/hikki/ - NEET / Advice

I’m not sure if this is what you wanted OP, but I’ll post it.
I have social anxiety, and even though I’ve been making progress I still feel held back on almost everything even remotely involving people, even though I really want to be able to be with people and overcome this. Since humans are social creatures, for most things humans do you will have to be around other people, so it’s really screwed if you can’t properly socialize. To start I would want to make new friends but how would people accept to be friends with someone like me, most eventually caught up on my awkwardness and dismiss it as me disliking them or that I’m too stupid. I want to play games online but just the thought of having to talk to other players scares me away from it. I wouldn’t mind meeting someone to love but being how I am most people will think I’m weird or an asshole. I would love to live in another country, or just change city, even if just for some months, but how can an awkward person survive outside of their comfort zone when they already are as they are in the comfort.
I was once invited to be part of an animal association here where I live but I refused, even though I’ve always wanted to be part of one, because I get cold sweats knowing I’d have to be around groups of people during the activities.
Right now I can’t even create an account on online places because that means talking to people with an identity, even if an online identity, so I just stay around places that let me talk in anonymous. There are so many things I would like to do.

I gave up playing violin because high season started and each class there were too many people for me to freely enjoy it. I really regret it. Playing violin felt like I finally had a voice, felt as if I was talking free of any impairment.

I know this is all stupid and I’m sorry to everyone that reads this, but I want to let anyone that is in a similar situation to mine know that it can get better. I was much, much worse. At least now I’m able to work even though it is in an office with very few people, and can participate in chitchat in a normal way long enough to avoid people immediately catching up that something is weird in me. If even I managed to become mildly functional, I believe others can too.

>>4534
Maybe talking about needing camping buddies in sites about it can help you find other people that wouldn’t mind joining you. Isn’t there any place where you live that organizes activities for people to join? Where I live there are youth centers, and tourism posts, that sometimes organize travels, excursions and the like for anyone to join. Some camping establishments, hostels, travel agencies, and even bus companies sometimes put together things like camping trips to gain clients. Sure it wouldn’t be the same as with buddies, but maybe you would met cool people with whom to go with a next time. Good luck, OP.

>>4535
No worries your post fits the bill. I enjoyed reading your stories. I'm glad you've managed work, and I hope to possibly do the same one day.
Organized doesn't really sound like my thing, I'd much rather do this with the kind of people I'd 100% know I'm comfortable with to keep it nice and easy going. Solid suggestion though, I really do appreciate it
>>4536
I've always liked nature, before I turned inwards I walked in the woods and park nearly daily.

>>4535
>>4538
If you'd like we can be online friends I guess, if you have tox or anything

I want to be in a relationship, but I am dirt poor and a closet case IRL.

>>4540
I don't do tox unfortunately. Outside of imageboards I pretty much just PM people through steam or discord

>>4535
Wow, I relate to a lot of the things you said. When I entered university, I thought I could do everything alone and I could just enjoy life by watching anime and just going to classes. I lasted 2 years and I managed to pass my classes but the fact that I don't have a single friend is becoming soul-crushing. I can't even fall back on my family since my relationship with them is almost non existent. I want to make online friends but I'm too afraid to make an account on any website and even if I manage to get some friends I don't even know what I would talk to them about
Piano is one of the things that's holding me through, I enjoy playing since it's a moment where I can forget every shitty part of my life and focus on the sheet that's in front on me. I'm not that good but it's still something I enjoy doing.
So yeah, I think we have very similar problems, I don't have any solution to give though. I'm getting so tired lately but I hope that someday, we'll finally be able to find at least one relationship that we can call genuine. That's honestly all I am asking for of this world.

>>4551
>relationship that we can call genuine
Impossible. People aren't genuine. What would you even call genuine? Nobody really cares about the random friends they've acquired in school and work over the years. They just have them for entertainment. If they get bored with you, they'll just abandon you on the side of a road. Whenever I asked somebody what the point of friendships are if people just inevitably drift apart, I always get the same answer. Memories and fun. If you had a good time and got a hefty dose of validation, that's apparently enough. The actual relationship is shallow and the by-product of circumstance. Once circumstances change, it vanishes. Nobody really cares, and they definitely don't care about how anything makes you feel. Even if people feel fleeting sympathy, it is fickle and soon forgotten about. Human relationships will soon be rendered obsolete by technology. When that finally happens, we can finally feel emotionally satisfied. It's a natural progression. Actually living has become much more convenient, but fulfilling your emotional needs has in some ways become much harder.

>>4552
I tried living as an hermit during several years. I can't handle it. Maybe some people can but I realized that my brain is hardwired to crave relationships. If I could turn a switch off in order to stop feeling this way, I would've done it but unfortunately it's not possible. I could entertain myself for several weeks but in the end there's always this pain, this feeling that I'm not living correctly that comes back sooner or later.
Maybe this idealized vision of a genuine relationship is out of reach outside of animu but I think there is some merit to try to look for one. Even if only one out of hundreds of relationship could be called genuine, I want to make it my goal to find that one.
I think we're still a long way off creating a suitable replacement for human company. Virtual reality and AI is all the rage but this cyberpunk world where we could talk to cyborg counterparts is not gonna be achieved during our lifetime in my opinion. If we could build such a thing in the next few years I would be impressed
I'm saying all that but I think I'm still too scared to take any action to change my life in a meaningful way, at the end of the day my post is a ramble about relationships from someone who don't have a single one of these. But I find your perspective interesting, and I think you're a strong person if you truly live and believe by what you say.

>>4553
I feel lonely sometimes too and it's not like I actively push people away, but from experience, I know better than to expend any kind of emotional effort on people. It would be one thing if working to build a relationship was just one step in a process, but sucking the effort out of other people for your own amusement is the entire point of relationships. There is no line you cross where it's done and an unbreakable bond is formed. You constantly need to bend other and go out together and talk to them regularly and think of new tricks to keep their attention and make sure not to overstep the countless boundaries between you. It's like being a circus animal. There is no this is it, we are bound together. It's all about being entertained and fulfilling that desire you described. You don't want the people, you want the feeling to go away. Look at any how to date guide for example: Take them to interesting places, talk about what they like, don't go to the same place twice in a row, be confident, don't come off as clingy, don't call them too often, do everything possible to avoid looking socially unacceptable, give gifts, don't expect anything in return. Toxic extroversion is an irrational dependency on something that just takes and takes without giving a fraction back or so much as appreciates it.