I was reported, and the teachers and administrators gave the students permission to bully me from then on. My parents didn't believe any of it and didn't do anything about it.
As for Elementary School, I'm like 85% sure there was a child trafficking ring going on behind my back. Every year was an event called the “School Sleepover” where kids would come to spend the night at the school to “play games and watch movies together”. They also apparently “Didn't have a sleepover every year” because it's a “potentially dangerous event” and that they “Needed approval from the school district”. However, I know for sure that each of my 4 siblings got to go at least twice and a friend of mine (who later became a pot-smoking, acid-dropping chad) got to go multiple times, and In 4th grade, he even got to 3rd base it with a girl who had a crush on me in a game of Truth or Dare. All this after my teacher threatened to expel me for asking when the sleepover would be. After the fact, when 10y/o Chad asked me why I didn't go, I said nobody told me, and when I asked what happened at the sleepover, he tuned bright red and said “I promised not to tell, and if I did tell, you would get extremely mad, and the whole school would get in a lot of trouble with the police.”
I won't bore you with my entire love-life (or lack thereof) but aside from a brief 3-month relationship with a fewhale, and a couple girls my parents didn't want me dating, my story is one you've surely all heard a thousand times before. Ask a girl out, get turned down, possibly get made fun of and publicly humiliated, and later see them bang the crap out of some other douche-bag.
All while this is going on, about 3 or 4 kids in my high school commit suicide (R.I.P.), and no one really seemed to care. I attempted suicide twice, and no one really noticed. I even got laughed at after the second attempt in high school for trying to sympathize with the dead kids. That got me sent to the principle's office where I had to basically threaten to shoot up the school just to not get expelled and sent to Juvy or a Nut House. All this combined with the fact that History was the only class I did well in led me to realize that Life is completely meaningless, and that love, sex, and reproduction are a luxury granted only to those deemed acceptable by society. Some people bang 10 people 20 times a week, and some people die as virgins. As for me, I was used twice, then thrown away like tissue paper. Like all the trillions of semen I've fired into my sheets over the years.
Oh well, raise your glass Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, and Adolf Hitler, and say Happy Valentine's Day to Me, Myself, and I.
If this is true, which I don't think it all is, you should be talking about it with a mental health specialist.
I don't find myself really caring for Valentine's Day. In my opinion, it's an overstated "holiday" and being forced to care about something because a day in the calendar said so is offputting. Loving and understanding oneself and being at peace with the world around you is paramount to loving others at one's expense.
As for your story, I can relate to it. Obtuse and overt sexuality was really common through out my school years. Most of it was joking, but I've seen and heard my fair share of people getting it on in the bathroom and other isolated spots. Some weird rumours there and there too but I never paid big attention to it. I never found sexuality, sex or gender to be an appealing matter. Why do I have to be attracted to flesh bags, axe wounds, bodily fluids and bulging mushrooms? It's something really underwhelming, numb and painful (in my experience) and it's such a small window of time for something so superficial that I struggle comprehending why some would spend all their time unhealthily obsessing about it, stuff like pic related is my personal caricature of gib sex. Rarely do people care if you stuck your dick into over 9000+ chicks or if you take the BBC daily. The necessity of sex in social status is pretty imaginary and derivative from self-esteem.
>All while this is going on, about 3 or 4 kids in my high school commit suicide (R.I.P.), and no one really seemed to care. I attempted suicide twice, and no one really noticed.
That's pretty much how everyone handles suicides of acquaintances in a non-established setting. Suicide for attention is a farce and a lie, nobody really cares outside of maybe family and it doesn't bring light to any glaring issue. Shitty wish fulfillment books like 13 Reasons Why treat it like martyrdom, but in reality bullies and non-belligerents will just move on with a relaxed mind, unless they are ridiculously mentally unstable themselves.
It's a sad truth, but we condition ourselves to be indifferent spectators and bystanders, so people having no reaction is pretty expected.
>I'm almost 25, in the prime of my life, and am forced to watch happy, fruitful, loving relationships blossoming all around me, while all I get is my right hand and an internet connection.
Life's main goal isn't meeting someone and having children. Technically, it is, but in these modern times one's goal can be anything. If you have a steady job going or are doing something you find that's leading you somewhere I wouldn't stress about it. 25 is not too late to turn a life around either. I know people that turned theirs in their mid 30s. And there's ton of vagoo and dongs out there, in the billions. Casual sex is really hot nowadays too. Finding the one person is hard, yes, but it eventually happens if you consciously try with proper guidance. I wouldn't describe most relationships as happy, fruitful, blossoming and loving either. Outward experiences aren't really what they seem, especially when out as a couple. You're only forced to watch as long as your brain wants you to. And a right hand and an internet connection isn't necessarily bad for the time being depending on who you ask, 2D is always superior to 3DPD for some.
Nice image, anon. Mind helping me out?
Anyway, you're right about how society overvalues sex. Op needs to move on and find their own passions. If they live in a really shitty area, they should work towards moving out. I don't believe that all of their story is true. It's possible that some of it is the product of their deluded perceptions(mental illness). If the part about rejecting a guy is true, we don't know how exactly they rejected him for example. They could also be lying about everything. Don't just believe everybody about everything.
Valentines is from a pagan ritual of raping virgins and sacrificing the rapebaby.
Alright, from what I've read here, you are a shitty person and don't deserve sympathy. Enjoy being miserable.
That's pretty harsh anon, being so ronery ;_; isn't exactly uncommon
I hate Valentines day with a passion. It is a day created exclusively because the social value of being sexually active had fallen to a point that people had to create an entire day ensuring that anyone and everyone would see and acknowledge that yes, that person is having sex, and because of it, they are better than you.
Yep. You're totally right, anon. Spread the news.
It's not that deep.
To be clear, I am no saint. Every girl I've ever asked out has rejected me, which makes me sad, but I know for a fact that there have been a small handful of girls that I've turned down as a result either me being a clueless asshole, them being raging feminazis, or them being 400lb land whales. I'm a cringelord to be sure, and I can't even say with 100% certainty that I do deserve love. I like to believe that everyone deserves a Happily Ever After for their Fairy Tale, but history tells us otherwise. Things such as Yume Nikki, Saya No Uta, and Watamote make me think back to all my school suicides, my own suicide attempts, and all the famous people in history (or the non-famous nobodies of the past) who all died as lonely bitter virgins, never feeling so much as the warmth of a hug, or a shoulder to cry on.
The grass always seems greener on the other side, but on closer inspection there's an ant infestation and most of the grass has dried out. Focus on the upkeep of your own lawn instead.