Alright, so I’ve been lurking subtly on Ubuu for years now, just really becoming active now, desu.
But, I’m currently in a point in my life where I just feel like I’m stuck.
It all started a few months ago.
Everything started to slowly lose interest to me.
I had gotten back into Touhou around then, but trying to 1cc games started feeling boring and tedious.
Days feel like they blend together, life feels like it’s been draining of its color.
About a month in, no game interested me anymore.
As a matter of fact, nothing in life kept me intrigued.
It got to the point where the only thing that gave me solace was talking with my few friends on Discord.
Now, at this point I had started to indulge in a long forgotten passtime of mine; Roleplaying.
It felt rejuvinating, engaging even, to roleplay.
Roleplaying gave me a way to live a life of someone I wasn’t.
So I perfected the craft, making almost everything I did paragraph tier. It wasn’t even ERP, either, just normal, typical RPs.
It became addicting.
It was the one thing that I found interesting.
All the while i started spending more and more time inside.
At this point, the only real thing I’d do is Eat, RP, and Sleep.
Occasionally, I’d just stare at the cieling with my lights off listening to ambient music in the dark.
But as of a few weeks ago, both my fuckin’ computer /and/ phone bricked (lovely coincidence), and now all that I have left is this stupid uni laptop that won’t even run Discord. I tried the site, too.
Ever since then, it’s gotten worse.
I barely eat,
I barely sleep, even.
Stare at the wall or the ceiling.
I don’t listen to anything anymore, it’s boring now.
I just stare and think.
Think about nothing.
This place is about all I go to anymore.
The reason I say this is because a relative of mine came over to my place to talk about my reclusiveness.
I told him everything, and he told me that I most likely have depression.
If anything, I’d believe him, considering he’s dealt with it for years.
He told me that this amount of apathy is a major sign of depression.
He suggested that I start talking to a shrink, but…
I don’t know.
I don’t know if I’d have the motivation to get out of bed to see the damn shrink.
Whatever, I know you guys aren’t exactly shrinks, but I want some advice.
Please, Everything has lost its charm and I don’t want to live my life as this husk of a person that just stares at the wall because they have no cash to buy a new phone(I was short on funds and got a flip phone, because of course I did.).
Also, If you’re wondering, uni’s not much better, I just stay away from everyone and tey not so sleep through the lectures despite not being tired.
tl;dr: i fucking hate life. how do i stop hating life
Read books. Losing access to modern technology might actually be beneficial if you use your free time for something self-improving. If you're getting enough sleep, which you should be now that you have less technology, try to start exercising to get more energy. There might be a silver lining to this.
Alright, i’ll try and find out if I still have some that I haven’t read.
Hey OP, just wanted to ask what age you are.
I have the same symptoms and mine started around age 25.
I cannot help you because I am still in this slump. I hoped it will go away from alone but this has been going on for a year already and I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
>college does not help
I went to college a few years and it was horrible. Then I got a job in hope of finding purpose in my life. The only thing I achieved is having tons of money I don't spend on anything and beeing constantly tired. Having a job will amplify your tiredness if you already have a chronic one.
I honestly believe that this is all due to the fact that we as people are too sensible and not enough stress resistant for the modern life. We are pretty much anomalies in nature and society is keeping us artificially alive.
I feel like its less me feeling a disconnect, and more life’s interests losing its color.
You also miust have access to a library, right? You do go to uni. Best of luck.
I do. It’s taking literally everything in me to convince myself to check out what they have tomorrow.
For now I’ll have to settle with all these old books from my childhood that are in the back of my closet.
I could give you some suggestions if you want. Having a specific goal or book you want to find might help to motivate you to go. The Count of Monte Cristo is pretty good. I also like A Roadside Picnic. Professor Dowell's head could easily be read in one day.
I’ll check them out if I find them.
Thanks for the recommendations.
Take care of yourself anon. – Self-care and building yourself up will lead to something. its hard, take baby steps of course, start small, but you can do it. Be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else. Spend a little time away from the computer each day, (doesn't have to be for long) go for a short walk every day, even if you feel theres no reason to.
In my personal experience: making a small project and self publishing helps me cope. – If you like to RP, then perhaps find something to do with writing, even if its just silly / for yourself, make a zine/compile your thoughts and produce something, even if you dont think its great, other people will share your interests no doubt. – it doesn't have to be perfect. – And just making something could put you in a better place. :)
anyway just sharing my thoughts, from one person with depression to another, wishing you well.
You never was in deep depression, didn't you?
It's not like tons of free time to put in your development. It's constant desire to stop existing, not some cool vacation.
Op asked for advice, I gave it. It's not like you're doing anything to help them, Mr.Ultraunderstanding. You don't even know if op actually has clinical depression or not. Also, learn how to write a coherent sentence. Maybe you'd also benefit from a little reading?
Actually, I have been writing something for about a year or so, but as I mentioned it sort of stopped when I got block.
I think I might actually continue it.
Thank you so much for the advice and the draw.